Reading Reviews for The Circle
18 Reviews Found

Review #1, by make you want it Prologue

2nd November 2009:
A fabulous first chapter, not at all boring.
I am fascinated by the circle and I hope the next chapter is posted soon. 10/10

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Review #2, by PadfootsANGEL Prologue

15th August 2009:
keep on writing!

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Review #3, by MidwinterMasque Prologue

11th March 2009:
Wicked... This sounds like it's going to be epic - so prove me right and go post another chapter right now!

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Review #4, by Lord Revan Prologue

20th January 2009:
I don't think this chapter is boring at all, its a good start!

Please update soon!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review, and sorry for replying so late! I really appreciate your comment - I'll try to update sometime soon, it's just that I'm uber busy at the moment. :( Thanks again!


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Review #5, by Lady September Prologue

18th December 2008:
You have to continue this. Seriously. Please? :P

Author's Response: I will, don't worry. It's just taking longer for me to edit the first chapter and get the second one started. Once I get over that, it'll all run smoothly. I'm working on it, I promise. Thank you so very much for the review, and I'm sorry it's taking so long.


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Review #6, by joojoo Prologue

26th November 2008:
Ever since you told me about your new story I've been itching to read this - I didn't even realise had a chapter up already! Talk about efficiency!
Well, it seems fabulous already. I see slight links to Incandescene, with the whole 'different lives' theme going on, and what I expect will be the clashing of those lives in a not-so-spectacular way. Albus Potter is intriguing, that's for sure. I'm undecided as to whether I actually like him or not. This is probably not so much due to you as to the fact that I'm feelingn quite apathetic today. I'm sure on a normal day I'd ahve actually been quite sympathetic to the boy's plight, but there you go.
Very interesting group of people. For a while I was beginning to think that maybe James was a part of the 'Circle' as well, but now that i think on it he's too old. He'd have left Hogwarts by now, yes?
Mm, I think I'm rambling a lot. There were a few tiny mistakes here and there - for example 'I think I’ve fallen for Sienna' should have probably been in the past tense - but nothing so major that impeded understanding.
Anywho, I assure you that this is a fantastic start to what promises to be an equally fantastic story. I love how you come up with these amazing ideas. I'm truly jealous, m'loff.
This is obviously going to be favourited right now. Can't wait til I read the next chapter!

Author's Response: This chapter's been up for ages, but I haven't really gotten around to re-writing it. There were some pretty bad mistakes here (especially the whole McGonagall being OOC *cringe*), but I'm so lazy when it comes to re-writing, and not having a first chapter sort of prevented me from writing the second one, and so on and so forth *sigh* I suck.
Wow, I didn't even realize I was taking patterns from Incandescence. It happens when you've been writing a story for 7 months, I guess. You get stuck with things.
That's okay, you don't have to like Albus, lol. I'm not keen on making him a likeable character, to be honest. Unlike Sirius, whom I always cast the positive light on no matter what he does (talk about objectivity *rolls eyes*), I'm not particularly fond of anyone in Next Gen.
James isn'y out of Hogwarts, he's a 7th year, and Albus is a 5th (I'm pretty sure there was a 2 year difference between them, but feel free to correct me). But no, James doesn't have anything to do with the Circle...yet. He's popular in his own world - more in a Marauderish sort of way, while the Circle people are more of a Slytherinish popular. Did that make sense? o_O
Thank you for the wonderful reviews - you always manage to make my day. And you leave such amazing ones! I loff you *tackleglomp*


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Review #7, by gryffindorseeker Prologue

16th November 2008:
I'm so sorry - I've had this story favorited for some time now and I still haven't reviewed! *is a waste of space* Anyway, on to business: I quite like this story, particularly Albus's narration and the concept of a secret society at Hogwarts. (Who doesn't love secret societies? =P) I think you captured Al's inner turmoil well, being caught between his own shortcomings and the legendary accomplishments of his parents and grandparents. His voice was clear in the narration, and I really like the writing style you've chosen for Al. (If that makes sense...) I got a bit confused between Sienna and Anielle because they were introduced close together and both described as these perfect girls, and then along came Jenny, the tomato girl. xD This confusion could be attributed to me having a blonde moment, but I just thought that I'd point out that I was a bit puzzled when I realized that Sienna wasn't Anielle. I imagine that it's imperative to introduce the girls in this prologue, but maybe if you stuck the polar opposite Jenny's introduction between Anielle's and Sienna's, it might be less confusing. Or not - it's your story and you can write it any way you like! =) But overall, this was definitely a good start to what I'm sure will be an intriguing story, and I very much enjoyed it. 10/10, and please update as soon as humanly possible! =D

Author's Response: Your review made me feel so very guilty for not updating *sigh* I was supposed to update ages ago, but I decided to re-write the first chapter (mainly for that horrible McGonagall fiasco) and couldn't get around to doing any of them. I suck.
Don't worry about reviewing late, lol, I always do that. I love secret societies, and I've always wanted to actually write about one. This story is scary to me, it has so many subplots that even I have difficulty keeping up with all of them.
I can totally see why you'd confuse Sienna and Anielle - I haven't gotten the time to introduce them properly, so they seem pretty similar at this moment. That's not so bad though, they'll start standing apart from one another in the future chapters, since they exist on separate planes, so to say. Anielle is a member of the Circle, and Sienna is the girl Albus has a crush on, and they're very different people altogether. I don't think I even have any scenes where they both show up until much, much later.
I'll do my best to update ASAP AND edit the first chapter. Just to let you know, I've decided to have someone else as a Transfiguration teacher. I thought I'd mention that so you won't be surprised when she shows up. I'm working on the story now, so chapter 2 should be up in a week or so. Thank you so much for the SPLENDID review, it totally made my day AND made me feel guilty (which, in the context, is a very good thing :P). Thank you SO much, I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the rest of the story. ^_^


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Review #8, by lostinwonderland Prologue

9th November 2008:
Hey - dont worry not boring!
its a great start and i hope u keep going!
i havent actually read a lot of next gen fics.
HATED the epilogue in DH. *shudder shudder*
maybe a bit too much time spent talking about sienna though ...
but even so its an AMAZING start to the story!
i specially love how u characterized Albus.
if u dont hav a beta and want one u can get back to me.
update soon!

Author's Response: I'm glad you didn't find it boring. Future chapters will be much more exciting - there's something happening in every chapter ^_^ I don't read Next Gen either, which is one of the reasons why I decided to write one xD I'm using it as a way to suppress my phobia for everything Next Gen. Because honestly, I hated the epilogue as well. As in totally and completely hated it. *gag*
Sienna is an important character in the story - one of the main characters, actually, which is why there's so much about her. Of course, her description is greatly exaggerated, giving the fact that she is seen through Albus's eyes in this chapter, who is strongly infatuated with her. Her real character will start showing soon.
Thanks for the lovely review, it was awesome to hear from you, and I apologize for the HUGE delay in replying.


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Review #9, by I Prologue

8th November 2008:
I really love your writing! I like the suspense this chapter has, it makes me want to read more.
I would give you some constructive critisism, but I can't find anything 'wrong'.

10/10 by the way

Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it, and I'm SO sorry it took forever to respond. I sort of took a break from writing and HPFF and I've been super busy, so I really haven't had the time to respond to reviews. Thank you so much for the lovely comment, I'm very happy you enjoyed this chapter. I hope you enjoy future chapters just as much - they'll be coming soon ^_^


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Review #10, by REKNOWNED Prologue

26th October 2008:
Why would you say this was boring; it really wasn't. The story is interesting and written very well.

I like Albus' characterization. He seems so very sad and lonely right now. I know that can happen sometimes when you come from a large family but it's still sad.

I am actually surprised more of his extended family was not mentioned; I would think that they would at least be background characters.

Your writing is really mature and I can't wait to read more.
10/10 naturally!

Author's Response: Well, it IS boring compared to the rest of the story - there's a lot of action, about 50 different subplots and basically, something is always happening. This chapter is very different from the rest of the story, as it's close to that border where Albus's life changes completely, but doesn't really hit it. This is just a "before" preview, and it's all basically a description of Albus's dull life. Well, not to mention other mistakes that I'm working on correcting at the moment.
I have included family in the re-written version of the chapter (which is almost ready, thank God :D) - there's a bit about James and his girlfriend, a bit about Lily and Rose, and a bit about Harry and Ginny's rocky relationship (yeah, they don't really get along in my story :P). I didn't want to involve too many characters that weren't important, because I already have plenty of OCs to introduce and I think adding all of Albus's (unimportant in this story) relatives would kinda be too much to swallow. I'm just implying that he's neutral to all of them, more or less.
I'm glad you liked the chapter (and thank you for complimenting my style, I feel really flattered right now ^_^ *huge ego inflates and floats away*), and I really hope you enjoy the rest of the story even more. Thank you for the lovely review! ^_^


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Review #11, by Jacqueline Noir Prologue

23rd October 2008:
It's official:I've fallen really, really hard for your stories! God,I love them!
That was not a boring first chapter, just a nice prologue, and Albus it's a very funny guy so far. I like the concept: Albus Potter unnoticed?! Wait a minute: the son of Harry, The Man Who Lived? Oh, wow!:)
And the part with McGonagall was hilarious!:))

Author's Response: Well, I'm glad you liked this one as well. I hope none of my stories disappoint you, but if one ever does, you have to tell me so I can fix it.
This is very very different than anything I've written before. First of all, because of the change of Era. I'm sort of scared of writing anything that doesn't involve Sirius - with Sirius, I feel very comfortable because I've gotten to know the character well. But all these characters are new to me, and it's quite frightening. Other than that, I usually write Romance, Angst, Drama - stuff like Incandescence. This is going to be heavily action-oriented, mystery-oriented, with only a little bit of romance and of course, angst and drama in the background.
I do have stuff to fix in this chapter, and I'm ashamed to say I've been procrastinating so far. But I'm glad you liked the concept overall - that's what's really important, everything else can be fixed. ^_^
I'm very very grateful for the lovely review, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story just as much. ^_^


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Review #12, by morgana67 Prologue

11th October 2008:
You know, this isn't boring at all. It really drew me in. I loved the idea of a secret society and the fact that you introduce three different girls. I find interesting that you don't name "tomato girl" just yet. I guess that she is going to be a sympathetic character, much more so than Sienna. Sienna, so far, I don't have a good feeling about in terms of romance with Albus or anyone who may deserve someone who isn't shallow. I guess you wanted her to come across as shallow and full of herself, though. Now, I do appreciate that Albus really, really lacks confidence, poor thing and he sees her as a princess etc but unless the guy is a poet maybe his description of her is a little over the top for a boy of his age narrating. Maybe if he put it in a secret diary or something, okay, but thinking it, I'm not sure, although I think you were trying to convey his erroneous vision of her. I could very well be barking at the wrong tree here because many more things are yet to unfold.

Anielle and tomato girl could both turn out interesting, on the other hand, for what I see so far.

I love how poor Albus comes across as such a hopeless but nice person. Now, I don't think McGonagall, no matter how much she may compare him with and admire his relatives, would ever humiliate him in front of an audience. Okay, she is not quite like Snape was to Harry but she does put him down. I have always seen her as a very good teacher and this just seem to me like bad teaching methods; in private in her room, perhaps but not in front of the rest of the classroom.

I do feel for the kid though and you convey his feelings very well. Also, rest assure, your prologue is not in any way boring in my view.

I think this story has great potential actually.

Author's Response: I'm so happy you didn't think this was boring - really, it means a lot to hear that. First of all, I know McGonagall was OOC. I'm so ashamed about that! I'm re-writing the chapter, and McGonagall will no longer be teaching, so I'll use a Snape-like teacher instead. In fact, that will work so much better for my little subplot (there in an explanation in the story as to why Albus is so horribly untalented at Transfiguration, it's not a random choice).
Second - about "tomato girl". She's not exactly a character in the story, she was just a device to introduce Sienna, but I do have another scene in the story with her, so she'll make one other appearance. As for Sienna - I can say your feeling is good, though she's not really the way you think she is. Of course, since the story's just started, I couldn't introduce her properly. The reason why Albus describes her the way he does is because he idolizes her. His view is obviously exaggerated greatly, but that's only due to his infatuation. However, I'll keep what you said in mind. The re-written chapter will actually be told in third person, so I don't think there will be such a dramatic description of her.
Anielle, however, is a relatively important character, as are all the society members. She's not one of the main characters, but she does play a part. I tried not to introduce any useless characters here, but with "tomato girl" I had no choice. I decided to call her that just to point out that she isn't important, so the reader doesn't have to focus on her.
I'm really happy you liked this chapter, and I'm extremely grateful for the wonderful review. Thank you so so much for taking the time to let me know what you thought, it's much appreciated! ^_^


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Review #13, by Leo072491 Prologue

9th October 2008:
Ok now I'll be honest. I really at first did not think I would like this story. I am happy to say I was proven wrong :) As someone else said your spelling and grammar were perfection which is something I will never be able to say :P I think you made a very well written, interesting beginning. It did a very nice job expressing the main character, Albus, and his status, as well as showing off some of the other main characters you have.

I don't think this was boring at all, simply elongated. However that does not automatically mean something bad. It simply means that there was a lot of explanation. However since this is just the first chapter that is to be expected. Just keep an eye on it for further chapters :)

I love the little sample you gave. It totally grabbed my attention and I have favorited this story so I'll know as soon as you update. I can't wait to read more and you did a fabulous job!


Author's Response: I'm glad you liked the story after all ^_^. There were plenty of stories I thought I wouldn't like that I eventually ended up loving here on HPFF, so yeah. When it comes to spelling and grammar, aside from Word's auto corrector, I also proofread. A lot. I'm picky, especially when it comes to first chapters.
Even though I'm re-writing this (a lot of people pointed out some things they didn't like here, and I saw they needed re-writing), the plot of the chapter will be pretty much the same. I'm glad you didn't think it was boring, I really struggled to make it as interesting as it could be, giving the lack of action and all. The explanations are crucial to the story, because it's the premise from which the story starts off.
Chapter 2 will be more exciting, hopefully. I'm really really happy you enjoyed the chapter, and I hope you'll enjoy the next ones even more.
Thank you so much for the review, I appreciate it enormously. ^_^


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Review #14, by Violet Gryfindor Prologue

8th October 2008:
It's not that the chapter is boring - there's too much in it to be boring - it's more that it dragged a bit. Maybe it's that I have issues with whiny first-person narrators, or that I have trouble understanding Albus' position on a personal level, and therefore can't relate to him well. An "A" mark isn't the end of the world, especially if he already knows that he has learning deficiencies - so wouldn't he be pleased that he didn't get a Poor? Or is he constantly expecting a miracle (which would characterize him as pathetically optimistic :P)? I don't know, I just get the feeling that you went too far in making Albus fail at life - that could be part of his first-person narrative, that he has absolutely no self-confidence, but that all the other characters also recognize his inability to succeed is depressing (poor kid).

You might want to be careful with the first person narrative as you continue writing this, so that it doesn't become too overpoweringly depressing and self-depreciating. There has to be something that Albus enjoys and excels at - this epilogue missed that. It's cute that he's epically in love with Sienna, who seems the typical "nice girl" - maybe she'll actually love him back eventually, haha.

Granted, you did do something different with Albus than most fanfiction writers have, which is refreshing to see and makes this a far more unique story in that sense. With what you have here of Albus's narrative, you could actually show him, later on, to be wrong about his ideas on how others perceive him - that really people do know him and maybe regard him positively in some way that he's never fathomed. Of course, this is only the prologue, and they can be misleading in how they frame the story, so I'll have to buckle in for the ride. ;)

One thing that really bothered me about this was how you characterized McGonagall. She's far more motherly and kind to her Gryffindors than that, and wouldn't stuff in Albus' face the long history of his family's success in her subject. She is stern, but not cruel, and that's the vibe I was getting from this. You might want to reconsider either her position as a teacher (JKR did mention that MM retired before the next-gen went to school) or the way you've characterized her here. She would, also, never call him "boy" - I believe she would use "Mr. Potter" or just "Potter". I can see what you mean that she would appear cruel to him, but her dialogue is what I'm pointing to most as being OOC for her (unless Albus is entirely manic and I just missed that. *looks suspiciously*)

I feel evil now. :/ It's not that I didn't like this - it has great potential and an interesting plot line starting up - it's that I know you can improve these things and make the story even better, CJ. You have the writing skills and talent, and I think you could make this story something very unique and exciting. ^_^

Author's Response: OMG. You have just left me one of the most amazing reviews I've ever gotten in my entire life, and you feel evil? o_O Seriously, this review helped A LOT. There is no reason to feel evil. At all. You were being honest, and I completely understand the necessity of it. I'm so ashamed of the way the chapter turned out.
I wrote it in a hurry, because I was lazy and wanted to get to the actual action. Very silly of me, I know. It didn't turn out like I intended it to, at all.
First person is really hard for me - I had issues with it in Incandescence, where I only wrote small bits of first person, so I'm not very confident with it yet. I don't intend to write the entire story on 1st person - I just wanted the comparison between the way Albus sees things and the way they really are, because it's a huge contrast and I wanted to point it out.
About the A - of course it's not the end of the world, but I figured anyone would feel awful if they spent their entire time studying for a subject, only to get an average grade, that was leaning more towards a bad grade.This isn't about the grade itself - it's about the fact that he knows that, in truth, he deserved a P.
I am going to redo this chapter completely, so there's less depression and angst and a lot of other things that didn't fit here. The rest of the story isn't depressing at all - Albus's life is just taking a new and spectacular turn, so this was as far as the angst goes. It's mainly why it seemed like I was writing this in such a hurry, shoving all these details down the reader's throat rather than subtly showing them.
And OMG, McGonagall's characterization was awful! I completely messed her up, I know. I should've picked a different teacher (I will, actually). I tried not to make her mean, but it didn't quite work out...*sigh* I'll fix all this, I promise.
And your review totally helped! Seriously, I know how I'm going to write this chapter now, and this time I'm actually going to work on it. I know it could've been a lot better. I was just lazy, I guess *facepalm*
Thank you SO much for this review - seriously, I really really appreciate all the constructive criticism, and I'd take it over praise any time. It's one of the most helpful reviews I've ever gotten, so don't feel evil *shifty eyes* You're amazing ^_^


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Review #15, by searching17 Prologue

8th October 2008:
The last part of the chapter blew me away.

Your spelling and grammar was perfection - I must congratulate you on that (I've failed in those areas several times.which makes it hard for my work to be read.) You also did a great job with the tense. :]

But let me start at the beginning and be honest though:

At first, it fell rather flat, but it had to be done, as you have stated, and I can tell you tried to make it as interesting as possible - and when I think about it know, it makes sense, seeing as Albus would really be thinking those thoughts after being sick of Hogwarts for four-five years.

An excerpt from your chapter:
Every year, I’d spent my free time in the library, studying for a subject I was dreadful at; every year, I came closer and closer to failing it. I was an average student in everything else, but simply – to put it in McGonagall’s words – “horribly untalented in Transfiguration, unlike your brother and your father”.
Hm. Wording is quite harsh. "horribly" really gets to me, I think "terribly" would feel better. And perhaps the word "unsuited" or "incapable to handle the coursework". Or maybe you can make Albus say, "Or as McGonagall implied..."
I don't know, but that seems quite OC, along with other things McGonagall said. Try to reword it - or even better - put a different teacher in it. Make Minerva retire. XD She's pretty old anyway.

Another thing:
“What are you doing, boy? I said you could go back to your seat. Why are you still standing there?”
The word 'boy' really got me. I don't know why, but it seems like a thing men professors would say. I cannot imagine McGonagall ever saying that.

Everything seemed quite normal - usual to find in a fanfiction - until Anielle was introduced. That's when everything changed.

Everything went really.REALLY nicely from there.

And here I almost died:

And as I contemplated her beauty, the incredible happened.

A small, circular box fell from the pocket of her bag, and rolled on the floor right to my feet. She hadn’t even noticed, and I bent to pick it up. For the first time in my life, I felt ecstatic at the thought that I had a reason to talk to Sienna Brown.

Amazing writing. I could picture it so clearly in my own head. That really got me into the story - along with the dialog and physical description of characters was really a refreshing change at the end of the chapter (loved the very end of it, too btw.) :]

This story is on my favorites, more to see where this story is going than where it is. The plot seems interesting...and I think the next chapters are going to be so much better and more captivating. I understand that this chapter had to be written, and I apologize for having to be so harsh, but I think you won in the end (haha...literally the end...of the chapter! Okay. Dry humor done.)

Overall: 8.5/10. (leaning towards the 9 though...didn't want to get into two decimal might just go craz) Haha. ;)

Please update soon! I just know this story is going to be great. :]


Author's Response: Wow O.O Okay, so I'm probably going to say this several times, but thank you So much for the review! Seriously, it helps A LOT!
First of all, let me just say that I am re-writing this chapter because I was very very lazy and didn't put too much work into it because I wanted to get to the interesting parts (aka the next chapters). I'm really ashamed to admit it now, I've always hated it when people did that and now I've done it myself. *sigh*
Don't worry, you weren't harsh at all. I appreciate constructive criticism more than praise, actually. Be mean - it always helps me improve, and that's what I ultimately want. So thank you for being harsh :P
Yes, McGonagall was terribly OOC. I feel stupid for not realizing it at first. I just got this idea into my head that she would be really old by that time, and I thought hmmm, what do old ladies do? Then everything went downhill from there. I tried too hard to make her sound old that I forgot what her true character was like. I'd been thinking of replacing her with someone else anyway, so I'm going to go do just that.
I'm really glad you liked the plot, it's what I was really hoping for. There are so many subplots and things happening in this story, and I knew that if people weren't going to like the plot, the story is pretty much gone. Unlike my other stories, which were more character-focused, this one is focused 90% on the plot. There is action, which is something I've never really written before. It's exciting and scary at the same time, and nothing makes me happier than to hear the plot is good.
I promise that the next chapters won't be as disappointing, and I know that when I'm going to be done re-writing this chapter, it's going to be a lot better. And it's all thanks to you guys. ^_^ *huggles*
Again, thank you very very much for the lovely review, it means the world to me! ^_^


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Review #16, by HP_aficionado Prologue

8th October 2008:
The chapter was not so much boring as trite. When I say trite, I'm not talking about the plot. The plot, or rather, the premise is brilliant. I was intrigued by the summary and the story did not let me down. The problem is with the technical part... the writing and the narrative.

The first few paragraphs gave me the impression that I'm being TOLD too much, rather than being SHOWN. That's why first person narratives are so tricky; as it is, it limits you because you have to narrate everything from one perspective which will most likely not be reliable, and then there is the all-important voice (I think you're doing well here. Writing from a male perspective is hard, and you seem to do that well).

The whole prologue seemed a bit ... off kilter. It seems very strange that Albus Potter would wake up one day to muse about how positively horrid his life is; I mean, it'd have been more likely if all these details were SHOWN through various interactions Al had with people... I liked how it was done in Incandescence; Lily wakes up one night and acknowledges that there is something unusual about the night, which makes her act unusually too. In this story, it seems as though Al wakes up every day in the throes of a depression - that was the impression I got. One of the most effective techniques is to use normal, everyday events to introduce your characters; that way, the reader gwill get a flavour of the character and also the story will seem realistic.The key is to capture the train of thought of the character, and a train of thought wouldn't always involve a long-winded backstory of one's life, would it? You have to allude...Allude to the character's traits and angst and gripes, but do not TELL.

McGonagall seemed OOC... She is strict, yes, but not unkind. She is not Snape that she'd openly compare Albus to his family in front of the class and disparage him.

Now, coming to the parts I really liked... I liked the idea - novel, refreshing. I immensely liked the voice of Albus. And your preview was interesting.

I am favoriting this, because I do believe the story has potential. But there's still a lot of work needed to be done, some of the discrepancies have to be sorted out and the voice needs to be developed. You have to walk the line between keeping Albus in character with his quirks and angst, and not making him a generic character. I like the voice of Albus in this story, though there is still room for improvement.

Hope the review helped you and looking forward to read the next chapter.

Author's Response: Wow. This is officially the most helpful review I have ever gotten. Seriously, I don't even know how to begin to thank you. There is SO much helpful criticism here, it's really giving me a good start for improving this. If there was still a Best Reviewer voting, you'd have mine. Seriously.
First of all, the problem here, I just realized, was my impatience. I thought "well, let's get this done fast so I can move on to the action". The novel is long, the plot is complicated, thousands of different things happen throughout the story. I think I focused so much on what I'm going to write next that I completely neglected the quality of this chapter, which is something I'm really ashamed of. The prologue - everything Albus explains here - doesn't have much to do with the plot of the story. When I say that, I mean the fact that the life of Albus as is portrayed in this chapter is about to change completely (obvious from the summary, of course). So to tell the truth, the part where I have to go through Albus's angsty and depressive thoughts was rather boring to me, and I was excited to get to the action part.
Other than that, I don't write first person much (if you've read Incandescence, you know that the most 1st person I ever wrote were some snippets of older Lily's thoughts), and I don't enjoy writing it either.
You're absolutely right, I was supposed to show, not tell. I guess my impatience got the best of me *sigh* I went for a quick explanation sort of thing, which was obviously not a wise choice. I will be re-writing this as soon as I get a chance.
As for McGonagall...I think it didn't turn out like I wanted it to. I didn't mean to make her sound cruel, she was just reminiscing the good times when Harry and James were at school, and how good they were at Transfiguration. I didn't want her to be mean to Albus. I just got it into my head that in Next Gen Era, McGonagall would probably be very old, and I think I tried too hard to make her sound like an old lady...
Well, I have a lot to work on ^_^ Thanks for pointing out all these things, I'll be eternally grateful for everything. You just made my day :D


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Review #17, by WildMtn Prologue

6th October 2008:
Great start! It wasn't nearly as boring as you seem to think it was. ;)

I'm intrigued. Looking forward to see where it goes.

Author's Response: Thanks ^_^ I don't know, it just seemed really boring to me. Probably because I kept comparing it with the rest of the plot. I have like a hundreds sublots so something is always happening, and since nothing happens here...well, it just seemed boring. I'm glad to know you didn't think so - I'm really happy you enjoyed it. ^_^ Thank you so much for the review, it's very much appreciated :D


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Review #18, by Pink_Flamingo Prologue

6th October 2008:
I didn't think this chapter was boring at all.
I thought it was a really good introduction for the story and the characters.
I'm very interested to learn more about the Circle and why they are so perfect.
Can't wait to read more! :)

Author's Response: Really? I'm glad you enjoyed it ^_^ I tried to make it less boring, but it's still basically just character introduction, with no action at all. Thank you so much for the review, I'm seriously very very happy to know you liked the chapter. ^_^


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