5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pegasus1979 Three Competitors, One Prize (With No Mention of Eternal Glory)

26th October 2008:
Again, I have no idea why this story doesn't have more reviews. It's well written and flows nicely.

You put in your request to me that you were worried about the sorting hats song. I think it's great. There are a couple of typos which might help it flow better, but it is by far better than anything like this that I've ever been able to come up with!

One tiny observation, which is purely advice - take it or not, its completely up to you! Be careful of using the same descriptive word for how someone talks, and by this, I mean, it feels like in this chapter, when ever Lily talks to James, you put 'Lily spat'. Its a good phrase - just don't over use it!!

Well done on a good story, and by all means, please feel free to re-request when you post the next chapter!

Author's Response: I'm really glad you like it!

Ah, the song...man I hate it! But it's definitely the best I've ever written!!! I'm going to keep editing it until it's as good as I can get, but it'll have to do for now! :)

Oooh, I see what you mean! I tend to say "spat" a lot - that will definitely change! :) Thanks!


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Review #2, by Pegasus1979 Locked Hearts and Hand Grenades

26th October 2008:
Hi there! Here from the forums to review as requested!
Firstly, I have no idea why this story isn't getting more reviews. I'm afraid I don't understand the reviewer mentality sometimes (for example, I have a one shot that has been read over 130 times, but only has 1 review!! *sighs*)

Anyway, I digress.
Your story.
This has got off to a great start. I especially loved the opening paragraph... very moving, powerful stuff!
Your characterisations were good and the pace flowed well.

I didn't see any glaring spelling or grammatical errors, which is always nice to read - well done!!
On to the next!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) I don't understand them either! Lol! I try to review every chapter - hopefully I'll get round to that One-Shot of yours sometime! :)

I was really worried about the opening paragraph - I think it's quite OTT, so it's good to know you like it!

I know there are a few typos, but I'm glad there are no grammatical errors that you could see - thanks! :)


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Review #3, by searching17 Three Competitors, One Prize (With No Mention of Eternal Glory)

25th October 2008:
Did all the Marauders and Lily and her friends make Prefect? Then who made Headboy and Headgirl? Lol sorry for the many questions.

One more thing I must point out, in this part:
“I apologise for being, what I can only call a “party-pooper”” there was a quiet bout of laughter at this, “but I’m afraid I have to ask Mr Black to end his little production in order to introduce you to out new First Year.”
I think that at the end, it should be "to our new First Years" instead of "to out new First Year." :] Don't worry, we all make mistakes.

I liked the part where she compared the Triwizard Tournament to the love triangle with her, James, and Lily, though it seems to me that she doesn't have much of a chance with him. But I cannot wait to see where this story goes! Please update soon. :] 8/10.

~Estrella

Author's Response: Ah, you will find out about Head Girl and Head Boy later on, and no, they did definitely not all become Prefects, don't worry!

Thanks for picking up on the typo, again, I'll edit when I can! :)

I'm glad you picked up on the fact that she has no chance - because it's true. Lily and James are meant for each other, and she knows that - at least, you'll come to understand that if you read on. But sometimes, for some unknown reason, people can see something in others we can't - and hopefully, you'll understand what I mean later on.

Thanks so much for reviewing! :)


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Review #4, by searching17 Locked Hearts and Hand Grenades

25th October 2008:
Hi there! This was a really interesting first chapter. I liked this part especially:
He returned to his conversation with Sirius, who, despite being so attractive it should be illegal, had an aura of arrogance, which James had only just grown out of.

And in this part:
I watched as James took in her every movement, and I could tell he was drinking up the creamy white or her hands push her red silky hair behind her ear.
I think that "or hands" should be "of hands. " :]

And this part:
Why was it, that the one person I fell for, with even the slightest glimmer of hope of it working, that my best friend had to like them too?
I think that "like them too" should be "like him too". Haha do not worry. Mistakes happen to the best of us, we just need to make sure we learn from them and move on. :]

Okay, now on to the actual story. I like the characterization you've set up so far - especially the relationship between Lily and James, and I kinda already hate the main character for getting in between them. That leads me to another question - I don't think I've ever come across the main character's name - I apologize if I am wrong, but I do think that you should make another character say her name just so we get more familiar with her.

This was a short but sweet first chapter! 7.5/10.

~Estrella

Author's Response: Heehee! You hate me already! :) Although, she hasn't got in between them...yet, at least. Just bear in mind, that you know they still get together in the end, so don't hate the main character too much! :)

I know you haven't read her name yet, and to be really honest, it's because I don't know what she should be called! As she represents me, I would use my own name - but then I think it becomes too personal, so I'll think about it!

Thanks so much for picking up on those errors, I'll edit them as soon as I can!

I'm really glad you like it! Thanks!


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Review #5, by bizinhavieira Three Competitors, One Prize (With No Mention of Eternal Glory)

24th October 2008:
"There was more than one competition going on at Hogwarts this year, both were games for three players – only with the second one, there was no mention of anyone gaining eternal glory." Simply perfect!
Great story!

Hugs,
Bibi

Author's Response: Yay! My first review for the story!

I'm really glad you liked that one line - I was actually not sure if it sounded right, or if it flowed with the rest of the story. Thanks so much! :)


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