Other than a few grammatical errors--such as "What did you fail at Alecto?", which should have a comma after the word "at"--that I believe you should glance over this story again and correct, this was another fantastic story of yours. I really like your work--and as I've said in other reviews, your characterizations are brilliantly done. Alecto was one character I had never expected to have a wholly human side, so you portrayed her differently, but wonderfully differently. She was captivating to read, and Amycus was excellent also.
Another concern I have is that I believe the chapter is a bit too long. It's got a wonderful ending, but it seems that you compacted far too much into it. I would suggest putting breaks in between events, as well as dates, if you want to do the math.
Again, a compelling story.
angelchaser13Author's Response: Bah, I'm not the greatest at grammar. I'm just a writer. Haha. I just never am able to see the errors when I self edit. More concerned with the plot I suppose. Anyway, like I've said before, I think everyone has a human side. Everyone has a mask they hide behind. Sometimes that mask is violence and evil because they don't want to show weakness. That's how I view Alecto and Amycus.
As for the length...I wrote this piece for a challenge on the forums that required me to write the biography of a death eater in a one-shot. And I figured since Amycus was narrating this, he wouldn't know the exact dates of everything. I wanted it to have more of a long story type of feel...like one of those ones that your grandpa makes you sit for hours and listen to. I appreciate your input though. Thank you for the suggestions.
Once again, thank you for a lovely review. :) Report Review
I LOVE it!! As I love all your stories :]Author's Response: Aww, I'm sorry I made you cry! I didn't mean to! But I'm glad you liked it! :) Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
that was sad:(and extremely believable i liked this one a lotAuthor's Response: Wow! Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it and thought it was believable. :) Report Review
I really loved this story. It was such an unusual take on the Carrows (I'm not sure I like this new found compassion for them. As a horrible person she comes across very well in this :P).
The story was really well written and I'm so pleased you decided to write about a character who is normally so flat.
Really nicely done. :)Author's Response: Wow! Thank you very much! I was so surprised to see another review on this this morning, it really made me smile. :)
I'm glad you liked my rather unusual take on the Carrows. All we see in the books is them as these horrible, rather evil people, but I'd like to (maybe naively) believe there is good in everyone. It was hard to write at times though, because I agree, writing compassion about someone who I don't really like was hard. I'm glad she comes across well though. :)
Thank you very much! I'm glad you thought it was well written and that I added some spark to a generally flat character. I actually was given Alecto as part of a challenge - I didn't actually choose to write about her - but I grew rather fond of her over the time of writing this.
Thank you once again for such a lovely review and for what you wrote in the Chain Recommendations thread. :) That really made my day! Report Review
Thanks for entering my challenge and writing such a wonderful story in response.
I loved reading this. I have no constructive criticism to offer and reallly, this story was awesome.
Amycus' feelings were so well-written. Their love and affection was wonderful to read about and this is quite a contrast to what little we read about them in the books. But again, there was so little that this is totally believable.
My favorite part, was where Alecto cackles when Dumbledore's about to be killed. She sure can hold a grudge huh? But I have a question: why did Alecto's father remove her from Hogwarts but let Amycus go? You didnt provide a reason for that.
The length was very satisfactory and the title was relevant too. The end was really touchy and I just loved it (I might have mentioned that before . . . )
It was really fantastic and I can go on telling you about every little thing I liked in the story but I fear I'll put you to sleep.
You can have a look at the challenge thread to see the results. Once again, awesome job!
-limelight1816Author's Response: Thank you so much! I just checked it, and I cannot believe I won. It is such an honor. Thank you very much! :D
I'm glad you liked it so much. But I did leave out the part about why her dad took her out of school. I kinda did that one purpose, because this is told from Amycus's point of view and he doesn't really know. But I can see how that would be confusing. I might try and add a little bit to that when I get some time. :)
Ah, I don't even know what to say except that I am grinning from ear to ear right now. Seriously this just made my day. I'm so happy that you think this story is worthy of first place. :)
Thank you for reviewing! Thanks so much for all the compliments! Report Review
god the last line was so sad. i'm crying right now. very well written. 200/10Author's Response: Oh! I'm sorry. I'm glad you liked this, even if you started to cry. As a writer that is a very high compliment, so thank you very, very much! :D Report Review
I really enjoyed this story, especially how you showed how mch they cared abiut each other.
Im a big fan of stories that show the death eaters in a different realistic light, instead of monsters, because I truly dont believe they were.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I have a couple of younger brothers, so I based the love they had for each other off of that. I'm so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who hates those sort of stories. The Death Eaters were all people and all people have feelings and good in them. I definately don't think they were monsters.
Thanks so much for your review! :) Report Review
This is a nice story, a very original idea with interesting character choices.
Where did you get your banner?Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. I don't think all people are born bad - which is what I tried to portray in Alecto's story.
And in response to your question, I made my own banner. I make all of my banners. :) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection