Bellatrixs last name is black, not lestrange. Report Review
Just to say: They didn't have iPods in the 70s.Author's Response: Well spotted!:)
I realised that after I had it validated but I might work it into the story if I ever get round to writing again.
Thanks for reading. :) Report Review
This story is uber good!
I really like Isabel, she's just amazing!Author's Response: Hey thanks so much! x Report Review
I'm back... Once again, mostly the same minor problems as the last chapter. A few spelling errors here and there, a couple grammar issues and some things like that, but nothing especially serious. As for the POV, it's fine. Whatever works for you, really.
The only errors that really stuck out to me were the ones towards the beginning of the chapter, and I'll point out a few really quickly.
I woke up pretty early this morning nine o'clock.
It's almost like a run-on sentence, actually. There should be a ';' after morning, or at the very least a comma to signify a pause.
I slumped out onto the landing, I'm really not your typical 'morning person'.
This should be two sentences, or as I said with the previous comment, you could replace the comma with a ';'.
Mum turns them down as she is going to bed and didn't open them until we were all awake or at midday
You're sort of using several different tenses here. 'Didn't' should be doesn't and 'were' should be 'are'.
He, and Mum always seem so tired these days.
The comma in this sentence isn't necessary.
That's all for now. Hope this helps!Author's Response: Hey. Thanks again for your advice. It certianly does help. I will go over the chapter soon and try to fix my mistakes. I am quite releived that the POV works out as I find it a lot easier to express feelings and thoughts this way. I hope you keep reading and reviewing!
Billie. Report Review
This is really good can't wait 4 da restAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. I'll try to update as soon as I can. :)
Billie Report Review
I'm going to be a big critic, so... no one kill me or anything, thanks. It was good, despite there being a great deal of grammar mistakes and the fact that I think you called Isabel 'Roxanne' a few times. Other than that, it was good. And if you don't mind, I'd like to point out a few mistakes... yeah...
You said "Deatheaters" in several places, and I believe it should be two words.
"She didn't really have a choice about him, its not that easy to shut out your twin brother. "
As for this sentence, it seems like a run-on sentence. Perhaps throw a period there instead of the comma, and make the its an it's with an apostrophe.
"Walking past the park she saw him and their best friend Sirius out of the corner of her eye, she didn't stop to chat."
This sentence also seems like a run-on sentence, despite the comma. Maybe throw a 'though' in there after the comma.
"it had been one of those days, she slept in, fell out of bed, put half of her clothes on back to front, missed the bus, had her heart broken by her boyfriend, which was now her ex-boyfriend, missed another bus so she had to walk back and to top it all off, she got into another fight with Bellatrix Lestrange who just happened to be walking by."
The it should be capitalized, and instead of a comma after the word days, put in a semicolon, or a ":" to signify a list. Also, instead of the 'which' in "which was now her ex-boyfriend" try 'who'.
Those are just a few comments, and I could go on about the grammar mistakes... mostly just punctuation and grammar, with a few capitalization errors thrown in but anyways... Don't mean to be a critic! It was still very good, just work on your grammar and you'll be golden.Author's Response: Thank you so much for your comment. I've got another story in the works where the main protagonist's name is Roxanne so I'm afraid I got a little mixed up there. As for the grammar and punctuation, I will definetly review it in the not too distant future.
Billie Report Review
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