Oh I seee. It's James Sirius Potter. I thought this was marauder era. Now I hafta stop reading it because I only like Marauder era. No, jk, this is fun. I was wondering where you were going with this when James had to end up with Lily and where the marauders where lol xD. Anyways well done and I'm off to the next chapter.Author's Response: Teehee. That explains. And I'm glad you like it even though it's not Marauder's era!
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James has black hair. definatly not red.Author's Response: I imagine James Potter II to have red hair! Because, those Weasley red-hair genes are so fiesty. Report Review
i luv where this is going.i really hope they end up 2gether =)cont soon!
-shae xxAuthor's Response: Ooh, thanks for the review, and I will! Report Review
awww, the bit where james asks maria about her smile is SO cute! i love all these characters, none of them are insuffrably annoying, apart from penny of course and the story line seems very sweet. can't wait for more so please keep writing!Author's Response: Hah, glad you liked that part! And thanks, I'm glad you like the characters, excepting of course, the annoying Penny.
Thanks so much for the review, and I will! Report Review
it was okay, hope to see more soon!Author's Response: Thanks for the review, and hopefully you will! Report Review
Great chapter by the way.So... r u going to update soon?^_^
10/10 all chapters
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! And I'll try to update asap. Report Review
This detention will get interesting, that's for sure. ^_^ I really like how you wrote Maria's circle of friends. "We did manage to delay her for a bit," Charlotte added, "by telling her that we thought she might've lost weight over the summer. She spent the next five minutes checking out her bum in a suit of armor." I can just imagine her doing it. =D All in all, you did a good job. Keep it up!Author's Response: I sure hope it will be. And I'm glad you like them. And hah, it's a very Penny-ish thing to do.
Thanks a bunch for the reviews, they were helpful! Report Review
Lol, James and his friends made me laugh, and I'm looking forward to see what kind of things James will pull off to get her to smile. The conversation with Maria was fun, and it'd be interesting to watch them try to work together as a team. James, think about it. Her name has the word 'war' in it. Lol, I love that line. Keep up the good work!Author's Response: I'm glad they're laugh-worthy!
Hah, thanks for pointing that line out. When I decided on her last name, I didn't even realize it had the word 'war' in it, and once I did, I had to mention it!
Thanks a bunch! Report Review
Interesting start! I like the idea of Inter-House Competition, and I think your characters are interesting so far. James sounds like the incarnation of his grandfather. =P That could be a good thing, since some things do run in the family, as long as he does have his own personality. Your dialogue flows well too. ^_^ Good job! Off to the next chapter!Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you think so. And yeah, he is a bit, but I'm trying not to make him too much like his grandad.
And I'm glad you like my dialogue, I really do try at that.
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Hey there, back again.
Not much to say about this chapter. You're right, it is a bit of a filler, but I'm finding Maria a really entertaining character. Like I said before, she's the exact opposite of James, so it'll be quite a task getting her to work with him...and maybe even smile. =]
In this chapter, James's characterization is getting better. The way he's unfazed by Maria's annoyance and her death glares reminds me a lot of how James Potter I acted towards Lily Evans. The little note was cute, but the parchment thing was a bit unimaginative. Come on, James, make your grandpa and namesake proud!
The House-Unity competition was an interesting idea for a fic, and good job so far. Good luck!
~CSGAuthor's Response: I'm glad you find her entertaining, I was afraid the cynicism might get boring.
And I'm also very glad James is getting better. And er, I'm horrible at thinking up pranks and such, so I'm going to really have to try to make James be imaginative.
Thanks a bunch for your reviews, they're really helpful! Report Review
It's me again, come from the forums.
I know you were concerned with James's POV, but I don't see anything glaringly wrong with it. He sounds like a fifteen-year-old boy, and the conversation between him and his dorm-mates is just like the mindless banter that males often engage in. ;)
The only thing that could be improved is that his voice (you know, his narration voice) doesn't reveal much of his character. If Maria hadn't described him in the previous chapter, I wouldn't know what kind of person James was from his narration. You as an author seem to identify more with Maria, from the way you develop her emotions and thoughts more deeply than James's.
This could just be because you're a girl [I'm guessing here, correct me if I'm wrong]. But really, getting into the mind of a male character isn't too difficult. You just need to plan out James's personality beforehand. For example, you already know Harry Potter's personality. How would he react to Maria? How would Sirius Black react? What about Severus Snape? Once you get to know your character, writing James will just be like consulting the James in your head. =]
Again, this isn't really a problem. Readers can--and will, I'm sure--still enjoy the story.
Off to the last one!
~CSGAuthor's Response: Ooh, thanks for pointing the voice thing out. Now that I look back, I completely agree. I'll work on that.
And yes, I am a girl, and I always worry about writing boys correctly. Thanks a bunch for the help.
Thanks so much for the really helpful review! Report Review
Hey there, I'm here from the forums with your review. Before I start, I should tell you that I have a loose rule about first-person fics on my thread. I PREFER not to receive requests for first-person fics, but I'll review if you can't find any other open thread with rules that fit your fic. Anyway, since I'm already here, I'll review these 3 for you. =]
Maria seems like a cynical girl. Just by the things she says, and the way she regards other people in her thoughts, I can tell that she doesn't smile often. She's like the polar opposite of James Potter II [or as much of his personality that you've revealed so far, anyway], so I can understand her dismay at being partnered with him. Your characterization on these two main characters is solid so far, but if Maria's friends are important characters, you should probably extend on them. Right now they all seem like the same type of person, the epitome of petty fifteen-year-old girls. Penny started out different from the others, but they quickly beat her down. Is that the normal dynamic within Maria's group?
Anyway, just something to think about. So far, so good. Off to the next one.
~CSGAuthor's Response: Oh, sorry about the first-person thing!
Yes, she's a very cynical girl, I'm glad you can tell.
And yes, that is the normal dynamic. And thanks a bunch for pointing that out, I'll get to work characterizing her friends more.
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So I just read you story and I have to say that I absolutely adore your disclaimer for the second chapter. Elvendork would be a much better name for Albus (love the refrence too)!
Even if it was a filler, this chapter was a good insight into Maria's mind - like how she thinks about detention and Slytherins and James and all sorts of other fun stuff!
This chapter was pretty good and I like the whole idea of your story overall too.Author's Response: Hah, thanks, you're the first person that's ever commented on one of my disclaimers, I appreciated. Elvendork is an amazing name.
And thanks a bunch, I'm glad you think so!
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
HELLO! like when is the next chapter coming up?! you are way too slow! there's this thing, and it's called "updating" maybe you should try it some time! JEEZ!
-p.s. im diggin the new picture.Author's Response: I'm suffering from writer's block, you wingnut. And I'm glad you like the new picture. Report Review
wow.. i really like your chapters.. the first one as well as this one.. both are good.. really good... just read em today.. do keep up the good work.. eagerly waiting for your next post..
cathey..Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'll try to keep it up! Report Review
i can turn down a dare!! really easily too. what can i say? im a wimp..
awesome chapter! update soon!!
this story is going in my favorites!Author's Response: Well me too, I always pick truth whenever I play "truth or dare" and then I usually lie.
Thanks so much for the reviews!
And I will! Report Review
i will go tell all my friends about this "fabulous" story... too bad none of them read HPFF. i guess my sister will do...
awesome!!Author's Response: Well then something's wrong with your friends. Jk, mine don't either. Yay tell your sister!
Thank you! Report Review
hehe! i didn't leave a review for the first chapter! nah-nah!Author's Response: No you didn't, you weenie. But you did leave a review for the second chapter, so thanks! Report Review
Excellent chapter. I loved it. It was awesome. 10/10Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you liked it, thanks for reviewing. Report Review
Nich opening! Will there be any romantic interactions anytime soon or will we jhave to wait a bit longer for that?Author's Response: Oh they'll be soon, I enjoy romantic interactions. And thank you very much for reviewing! Report Review
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