Awsome! I love these fluffy little one-shots. Excellent job. Favorited.Author's Response: Hahah thanks. Report Review
great one! i love it! :DAuthor's Response: awww, thank you. Report Review
Oh I love Remus/Tonks! Beautiful one-shot. Very sweet, and heart warming. The dialogue was perfect, very smooth throughout the whole piece. And I love the affection Remus shows for his wife. Despite their angst-y relationship in the original, I really enjoyed reading this and I wish this wasn't a one-shot (:
Well done, 10/10.Author's Response: Thanks so much! i am glad you liked it! :) Report Review
As you have been so good to review my story I thought I would return the favour.
For your first ever one shot you did a fab job with two great characters in the HP series!! You showed their strong relationship really well, I've never read a Remus/Tonks before which is strange as I really like them as a couple, & I really enjoyed it.Author's Response: Thanks thanks thanks you so much!!! :) Report Review
A lovely one-shot on two characters we all love, but were cruelly and shamelessly killed off by JKR. It made me remind of the time when my wife and I were expecting our children. It was exactly such a blissful time as you pictured it.
Very nice writing, especially the descriptive parts; most of the grammar errors were already pointed out before. I guess it should be 'whether or not' instead of 'weather or not' in one of the last paragraphs, though...
9 out of 10.
ZoltanAuthor's Response: thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
Hello! This is Indigo Seas from the forums, here with the review you requested. It's a bit late, and I apologize. Life got in the way. :)
I'd like to start off by saying how sweet this was. It was short, yes, but very sweet. It really gives us some insight into Tonks and Remus. Well done!
The descriptions here were fantastic. The storm against the window was especially fantastic, and made a nice touch to the mood of the story.
Tonks was characterized fantastically as well. Everything she did or said seemed totally in-character, and that's sometimes a hard thing to do.
It was great, really. I loved it. Thanks so much for requesting!
- RinAuthor's Response: thanks for reviewing! i am so glad that you liked it :) . Report Review
Heyy, I thought I'd review this aswell, since you're one awesome writer (and reviewer for that matter ^_^)
I just want to start by saying how wonderful that was. It gave such an incredible insight into what Remus and Tonks went through, even if it's only a one-shot.
It shows us that Remus really would have regretted going with Harry, Ron and Hermione and that the place he really needed to be was with his wife and child, so well done on that.
I also love love love your descriptions. I could really picture everything that was going on, especially the storm, which I think was described so clearly and brilliantly.
I loved it ^_^Author's Response: yayyy. I actually didn't have a beta for this story so i was quite worried about this story. I'm glad you like it :) Report Review
This was really sweet. It gave us a glimpse into what Remus had gained from not going with Harry on his journey - and really showed how Tonks and Remus gained a sense of family and forever love. It was really cute and I loved it. I did not think it was too short and did not catch any grammar/spelling mistakes so Kudos on that. I loved their conversations about their loved ones - it really showed that Remus, who never really had a family, found one in Tonks and their baby. :) Excellent job. 10/10.
~EstrellaAuthor's Response: thanks so much! i'm so glad you liked it. and just thanks so much! Report Review
aw! i loved it! of course, i just heart RLNT fics to death! :)Author's Response: thanks so much!! Report Review
awe, it was really sweet! thanks for posting this on my thread! i like it, the characterization totally fits, and your flow is awesome! i like the setting, and descriptions of the thunderstorm. it was a pretty good metaphor for the time frame that they were in. i loved it for my first Tonks/Remus fic! 10/10Author's Response: thanks so much for an awesome review! Report Review
This Was Fabulous. Your Use Of Detail And The Ability You Have To Bring Out The Emotions In Your Writing Are Splendid And Superb. I Could Picture The Storm With Perfect Clarity And I Could Feel Their Worries. I Haven't Read A Lot Of Stories Just Centered Around These Two So It Was Both Refreshing And Delightful To Read. I Love The Point of View And Their Take On The War And What's Happening. It Was Heartwarming. You Should Definitely Try Your Hand At More One Shots =)
-leaneyAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! i'm so glad that you liked it. I was just bored one day and worte it! Report Review
I didn't spot many mistakes with grammar. The few I did find were always the same thing, and it's very simple to fix. When you use a direct adress, the character's name needs to be seperated from the rest of the statement with a comma. Example: Why are you up, Remus?
I thought this was really sweet. Remus and Tonks are my favorite cannon pairing, and I'm finding more and more one shots that tickle my fancy on them. This can definetely be added to that list. =) Very well done.Author's Response: Thanks so much! Report Review
First of all, I apologize for the tardiness of this review. Your banner is delicious. Just thought I'd let you know.
I always enjoy reading stories about Lupin and Tonks because it's interesting to see where everyone takes them. Everyone writes them differently. I like how you had them interact, but there was something about your portrayal of Tonks that just didn't sit right with me. I imagined her to be more spunky, even when she's a mother, even when she's in the privacy of her own home, even when she's alone with Lupin and her child. Of course it would be a more mild form of said spunk, but there has to be something there, some kind of fire. If you don't understand what I mean let me know and I will further explain myself.
As far as grammar goes, you were missing a few commas such as, "Can you Remus?" There should be a comma after 'you' because she is talking to him, addressing him directly. I love your last paragraph. I think it's beautiful and just like poetry. You have a knack for writing passages like that, but I think you need to work on dialogue. It needs to sound more natural instead of mechanical. To practice, listen to real people talk. Just sit there and listen.
Overall, enjoyable story. Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Yay thanks so much for your review. I'm kind of confused with how you think about TOnks. but i understand she does seem off. It's just i was taking a different characterization.. and everything.
Thanks! Report Review
Hi! Your one shot is very sweet, and I like how you've decided to just capture a moment in Remus and Tonks' lives.
Just a few error I've spotted:
"It was the comforter that she pulled tightly to make the bed every morning (insert fullstop. Even) even as pregnant as she was she wouldn’t resolve to magic.
"They were nervous at the same time when they expirienced (should be "experienced") moments as they just had together." (I think you may need to extend this sentence to say more fully what you mean)
"Everything would change their lives. They could only let time be their enemy." (these two sentences are also a bit hard to understand)
Except for the second part of the last paragraph, the story flows well otherwise, and you've captured the moment well! I think the ending didn't work because it seems like you're reaching for a strong statement to end the story strongly, but you haven't developed a logical conclusion to the thoughts or the themes that flows through the scene. For example, if you're wanting to make a statement about their race with time or the uncertainty of change in the story, you may need to make more reference these themes beforehand.
Great work, keep it going!Author's Response: thanks so much for a great review! Report Review
Hullo, this is maraudersmap from the forum. :)
The main reason that I liked this fic so much was that it was so calm, so peaceful, but one could feel the storm that was brewing. It is so sad to think Remus and Tonks, who was so alive with love and courage, died only a few months later. They would never know their son or live together in the world they so desperately fought for.
As you can tell, you've made me both sad and thoughtful. :P I've always liked the characters, and you've done them both justice. You portrayed his feelings for him perfectly: The concern, the love, the amusement... His need to protect her was obvious, but not in any way annoying or clished (which I've found that stories about over-protective boyfriends tend to be.)
I loved the small details: Remus' thinning hair, for example, which not only witnessed of his being a werewolf or his age, but also the war they were fighting. Or the way he faintly traced her face, which was yet another sign of his love.
The description at the beginning were so vivid that I felt as though I was there. I did spot a few spelling mistakes, but I only saw them because I was really looking.
Overall, I think you've written a brilliant one-shot, despite the fact that not much happens.Author's Response: wow what a great review. I am absolutely grinning and beaming at the computer screen. You have just made me very happy. Yay. Thank you so so much. I am so glad you liked it Report Review
So cute.I love it!
9/10Author's Response: thanks so much Report Review
i definitely don't hate it, not even a little bit :)
that was very pretty even with the dark theme running through it. i liked how the storm was raging and he said it would be over soon; good parallel with the war. there were a few mistakes but only small ones that a beta would fix.
sometimes you put in extra words where you don't need them: in the 4th paragraph "...She rarely ever left the house..." i can't decide if you should keep the ever or not, but i somehow think not.
"...to her pregnant swollen belly..." you want either 'pregnant' or 'swollen' not both. personally, i like swollen there best, but it's your story.
"...the danger that approaching their world rapidly,,," assuming you just want a 'was' after 'that' but you could change it to "... the danger that rapidly approached their world..."
you're speech is written very well but sometimes the description doesn't link together very well.
overall a wonderful one-shot that i really enjoyed reading.
Dilys :)Author's Response: thanks so much! i'm glad that you liked it. and yeah i didn't usea beta for this chapter because mine is busy with nano... Report Review
Hey there :) I'm here with that review you requested.
Well, I wasn't really sure what to expect with this one because the summary didn't give away too much, but I liked that.
I really enjoyed your description of the storm, I got really caught up in it. I could imagine everything prefectly (though I suppose it helps that it's raining where I love too). Ha ha, anway, you did have lovely descriptions.
The only bit that sounded a bit off to me was the opening pararaph. In my experience that's normally the way. There was just a little something wrong with the wording or phrasing in my opinion.
Apart from that I really liked it. It was so sweet and gentle. Tonks and Remus are so perfect together and you certainly did them justice. This fic was just lovely. I think you did a wonderful job! :)
-RoseAuthor's Response: thanks so much for a great review Rose. I am so glad you liked it. :) You gave me a phenomonal review so thanks Report Review
Well I can see from this oneshot that you often wondered how Remus and Tonks were doing dureing that year. the last one. Its a great oneshot.. ;) Though a bit sad... but only because we know what happen, ya know? *HUGS*Author's Response: yay. So i managed to grab a review from you. I'm so glad you liked it. I hope it was a good read and everything. Thanks so much for bending the rules for me. I'll try to review most of the chapters of your story soon. i'm just dead tired of reviewing tonight and feel like i won't do a good job tonight with at least 30 reviews. i've done so many today :) Report Review
Hey Rachel, it's Lia from the forums.
I thought this was pretty good for your first one shot. It's not often that we see these two characters with their guard down especially in their somewhat delicate circumstances. I liked the fact that you included the war, it's interesting to see it from their point of view.
I loved how you wrote Remus here, he was always a favourite of mine. Even in light of how grim things appeared, you still managed to include a bit of humour - when Tonks changed her nose into a beak :)
You asked about grammar but to be honest, there weren't that many spelling errors but one of the things that bothered me was your sentence structure in that you used words like loud and loudly too close together
Thunder rumbled loudly, its loud claps ... - you could've left out either loud or loudly.
One last thing was this sentence:
It was everything that they couldn’t anticipate was going to be coming. - It didn't make any sense to me.
Otherwise, everything was fine. I enjoyed it :)
Lia.Author's Response: thank you so much. And i'll look over it again... basically the last sentence was that they don't know what danger is approaching. I can see that i will have to change it though because it is confusing. Thanks Report Review
Hi, it's chiQs09 from the forums.
I love this one-shot. Tonks couldn't sleep because of the baby kicking and keeping her awake; Remus waking up and frightened at first because she wasn't beside him. This is true love, if you know when your love one is not beside you. It's somehow sad, hearing them talking about the future and worrying about their parental skills. “What will happen if I’m not a good father?” Aww...
Great work. There haven't been many stories of this ship I've read before. And I am always glad if they are wonderfully written, just like yours. :D
~MitchAuthor's Response: aaww thanks so much your revkiew left me grinning Report Review
Alrightie. I liked this one shot. It felt and read very differently from your other story that I read. I really like the connection between Remus and Tonks, and it makes them seem like real, live people that are in love. I also thought that the description in the beginning was well done, because it really set up the rest of the piece very nicely. Another thing I liked was how that even though times were extremely dark and dangerous, you were still able to capture a sense of peace through Remus and Tonks.
As for criticisms, there were some grammatical errors, but they weren't glaringly obvious, so I think that was okay, considering that this wasn't beta-ed. Also, I think you could have done a bit more with the underlying feelings of danger and the fact that Voldemort was out and about. It was there, but I think the story could have been erm... enhanced. But then again, that's just me.Author's Response: thanks so much. This was another great review. Report Review
It does have some grammar issues, but as you said you dont have a beta, and I myself am quite rotton at grammar so I understand that. The only problems I saw were in the first paragraph you tended to say the word window and lot and it broke up the flow. Otherwise it is a very touching moment between two of my favorite characters (one's in which I dont know that I could write very well). It is so sad to know their fates :( tear. Really nice job for your first one shot, it is hard to catch a special moment well with such short perameters.Author's Response: thank you so much SpringTime, i actually do have a beta. It's Lunicle from the forums and she is actually amazing. but she didn't beta this.
i am glad you liked it Report Review
Very happy that you requested again!
This was a fabulous one-shot, with the characterizations in perfect place, and gently grazing what JKR only alluded to. I also like your usage of the storm as a third character here, very symbolic for what was to come.
Some of your descritptions were rather powerful, "The candle that sat on a bedside table had been blown out, its life taken by the wind itself...", wow, that was intense. And again, very reflective of the emotions these two had to be going through at the time. Though I did very much appreciate the tender and sweet nature this one-shot hit upon.
I found a few errors, nothing too traumatizing. One suggestion would be to find different words to describe the same object, and not repeat those same words. A thesaurus can be a great friend! Sometimes I find myself writing strangely awkward, too many prepositions, etc. Reading things out loud sometimes helps me to realize when all those words sort of lose the meaning I was conveying. Just a suggestion, nothing too serious.
I think this is a great one-shot all around. You handled all the elements beautifully :)
Smiles~LeentAuthor's Response: thanks so much Leent
i'm sitting here just grinning at the computer screen
you always give the best reviews thanks Report Review
I'm from the forums!
I thought that the story had a nice plot, although I did have a hard time stomaching the heavy paragraphs as they were all clumped together. If they were indented properly, it'd be much easier reading them.
There were no grammatical errors or punctation mistakes as far as I can see, and the flow was quite nice.
^^Author's Response: thanks so much! yay i'm glad you like it Report Review
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