I was completely breathless at the ending!
Wow, great story, really, terrific!
Finally a good story with the James/OC pairing! I haven't really found any good ones yet other than this!Author's Response: Thank you so much! If there's a need for it, perhaps I'll try to hunt down another plot bunny ;) Report Review
OMG! it was an amazing experience.thanks for this wonderful story. so relaistic, and fresh. and i loved james' portrayal. kudos to u. hats offAuthor's Response: I'm so glad you enjoyed this story! Thanks for the review! :) Report Review
Hmmm. I know there is already chapters after this (That I will read after I write this) But, I have to say, when I saw her name was Mrs. Clapp the first thing to come to mind was Johnny Knoxville :)Author's Response: Haha! I don't really know anything about that. It was just the name that came to me. Thanks for your review, though! Report Review
Omg, I've got like 100 things to do, but still when I found this, I just couldn't stop reading!
This story is wow! Wow, wow, wow! I seriously can't explain how captivated I am by this story, I'm seriously speechless. It made me laugh, gasp, and cry!
Beautifully written! Great job, just pure wow! I could go on and on!
Definitely a fave! 10/10 lol!
XOXO WildFlower!Author's Response: Well, I'm glad that you gave me some of your precious time! :)
I am so happy that you enjoyed it! It's not a story that I expected to get very enthusiastic reviews from because it's fairly unconventional, so I love when it's well received. Thank you so much, WildFlower! :) Report Review
The ending was fabulous. The fact that she dived into the lake and he didn't get to see her resurface was as if he was burying her memory, as if he was accepting that it was the end. I absolutely loved it. Great job!Author's Response: Ooh! I'm so glad that you liked it! I was really proud of my ending. I actually wrote it right after the first chapter, and I was so glad that it all blended together seamlessly. Thank you so much for your review!! :) Report Review
that was so beautiful. i almost cried!! weird thing is my name is rachel and i have strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes. I like freaked out when i read her description. i was like omg! sorry im REALLY hyper right now anyways awesome ending i love james hes like . words cant describe. buh bye!!Author's Response: Thank you so much! This has been one of my favorite stories to write, so I'm glad that you enjoyed it so much. That's such a funny coincidence that you and Rachel are so similar! Thanks for the review :) Report Review
that was an amazing story. not to sound too cheesy, but it is kinda the reason why i use this website haha. great story!Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much! I really appreciate that. I had so much fun writing this story, so it's great to get a review like this. Thank you :) Report Review
this story is amazing, and i swear to it. please write more, or i'll be dearly sad if i don't know what happens next. you are a great author, so keep up the awesome work!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really value your feedback! There's one more chapter on the way as the ending, which I'll probably post once the queue opens again. Report Review
SIRIUS!! You know, I'm not normally a big Marauder's fan, but I was so anticipating him after the last chapter! And then James tackled him! Ok, so that wasn't the most mature behavior ever, but I sorta could relate. Anyhoo.
Not a whole lot happened in this chapter, but the all-important introductions did take place. It was almost like a beginning-of-the-story introductory chapter all over again, but you did have to introduce Sirius.
I thought it absolutely hilarious that Sirius got bowled over by Maggie as well. That seems to be the Lake (I-Forget-the-Name) christening experience. The kayaking was interesting as well . . . it seems like all your characters are always getting wet. And by the way, I thought Sirius' reaction to "THe Exorcist" was great. I've never seen it - never want to see it - and I think my reaction would have been similar.
It's interesting to see how Rachel and James' friendship/relationship/whatever is developing. Specifically, James seems to be giving her more time and prominence in his thoughts (though his sappy grin over Lily that made Sirius retch was hilarious). I do wonder if there is going to be a conflict over Rachel between James and Sirius. It almost seems a given, except that James might keep pulling himself back to Lily.Author's Response: I do love writing Sirius. He's just too much fun to play with. And I kind of think of Sirius and James as those brothers who like to beat each other up for no reason.
Meh. I was afraid of that. I know I'm moving at a snail's pace, but I'm hoping that it's not too, too slow.
It's a lakehouse. They're gonna have to get wet. I'm not really sure what spured "The Exorcist", but it just started coming out of my fingers and I went with it.
Oh, no. Oh, no. I will not be going there. Rachel is not interested in Sirius at all. Rachel is kind of that tomboy who doesn't really realize that boys are interesting until after a long while. She is not attracted to Sirius, and Sirius is not attracted to her. He's too put out by the fact that she's not falling all over his feet. :) Report Review
Hey, I'm not usually a fan of Marauder era stories but I might just have to read this one, I actually live in the state of Michigan and my dad grew up in the Upper Peninsula and I was thrilled when I saw you mention Michigan's Upper Peninsula.Author's Response: Fierce! Well, I hope you enjoy my story then! It's not a typical Marauder story, so that might help. :) Report Review
Yay! Sirius is in this chapter! I like him, he's very fun.
Anyway, great work, as usual. :) 10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! :) Report Review
I have finally arrived! Sorry for the long wait!
Here are my favorite/must comment on parts!
"James Potter was completely sure how he felt about the whole “we’re-going-to-drag-you-somewhere-completely-remote-before-your-last-year-of-school” thing that his parents had gone off on."
-Okay! I love the way you start this story out! You seem to have mastered the whole concept of a 'hook'.
As a random reader, I wouldn't be able to read that paragraph and just stop. I'm far too curious/nosy. So, as long as you keep it up (which you do) I'd end up reading the whole chapter!
"No, James Potter was stuck in a remote town in the woods of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan."
-As a proud Michigander, I had to stop here and inform you that you are speaking to a...proud Michigander! So, on the upside, I'll be able to tell you if your are doing the region justice(hehe) and on the downside...I'll be able to tell you if you're doing the region justice! Aren't you happy that you requested from me? ;) (and I just checked! Apparently you are also from Michigan! *confetti falls on your head*) and I'll apologize in advance. My 'favorite parts section' is going to be huge. Sorry!
"I am spending my summer in a place shaped like a mitten,"
-Good job so far! *giggles*
"Even from upstairs, James knew his father was grinning. “It’s why these Americans are so out-of-control.”"
"He was startled for a moment to hear that the girl was speaking with an American accent before he realized where he was and had to refrain from smacking himself on the forehead."
-Blonde moment! Poor James. ;) It's so fun to think that even I, silly Lucky, have an accent.
"Showtime, thought James, feeling his usual cocky grin spreading across his face. He started to step forward with his usual careless swagger, but the branch he had been holding onto cracked.
Unable to stop himself, he lost his balance and tumbled face first into the water."
-The perfect chapter ending! Honestly, you've got the writing process covered! It made me giggle. :)
So! No I'll cover the standard worries!
Characterization: 10/10. James acted British! And your OC acted American! Obvious things like accents were observed! You rock!
Flow: 10/10 Marvelous. Not to fast, not to slow, good begining, end...and middle!
Grammar: 10/10 Great! I didn't notice any grammar issues!
Length: 10/10 Perfect length for a first chapter and for an avid reviewer!
And your personal worries!
"I'm really worried that I'm spending too much time on background info/pointless moments"
-I disagree. This chapter had a great balance between description/background info and plot advancement. You blended them together nicely! Many authors cannot control infodumps in chapter one, but you did a great job with it. :D
"I enjoy writing it, but I don't know if that's any judge of how much people will enjoy reading it"
-This is just my opinion (then again, the whole review is my opinion) but if you enjoy writing it, that will make the story good. You should make sure that you are writing this story for you. Not for the readers.did that sound odd? I mean...write it the way you want to write it!! So far, that's doing wonders for this story!
Okay! That's all for now. Except, your penname is awesome and the chapter image made me smile. Very Michigan. :P I'd really like to continue this story, so please return to my thread and request chapter 2. Thanks for a great read!
Have a splendiferously fantacular day,
11/10 (1 point extra credit for living in the mitten.) ;)
P.s There's a weird slash mark (/) thing going on around here. Sorry!Author's Response: Ah, I love long fun-to-read reviews :)
I\\\'m going to be honest, this is most self-indulgent story I\\\'ve ever written. All these places are real. Hah. However, Rachel is totally an OC, so I allowed myself to write it, haha.
This isn\\\'t the chapter that I was super worried about for pointless moments. It\\\'s more chapters three and four. But I\\\'m so glad that you enjoyed this first chapter and my sense of humor!
I definitely agree with you about liking the story, but I\\\'m always afraid of becoming too self-indulgent, especially with this particular story.
EnyaL is a genius. Her graphics are always wonderful, and I\\\'m very lucky to have her for this story. I\\\'m glad you like the penname, too! I\\\'m a big fan of alliteration ;)
I will definitely be returning to your thread for chapter two! Thank you so much for your review! I really enjoyed/appreciated it, my fellow Michigander! Report Review
Oohhh the descriptions and stuff in this chapter were so much better than the last... they've really branched out and created a more detailed picture!
I love how you keep connecting her looks with Lily's... it really brings into perspective the emotional turmoil he's going through.
The whole thing with the crawfish was hilarious! I was laughing so hard! Well done!
And the ending! What a cliffie! Though I'm pretty sure I know who it is. :]
I think the scenes you've got in here flow along really well... it really doesn't seem pointless to me at all!
Keep up the good work!
-JillAuthor's Response: Thank you! It\\\'s nice to hear that because it\\\'s another thing that I\\\'ve really been working on.
I\\\'ve really appreciated your reviews! Thank you so much. I\\\'m really glad that you\\\'ve enjoyed it so far :) Report Review
Bahaha awesome!!! I just love the whole connection between them. so cute!
I loved the whole fishing scene! It was really something that helped connect your characters to the story as a whole instead of just seeing them thinking about their feelings. The bit of action with catching the fish really helped bring up the excitement level.
Again, I think the point of your story isn't being lost, but more scenes like that one would really benefit the story... we'll see what happens in the next chapter.
-JillAuthor's Response: Thank you!! I\\\'m always being told that I rush my plot so naturally when I\\\'m trying to take it slow, I assume that I\\\'m moving at an agonzing snail\\\'s pace. Thank you so much for your encouragement! :) Report Review
SO cute! I loved this chapter! You write it well, and the small spats of humor as so wonderful! I got many a chuckle from this!
I really like how you threw the dream in there in the beginning.. however, I feel like his response would be a little more than that... more fearful or something. It just didn't have the height of emotion I was expecting.
The whole part with Rachel's mum was lovely though! I really liked how they ganged up on her... it's something that happens ALL THE TIME to me! haha.
I also think it's great that you're including the little things about him not knowing Muggle things... or of the area and stuff. It makes it that much more believable.
And no grammar problems! Fantastic.
In response to your question, I feel like what I'm considering 'pointless moments' really helped me get to know their characters and really pushed the idea of them getting together at some point... it seems pretty necessary to me!
-JillAuthor's Response: Wonderful! Thank you so much!
Hmm...I can see what you\\\'re saying. If I write anything like that again in here, I\\\'ll probably made the stakes higher. I guess I was just trying to avoid the spastic Lily-obsessed James, y\\\'know?
Thank you so much for you review! I really appreciate it :) Report Review
Lovely! A wonderful first chapter... you've shown the important characters, established a setting, given a purpose... you're on a roll! There's also a bit of humor in this as well, always a plus ;]
I just love how he fell in the water! Take that pride!
The whole aspect of Americans having different age laws made me laugh. The way you related it to real life and how a lot of people tend to think we're fairly out of control (at least teenagers) was well put. :]
And there were no grammar errors! Yay!
Since this is only the first chapter, I can't really answer your question yet because the first chapter is SUPPOSED to have all that stuff.
-JillAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! I definitely wanted this to be a humorous story, especially since so much of my recent stuff has been fairly dark. And, of course, I wanted to take James down a notch. ;)
Heh. I'm glad I kept that from being too much of a "she's-only-trying-get-around-the-rules" sort of thing. :)
Thank you so much for your review! I really appreciate it :)
adsgdfdsa more more more please. they're such a puddle of cute. that's so sad about her dog though! ah I want to know more. you darn suspenseful girl, you. anyways, I love it so far. seriously. give me more son. actually, I'll get you that program so you can give me more haha. meow :)Author's Response: I'll make myself write another chapter tonight. Howza 'bout that? But after that I will fer sures need that program. Report Review
le sigh. I want this to happen to meAuthor's Response: *sigh* Don't we all... Report Review
oh fer cute with the pancakes :)
btw james is so awk. I love it.Author's Response: ...Let's make pancakes. Report Review
MEOW! i love this story, especially dolly--ahem, I mean maggie. no but seriously it's great! It's kinda funny to read because I know what everything actually looks like and can picture it all exactly!! LURVE!Author's Response: You WOULD start your review off with a meow. I love that. Eh, there's no use denying that this is the most self-indulgent story I've ever written. I'm glad you've got that first hand experience, though :) Report Review
Yay!!! My guess is that Sirius has joined them! I like how you have James interacting with the Muggle world. You have really done a great job in keeping him as canon as possible. I like this story. Feel free to request again once you have an update! 10/10Author's Response: Thank you so, so much! I will definitely drop by again, if you'd like! Again, I very much appreciate your reviews :) Report Review
I like how she isn't falling for him so quickly. Also how James still has his feelings for Lily. I would watch your word choices with the Potter's dialogue. I am not quite sure if Brit's say 'gung-ho' or 'spaz'. You may want to check on that and/or change to words more commonly used over in the UK. Other than that, very good! 9/10Author's Response: No, Rachel's more of an "friend" girl. She definitely is attracted to James, though, and she certainley is alarmed by it. They both are. Okay. I'll check that out. I just have weird word choices, I think. I'll go find a UK slang site.
Thanks very much again!! :) Report Review
I like this story so far and your OC is very well developed. Just make sure you watch as the story progresses so she doesn't turn into a Mary Sue. Also, I noticed some small details that I wanted to point out. In the first chapter you said James was 16 but in this chapter he says he is 17? Also, in the Wizarding World I believe you are of age when you are 17, so if he is actually 17 then he would be able to do magic at home as well. You might want to clarify on those details.but they are only minor. 9/10Author's Response: ...Ooh, I'm a dingdong. Yeah, I'll have to go fix that. Silly me, haha. Is she getting a little Mary Sue-ish to you? I'm trying to keep her far away from that, but it's always the author who can't tell when their own OC is a Mary-Sue 8)
Thanks again for your review! :) Report Review
I love the voice you use in your writing. It makes it very realistic and really helps with making the story come to life. James seems to be dead on... at least from how I picture him. I'm not too sure how I feel about a James/OC but so far I like it. I tend to like almost any canon with an OC though :) Your grammar seems to be good and the the story is well-written. 10/10!!! :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! I knew I was taking a risk with James/OC since he's so set with Lily, but I really appreciate you giving it a chance!
Thanks for your lovely review. I really appreciate it :) Report Review
Hello, it's me again, reviewing your last chapter!
So, I think this chapter is very good, like all the others. I really think James and Rachel should get together though!
Please re-request.Author's Response: Ah, but he's got his dear ol' Lily at home ;)
Thanks again! I will definitely re-request if you'd like! :) Report Review
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