Devon is such a great OC, even though it's only the prologue I love her already. She's just so calm and relaxed. And James can continue to sulk be because I don't give a damn about him. He loves her, huh? WHERE WAS THAT LOVE WHEN YOU WERE SWAPPING SPIT WITH TARYN?! Report Review
I Hope Devon And James Get Back Togther. Report Review
- claws at the screen and screams like an escaped lunatic -
I ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY, FREAKING LOVE YOUR STORY!!!
Sorry if I scared you, mate, but really, you are so flipping awesome. Your story had me in stitches! Which resulted in my brother looking at me like I'm something really really weird and scary.
But anywaaays, how do I think of Parker? He's kinda okay for me. Wait no, I like the bloke. I just like James more, I have my favorites you see, :))
Pushing that aside, he's an awesome OC. :DDD I salute you my friend,
Ahh Jamesie is getting jealous, ohohoho, I do love my little love triangles, dearie. It's absolutely, ear splittingly, blush-worthy, bloody FUN!!!
Reading your story is like riding a rollercoaster!
Haha, well, I do hope you'll update soon! I'll be waiting my loveliees!!!
Tata! Report Review
Finally! I meant to review every chapter, but I just got too addicted and had to read on!
I loved it! Please, please update soon? I love your James. Hope he gets the girl soon. ;) Report Review
Hahhaa, I loved this! It was amazing! :D
It's nice to see that Dev isn't the most prettiest girl in her year and such! She's just an ordinary girl...that has the tendency to digress of course. ;) Also, it's different to read a story that already goes through the breakup in only the first chapter!
You're such an amazing writer! No wonder you're my beta. :D
I shall read on! Report Review
hahaha, i am loving the yiddish! :P
okay, i am really into this story already. it's cute, fluffy and humourous, everything you promised me! devon seems a great OC and her mannerisms are just too funny, which is great because it differentiates her from other people. i like that she has commitment phobia and this parker character seems like he'll play a very interesting role in the story. not many criticisms to add tbh, i think maybe there were a few grammatical stuff, but nothing major.
i'll deff try to keep up with this story :P good job!
x Report Review
Ooooh, drama...!!! It's so... dramatic:)
Lovelovelove the chapter. I'm kind of drooling right now so you HAVE to come back and update before anyone sees, kay? This chapter was funny, but the humor moved along the plot instead of hindering it, a feat most authors cannot achieve. (They'd be like... subject. HAHAHA. ... wait, back on subject...) So I just love your story:) Keep writing!!!Author's Response: Well thank you, my dear!! What a wonderful review! I'm glad the humour isn't hindering the plot. It's always good to hear. And the story will be moving a bit quicker in these next few chapters as the chess tournament will commence! :D Thanks for coming back and reviewing! You never fail to make me smile profusely ^_^ Report Review
Here's your second review.
I don't know what you were thinking when you said that this chapter was a filler chapter. I happened to like it the best. Devon finally gets Parker, even if James had to ruin it.
Okay, I have a prediction. Parker irks me for a reason I can't comprehend (besides his pretty boy-ishness) and James is well...James. So, I think that although Devon sometimes can't stand James, they will end up happily ever after. Am I right? Tell me, tell me!
Just kidding. But I stand by my previous comment that you are in fact a genius. You write the dialogue so well and you make it relateable. If I was thinking about a spider a minute before something grazed on my sleeve, I would definitely think it's a spider. It's one of those things that happen on a day to day basis, yet no one ever really writes about. Thanks for enlightening me.
What is up with Anne? Did something traumatic happen in her early years that turned her into some heathen? She's icky, but I hoped she can be redeemed (or Devon can just kick her butt in Chess).
Despite my dislike for Parker, I gushed when they were talking by the lake. It sucked that James had to do it; not only was it annoying, but it was also kind of awkward :|
I'm glad to see the plot is treading forward. Come back anytime when the next chapter is up; this was a great read :)Author's Response: Aww thank you so much, you just made my entire day :)
I'm not telling! I won't do it!
I can't believe you think I'm a genius *blushes profusely*. I'm glad you caught the spider thing, and thanks for commenting on it :)
Oh, Anne. I'm not sure what happened to her. She's quite terrible though, isn't she? I think growing up somewhat in the spotlight because of her dad perhaps somewhat went to her head. But she will be put in her place at some point!
Mmm Parker. I think once the competition really gets going Parker will become more likeable. He is definitely a Mary-Sue right now but I've done that because I wanted him to be like that for the time being. His true colours and flaws will however come out soon enough :)
Thanks again SO much for these awesome reviews. They've completely made my day. Really :) Report Review
I'm here with the review you requested.
This took me about thirty minutes to read from chapter one to here, so I'm all caught up. This story is basically about Devon breaking it off with James and falling for Parker? That's what I've gathered from it anyway. Ahem.
The humour in this story is fantastic. You go to places most authors are scared to go and excel at it(peeing jokes!?!? O.M.G). It's written in a bit of a ramble, so sometimes (most of the time) it's random and spontaneous. I laughed so hard at the wet fish joke and when Devon was scared she looked like a creeper for smiling too wide. Your genius is befuddling, but alas, amazing.
As good as it may be, there are some drawbacks in it. It is hard to keep up with the plot, because we hear more of Devon's thought processes than actual details of setting. Am I making sense? The plot seems a blur because there isn't enough description (your genius clouds it :p)
Devon is an amazing OC, although I haven't seen her grow much through the course of the story. Lauren seems like a shadow of Devon, albeit very funny. I hope you give them their own personalities and manage to make them click together (Devon and Lauren are like BFF soul-mates, they just click). So far, Parker seems like a Mary-Sue :(
Don't worry, it gets better. I can relate to your characters on a personal level (for instance, I get uncomfortable with PDA like Devon), and I think this has amazing possibilities. Because the plot is so vague at this point, I have no idea where this is going to happen but am eagerly anticipating what you have prepared for the end.
Oh, you left a cute little A/N on the bottom. What do I think about Parker? I've already said Mary-Sue, but I found it weird how Devon pined after him so long, and all of a sudden, he asks her on a date. That may be a bit cliche, unless you have a reason for this. Off to the next chapter!Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for the awesome review!
Yes, this story is about Devon having a tough choice to make. Quite fluffy ;)
I'm SO glad you like my humour. It's hard to pull it off without being scared that people won't find it funny at all! I can't believe you think I'm genius?! That's amazing ^_^
Yes, I understand what you mean about the plot. Perhaps I'll have to go back and add more detail. But I'll definitely keep that comment in mind when I'm writing future chapters!
Actually, I originally began writing this story as a challenge where I had to base the OC's off myself and my friends. So Lauren and I really are best mates in real life :) I decided to get away from that though, it's too hard not to make yourself sound amazing and I didn't want to come off as putting myself on a pedestal. I'll have to keep in mind what you've said here though. In upcoming chapters, Lauren definitely has a few very individual moments, however.
I'm really, really glad you find my characters relatable. I have many plans for this one, and I'm hoping I'm able to add more detail and unroll my thoughts naturally!
I'm sort of making Parker out to be a Mary-Sue on purpose for these chapters. However, in future chapters you will definitely see flaws in his judgement and he won't be so perfect.
Thanks again for such a lovely and thorough review. Report Review
hm. Parker seems a bit too...I dunno, the whole holding hands thing is putting me off of him :o If that's the right way to phrase it.
But it was funny to imagine James and Parker looking at each other evilly lol. And I can totally understand Devon and her reluctance to go on a date with Parker and not just because of James but the whole dating and relationship thing... I personally think that relationships are overrated xD - but that much was obvious ^^
I don't get it why was Devon feeling sorry for Anne since she was acting like a total b..., erm, cow, all the time o.O
Anyhow - it's a great story so far, feel free to re-request when you post a new chapter ;)Author's Response: Well thank you so much dear, I'm so glad you enjoyed it and thanks once again for reviewing every chapter. You've completely made my day. And I WILL re-request once there's a new one!
Yes, Devon is feeling a little overwhelmed. First because Parker even asked her (she never thought that would happen!) and because of her little phobia.
Now, Anne. Devon just felt sorry for Anne because she was completely deranged to even think that Parker had feelings for her. You're right in that Devon has no reason to feel bad, but she does because Anne is just deluding herself.
Thanks again so much, I've loved all your reviews :) Report Review
oh. coitus. I love that word. Don't get me wrong, please, but if you've ever seen The Big Bang Theory, you'd know that it reminds me of Sheldon. And he's cool. The coolest guy in the history of TV series along with Mr. Spock and captain Picard ^^ oh oh and Data, how could I forget him?! Yeah, I'm a trekkie through and thorough :D
Anyhow - story. yeah. reviewing. Uhm, I think it's going on at a really nice pace, it's not too fast and not too slow. The whole Parker/James thing irks me a bit because to me, James is way cooler, but I'm a huge Jamesie fan. Not to say that Parker doesn't seem cool, he certainly does, but well, he's not James lol.
Devon is still pretty funny and all. She seems like a well rounded and thought out OC. Most certainly not two dimensional and not Mary Sueish. ;) Good job with that ^^Author's Response: BIG BANG THEORY! STAR TREK! You are officially my new favourite.
James is my favourite (well, other than you now). And so it's difficult to write another male character that readers will love. Because James is just such a stud. But it's good to know that even though he isn't living up to James, he's still likeable.
Once again, thanks for the compliments on Devon ^_^. You've completely made my day with all these reviews!! Report Review
Oh. A chess tournament - how exciting ^^ I hope Devon will manage to beat James. And not just him xD
Merlin, it's so funny to read how Devon and Lauren make fun of their roommates. And not just them, Scorpius too. I forgot to mention that earlier :)
The connection to the modern pop culture is cool, but since they're like in the 2020's, wouldn't Dr. Phil and Austin Powers be a bit old? Or they just like old classics xD Anyhow, it's not bad, bud maybe just something to think about ;)Author's Response: Yes, chess! So excited to write these parts!
Glad you like the Scorpius thing. I was terrified to write that in fear that everyone who is in love with Scorpius was going to chase me with battle axes. But good to know that it's humorous ^_^
Yes, I've had a comment about the pop culture thing before. I realized while I was writing that many of my favourite programs and films are from the 70's and 80's, and therefore they don't have to be up to speed with everything ;) Report Review
"Oh my God! I can't believe you have ankles!"
I lol-ed. Literally. ^^ The best line form the chapter, methinks xD
I really like Devon. She's just so...I don't know, sarcastically funny :D . idk, she reminds me of me, though that may or may not be a lame thing to say considering she's a character in a fanfiction story. But I have a habit of trying to find characters of similar personalities to mine in whatever I read ;)
Anyhow, I felt a bit confused about the whole thing with Taryn and James, like it didn't happen, but it did o.O I'm not so sure if I got that right...
Lauren is cool, too. Though I'd smack her in the head if she fed me a potion-gone-wrong ^^
Parker seems quite nice, too, though we haven't seen much of him yet, I suppose he'll make more of an appearance in later chapters ;)Author's Response: Haha I love that line too, not going to lie.
Glad to know you're liking Devon. As I said in my last reply, she's somewhat based off me! ;)
Yes, Taryn and James is supposed to be a confusing concept. We won't know for sure until later chapters!
Glad you like Lauren, she was originally based off my best mate, but once again, I decided to stray from that idea. Ah, Parker. Also based on a real life friend. I've never dated him in real life but boy is he smashingly fit.
Thanks for reviewing! I love your reviews! :D Report Review
Parker and James are acting like such...well, boys. Devon is not some trophy to be won! Though I think both of them truly do like her.
Oh, James, James. Being a tad stalkerish now. But James vs. Parker will be a fun match to watch, or rather read.
Great work!Author's Response: Ooh thanks for coming back! :D
Yes, James is being a bit of a creeper, but he's just trying to shoo Parker away! I'm really looking forward to writing their match, it should be fun. Report Review
Hello, I'm here with your requested review ;)
I've decided to leave a review on all of your chapters because I quite like the beginning so far ^^
Anyhow, can't say much about the plot, but, Devon.
She seems alright for now - a bit quirky, I quite like how she uses Yiddish at times and a major plus for her personality is that she's not moping around because of James.
Oh, and one more thing - I can totally relate to her with her Commitment Issues. I really do have a phobia of normal relationships and it's quite hard sometimes. My friends tried to help me but to no avail, I can't even enter a proper relationship, I freak out at the mere prospect. It's not really healthy, but I can't help myself :/
so far so good, I'm on to the next chapter ;)Author's Response: Thanks so much! You're so speedy!
I'm glad to hear Devon is a relatable character :) She's very quirky, yes. Actually, this story was originally written for a challenge where I was supposed to base the main OC off of myself, but I decided against it. It's way too difficult to not lie haha. But it's good to hear that you still find her interesting regardless. Report Review
So far I think your OC is developing nicely. I get a firm sense of who she is and where she fits into the next-gen scenario. James sounds like a jerk with what he did to her, and I wonder if he really did or she maybe just thought wrong? I wonder who she'll choose next and if she'll be able to get over her fear of commitment.Author's Response: Thanks! We'll soon find out if Devon was wrong ;) Thanks for stopping by and leaving a great review! Report Review
Yay!!! New chappie!!!
But then again... This really is like a roller coaster, isn't it? I think my eyebrows have surpassed my hairline:) Man, those last lines... if I were Devon, I'd be like FORGET PARKER, I LOVE YOU JAMES. Luckily, I'm not, and you can continue with your plotline:)
Awesome story, I'm grinning from ear to ear now--keep writing!!!
P.S. That last line meant keep writing soon, not keep writing in another two years, please:)Author's Response: Ha ha :) You just made my day! Thanks so much for coming back to this. I PROMISE that the next chapter is already in the works, and I'm a Trusted Author now (woo!) so it should be up very soon! Report Review
Oh my gosh, I almost squealed during the last scene. Parker seems to be a nice guy but I don't know, we haven't known him better yet. But now I wonder whether James' affair really happened or it was just a misunderstanding? Well, I can't wait to read more and welcome back :)Author's Response: Ooh we'll have to wait and see! ;). Thanks for coming back and reading, it really does mean a lot and I'm glad you almost squealed! That's a good sign, right? Report Review
It's back! It's back! It's back!! It is back, right? Cuz I have waited a very long time for this!!
And, of course, it's just as wonderful and funny as ever. Update soon pretty please?Author's Response: Yes, it's back! I'm so glad someone came back to read it! Thank you so much, this means a lot to know that someone was waiting! ;) Report Review
Haha, the first three chapters of this were awesome:) I don't think I stopped grinning. At. All. (My face kind of hurts now.) But it was really funny!!! ... and not in that cliche way where they're funny because they fall over and are random and have voices in their heads. Your characters are actually funny:)
... and you had good flow and characterization and a good plotline too. It's a brilliant story, pretty much. Um, 10/10, and keep writing!!!Author's Response: Aww why thank you so much! My next chapter is almost finished, and it should be up today if I can pull that off! Anyway, thank you for the amazing compliments, you've really made my day and I'm so glad you like the characters :) Report Review
I just stumbled upon this gem of a fic!
I hope you haven't abandoned it?!
Hope to see an update soon(ish)!Author's Response: Thank you much! I've not abandoned it; unfortuneately I've just had a death in the family and I've not really felt like writing for the past bit. However, just the fact that people are even still reviewing my stories is making me have that little spark to write again. Thanks :) Report Review
Aww this was such a great chapter! It made me laugh so many times - especially the rules part:
3. No bloody cheating. There will be severe punishment if anyone is caught cheating. Consequences include but are not limited to uncontrollable hair/nail growth, boils in undesirable areas, non-removable acne, temporary blindness, and death. All right, just yanking your chain with the death part.
Haha! This story just made my day. I love the main character to DEATH, especially her interaction with James. She's really funny - especially her "Why do girls go to the toilet in twos?"
Thank you so much for writing this story - it's so enjoyable and every chapter I read makes my day - I can't wait to see what will happen with the many relationships - I want her with James!!! Update soon okay? Please? *uses puppy-dog eyes* Another excellent chapter. 10/10!
~EstrellaAuthor's Response: Yay! My dearest Estrella is back in action! Well, thanks so much for coming back to review :) I'm so glad you're enjoying this story, and Devon. It's been soo hard for me to write lately, just because of exams and Uni and just well... life in general. But I'll do my best to update ASAP! Thanks so much again for returning my dear! :D Report Review
Oh they just need to get together and be done with it ;DAuthor's Response: Haha :D You'll see in time, my dear. I think Devon still has a bit of soul searching to do ;D Thanks for all the reviewing. You're wonderful :) Report Review
So funny! I really love the personalities that you have displayed here. I meant to mention it last chapter, but being that I am at work and not supposed to be doing this I guess I got ditracted (okay done with my own tangent), I am not sure that Slughorn would still be potions master that many years later. Also, although I can appreciate the references to Austin Powers and Dr. Phil I am also not sure that students that many years in the future would know about those, even muggle borns. Last is that James is not James Sirius the second (because James Potter's middle name was not Sirius, thats just me being nitpicky though). Love the story and will add to my fav's. :)Author's Response: Yay! Another favorite-adder! I just love Slughorn so much that I wanted to write him in there :) About Austin Powers and Dr Phil; I thought of that, in that they're quite old and not many people would know about them. However, after realizing that many of the movies and programs that I love today are 30 years old, so hopefully it'll be like that in the future. With James, I looked on the Lexicon and searched everywhere, but I could not for the life of me find his middle name! So I just put Sirius in there because Sirius is awesome ;D Thanks for the reviews! They're very helpful :) Report Review
That was a really funny chapter, I almost laughed out loud and had to bite my lip to control myself (as I am at work and shoud not be reading fanfic right now). Very good update, and poor James :) I have no crit to make on it, as I honestly enjoyed reading it :)Author's Response: Why thank you! :D Haha, I'm glad it made you almost laugh! So glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the review ^^ Report Review
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