Reading Reviews for The Girlfriend
  
6 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dancingwiththemoon The Symptoms

24th December 2008:
YOU CANT DO THAT TO ME.
IM FREAKING OUT OVER HERE.
I DONT TAKE STRESS AND FREAKING OUT WELL.
my poor heart :(
you'll be getting the medical bills.
okay, SO, your writing is FANTASTIC! I love the way the story flows and your connection with the characters is perfect. Beth and Sirius' relationship is flat out ADORABLE. I'd so kill for a boyfriend like that!
Keep it up!

Author's Response: I'm sorry, i'm sorry!! my mother's a nurse! she'll fix you up nice :) Thank you so much for your Spleduptious wordies, making me blush an' all. I know I'd actually give my right arm for a boyfriend like that!

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Review #2, by sirius black loverrrxx The Notebook

18th December 2008:
uh, can you update, like pronto?
i'm getting impatient here.
you don't like it when i'm impatient, i happen to get my awesome kung fu moves out and ill chop you in sushi and koalas will eat you if you don't update.
yes.
it's true.
gbrefjwnekdml;s
connie

Author's Response: Cheesus!! Righto no need for the kung fu fighting. Or i'll need to get my freak on. ;) Don't worry it should be in the queue soon. x

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Review #3, by eponine321 The Notebook

14th November 2008:
AH!!! it's such a good sounding story! Please update soon! I beseech you!

Author's Response: I shall!! I shall!! you need not worry!! :) Have some fiery biscuits!

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Review #4, by lostinwonderland The Notebook

24th October 2008:
Haha! i love this!
it is soo good!
not sure about the whole knickers thing though
it was funny but in a really really scary way!
don't worry bout the shortness - it a freaking amazing and i didn't even notice it was short!
but then i miss a lot of stuff ...
anyway fan-bloody-tastic story :)
update soon!
xx

Author's Response: Awww thank you!

I know I felt a bit disturbed about the whole knicker thing after I read it. But I couldnt be bothered to change it :/

Thank you so mooch for your fab-u-lous review!! x


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Review #5, by Lily 4 James The Notebook

17th October 2008:
awww... cute update soon

x.

Author's Response: Thank youu!! will do ! x

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Review #6, by Lunicle The Notebook

10th October 2008:
Hia!

From the summary, I think this sounds like it's going to be a really touching story that (sadly) I will be able to relate to as someone in my family (my little sister, who is luckily cured) has had cancer.

I think it sounds like an interesting plot that will hit home with a lot of readers.

~*~*~

I have a couple of critiques, though.

What really stood out to me negatively was the amount of dialogue. Don't get me wrong, I love good dialogue, and your was good, but it seemed like the chapter was relying on it a bit too much. It's okay to add in some extra descriptions and stuff- plus, it will really flesh out your chapters.

Grammatically, it was good except for one repeated mistake that I spotted:

“You are so annoying.” she told him.

That should be a comma after "annoying," not a period. This mistake was repeated during all the dialogue of the fic. Sorry for all the CC- I hope I wasn't too harsh!

~*~*~

Although there wasn't a whole lot of description in general, I thought your descriptions of how people were talking and your variations of synonyms for that most overused word "said" were very strong.

Overall, I really enjoyed this chapter, and believe it was a great start! Also, I'm very interested in following this story, so you can bet I'll be back when chapter two goes up! 9/10!

-Luna-

P.S. I love your screenname!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'll try and go over a few things :D (I'm a bit bad at the grammar and such so there may still be one or two mistakes in this chapter :S) I've also had both my nans die from Cancer and my favourite teacher has breast cancer, so I'm really trying to dedicate this story to them :) Thank you for the great comment :) x

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