I really want to know who the Leader is! It's driving me nuts that I don't know. But I guess that's the point. Keep us hooked and ready to keep reading so we find all the answers to our burning questions.
I kind of love your Scorpius. I have a soft spot for him, no matter how he's characterized, and he's so lovely here with his love for Muggle composers and piano playing. It made me feel angry for him, that Astoria kept trying to coddle him and pretend she wasn't crying. He's old enough to know what's going on, and I know I'd be frustrated if my family wasn't telling me anything, pretending that things were fine. His determination to save his father is endearing and I wonder if he'll play a role in trying to discover a cure. I just hope he doesn't come down with the virus first. :(
So, does Pansy know more about the virus than the others? Is that why the Leader killed her rather than taking her to St. Mungo's where the others are? Though I'm kind of glad she's dead. She was really annoying, with her snide remarks and her obvious disregard for human life, until it was her own affected.
I was surprised at how short this chapter was compared to the rest, but I think it fit to stop there rather than continue forward. I like short chapters better - I can get more reading done faster. :D Report Review
I was wondering why the Healers weren't using blood-replenishing potions, but I hoped you'd have a reason for it - and you do, of course! It's kind of mystifying, isn't it? The effect the disease has. Sapping them of their ability to perform magic and magic having no effect on it.
It's interesting that it was supposed to be used for Mudbloods and now it's turned the tables on those who were trying to persecute those Mudbloods in the first place. I wonder what sort of science and magic had to go into that virus so that it only targeted a specific blood group, like the intended Mudbloods.
The opening scene was a great choice. Seeing the panic and devastation as the disease progressed and still seeing the prejudice of some Purebloods, even if it meant living or dying. It's sad and terrifying how quickly this virus is spreading throughout the Wizarding community. Hopefully there are enough Muggleborns working at St. Mungo's so they don't lose all the people they need to help those afflicted.
Hermione and Rose's interactions are interesting. I never expected them to clash as much as they do. Rose seems fiercely independent, but she's also a daddy's girl, that's for sure. I also loved how they had a television at home - just a little something from Hermione's past life that makes it obvious they're a blended family. Of course Rose gets stuck with the job no one else wants, but I think it'd be good for her. She obviously has a sense of adventure and traveling to Russia is something new to experience. It also helps tie everything together, Russia with Rose, and the vial with the virus and Goyle.
Your descriptions, once again, are your strong suit. You're very good at painting scenes, giving the reader the chance to imagine the settings with the details you provide. I loved the details of the Malfoy library and having Scorpius playing the piano too was a nice touch. I always did picture the rich Purebloods as aristocratic and can imagine having to learn multiple languages (as evidenced by the books in the library) and playing the piano. The life of the privileged. I feel like, with Draco, we really got to see the terror of those affected by the virus. It was a bit more real than when Goyle was brought to St. Mungo, and maybe it was because I know now that it's a virus and that many Purebloods are affected that makes me feel a bit of sympathy for Draco, even though is involvement makes it seem like he deserves to be sick as well. Still, it must be scary to start coughing up all that blood and not being able to perform magic.
I'm going to try not to make suggestions every chapter because I'm sure it can get discouraging but I have to make a couple of comments. So a few times when you're writing dialogue, you use a period rather than a comma to separate the speech from the dialogue tags. Also, when your speaker is talking to another character and addressing them by name, you should use a comma before the name. So, for example, if Hermione says, "You need a job, Rose." - there's a comma before Rose.
Anyway, you certainly have a very unique story and it's amazing at how you've come up with this idea of a virus that affects only Purebloods and the detail that goes into this type of story is incredible. I can't wait to see what Rose finds out in Russia and what the Wizarding world is going to do with this virus! Report Review
Ah, everything is getting so intense! I really do love the switching back and forth to different locations. Like I said in the prologue, it works well with this fic. You keep us intrigued by having us view the story from two different sides of the story - with the Next Gen kids getting it second hand from the Prophet and then again with Goyle and the group of cloaked figures.
I totally did NOT guess Goyle, by the way! He killed Solovyov? I'm guessing by the lack of concern for Goyle's vomiting and coughing up blood that that circle of people had no idea what that vial would do. I was really surprised when Pansy made an appearance as well. Is Draco involved in this at all, I wonder? If this little group is trying to resurrect something similar to the Death Eaters under Voldemort's rule, maybe? I wonder who the leader is...
I enjoyed the little inclusion of the Next Gen kids too. You've written them very well here, at least Molly, Rose, and Albus. You've given us a bit of their personalities in the little that they're included in this chapter and I can't wait to see them explored fully.
There were a few suggestions I wanted to point out. I hope you don't mind! I would try to read through your chapter because at some points your repetition of 'the man' or 'the cloaked figure' made it a bit hard to follow which character you were talking about. I know it's hard when you're trying not to reveal the identity of your character but it made the flow seem a bit awkward sometimes. For example: The man that had been following the man that had fallen - the repetition of 'the man that had' just seems a bit of a mouthful, I guess. I think your best bet would to stay consistent so rather than saying 'the man that had fallen' you could say 'the cloaked figure' to stay with how you'd been referring to him throughout that section of the story. It's just a suggestion, though, like all of my comments, so you don't necessarily need to pay them any mind. :)
Also, "Its stone floor of the was covered in big dark puddles that splashed dirty water whenever one of the men stepped in them." - 'of the' seems to be unnecessary in this sentence, unless you're missing a word like 'street' or whatnot. And, "Some were gasping, other whispering" - other should be others.
You're definitely keeping this story pretty fast paced and it's all very exciting! I just want to keep reading and reading to find out what's going to happen with all those patients, how this disease will progress and spread, and what role do the Next Gen kids play in it! Report Review
So, I was going to pick one of your lesser reviewed stories but the summary really drew me to this story first. Well, the summary and your gorgeous banner, of course. ;)
It seems like a cop out to review your short prologue, because it's only the beginning of what seems like a fantastical tale just waiting to be told. I might just continue reading and reviewing and then you'll have even more reviews to answer! Not that that's a bad thing...
I love your description in this, very detailed and vivid. The section headings make me think of those movies where they type the year and location when they jump time. It works really well here. The sharp contrast between 2004 and 2024 is wonderful. I can picture a young Dr. Solovyov, beautiful in his youth, at an institute close to failing. It seems kind of ironic that once he receives the funding to continue his research that he ages so quickly. You'd think being stressed prior to lack of funding would make him more weary. But then you realize what he's been doing - sort of. Concocting some sort of potion that this unknown man wants desperately enough to kill for. We kind of get an idea of what the vial contains, simply from your summary, but the intrigue of it all - who this man is, if the contents of the vial are actually ready, what he's going to do with it - it really makes the readers desperate to know more, to continue reading to find out what happens.
Dr. Solovyov's attempts to keep the vial from the man make me curious if he really was just worried about it not being ready, or if there was something else that kept him from wanting the contents to fall into this man's hands.
One minor correction. You wrote: "You have been given enough time already" the cloaked man hissed - there should be a comma following 'already.' Otherwise, your betas have done a fabulous job. I love well-written stories. ^-^
I've been meaning to check your stories out for a while now, and getting you to your 100th unanswered review seems like good enough motivation. I'm going to try to get through a few more chapters tonight - I'm really curious as to what's going to happen next! I love these types of stories, so very different from the usual rom-com junk you find on the archives nowadays. Very refreshing and nicely done! Report Review
Hey, this is Beeezie, here with your review!
First, a few quick mechanical notes:
- The third paragraph (starting "Behind the desk") - he was sleeping in the chair, not on it.
- The fifth paragraph (starting "He petted the owl") - he turned the envelope over, not just turned the envelope.
- The twelfth paragraph from the bottom (starting "You have been given") - there should be a comma after "already".
- The fourth paragraph from the bottom (starting "After twenty years") - I would say that Solovyov wanted to argue or started to argue, not went to argue.
- Toward the end, the cloaked figure summons the flask, which moves to his right hand, but then Solovyov tries to reach it before the man can grab it. I was a little confused there about the sequence of events.
Those are all really minor, of course, but I thought I'd point them out. :)
Beyond the tiny mechanical things - I'm really intrigued! I love epidemiology, so I foresee myself really enjoying this story!
This was an excellent prologue. It provided enough information to give me an idea of what is going to follow while still leaving me with plenty of questions. Right now, I'm wondering who the cloaked figure was, what the flask is supposed to do, and whether the disease is engineered to strike purebloods or whether it was meant to go after muggleborns but backfires. (Also, what makes muggleborns immune, and where halfbloods fit into the picture!) It's well-written and a really terrific idea, and I can't wait to read more of it! Report Review
THIS IS SO GOOD!
The whole story is so sad but good at once. is it by any chance inspired by the declaration trilogy (namely the legacy???) coz if so I LOVE THOSE BOOKS! :) Report Review
Such an interesting and original idea for a story - always thought that. Your grammar and spelling etc has improved so, so much since the beginning, which I find brilliant. At least I find myself easily disturbed from the story if the text is incorrect. I love the plot anyway, I reckon it's worth being nominated to the Dobby Awards, too bad I haven't got an account over there at the forums! Report Review
This definitely captures my attention. It's a great leading chapter, and certainly makes me wonder about what the extra instructions were. It makes me want to keep reading. I like the air of mystery you've created about the whole project and the people involved. It's great!
~LilyFire Report Review
I really like this! Really interesting idea. However, its seeming a little slow. I get the different perspectives but since most of the characters are not developed enough, it is difficult to empathize with the characters suffering from the disease. Perhaps I'm only whining because the story really is only just beginning and i quite like the idea.
Regardless, cant wait for the update!
Cheers em Report Review
Wow! This story is A-MAZ-ING!!! I've read the whole thing in about half an hour while the rest of my friends watch TV- that's how good it is, I can't even pull myself away for david tennant! 10/10 and please update asap Report Review
Remembering what was said in the summary of the story, and then reading along in the story, around chapter 6 or 7, I began realizing that all of the named patients, weren't at all Muggleborn.
Good writing, a few grammatical errors, but who doesn't have them?
Next update please(: Report Review
The cure, Muggleborn blood?
Good twist! Report Review
Poor Blaise, he always gets to be the bad guy in fanfic, it seems!
LOL Report Review
And it just keeps getting worse! hehe
Poor Scorpius... Report Review
Good ploy with the politicians lying and covering things up. Entirely believable. Good character captures with Ginny, James, and Albus. That was a great part where she ordered him to leave. Report Review
"Shut up, Pansy!"
Probably one of the best lines ever!
I like where the story is going and the effects that it has.
Good plot building. Report Review
Sorry I've not R/R'd in a while!
The story just keeps getting better and better. I especially like how the character of Rose is turning out, and a great cliffhanger of an ending! Report Review
well its about time. Welcome back. I do hope we get a quick update. Im curious as to what Hermione's idea is. Will both the muggle and wizard world work together.
I can't understand, since I don't remember, why the person who unleashed this havoc would want to eliminate all pure-bloods? is it to eliminate prejudice? Report Review
The plot is really just above anything I've read in a while because it's so different and yet I can relate t all of your very well written characters. it's incredible how close I feel to some of these characters who I hadn't even read just an hour or two ago. Your description and the way the words just sort of rise and fall from the screen... oh it's just beautiful! I am in love with your writing and the description is incredible!
Once again, I can't wait for the next chapter,
-ginger Report Review
This was yet another great chappie, and I would be so scared to go to Russia if I were Rose! it's getting better and better and it's really quite an interesting you are weaving because I've never read anything like it before and am really surprised by how much I like it considering how I usually tend to stay away from medical stories. I did notice a few things in the story about how the reporters acted that crossed my mind as a wee bit odd, but now that I've been over them a few times mentally, I could say that they weren't really anything to worry about since they make sense and all.
I can't wait for more,
-ginger Report Review
oooh! You've really got an interesting characterization of Rose, and I love how she is portrayed in this as a bit more laid back than other Roses I've read. The writing in this is incredible, and I can't wait for more! (I feel horrible for leaving you with such short reviews when this has brought so much to my mind, but I can't find a way to put everything that I'm feeling right now about what is happening in words, other than you are totally rocking this! It's fantastic and other than a few wee things in the dialogue here or there, I don't see much else to say about it! :D)
See you in Chapter 3.
-ginger Report Review
Wow, this has a really intriguing sense of mystery enveloped in it's breathtaking writing that I haven't seen elsewhere very often, and I truly enjoyed reading this! I can't wait for more and will be moving on right away! It's fantastic, and really made me wonder what exactly is going on. Great job, and congrats on 6K reads! :)
-ginger Report Review
This is really intretuing. Please update soon. Xx Report Review
This story has a very different writing style to it than most others that I've read, and that really drew my attention. I loved how you used description to set the stage, but weren't too overabundant with it. I wish you would have described the institute and the other people who may have been there more, but that's just me. You have a refreshingly different voice and I'm very glad I stumbled upon this story! Report Review
I can honestly say that this is one of the best stories I've ever read! And one of the few I actually follow! I'm so glad you wrote this, it's so original! I love originality lol. It's always exciting, the pace is so quick, there's always stuff happening - I love that! Lol. Longing for an update! Report Review
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