I'm not a huge fan of O/C pairings together, but if there was ever a story I would read, it would be this. I liked how it was sort of angsty in the beginning when the girl was in denial about how she felt for him but then fluffy at the end when they kiss. It was magnificent *sighs*Author's Response: Thanks for the review. =] Report Review
Oh that was so, so sweet. I really enjoyed it. The descriptions and emotions are all so fantastic! Wonderful one-shot. :)
- RinAuthor's Response: Aw. Thanks so much. =] Report Review
Aww, it's so cute! Very fluffy and sweet. After reading three of your fluffs, I seriously think you have quite a talent for them! Your fluffs= must reads. 11/10!Author's Response: Ah, thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed them! Report Review
Hi, it's WeasleyTwins here from the forums to review as you requested :]
Characterization: It's interesting that you don't give the readers the characters' names. It adds a certain mystic vibe to it. I like the way that the female MC slowly realized that she was repressing her true feelings and replacing them with feelings of loathing. Denying the truth never did any good :]
Description: I just love how you put so much description into the female MC's thoughts. It was so insightful and touching.
Overall: This was so heartfelt and touching, I'm speechless. You've got such a beautiful writing style and it was just great to read.
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Aw. This review made me smile so much! It makes me happy you think I have a beautiful writing style. I don't think I've been told that very often, so that makes me really really happy.
And I have no idea what is up with me lately about not revealing my character's names in my stories. I guess I feel like its a bit of an unnecessary detail, at least when I write fluffy stuff. The story is about their love, not who they are and their names. Plus I never really was good at naming my characters. xD
I'm odd I know. Anyways, thanks for the wonderful review! It made my day! Report Review
Hey there, I'm here from the forums.
Okay, good job on: writing fluency--the whole sequence of events flowed very well and was coherent. You expressed the differences between the two OCs very well. I found no grammatical mistakes, either.
I liked how he just kept on asking her to go to things, and she would keep refusing because she didn't think that he meant it THAT way. I think that's a very realistic reaction from a girl like her towards a guy like him.
Things to possibly improve on: The kiss scene: "I watched as he turned his head and our lips met. It was the sweetest kiss Iíve ever had and I loved every second of it." Grammatically and everything it's correct, but it seems too short and awkward to describe a kiss that was apparently NOT short and awkward. :) I dont' know if you purposely wrote it that way, but it comes off vague and somewhat cheesy. There is wiggle room for a better description, even if you want to keep the 15+ rating.
Anyway, it's one of those things you can change or keep as you wish. It won't direly impact the whole effect of your piece, which was total cuteness. :)
~CSGAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review.
I still have problems writing romance. For some reason, I can never quite get it right. xD Either too much description or too little. Its why I prefer to write less romance things and more fluff. Report Review
I'm limelight1816, reviewing your story as requested.
It was so cute! The entire time, the only thought that was going through my head was, it's so cute!
I've read such stories before, and although the "hate-the-person-then-fall-in-love-with-them" concept has been written about many times, I enjoyed this very much.
I wouldn't mind you adding a little more to this oneshot though, because although, it's wonderful already and no change is necessary, I'd like to read more.
-limelight1816Author's Response: Thanks for the review. Report Review
Hi, this is maraudersmap from the forum. :)
Thank you so much for making me smile! This made me feel all warm inside. I wanted the two to be together; regardless of who they were (I pictured James II and an OC).
I especially loved the ending, how she realized that she liked him, how he made her look at him and of course the kiss. It was too cute for words. My guess is that he'd fancied her for a long time?
You portrayed her feelings when he got hurt very well. I've never been in a situation like that, but I almost felt as though I was there.
The writing and grammar was great, and I didn't spot one mistake. It was very meaningful how she disliked someone she didn't even know. It made me think. :)
The flow was great, but I sort of feel that it would've been incredible as a longer story, preferably a novella. It would've been great to get more insight to their relationship, especially since I could already feel their chemistry. It worked as a one-shot as well, though. I'm just a little disappointed that it ended. :PAuthor's Response: I may add more to it later. The female character happens to be one of my favorite role play characters, but with a few slight twists in her personality. I like her more like this for fan fiction, though.
And I'm happy to say you guessed the ship correct! It was meant to be James II and an OC, but I left both up to interpretation since I love to see who people thought it was.
Your review makes me smile and I'm not sure what to really say to it other than thank you so much! I've had to reply to so many wonderful reviews today and they've all made my day so much better! Thanks so much for the amazing review! Report Review
Wow, I think I amy have fallen in love with this fic, and I am not usually a fan of one-shots. Before I go onto my review I just want to say sorry that I did not get this done yesterday.
I liked the first paragraph, a lot. It grabbed my interest almost instantly and the detail helped that. I also thought it introduced you to the characters and summed them up in a simple way.
Also, the way you make the relationship between the two of them change in mere paragraphs is a great accomplishment. It usually takes the fics I read about 2 chapters for them to change any sort of feelings towards someone. Another thing I liked was that she doesn't instantly like him just because he invites her to something like Hogsemade or a party, instead you made her reject the invitation. The rejection of the invite is just what I imagined someone like her to do.
I had to read this fic a few times through to find anything to criticise, and the only thing I didn't like was the fact that he says "Your eyes tell everything about you." To me, it just didn't seem at all realistic, then again this is fanfiction and who said it had to be realistic. Anyway, I didn't like that phrase because, to me, you would only be able to read somebody's emotions if you knew them inside out.Author's Response: Yeah, some other people have mentioned they don't like that line. I mainly picked it because I believe you can see emotion in people's eyes. I tend to be able to pick up on people's emotions by looking at their eyes even if I haven't talked to them very much. I think I may just be like sensitive to that sort of thing, though.
And I love that you love my story. And its totally fine that it took you a while. I'm just happy that you read it and you enjoyed it. =D Thanks for the review. Report Review
Hello dear, Shauna here. I'm soo sorry it took me so long to review this, I was terribly busy when you posted this on the challenge thread.
Firstly, I want to say WOW. That was fantastic, honestly. You used the secret perfectly, I absolutely adored how you made that the closing line. The entire story was so sweet, I loved how you had her realise that she liked him.
The fact that you didn't reveal their identities was pretty cool, I still really connected with the characters, and wanted their romance to work. I loved the part where he made her look at him, it was so cute, and well done. The dialogue was great, you got your point across without using to many speach moments, which I think was a very brilliant move, considering the length of this fic.
Clearly I love your story, I'm so glad you decided to take my Challenge! I'm adding this to my favorites, and I'm going to go take a look at your other stuff, because if you can suck me into a one-shot that well, I can't wait to see what you can do with something longer.
-ShaunaAuthor's Response: Ah, this is probably my best written work, so yeah.
I've gotten into the grove of not revealing characters identities that way the characters can be whoever the person reading wants them to be. It just makes it way more interesting, too.
Thanks for the review. Report Review
OMIGOSH! SO GOOD! I LOVED IT...sooo cute! Who was the pairing? email me at loverain.bowhate (at ymail-dot-com) with the response! please and thank you! 11/10Author's Response: There wasn't a pairing for it. It was just a random thing. Thanks for the review. Report Review
Gosh. That was sweet. Like white chocolate sweet. :) I really liked this one shot, because it showed the arc of the main characters feeling's towards the other, but at a very subtle and nice pace. Stories that have characters 'hate' each other in the beginning, but get together in the end sometimes fall into the trap of being cliche, but I think you avoided that trap very well. Although it didn't have a lot of dialogue, (which is usually my favourite part of the story) I really enjoyed reading the story, because it felt right to not have dialogue. (Sorry if that didn't make any sense.) And I liked the little (humorous, I thought) remarks here and there. Like this one: "I wasn't up to the idea of partying where people bathe. Just disgusting if you ask me." :DAuthor's Response: For some reason, I dislike writing dialouge in my stories. I feel it takes away from it. xD
Thanks for the review. Report Review
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