they seem a little too perfect for my liking... still very good but I'm picky about garystu/marysue canons. I really hope that's not how they truly are or i'll be fairly sad. Very awesome start adn I realyl can't wait for more!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Don't worry. I'm working on a much better chapter right now. Report Review
He he he! I loved it. I've been trying to figure out how Icould write a Draco/Astoria and this was great. Can't wait for an update. I like the story, um I'm not exactly sure what the problem is ... Umm , maybe just try to add more dialogue and make the chapter longer that's my only thought. 9/10Author's Response: Thanks for the advice! Report Review
I thought this was a cool idea and please write more thanks.Author's Response: Oh thank you! I am! Report Review
wonder who fell with astoria?
love your story,
please update soon!
Happy Holidays!Author's Response: You'll have to read the next chapter! Thank you, and I promise you I'm working on it now! I can never seem to update within the same month of the last chapter. Happy Holidays to you too! (even though it's March XD) Report Review
I didn't think it was sucky at all. It was a great start to a story. You should have a little more faith in yourself, especially when you have the ability to write like that. :)Author's Response: Thank you so much =] Report Review
Less sucky?! Are you crazy?! This is really good! I liked it a lot! When are you going to post the next chapter? 11/10Author's Response: Thank you =]
Hmm... maybe in a week or so. Report Review
mhm... your writing doesn't suck. Everyone has their own style and I must say, you're off to a great start with this fic. I think it's pretty good... you definitely have entranced me with Astoria and Draco. I like how you portray her. She seems quite relatable. I do have some helpful writing tips for you: As my English teacher said to me, the more you read and write, the better you become at writing yourself.
- another tip: try and imagine the scenes you are writing in your head like a movie. What's it feel like? Is it a cold December day? A hot July afternoon? It there a crowded hall? What do you hear? Do you hear birds chirping? Students chattering nonstop?
- suggestion: mention how old Draco and Astoria are. It is confusing with that.
- another piece of advice: you may think your writing isn't as good but let me tell you. I wrote my first fic No Longer Living In My Sister's Shadow about a year ago. I hated it at first because I thought it sucked. But I found when I wrote more often, my writing became better. You need to write a lot. Even if it's a few words. The more you write, the more you find your own style. Mine's more minor character focused with romance. That's what I love writing at hpff. you'll discover your style with what era you do best etc when you've written more fics.
- third suggestion and I apologize if I ramble and sound too critiquish - really get to know your characters. Imagine you're meeting them in your fave place like mine's a coffeeshop. What do they love? What do they look like? Really see them as more than someone you're writing about. See them as someone you love and could hang around.
- first POV is hard for some to write in if you've developed a sense of using second or third like you're doing but it does help get to know your main character really well. It takes you into their thoughts.
- lastly - originality is everything to me at least and I think that's what makes a great writer is the originality of overly used characters/pairings. So far, you're off to a great start. Keep it up!
I hope my advice was helpful in some aspects! I saw your fic and what captured me most was your story summary! Keep in mind, this is your first chapter you could end up writing the others and find yourself loving what you're doing. :)
I hope your writing soars. ;)
btw I loved your ending when Astoria fell. Makes me wonder who bumped into her. It's a lovely cliffhanger. :)Author's Response: Oh my goodness! Thank you! That was such a well-rounded review! I'll try all of your suggestions! XD Report Review
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