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16 Reviews Found

Review #1, by patroni Forbidden

30th July 2009:
The quotes are from Pablo Neruda, so it's him you have to thank.

Author's Response: Thank you for telling me that. I just found them and used them. I appreciate you telling me this

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Review #2, by elladora Forbidden

26th April 2009:
Awww that was sooo unbelievable sweet. 10/10

Author's Response: Thanks for the review... glad it was good sweet

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Review #3, by evil little devil Forbidden

22nd January 2009:
You wrote this really well! I love how poetic it is, how certain phrases are repeated like a poem. The descriptions are lovely and you captured the emotions really well. You did an excellent job with this, I love it.

Author's Response: Most of it is actually from different poems. I spent ages looking through poems, trying to work them into the script.

Thanks for reviewing.


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Review #4, by chiQs09_II Forbidden

8th November 2008:
Hi Amy! :D
I loved this. Though at the beginning I wasn't very sure from whose point of view it was written (though I know I could've guessed from the banner) :D. It was very emotional, written about lost love, pain, setting free, and comforting oneself that the other is better off without the one who loved. But then when I read on, I figured that it was Draco mourning over his lost love. Aww...
I love it. Your writing is amazing. :D

Author's Response: Hi Michelle.
I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, the banner kind of gave it away; I'm think about getting my cousin to change it so that it is just background images, so you really don't know its Draco/Hermione, but if I don't I guess it doesn't matter.

Thanks, but my writing is not as good as yours.


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Review #5, by Leent Forbidden

2nd November 2008:
Hello! Finally here as requested...sorry it took so long.

Well, first off, I have to ask if you cured your writer's block?! I would hope so, with such a one-shot gimpse here. Plenty of angst, but not the sort that is typical. I really think I felt the anguish there thanks to your writing. "I was plain, you were amazing." - now, I really liked that. What a great way for Draco to look at Hermione, very good there.

I am not a huge Hermione/Draco fan, but this piece was perfect if there ever were feelings between the two. It touched lightly on the topic, yet dived into the idea of difference, and why they could not be. Excellent job!

Author's Response: Thank you for your amazing review. You made me smile. I'm not a huge Draco/Hermione fan, but I thought I would do another story about them; even if their names are never mentioned.

No, I still have writer's block, and with three projects that were due last Friday, I'm lucky I was able to do anything but those projects. I'm also busy with another two projects due in a couple of days. So maybe I'll update my stories soon, but I wouldn't think that's gonna happen for a couple of weeks. But school is nearly finished.

I love that line Draco said about Hermione; it really did sum her up and showed a bit why he always was a bit of a prat to her in Hogwarts.


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Review #6, by Phoenix_Flames Forbidden

27th October 2008:
Wow. So, in my opinion at least, I think this story was totally perfect. It was so good. The grammar/punctuation was so great and you write so beautifully!!

This is going in the favorites!

Wow, wow. Good job. It seemed almost like poetry?? It was so great. It was perfect other than a tear jerker. ;) I'm just kidding. Seriously, great!!

10/10

Author's Response: Oh My God! It's added to your favourite; I'm speechless. I love your stories, and half of them are on my favourites

Thank you so much for the amazing review


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Review #7, by queen_luna Forbidden

26th October 2008:
Oh, wow. That was almost like poetry in itself! That, I think, is pretty amazing. I enjoyed the style of writing you chose to use in this one-shot. I think it was very effective for the story it was telling. The tone was almost haunting, very melancholy. It's very different from what I usually read, and I enjoyed it. Nicely done. :)

Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it, even if you don't usually read it. Your review made me smile.

Thank you for the nice and enjoyable review


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Review #8, by lia_2390 Forbidden

26th October 2008:
Hey Amy, it's Lia from the forums with the review you requested.

This has to be one of the saddest things I've ever read but it was a very nice story. Your imagery was amazing, it really does sound kind of poetic. It's kind of like a drabble- he's just pouring out all he felt, for the last time. I never understood why you repeated - I can write the saddest poem of all tonight but after re-reading, I do understand.

You'd asked me about your grammar but it was fine here, don't worry :)

Your last line, however, confuses me. What was it that he could not have planned? Did he feel something as his life slipped from him?


Lia.

Author's Response: I'm thinking about changing that last line, to maybe "I lioved you, sometimes you loved me too." Or something I wrote before.

Thanks for the review


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Review #9, by hosu Forbidden

26th October 2008:
I'm here from the forums.

For me, this was like a poem, not an actual story. The repeating lines just sort of bugged me, as this isn't what normal stories actual do. Maybe just using the poem as an inspiration and actually writing out the one-shot (like adding words to describe the setting, character, dialoug-though this isn't really needed-, etc).

The potential's there though.

I hope I wasn't too harsh.

Author's Response: No, it wasn't too harsh.
I was actually aiming for it to be a poem, maybe I should change it a bit.

Thanks for the review


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Review #10, by RubySky Forbidden

25th October 2008:
A good one-shot. Short, but it was still good.

Spelling and grammar wise, this is very good. You made little or no mistakes. Pace is not bad either, you don't go to fast, or too slow. This was a bit too short length wise, but I understand that sometimes it's impossible to drag out chapters to be longer.

Description was good, but I think you described things a bit too poetic-y. Though, I liked how you kept on repeating the line, 'My fatherís word was law, and I was bound by it'. That was a good idea to do that.

And I also like how you described Hermione and Draco being together, like it was a fling, and then to go on to describe Hermione being in love with, I presume, Ron.

Good one-shot overall, 8/10

Author's Response: Thank you.
I know where the mistakes are, so I'll fix them when I have time.
It was a bit hard to drag it on. Maybe one day I'll return and make it longer.
Also, I was actually going for the poetic way, and I was trying to make it poetic-y, so you can feel Draco's pain.
Yes, it was Ron, but that is also implied, with the two kids and this story not being AU.


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Review #11, by rachm34 Forbidden

25th October 2008:
Wow Amy, firstly your writting has IMPROVED tremendously since you have first started writting fan fiction. yay. i really think you should be really proud of yourself

i absolutely loved this piece, i was stunned and amazed with it. It was beautiful and emotional.

i liked the great use of repitition and the quotes throughout it was a very good device to add to your writting.

it was stunning and beautiful and i apologize for my review being so short. all i have are good things to say

one thing is there were like three little mistakes but after i wrote your review i looked at other reviews people left you and eternal angel pointed them out

you want to watch out for little grammatical errors. great job. i'm amazed and stunned

Author's Response: Thanks Rachel, your review made me smile.
I'll go through again later (in a couple of days) and find those mistakes.

I always love your reviews


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Review #12, by eternalangel Forbidden

25th October 2008:
I thought this was a stunning and unique one-shot. I loved the repetition throughout the piece, which is a poetic device and parallels the theme of poetry in it. I also loved the interiority of the one-shot, how it was not explicitly said who it was, but the reader still knew it was Draco. I thought you did a good job giving the reader a different insight into Draco that the reader has never seen before. My favorite line was this: "Love is so short and oblivion so long."

I did find a few mistakes and they are:

1.) "Our love was a broken as glass, fragile and likely to break if someone lets go. I always loved you, even when I couldn't have you." I wasn't sure if you intended to write "Our love was like a broken glass..." or something like that, but that sentence tripped me up.

2.) "Random in the twilight; cursing under breathe because I have the memories." "breathe" should be "breath", since the word breathe is the verb and breath is the noun.

Other than those few mistakes, I think you did an excellent job. Keep up the good work!

eternalangel

Author's Response: Thank you for reading; I know you don't usually read draco/hermione. In a couple of days I'll fix those mistakes, but I'm a little bit busy now.


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Review #13, by ChoS_sista_gurl Forbidden

25th October 2008:
Hey there, here from the forums to review as requested.

You said you were concerned with grammar. Your grammar is actually pretty good. The only consistent problem is your use of fragmented sentences, but I understand that they are purposely there to create suspense and emotional impact. I use them quite often myself, and although it's technically a grammar mistake, I think it actually ADDS to the merit of this one-shot. So don't worry about those.

One thing I noticed is that sometimes you use semicolons where there should be commas. A quick run-through with a beta should fix those.

The theme of this was all centered around "I could write the saddest poem," and I think that was very appropriate. Your writing of Draco's reflections almost sounded like a poem that he was composing in his head. The repetition of certain important phrases completed that effect.

My favorite part was the paragraph that ends with: "Break the shackles of idealism, endure the pain and suffering of existence." It gets right down to what Draco and Hermione are forced to do with their love when they must face the real world. It sums up the consequences of their forbidden love quite nicely.

Well done!

~CSG

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the nice review; it really made me feel happy with this one-shot.

I'm going to read through it again in a moment, and try and find all the mistakes. I'll also try and get a beta, to read through it as well.

I tried to make it into as much a poem as I could, but I'm not very good at them.


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Review #14, by AussieAnatomy627 Forbidden

25th October 2008:
Wow, that was pretty powerful. One thing that could make it better is to either refer to Hermione as her or as you. Not both. Because then people might think you're talking about a third person. Also, doesn't Hermione only have two kids?

Aww, poor Draco. It's so sad that he had to lose Hermione because of his dad.

Author's Response: I think I will go back and read through it. I thought I got all the you's and she's but I guess I didn't; I'll fix that in a moment.

I also think I won't make this AU, and make Hermione have Rose and Hugo.


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Review #15, by Draco_Luva Forbidden

25th October 2008:
Simply WOW. That was awesome. Good job!

Ox-LAURA-xO

Author's Response: Thank you for reading.


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Review #16, by SpringTime Forbidden

25th October 2008:
Very poetic. I loved when you said "And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass." That was really beautiful. I could sense Draco's pain.
So I noticed a few typo's but I am sure that if you went back and re read this you would be able to catch them.
There are are a couple of moments where you switch to calling Hermione you and then her then she, you should stick to one or the other.
The only other thing that bothered me was that you said she had a boy and two girls, obviously this is a bit AU due to that fact that it is Draco/Hermione, but that might confuse people in figuring out who Draco was talking about just b/c we now know that she only had a boy and a girl. Just a thought though.
Keep writing, you have a wonderful way with words :)

Author's Response: Euw, I looked through a couple of times, and thought I got all the you's and she's, but I guess I didn't. I'll go back and change that and fix the typos (which I suck at getting)
You may be right about the kids; I'll think about changing it. I'm so glad that you could sense Draco's pain; that was what I was really aiming for.

Thank you for reading


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