Reading Reviews for Behind These Eyes
  
15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by peace2lovepotter Behind These Eyes

29th August 2011:
Hey! I'm so sorry I didn't review when I said I would, I was on holiday just checking up on HPFF then I was dragged of the computer :( But anyways. on to the review!!!

This is a very good one-shot, and I loved how much it connects with Seventeen Freckles, and how similar they both are. The words you use are very powerful, and honestly made me stop and think about how Devin must have felt. Just one question. Is Devin older than Ron? It was just one thing I read.

I don't remember seeing any grammar or spelling mistakes, which is a very good thing! You know what I would love? A sequel. Not to this, but to Seventeen Freckles. Just to see what happend to Devin, wether she finally gets Ron, and Lavender is suddenly pushed away. I hope you think about that!

Overall, this was a very good read! Love Livvy x :)

Author's Response: Aw thanks! That sequel will be coming eventually!

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Review #2, by Giola Behind These Eyes

14th July 2011:
Hey, it's Giola here with your requested review.

Alright, I like your concept here.It never really occured to me that someone else, other than Hermione and Lavender would have feelings for wrong, but I suppose it's possibly, especially in his later years. You do a very good job of describing her emotions, you have a good handle there. The characterisation of all of them is good, though you only really get a sense of the main character's personality.

One thing I would watch is your sentence structure. It's generally very nice, but you use mostly long sentences, which gets a little monotonous after awhile. All I can really suggest is reading your writing aloud, it will help you feel where the natural pauses should be.

Overall, very nice story!

-Julia

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

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Review #3, by psychee Behind These Eyes

8th July 2011:
Hello! This is psychee from the forums, leaving the requested review. :) I know it took me ages to finally review this and I'm so sorry but life is just incredibly busy right now and I have a lot of things in my mind. However, I'm glad I finally got to reading and reviewing this wonderful story of yours - it always brings me great joy to read these amazing stories. They just make my day. :)

As you've probably already noticed, I really really enjoyed reading this story. I absolutely loved it. It's everything a one-shot should me - unique, original, well-written, realistic, refreshing. I love Ron, he is one of my favorite Harry Potter characters but I usually tend to stay away from Ron stories because only a few writers manage to write him well and do him justice. You managed to capture the very essence of his little romance with Lavender Brown and I applaud you for that. It was great to read about their short fling through the eyes of another Hogwarts student, who just happens to be completely in love with Ron Weasley. I loved reading about him through this character's eyes, to read about Lavender through her eyes. The bitterness, pain and feelings she has for Ron were all so well written and realistic. I was immersed in the story as I was reading it.

The reader can really feel the feelings that the character is feeling, which is absolutely amazing. Only a very few writers can manage to achieve that.

The description is wonderful as well. It sucks you in and holds you from the first word till the very last. I was hooked from the beginning until the very end and I'm positive that many others were as well.

I'm glad I had the opportunity to read this story. Thank you for requesting a review. I'll make sure to check your other stories out as well. :)

Good luck with your future stories!

10/10

-psychee

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! It made my day to read it!

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Review #4, by Blue Flame Behind These Eyes

7th July 2011:
Heya! Cappie from the forums here with your requested review!

For starters, a bit of ConCrit - I think at some points you switch between past and present tense, which breaks up the flow of the story. Might want to just read through and see about fixing some of that. ^^

Other than that, I think it was good! Angst is always so lovely to write, and I was definitely starting to feel bad for her! Poor gal, having to see someone she likes off with someone else, one of the worst feelings. I think you did a good job of giving us a good look into her thoughts with this one-shot.

I also like it considering it's different, and it's definitely not every day that I read Lavender longing after Ron. Awesome idea! ^^ As well, the fact that at the end is merely her still wanting what she can't have and angst, instead of some happy, Ron coming over to her sort of ending is unique. It's lovely, and I love it because angst/ not totally happy endings are my favorites. =P

All in all, lovely one-shot!
-Caiti

Author's Response: I think I'm a bit confused. The OC isn't Lavender. You can learn more about her in Seventeen Freckles, though. Thanks for the review!

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Review #5, by wit_beyond_measure3 Behind These Eyes

2nd July 2011:
Herro! This is the alter ego of phoenixflames19 (that's my name on the forums)! Here is your review:

Very angst, very good. Interesting that you didn't give your OC a name. I liked that a lot: it added to her feelings of insignificance in Ron's eyes.

I didn't find any major grammatical errors, and the story flowed very nicely. You did a good job peppering live-action scenes into the narrator's thoughts. There was never too much of either one.

You could probably turn this into a short story or something if you felt like it. It would be interesting to play with the idea of names.

All in all, great job!

wbm/pf

Author's Response: I actually just wrote a sequel to it! I was so happy about all the reviews from this one that I couldn't help but use her for another story.

Thank you so much for the review!


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Review #6, by BellaFan202 Behind These Eyes

1st July 2011:
Here's your requested review! :)

That was good. Very teenage agnst. Very good.
I liked it a lot. I thought at first it was Hermione, and I continued to think and until I facepalmed and realized she had black hair and Hermione has brown hair.

The last sentence was my personal favorite, "He would never see the emotion, the feelings, the love behind these eyes." I'm not exactly sure what about that line, but I really do like it.

And, best of all, I didn't find any grammar/spelling/etc. errors, so that's great. :)

10/10
~BellaFan202~
(LiveLaughLoveHarryPotter on the forums)
P.S. Feel free to come back and request anything else! :)

Author's Response: Most people do believe it is Hermione when they read it, but alas it is not her. I've actually fleshed her out a bit more and have written a sequel to this story. She has a name now. :)

Thanks for the review!


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Review #7, by monkiie_business  Behind These Eyes

10th August 2009:
i hav absolutely no idea who this person is
can you tell me???

nywayz it was a really good fanfic
very detailed and refined

Author's Response: The person is an unnamed person. She has no name.

Thanks for the review.


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Review #8, by ohcrapidroppedmybrain Behind These Eyes

21st July 2009:
OOM! Nice story! =]]. For your first time writing angst, it was pretty darn good =]]. Once again, you could clear everything up a little with a little name calling, but the descriptions were awesome. Pretty good considering its a one-shot.

Author's Response: This girl, I can honestly say, doesn't have a name. I never fleshed out more than her obsessive like for Ron. xD Thanks for the review.

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Review #9, by Karkaroff Behind These Eyes

26th October 2008:
Interesting idea and thanks for writing.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review.

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Review #10, by amandatonks Behind These Eyes

23rd October 2008:
Hi! This is amandatonks from the forums!

I enjoyed this story and how you portrayed how Lavendar liking Ron but him not noticing her. Nice descriptions and portrayal of emotions.

One thing I noticed with the grammer was in the last paragraph. You switch tenses from past to present. It is just in one sentence and not anywhere else that I saw.

"I have no idea..." should be "I had no idea" and ect.

Overall a lovely one-shot. The characterization is good as well. Thank you for requesting and giving me a chance to read this! :)

9/10

Author's Response: Thanks for pointing that out to me. You are the first person that has said anything about it. Thanks for the review!

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Review #11, by leaney Behind These Eyes

23rd October 2008:
Wow that was quite impressive. I adore the detail you use to describe everything so simply but spot on. It flows fairly well and I believe that is a very genuine skill to have. It definitely helps because this story is so short. I really feel your characters pain...sitting there having to watch that. I think almost every girl can relate. props. It was enticing and I really want to know more about the charcter =)

-leaney

Author's Response: I know about the relating thing. I'm going through kind of the same thing she is, sadly. This character may appear in a sequel. I'm glad that you liked it. Thanks for the review.

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Review #12, by Lunicle Behind These Eyes

21st October 2008:
Hia, I'm here from the forums as requested!

That was really good!

I LOVE angst, and considering this is your time writing it (according to your A/N), this is remarkable!

I see you have a beta (who incidentally is one of my favourite writers), and I didn't see any mistakes here. :D

This is strange, but I like the lack of dialogue. You really got the feelings across just in the narrative style of this chapter! Also, the identity of the narrator being undisclosed makes me want to read onto the next chapter (unless I'm being incredibly dense and this is a one-shot) to see who she is.

10/10!

Reviewers, unite! Writers, write!

-Luna-

Author's Response: You're not being dense, but it was a one-shot. I'm glad that this was good. I was always scared to write angst because I thought I wouldn't be able to write it well. I may end up writing a sequel, but I haven't decided yet. Thanks for the review.

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Review #13, by Indigo Seas Behind These Eyes

12th October 2008:
Hello! This is Indigo Seas from the forums, here with your review.

Wow that was... wow. I don't think I've ever read a one-shot that captured Hermione in that kind of light. Very unique, so I applaud you for that!

I really enjoyed reading this little fiction. I noticed at the end of it that I hadn't looked away from the screen until it was done, and that is hard thing to do to me! Your words really pulled me in, and your emotions were fantastic. I could really feel what your character was going through.

Even though you only really gave the readers the detail of the girl's dark, long hair, it really gave us a vivid picture of who she was, and what she looked like. It's hard for writers to do that sometimes, but I think you pulled it off quite nicely.

Again, very unique and descriptive. I really, really enjoyed reading this one-shot! Thank you so much for requesting, as this story has made my day. 10/10

Happy Writing,
Indigo

Author's Response: Its actually not Hermione. She is a seventh year Gryffindor and graduated the year of Dumbledore's death.

She, sadly, is one of the older students that we were never told about. Just one of those kids that was overlooked. xD I sound all sad about it. I'm actually really happy we didn't know much about the people older than the trio cause I like to make characters up.

Anyways, I'm rambling. xD I'm glad that you enjoyed this. Thanks for the wonderful review.


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Review #14, by eternalangel Behind These Eyes

12th October 2008:
This was a really nice chapter set up. I thought you did a wonderful job balancing the physical descriptions and the emotional descriptions in this, especially in the scene when she is watching the rain. I loved how you pulled the reader right into your main character and how realistic she feels to the reader. I also found it really interesting that her love interest is Ron who, in the series, didn't get a lot of love. I also really liked how the reader knew it was Ron and Lavender that the main character was obsessing over without ever being told their names. For this to be the first angst story you wrote, it is really good.

So far I don't really have any criticism on this first chapter. I would love to know what happens and so I am adding this to my favorites. Excellent job!

eternalangel

Author's Response: Actually, this was just a one shot, but thanks for adding it to your favorites! I may eventually write up a one-shot about her again. But I dunno yet. Thanks for the review!

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Review #15, by Tom_DracosGirl Behind These Eyes

12th October 2008:
For a first attempt at this kind of thing I think you pulled it off really well! You really got into the emotions of the character and the writing flowed nicely.

I didn't spot any mistakes, and I was too caught up in the story to care if there had been any! Who is the character your writing? It's an interesting idea to hide the identity because it really doesn't matter, it helps the read focus more on the words and emotions of the peice.

Very well written. I enjoyed reading it! 10/10

Author's Response: Your review makes me really happy! Thanks so much for the amazing review! And the character is a made up. xD I never fleshed her out properly, I only wanted one side from here and that's the side I fleshed out. And I never gave her a name, so yeah. xD But this review makes me smile and feel happy, so thanks! =D

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