Yay! New chapter, awaited with much anticipation.
Your writing in this was great, you improve every chapter!
Well done, can't wait for the next!
10/10Author's Response: Oh my gosh, really? I had no idea that I was keeping you waiting! You really think that I'm improving? THANKS SO MUCH!
Eeee! Great review, dear. Thanks so much for the support. Report Review
ohhh that was gruesome how he ripped his arm off!! really good story, i cant wait to see what happens next. poor remus!Author's Response: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW!
EE! As you can tell, I'm elated! It makes me feel good that you are enjoying the story. :D
& indeed, it was gruesome :-P Report Review
In reply to your review reply, there are not many I have come across about this situation. It's usually covered in long marauder fics at some point (ie. The Way We Are and If You Could Love Me), but the only stand alone that I know of about it is *hint* one I have written (The Snape Incident), and if you read that and reviewed it I would be eternally grateful! It's in three parts, the seond of which is in validation currently, but I would love to get some feedback on that!
10/10 once again for the good chapter!Author's Response: Ah, I LOVED The Way We Are. That story was genius.
And of course I'll review your story! I've been meaning to look at them for a while now, but I've been caught up with other reviews for the review fest. As soon as I finish them up, I'll check yours out!
Thanks so much for answering, and I truly appreciate your reviews! :D Report Review
Oooh! Oooh! Yay! Update!
I really like the way you have portrayed Snape, as a foolish and slightly arrogant rather than an evil character, it adds a lot to this story and makes it much more original than the other stories I have read so far about this incident- well done!
I can hardly wait for the next update, hope it comes soon!
10/10!Author's Response: Yes, other than the short period after HBP that I blamed Snape for everything (including SIRIUS'S death of all things holy), I have never ever thought Snape evil. He's just a git.
Thanks so very much for the compliment, though! Of the stories about this scenario, do you have any that you'd recommend? I'd definately love to check out someone else's take on it.
I'd like to say that the next update will be soon, as I have a lot of chapters already written, but I don't want to catch up and run out of them, ya know? Writing this story is slow going, because I keep finding plotholes that need to be filled.
I'll try hard, though! I pwomise. XD
THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEW! Report Review
are you really going to kill Snape off??
This chapter was okay, there were a couple of mistakes, for one, out door instead of outdoor.
There could be a bit more detail in places, like when he's getting attacked, I didn't feel afraid or terrified for him, you could add detail on his feelings and thoughts as he sees the beast, it would pull the reader more into the story and make them feel a part of whats happening.
but, I do like this story, and keep writing!Author's Response: Sigh - yes I must kill Snape. And this isn't the only character death that will take place, unfortunately. Haha.
I know about the 'out door' mistake. For some reason, my word processor always marks 'outdoor' wrong and corrects it without my knowledge. I've been meaning to change it but forgot. :P
The detail... yes, that's been a trouble spot in this chapter. You see, I was trying to get a feeling of detachment from what was happening, so I deleted a lot of my original detail. Too much, I'm guessing. Oops! I'll probably revise in later chapters.
Thanks so much for the honesty and constructive criticism! I am really proud of this story, and I'm glad to get some REAL feedback on it. Report Review
I really liked this chapter, it was a bit short, but its only the beginning.
Just one small thing that bugged me, 'mayhaps?'- I know that it's used and everything, but would 'perhaps' be better instead, as its used more often than mayhaps? just my opinion, you don't have to go with it.
You also have the marauders and Snape spot on! really good job on writing them.
I'm off to read the next chapter.Author's Response: Mayhaps - I just used it as a drawling clever retort. I don't think it would stick out as much if it was Perhaps. But I think I'll re-read over it and check its awkwardness again.
Thank you so very much for the review and the support! I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
“Just because it makes me happy.”
Very Snape. Jess likes...
Anyway, a nice introduction to what looks like an interesting story, please update soon! I can hardly wait!
10/10Author's Response: Haha; I was really worried about my characterization of him, too!
I'm really glad you liked it. I honestly love getting reviews from you. THANKS so much! Report Review
Hey there, i saw this posted in the archive plus i am reviewing a lot for the review fest and wanted to review yours
so i really like the vivid imagery you have created with your story. it is beautiful and unique. i could picture everything happening right in my mind.
I can't wait to see what happens next! I do have some things to critique upon. Please remember you can only improve as you are writting and hearing the advice of others will better you so i hope you don't mind some cc.
Here in this sentence: "his arms held at perpendicular angles to his body for no particular reason."
A better way to word this sentence would be something else. i have given you one. It juts confused me a little and regardless to if you want to change this sentence or not you need to have a were between the arms and held.
My suggestion to correct it and add even more imagery to your story is by saying something like this:
His arms WERE held at perpendicular angles next on both sides of his body for no particular reason.
Be careful for awkward sentences. Some were a bit awkward with some missing words but other than that it was beautiful
very well done
9/10Author's Response: Yes, honestly I wasn't very happy with this chapter, and I find that a lot of my beginnings and endings are a little awkward. I apologize for this... but thanks for the suggestion! I will correct it as soon as I can.
Thank you for the compliment on the imagery. Honestly, it's been something that I've been working at for quite some time, so I'm glad that I'm finally getting somewhere.
THANKS so much for the lengthy and well-thought out review. It means so much to me to get feedback and constructive criticism.
Good luck with the review fest! Report Review
Your summary caught my attention, so I decided to pop in and take a look!
"Snape’s thin lips were curled up in a satisfied sneer and he was rocking on the balls of his feet, causing him the appearance of being a gangly swinging bat."
Wonderful imagery there. It's a great way to describe Snape, since I imagine that while he was young he was quite tall and awkward. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that his robes flapped about him, making him look like a bat.
Anyhow, this short introduction has gotten me interested in what will happen next. I think I'll favorite this. I adore the Marauders, but I don't mind if they are shown in a different light. I am open to all interpretations of characters =]
~CSGAuthor's Response: Thanks so very much for the review, I appreciate it so! Yes, this is a very unique story, and I'm nearly finished with it. There are a lot of chapters already written, so you won't have to wait long. I feel so guilty about this story; it's a doozy... but I couldn't get it out of my head!
I adore the marauders, also. :D
Thanks for the review!!! Report Review
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