really enjoying this story still very well writenAuthor's Response: Oh, I love flattery! I certainly hope you'll read more. Report Review
poor rose but i am sure she will be glad laterAuthor's Response: Yes, but every story needs conflict. It's what builds a good story! Report Review
really enjoyed your first chapterAuthor's Response: I'm glad! I hope you'll read more! Report Review
Ooh, glad to see I get to figure out what's up with this Arcane ScoRA thing. I was most definitely curious about that.
I like to see that Rose is coming to terms with her Ravenclaw-ness. I hate to see her so depressed.
And Moaning Myrtle! I'm happy to see her back, too. It's nice when Next Generation fics remember Myrtle.
I like the Trio-esque thing we've got going on right now. I think I said that before. It's really great that these three are going to have adventures galore while at Hogwarts, just like the first Trio did before them. I'm excited to read about it, really.
Aha, the Arcane ScoRA. I love how they came up with that. Clever.
Again, this is a great chapter - I don't say much more than that, and for that I apologize, but I do love to read this novel - you're a great writer. I've got so little to say because there's so little that I can nitpick. There's nothing for me to nitpick, honestly.
Great job with this story - feel free to rerequest again if you would like, when I have another open spot.
-Paige.Author's Response: Well, I'm glad you like it and I hope you won't mind me rerequesting more chapters! Report Review
Hello again! Still juggling research papers and writing reviews... still finding your story a bit more interesting. I digress.
"So far, you father and I haven’t gotten a letter from the school or from Dominique, so we can assume you haven’t gotten into trouble yet. That already gives you a better school record than your brother, and possibly even your father and I!"
Funny little quip from this chapter. It made me chuckle.
I feel horrible for Rose - you're really capturing her pain well, and it's making me so sad for the poor girl!
I love the world you've created for your Next Generation characters - it's so complete and three-dimensional. That's an excellent quality to have for a story!
And I'm glad Scorpius, Albus, and Rose are going to become our new Ron, Harry, and Hermione. Thank goodness!
As usual, you're a great writer, and this is an excellent chapter. I want to continue on with a really long review, but I'm afraid I just don't have the time to babble.
-Paige.Author's Response: Well, I hope it's not going to be too similar to the Trio in the first stories. I hope later stories will show it. Report Review
I'm juggling a research paper with reviewing your story, and I must say, your story is much more interesting than the life of Marie Antoinette - which, in all honesty, says a lot, for I find her to be insanely interesting.
Your chapters are so good! You're an excellent writer. I love that Albus is your main character right now - he's the cutest ever. And I love that you stay so canon and realistic!
One thing about this chapter that did kind of bother me - I don't like Fred and James' reaction to Rose being in a House other than Ravenclaw... they're kind of being jerks about it. I know that the two boys are usually jerks, but I don't see this being very Weasley-like.
Other than that, this was a good chapter - enjoyable and amusing.
-Paige.Author's Response: I tend to see James as more of the antaganist in this arrangement, taking more after his namesakes than the Weasley twins.
Fred can be described as the more lighthearted and jovial of the two, but one of his faults is can be easily talked into things by James, and he often regrets it later.
And I just came up with a brand new characterization from that question! Thank you! Report Review
I love Sorting chapters. So many people, myself included, jump into the later years at Hogwarts and skip this age all together - I do it because I don't think I could accurately write an eleven year old, no matter how hard I tried - but I really love reading about the kids and their nervous little thoughts as they prepare to be sorted. I can only imagine how nervewracking it would be.
I like that you included a Sorting Hat song, as well. Only some of the best writers can compose such a thing - especially a lengthy one - when they're used to writing novels instead of poetry. Did you write it yourself? If so, bravo. If not, it's an excellent piece nonetheless. :D
I believe the overload of names being sorted was just that... an overload. There are so many of them that it almost seems like an unnecessary detail. Details are nice, but it's very list-y and repetitive - and a little boring. To be perfectly honest, I just scrolled through them all.
Oh, and thank goodness Albus is Gryffindor - I can't help it, but I can't see him anywhere else. Rose, yes, but Albus - no. And I'm also glad he yelled at James! That was awesome!
I had a feeling you would place Rose in Ravenclaw. Gutsy move, really; so many people are irked whenever authors place Rose in a house other than Gryffindor, but I think it's a nice change of pace.
This was, like the first, a good chapter - you seem to write very long chapters, and I wonder if, perhaps, that could potentially be a bad thing in the future. If not enough happens in every chapter to meet with your length, your reader could get a little bored/exhausted. Still a good chapter though, I enjoyed it!
-Paige.Author's Response: I suppose with the long list of names, I was trying to imitate the style of J.K. writing the first Sorting scene. Remember, she named just about everyone, and it paid off later because each of the got some shred of character development.
And since I plan on writing sequels, they will get development as well.
And for the Sorting, I wanted to do something unexpected, and I'm glad I succeeded. Report Review
Hello there! ilharrypotter/polkadot from the forums with the first of your requested reviews.
I can tell you right away that this story looks unbelievably unique. I've never seen something quite like this - there are millions of Next Generation stories filling the archives recently, not that that's a bad thing, but to see a Next Generation story that isn't focusing on Albus or James falling in love? I'm already intrigued. (Not that Albus/OC and James/OC stories aren't some of my favorite things to read, but I digress.)
I notice immediately that you've got a good sense of grammar and such. Definitely going to keep me reading - even though I'm obligated to read anyway. I won't be annoyed while reading, though, so that's a plus. :P hehe.
Aha, the Victoire and Dom thing there made me chuckle. I'm glad you are trying to acknowledge all of the different cousins and such, and not all at once - sometimes, people ignore them completely, and sometimes, people try to overwhelm the reader with all of the cousins at once. Both methods make my head hurt a little bit.
James would be the one to explode over something like this - I like that you acknowledge he's taking after Ron, not just acting like this is James and he's like this for no reason whatsoever. It's nice to actually acknowledge and explain things.
I look forward to the rest of this story - I've got nothing to tell you to improve, so keep writing as well as this chapter has been written and I hopefully won't have anything negative to say in the future! It was a very enjoyable chapter, if not the genre/style that I usually find entertaining, and I expect the rest of the story will follow suit. :)
-Paige.Author's Response: Yes, I am noticing that all the stories involving the next generation as teenagers, while completely ignoring their childhoods.
I'm glad this story is unique in that aspect, but also kind of sad that such a simple idea is really so unique. Report Review
Good story, I truly enjoyed it.
RiverAuthor's Response: I'm glad! I hope you'll read the sequel too. Report Review
This was AMAZING!
I adored everything about this chapter. Your action scenes were fantastic. So many people try to right scenes like this and can't really pull it off, but you did a wonderful job.
I know I said the last chapeter was my favorite, but this one definitely tops that! Your characters are starting to develop, and I was so glad to Scorpius apologizing, because I love him. Now I just hope Rose gets out of her funk, and things will be jolly good.
Your writing is really great. I don't know if I mentioned that before, but you're a fantastic writer. There are very few mistakes, which is great as a reader and particularly a reviewer. It's fun to read, and most importantly it's an enjoyable read!
Keep up the great work, and feel free to request the next two chapters!
Kristen=]Author's Response: Wow, an ego always loves to be stroked. Thanks for the kind words! Report Review
Hello there, krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review. Sorry it's taken so long, but I'm here now!
I think this was my favorite chapter so far. I loved getting to know the new teachers and "re-meeting" the old ones. I thought you did a really great job of charactarizing them, and they're all a bit different from each other, but totally relatable as a student.
I'm a little concerned about your characterization of Rose. I feel like she has a lot of Hermione in her, but no Ron. And that's okay, but she is concerned about not pleasing Ron, so that's a little weird to me. I know you've already finished this story and are on to your next one, but that's something that really sticks out at me.
I adore your Albus, I honestly can't say that enough. He's cute and innocent and he doesn't know what Mudblood actually means, and I just like him alot. I wish he was friends with the other boys, because I want him to have friends! He's the kind of kid that I would want to take under my wing and help him out. Great job!
I'm still not quite sure where your story is going. I kind of thought it was going to be a ScoRose but I'm not totally sure. I thought Albus and Scorpius were going to be friends, but now I don't think that.
I think that you're doing a great job here, and I can't wait to read the next chapter. See you there!
Kristen=]Author's Response: I'm glad you like the story, but with kids who are 11 years old, I'm not even going to touch the relationship button. Report Review
I am really enjoying your story, and you just hit a nerve. My birthday is the 24th, I totally understand that last line I have never had a birthday party in my life. Its ok really, I am way to old to care anymore.Author's Response: Well, I hope you'll read further and leave more reviews, but I'm glad you like it! Report Review
Aww! poor rose. Shes just like Hermione ,but Hermione"s in griffendor. Good work :DAuthor's Response: Yes, poor Rose! Report Review
Hey it's Liberty from my review thread on the forums!
Sorry it's taken me quite a bit to get to reviewing this!
This will be formatted like my previous review, I find it a bit easier to do that with the longer chapters I get rather than my usual way.
Characters! I'm glad Albus is breaking out of his shell a bit. He doesn't strike me as someone to remain antisocial forever. Ginny's letter was wonderful! There were so many references to canon information, I'm just smiling with glee now! So we didn't see Rose in the last chapter really, so I'm glad we caught a glimpse of her right off the bat. I love her reaction to the letter, though it was sad. The new "Golden Trio" is brilliant because it's with people completely unrelated to the original. However, I would've loved it if you'd elaborated a bit more on Albus's feelings about that. Scorpius's apology was great, as was Albus's thoughts about just listening to the emotion rather than the words. It was a deeper look into both of their characters. The comment about Maris Bletchley being inbred was hilarious, I literally laughed out loud. Scorpius is really shaping out to be funny, especially with his whole comment about Pureblood being the other other white meat. This chapter really reinforces Rose being sorted into Ravenclaw, though she was brave as well. Albus's actions with Maris supported him being in Gryffindor, but his reluctance to hop on the broom, while understandable because he doesn't know how to ride it, diminished that a bit. Scorpius has yet to show why he'd in Slytherin, though he certainly acted brave, even if he ran away ahead of Albus earlier in the chapter.
Plot! I absolutely do not get how Rose's answer to the riddle was any better than the others Albus and Scorpius proposed, I feel like a fail of a 'Claw. I love the addition of passageways to classrooms just for Ravenclaw students. There's definitely a plot in this chapter! Albeit short-lived as it is already resolved. I'm still waiting for the main plot that will eventually be resolved at the end of this great saga. The small plot here, though, was a great introduction to the adventure to come. Diving head first into the main adventure could prove disastrous and unrealistic if the three had never worked together before.
Perception of the future? I will look out for some sort of response from you explaining to me what you mean by this...until then, what I feel you are foreshadowing! So I'm expecting teachers to burst in any moment and award house points and detention, similar to when Ron and Harry saved Hermione from that troll. I'm feeling that this experience with the Erkling will serve to bond them all together, and since Albus and Scorpius have resolved their whole conflict over the "mudblood" thing, I'm sure they will have a friendship to rival the original Golden Trio. This erkling incident is very similar to the troll one in the original trio's first year, though the situation in which it came was a bit different. I'm very interested as to where Maris Bletchley will show up again in this story, as she was the victim. Hopefully she won't become some ungrateful antagonist, I would hate that. I'd prefer her to become some sort of ally. And I would also like her to show up at some point, if only to give some amount of gratitude to her saviours.
To just ramble on about anything else that doesn't fit in the above categories... Congratulations, I didn't notice any typos or grammar errors in this chapter. This chapter also kept me enthralled throughout it. Some previous chapters did get quite boring at parts.
I hope this review was helpful!
Feel free to re-request on my review thread!
Liberty (libby103)Author's Response: Well, there is a fine line between bravery and stupidity. And I like to think Albus has just a tad more self-preservation instinct than his had ever did.
Like I said, fine line.
I know that it may seem a little similar to the Erkling (even if Rose was much more badass than her mother was), but I'm hoping the next few chapters will set them apart from the original books, so I may go off to request more reviews. Report Review
Hey! It's Liberty from my review thread on the forums!
I'm so very sorry that it's been taking me forever to get here!
So, just to go down the list of things you wanted me to review on in specifics.
Characters! Albus's issues with all the Gryffindor boys is very amusing! Your description of Herboogy was great, however, Neville never struck me as one to tell stories of his own achievements, such as beheading Nagini. He seems more likely to tell about how other people contributed to the effort, rather than himself. Professor Branstone sounded a bit like a blunter Umbridge. The Hufflepuffs in her class sounded like diligent Ravenclaws. Those Ravenclaw girls were horrid to Rose! I would love some indication to who Freya's parents were, so as to understand who would call a war hero a snotty know-it-all. James and Fred don't seem like the type to be easily scared, even by a terrifying creature, so that part where Albus tells them they'll need their dragon-hide gloves was a bit strange. I mean, they're Gryffindors, and look at their heritage! Fred and George would experiment with all sorts of dangerous stuff in their rooms and Harry went with a Hippogriff despite being scared out of his wits! Also, I didn't quite understand why Albus was offended. Albus's surprise at Scorpius seeing Rose in Charms seemed unnecessary. I hate that Scorpius used the term "mudblood" though it's understandable with his heritage. While I understand it's in character for him to say it, Albus was hardly going on about Hermione, he only made one offhand comment about her to set Scorpius off. That little tidbit with Victoire was darling.
Plot! There is a bit more excitement in this chapter, especially with the Chipurfles-kinda silly name there, but it only adds to the humour of the event. However, nothing has really happened to keep the reader emotionally invested and motivated to keep reading.
Perception of the future? I'm just going to assume you want me to tell you what I think you're foreshadowing with the series of events and your writing... It's obvious that Albus, Rose, and Scorpius all hold some contempt for their housemates, paired with your summary, they'll obviously be pushed together on an adventure soon enough. I'm going to predict that the adventure will be very rocky as these three students, especially Rose and Albus towards Scorpius, are a bit contemptuous of each other as well.
Now to ramble on about everything else that comes to mind as I read the story. There were a couple of errors I spotted, I won't mention them because I've already forgotten where I spotted them and forgot to copy and paste them down here. On the other hand, good job on your chapter's length! Hardly anyone packs as much into a chapter! It's a bit harder to review, but it's much more satisfying. The only problem with that is by the time that I read Maddox's reference to the Care of Magical Creatures Class's outcome, I'd already forgotten about the dragon-hide gloves and snarling crate!
I hope this review helped!
LibertyAuthor's Response: As far as Neville goes, it could be a character development, after so many students begging for details. And a truly good teacher will do anything to reach children and make them interested in their topic.
Professor Branstone: Well, she is Head of Hufflepuff House, so her students have special incentive to be good in her class. She has a much easier time of making their lives miserable than any of the other teachers.
As for Freya, her father you might look at and say, 'Oh yeah! Roger Davis!' Freya's mother is likely an unnamed Ravenclaw or Slytherin, but I haven't figured out the details. I actually created Freya and her little clique as an allusion to the goddess, Freya, and her three handmaidens.
It was just really good luck that Freya turns out to be a pretty popular name in Britain!
And for magical creatures, I don't know anyone who is so brave that they wouldn't become squimish around some sort of dangerous creature.
But I'm glad you're liking the story...I think... Report Review
Plot: So a brilliant plot, a lovely twist with the chizpurfles, and also with Scorp calling Hermione a mudblood and Albus and him having a fight, I think that was a very good idea. Also, I like that you've still left Rose all depressed with no friends, (even though I feel sorry for her) :( as it makes it more realistic that she would get no friends if she was like that.
Characterisation: VERY good, as always. Although I think Professor Vhartan breaks a little from the realism, I think she's good to be included, and perhaps she'll develop and get more realistic, later in the story.
Presence of cliches: None so far. Honestly, I don't think you need to worry about it :)
Believability rating: 10/10
Entertainment:Same as before, although I really LOVED how you got Maddox (who I'm not actually clear as to who he/she is) to say about the Gryffindor and the Slytherin hugging each other, I think that was really realistic and funny :)
Anything Else: Nothing except this story is really good :)
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x x x x x xAuthor's Response: Wow, I'm glad you're liking it so much. But to answer, Maddox is a boy. It really wasn't clear enough that he was a guy? I never once refered to him as a 'he'? Now I need to go back and read to make sure. Report Review
Hey! Wowowowow this one was so good!
Plot: AHH! I'm so glad Al got in to Gryffindor (but it would have been good if Scorp had too... but that's just me) BUT ROSE! AH! THATS SUCH A GREAT STORYLINE WOWOWOW! Which leads me on to characterisation.
Characterisation:Everyone's reaction to Rose's sorting outcome was FANTASTIC. I love that you got all the Ravenclaws to cheer, and then Rose was silent, stock still on the chair. However, I think it maybe would have been better and more realistic for Rose to be falsely happy or something? Like, for her to smile and stuff, but with tears in her eyes and keeping sneaking looks to the Gryffindor table instead of just sulking. But overall, it was great.
Presence of Cliches: None that I could see, although when you wrote down what Hagrid and Prof. Longbottom (that sounds SO weird - I'm always tempted to call him Neville!) it seemed a little too similar to the books. I think you should rewrite those bits to make it more original. Although speaking of originality, I was really impressed with your sorting hat's speech :D
Believability Rating: 10/10
Entertainment:Very entertaining, shocking but entertaining, again it didn't make me laugh as such, but again, it didn't need it and it was less cliche without it.
Anything else:BRILLIANT!! AH!! 9/10, but 10/10 if you fix the things I said before :)
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x x xAuthor's Response: I don't know if at the age of eleven, kids really have the capacity to fake happiness. Don't you remember when you were that age and your parents needed to poke you in the ribs to say thank you when you got clothes as a present. Report Review
Hey! Tis NeverGotHerLetter from the forums here, with your requested review!
Now, I'll go through all the stuff that you put as areas of concern in order of what you put them. So here we go!:
Plot - The plot seems good at the moment! I like the continuation of the feud between the Malfoy's and the Weasley's, and I like that you especially mentioned that Ron basically carried it on. Also, First Year Next Gens, very good to see, and I like how you made Scorpius alone at the beginning. Probably because he's a Malfoy, am I right?
Characterisation: Now, I would say this is brilliant characterisation! I think that you may have made Scorpius a little too similar to Draco, and Rose too similar to Hermione at their respective ages, but maybe you meant to do that, I don't know. Can I just say that your characterisation of James and Fred is point perfect, i love it, and I also like it of Victoire too, so overall, well done :) (Oh and also, I liked the scene with the Prefect, pushing Rose and Albus in to the compartment with Scorpius, very good)
Presence of Cliches: I haven't seen any cliches so far, so good job! :D
Believability rating: 10 so far.
Entertainment: Maybe you could add more humour, as it didn't make me laugh, but I enjoyed it, and thought it was really well written with a good storyline, so it didn't really need to be funny as such. I think it's better and less cliche with not having much humour, rather than trying to add as much humour as possible, left right and centre, so you don't need it.
Anything else: Well honestly, I really like your thinking of the Next Gens so far, and so am off to gladly read the next chapter! yay!! 9/10 (so far) :)
~NeverGotHerLetter x x x x x x xAuthor's Response: I'm glad you're loving the story so much. This is the second story I ever wrote (the first being Harry Potter and the Skat-Hatokha Reaction).
I'm a little sad to think you see Scorpius and Rose as Mini-Me's of their parents, but I'm hoping it's just because this is the first chapter and they'll start to develop into their own persons in the next few chapters.
Hmm, there are some humor moments later in the story, but this really isn't going to be a laugh out loud story. There may be some humor moments, but your guts aren't going to be bursting. Report Review
I like the family dynamics in this chapter as well. You do a good job characterizing everyone distinctly, though that does make for a long chapter. It's interesting that Charlie now has a wife and kids, and a big surprise. I've always seen Charlie as the perpetual bachelor.
I didn't pick out any spelling/grammar mistakes or typos in this chapter so good job there.
One more thing, while I don't mind reading and reviewing this story, I think I might want to take a little break. If you want to request reviews for another story when I open the thread up that's fine, but maybe wait a few days before requesting some for this. Sorry. =]Author's Response: No worries. I'll put off requesting more reviews for a while. Report Review
While I love all the family interactions in this chapter, I wonder if the incident with Maddox would best be moved to the chapter before. While I did enjoy the chapter, as well as Neville's stories, I feel like the story could use some more action. Things seem to be going a bit slowly right now.
I did find on typo: "Albus had to admit to himself that his Herbology teacher still had any stories left to tell at this point. " Well, I guess it's not really a typo, more of a inconsistency. Just reread that sentence and edit it so that it makes more sense.Author's Response: I'll make sure to fix the typos as soon as the queue time goes down. Report Review
Hello again. Sorry it's taken so long to get to this review.
This chapter is rather interesting. It's nice to see Rose adjusting to her Ravenclaw-ness. (If that's what you'd call it.) I think it's funny that she really doesn't like Maddox.
As for the whole business with the wands, it seems very interesting. I have to wonder what the significance of it is since the "Wand of MacArt" is part of the title, perhaps a bit of foreshadowing?
Anyways, I'm off to review the next chapters. Hopefully some insight about the nature of the magical creature attacks will appear soon.Author's Response: Yes, this chapter is guilty of foreshadowing. Wands are going to play a big theme in this story. Report Review
Hello there! Another great chapter!
First of all, I adored your Sorting Hat song! So often people just toss something together and don't really think about it, but yours was well written and had fantastic rhymes and I could really tell that you put effort into it.
I could actually feel Rose's heart break when she was put into Ravenclaw. I just wanted to scoop her up and hug her adn tell her everything was going to be alright. You're details were just right so that her pain was palpable.
I was a bit surprised when Albus got put into Gryffindor, just because I didn't think that he was going to end up there. This is NOT a critiscism! I just thought that the way you were writing things, he'd end up wherever Malfoy ended up, which I honestly thought might be Hufflepuff.
I think you're doing a really great job. I'm not quite sure where it's going, but that's okay. You're only in chapter 2, after all, and you seem to really know what you're writing towards, which is good.
You definitely have a TON of potential. You're a great writer, and your writing is enjoyable.
Feel free to re-request with the next two chapters!
Kristen=]Author's Response: Thank you for your words on the Sorting Song (everyone seems to like it for some reason), and right now, I'm trying to work on the song for year two. Not as easy as I remember. I need to keep studying the books. Report Review
Hello there, krissyanne426 from the forums here with your requested review!
I thought this was really great! It's rather just an introductory chapter, it seems to me, but I like what you've done.
I really liked your characters, especially Rose, Scorpius, and Albus. It's so easy to make them cliched, and I don't think you did. Particularly with Albus. He was adorably awkward and I loved him!
I also liked how headstrong Rose was in her determination of staying in the compartment with Scorpius. I thought it was a really good indication of how great of a person she could be.
I can't wait to see where your story goes, because this seems like it has a lot of potential. Great job. See you in the next chapter!
Kristen=]Author's Response: Yeah, so many people try to make Albus this superhuman being, but I never saw any of that in the Epilogue. I did see him as a shy, rather awkward kid, and that's how I try to write him. Report Review
Again, a pretty good chapter. While there is still a lot of action, I do feel that things are slowing down. When you have a magical creature attack every single chapter, it gets repetitive. Also, wouldn't people be starting to notice?
Anyways, Jocelyn seems like a perfectly awful character. She does seem like the perfect Slytherin, and all the more awful and catty for being a girl. I was surprised to learn that she was Scorpius's cousin though.
I wasn't able to see any spelling grammar errors, so good job there. :)Author's Response: There actually won't be another magical creature attacking the school until chapter eleven, so I hope if there aren't any sightings until then, it won't get too repetative. And yes, the teachers were very aware there was an Erkling in the school when they found it's splattered remains on the school courtyard, and the massive swarm of Doxies led them to believe this all could be quite serious. Report Review
This chapter is interesting as well. I like how you characterize Moaning Myrtle, she's like I imagined in the books-slightly crazy, but also still a little kid. Her excitement is a great addition.
I also like how impromptu the formation of the "society" was. I was wondering how the title was going to come into play. And I"m still wondering what the "Wand of MacArt" is :)
I have to wonder though, would Albus be able to think up something like "ScoRA" so quickly? To me it seems a bit complicated to be thought up on the spot.
One nitpicky thing: "He knew as a law of physics that girls were much neater than boys were" I don't see how girls being neater than boys is a law of phyics... do you mean a law of life, or of nature?Author's Response: I'm glad you like the idea of Myrtle being give a bigger part in this story. You'll be seeing a lot more of her in chapters to come. Report Review
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