4 Reviews Found

Review #1, by xXmalfoysgirl4everXx Maybe It's a Sign

23rd December 2008:
i like it, the fight was very realistic. can't wait for next chapter :] 9/10 for some grammar issues

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Review #2, by Cedrics Blueyed Girl Maybe It's a Sign

19th November 2008:
Hey, it's jetergirl from the forums... =]

So, let's get down to it, shall we? I usually start out with any criticisms I have and then end with the stuff I enjoyed about the story, because it seems more cheerful that way.

So, criticisms: here and there, you had a few grammar mistakes or typos, not a big deal but something you should edit nonetheless.

Compliments: I really like how you've captured the personal aspect of the relationships, not only between Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione, but just the overall interactions between all of your characters, if you know what I mean.

I know you wanted me to pay particular attention to the characterization so let me comment on that quickly. I definitely know how hard it is to write first chapters; as an author myself, I usually spend the longest time perfecting that first one. You did a great job other than the fact that I felt as though the portrayal of the characters was a little but shallow. It certainly wasn't too bad at all; I just felt that we could have gotten a bit deeper with the characters as an exposition to the rest of the story.

Overall, good job so far!

~CBG

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Review #3, by TwilightPrincess Maybe It's a Sign

17th November 2008:
Even though the Harry/Ginny was only mentioned and in small doses, I couldn't help myself. I do not care for the ship at all. I'm sorry but I had to comment on it. 'Wanted to give her his present in private'. -shudders- I do like that you used the idea of Ginny's birthday to bring everyone together. I liked that little bit about it being the start of a new life not only for her, but for everyone. That sentence tied in the ideas nicely.

You started out kind of rocky in the beginning when it comes to characterizations. They were very cliche and flat up until Hermione and Ron were outside. Actually, as I'm reading what I just wrote, that's kind of interesting. People sometimes act differently when they're not around their lover, or when they're around their lover in company as opposed to in private... it's interesting.

Anyway, I really liked the argument between Ron and Hermione. Your dialogue was right on, but I don't think you got characterizations perfectly. I don't see Hermione as being one to complain about having or not having a romantic boyfriend, but I give you credit for showing us a hidden side of her. I love your characterization of Ron. I could almost hear his voice when you had him say, 'Please don't bring her into this,' and the dialogue tag at the end of that rounded off the thought nicely. Hermione's a tough one to write so don't feel too bad. Just practice more and study up. =P

Overall, enjoyable. Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^

.:.Ilia.:.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your honest and really helpful review. I'm not completely happy with this chapter so your comments are grately appreciated. Hermione is a very hard character to write, especially when I'm trying to show a side we don't see often. I want to stay as true to the characters as I can.

Thanks!


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Review #4, by DJjazzyCarlton Maybe It's a Sign

10th October 2008:
Gah! Ron! I just want to kick him right now! But that's definitely something he would say/do sadly enough. Characterization was great on this. You did a wonderful job with all of the characters, especially Ron and Hermione. The believability of this fic was great too. I liked that you went in a more unique direction with this story and instead of making everything all lovey-dovey-perfect between them, you gave them problems that they would actually face as a couple. It was very realistic.

The flow was also great; your overall constuction of the story was really nice. You did a good job of portraying the emotions the characters were feeling, especially the frustration Hermione had with Ron. I'm still feeling that. I love it when stories can make you view characters in a different light and you really made me see Hermione differently. Sometimes I get a bit fed up with how uptight and over the top her character is (don't get me wrong, she's one of my favorite characters) but I loved that you gave a lot of justification for that. You showed her character's insecurites and wishes.

Awesome job on this! : )

Keep it jazzy,
DJjazzyCarlton

Author's Response: I was really unsure about this story, but your review has made me feel a lot better about it. Hermione was especially hard to write in this story but I wanted to write a story about their problems, because sadly "happily ever after" isn't as easy as it sounds!

Thank you for your great reviews!


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