Reading Reviews for Cause now I'm DEAD
  
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PinkTori13 Cause now I'm DEAD

10th April 2011:
I wish you wouldve writen more about this. Its so good that it makes me want to read more :) Excellent job!

Author's Response: Thank you for your review.
Definatly a nice way to start the day.
Lollie :D


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Review #2, by ShannonisObssesed Cause now I'm DEAD

14th October 2009:
i loved that it was so good . . . it was lily right?

Author's Response: Thank you for your review.
Yes, it was Lily (II).
I might go back and edit this story at some point as there are parts of it that bug me slightly.
Lollie :D


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Review #3, by Veela_is_me Cause now I'm DEAD

4th February 2009:
wow that was different
but i liked it :)
so the mains person in the story was lily not rose and she killed herself because she was depressed and didn't want to face the fact that scorpius like rose and not her? is that right?
i was a bit confusing but i read it again and i thought it was very good :)
Veela_is_me

Author's Response: Thanks for your review.
Yes the main person was Lily.
I might try and edit it to make it easier to understnad becuase a few people have said the same thing as you.
Lollie :D


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Review #4, by Emilie Cause now I'm DEAD

1st December 2008:
This stroy was sad :'(

Author's Response: Thanks for your review. Yeah, i decided to do a sad story because most of mine are happy ones.
Lollie :D


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Review #5, by Dras Leona Cause now I'm DEAD

21st October 2008:
I thought it was Rose for the whole story!!! You completely shocked me. I think of Rose as having red hair, not brown, so it never would have even occurred to me that it was Lily. I love the fact that it did surprise me, thought. I was like, "Wow!" at the end.

I think you could have phrased the bit where Scorpius came in a bit differently. It would have made more of an impact on me if he he had shown more emotion that just gasping. I would love to see if he was broken by it, or if he regretted it. Even better if he was indifferent and cold-hearted towards her death. I'm a sucker for endings like that, where you know the character should feel guilty, but they don't. It would make Lily's death so pointless, 'cause she wouldn't have taught Scorp anything, and she may as well have never existed.

There were a few sentences that sounded awkwardly phrased to me. "She then got a sliver safety pin from her jeans" sounds strange to me. I'm not a grammar expert, so maybe I'm wrong, but I think it would make more sense to say: Then she got a silver safety pin out of her pocket. Or something like that maybe? And I think you meant "silver", not "sliver". Typo?

I love your song to bits. It's slightly more direct than the story, and the message is very clear in the song, so that enhances the impact of the story.

Sorry for the overly long review. I didn't expect it to get this long.

Author's Response: Wow a long review. I tried to make it shock people at the end. I'll go and fix up the mistakes soon. i might even change Scorps reaction a bit. i'm really happy you like the song. I always try to write songs others will enjoy.
lollie :D


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