Reading Reviews for The Forsaken Ones
  
145 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Presh Last of the Wilds

27th May 2012:
IDK if you want honest criticism or not but im gonna tell you anyways. I don't like this story at all . It's boring, pointless, and it doesn't make sense

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Review #2, by StephyGal Woman I Am Born; What Does Woman Mean?

21st January 2012:
Hey,

I really love this story. It's inspired. I really want something horrible to happen to Skylar for what he did to Ahnaliese. I also think it would be a good plot for someone to find out what James knows about the Triple Crescents and try and kill him but it doesn't work and he goes into a coma instead!

You're an amazing writer and i hope you update soon. I'm sure a lot of people miss your writing!

Steph
xoxo

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Review #3, by forsaken Woman I Am Born; What Does Woman Mean?

12th July 2011:
hey!!! will there be more of this story?!?!? cuz i've been waiting for there to be forever =( cuz its so good and there must be more!!! PLZ!!!

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Review #4, by carinaa Woman I Am Born; What Does Woman Mean?

12th November 2010:
can there pllleaaasssee be more ahna+skylarr ???

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Review #5, by AutumnSunshine Woman I Am Born; What Does Woman Mean?

14th September 2010:
I love this story soo much, i hope there will be more soon.
i think the idea of switching character viewpoints really makes the story more interesting. I didnt expect Sithra to be christy, i thought itd be some one else, but now i read back, it makes sense!

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Review #6, by Whisperer Bye Bye Beautiful

26th July 2010:
Hey! :) From where is the quote at the opening of this chapter? I tried to find out if they were from a song, but they weren't. I tried to figure out who or what was blairbubbles, and I failed. Please, it is so beautiful, and it's gonna drive me insane if I don't know...

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Review #7, by CelticAngel Woman I Am Born; What Does Woman Mean?

16th May 2010:
Wow. I've just gotten through the whole story and wondered how it would wrap up by this chapter- until I realised it's still a W.I.P. The plot is getting interesting and i enjoy the romantic sub-plots. Your use of different viewpoints is innovative and makes for an interesting read. Around chapter 10 I went back and read chapter 1- which intrigued me a lot more- who are these forsaken ones? Please add another chapter within the next month. 8.5/10

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Review #8, by CelticAngel Angels Fall First

15th May 2010:
Hmm. Interesting to find out who Kris Jacobs is...

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Review #9, by CelticAngel In the Garden

19th March 2010:
I am interested to see where this story is heading. The dream scene gave a glimmer of the future. I would love take on editing your stories- like here you have a few typos: 'If you touch my dog I will furunculous you until YOUR (not -you're-) whole body is covered in boils. Until you have boils on top of your boil's boil's!' The last phrase should be 'on top of your boil's boils because the second time it is a noun- so an apostrophe is not needed both times. Anyway, must keep reading :). Also it's spelt 'furnuculous' not 'furunculous'.

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Review #10, by avid Woman I Am Born; What Does Woman Mean?

28th December 2009:
whoa. my god.
i am beyond hooked.
you are a credit to the world of fanfiction & are amazingly thorough in your research/writing.
i have the utmost respect for you as the author of this story & am eagerly anticipating the next installments. :D

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Review #11, by KaiaRose Bye Bye Beautiful

3rd November 2009:
I really enjoyed this chapter. At the same time I am crushed for Ellie, praying that Dmitri doesn't get too hurt, and cheering for Ahnaliese (I love that name by the way) and Skylar.

I have one question. Maybe this has been answered before, but why do the Malfoy twins have red hair? Is it really because Hermione has red hair in her family, or is Ron somehow involved in their conception. I am just a little confused because the twins aren't old enough to have been conceived when Ron was alive, but I can't help that the Malfoy/Potter romances feel a little bit incestuous.

I love this epic.

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Review #12, by emilyso Woman I Am Born; What Does Woman Mean?

25th September 2009:
wow
so good
wow very powerful
very powerful introduction :]

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Review #13, by Mini_Moony Before the Fall

18th September 2009:
Your story is intriguing to say the lest! I personally don't read much from the 'horror' genre, but your grammar skills and grasp of the English language is refreshing. The prologue set me up for despair and death, but as I read it became a story of Hogwarts students boarding the train. I love the way you change perspective and show how people's lives clash, coincide, and overlap.

I am anxious to start the next chapter!
Mini Moony
MM

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Review #14, by Groundswell Woman I Am Born; What Does Woman Mean?

31st August 2009:
I love the start. It clearly shows just how different boys and girls are. Where Ahna and Angie can probably not walk past each other again without doing something, Kevin and Dmirti has already come to better therms. They forget, after a fight, everything's okay again.

And boy, has Kevin just been blind. How stupid is he not to have seen?

Why do I sort of feel this story is filled with pathetic girls? Robyn is too, but in a different way. I think it's because she's tougher that Melisse, but she's pathetic too. She begs them to have her, but they don't and she keeps coming. That's just... irk.

The Ron Malfoy part... what exactly is happening? To me it seems as if they're saying good buy to Ellie, but she's not dying. I don't really get it.

Ahna is becoming sad again. Why? I have a feeling there's a still in the whol murder thingie, but what's going on inside of her? Why would it help to rbeak up with Dmitri. No matter what he'll still mean a lot to her and now that they have been together and been best friends for so long, I see no point in it.

And what's with the poem?

I agree with Sabrina. Dmitri means too much to Ahna and she needs him. Backbone. That's a good way to put it. I don't think Ahna can do this on her own. Just think of the time with Skylar when she grew farther away from Dmitri. No, it just won't work.

I think Ahna's being stupid.

Sabrina is a great friend. Even though she says she's never really talked to Dmitri and been his friends, she care and she's right in everything she says about friendship etc etc.

And again. Ahna is being so stupid. Riiculous. End of that.

Glad Dmitri got to talk some sense into her. Really.

Oh.

Oh!

I'm not completely sure I understand this Christy/Sithra situation, but I'm getting there. I did not see that one coming!

But nice Aaron found out, but how can Christy be so careless to just let to book s lying around?

Ohh, is James going to die now because he found out??? Please don't kill him.

Anyway, I feel with this chapter the story took a long step and is now movig forward with a pace I love. Great chapter!

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Review #15, by Groundswell Lacrimosa for Fear

31st August 2009:
Very sweet beginning. It seems natural and it brings a smile to the readers' lips.

But then I'm not really sure what happened... Dmitri arrives at total chaos and Brianna tries to crush him with a trunk... because he's going to meet Melissa? I know it's not a smart move because we know what kind of person she is, but why is everyone acting like she's poison or sonething?

And Ahna has to go? No, she does not. She can choose not to go, the other thing is simply idiotic.

Oh, and Melissa really doesn't get a hint. She seems more and more pathetic for each chapter. Really.

I believe Ahna is overreacting. He didn't kiss her and she should trust him. And now suddenly she doesn't think herself good enough for him? Where's the confidence from first in this story? Did Skylar completely crush that?

Oh, thank god. I was jus about to get really mad that Ahna was with Skylar again. And disappointed. But thanks... Glad it only was a dream.

Written well though. Fantastic and once again, catching that thing between Ahna and Skylar. I love how you write it, the passion of both hate and lust at the same time. Really well written, every single time.

"And when Ahna filled out - holy christ." This made me laugh. It's nice to see something written as light as the part where this come from. Especially in a story that becomes so dark. It lightens it all in some sort of way.

And so with the rest of the part. It's like forgetting what horrible things that have happened and just seeing this couple having fun. It's nice.

Nice to see how Ahna slowly opens up to Dmitri. It comes through the whole chapter with a fine amount of hesitation and fright, but as it disolves, it seems just perfect and well written.

I never saw that episode with Angie come. I never expected it. Wow. But I do think she's overreacting. Ahna, leading leding someone on? Right. But I didn't get who it was again. Kevin, yes?

And what a fight. I've never actually seen those who tried to break it up, start fighting each other - and I've seen a lot of fights. But I guess when an idiot like Kevin is there. And Dmitri is cool. haha, thought that needed to be added.

Intense chapter and I enjoyed it. Well written - especially Ahna.

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Review #16, by Groundswell True Betrayal

31st August 2009:
I am incredible sorry it has taken me so long to get to this point. It's been over a week since my last review, but I've had a few busy days and when I finally had time I got hit my inspiration and had to write on my own stuff. Sorry!

Dmitri's reaction to this situation is very good. I understand his anger and feelings about this. Because not only does he find Ahna with another boy, but as he himself points out, it's Ashby. That kind of blow could knock anyone over.

But... it's all gone so fast. I mean, he was furious, and just because Ahna kisses him back, he's suddenly okay with it?

And then you write this: “Because you’ve been hurt enough. I’m not here to hurt you.”
and in a way, it all fits. Haha. At first I thought he was calming down a little too fast, but that justexplains it all. I would have loved to see him struggling a little with it though. But maybe it's because he love her so much... I'm not making sense now :P

Ahna's struggling. Just perfect. I don't really have much to say on that matter, because it was spot on. The way she felt about being clsoe to anyone after what happened and such.

How wonderful their tight friendship came back in this - the way they sort of re-connected, Ahna telling him everything baou tit, and him suddenly understanding it all.

Why didn't Kris tell anyone? :( of course that would take some of the fun away from the story, but... Ohhh. It makes me sad.

And then they say it was suicide? Hmph.

This Sithra Rystanzi ... I don't remember if it's been said yet in this story. But is she a part of the Hogwarts population? If so which house and year? I want to know something about her, besides that she's a creepy someone who kills for fun.

And what exactly was Hermione and Draco doing/going to? ...

And then things start to move. It was only a matter of time before Ahna would need to figure out what exactly was said.

And Melissa is starting to look like a seriously desperate girl who can not understand when she's lost the battle. It's a little pathetic really, but I understand we'll need the drama :D


“Why her?”
“Because I can,” This just hits me. I'm not sure why, but boy, do I love it!

Really good chapter. Loved it!

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Review #17, by Bae Woman I Am Born; What Does Woman Mean?

29th August 2009:
I meant to say more reckless than attacking anyone in my review. Just clearing that up.

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Review #18, by Bae Woman I Am Born; What Does Woman Mean?

29th August 2009:
Ah! This has definitely got to be my favorite chapter so far, though there are some mistakes I found.

In one of Dmirtri's pov's (the second) towards the end, in the middle of a paragraph, it changes to Ahna's pov without being stated and remains that way for the rest of that pov. Also, the pov changes from 1st to 3rd person through out James's pov.

I'm really loving where this is heading so far. And I have to say...even though I wasn't expecting Christy to be Sithra, I wasn't really suprised. I did say about a year and a half ago (February 5th 2008 to be exact) that I guessed it would be someone so obvious that people would over look them, and I sort of lost sight of that thought over the months. I was suprised however, at Christy's extreme reaction about Aaron mentioning both their mother and father. It's really like she's mentally unstable, even going as far out to kill her own brother if he wouldn't join her, which I'm not entirely sure he did whole heartedly. A little part of me still wonders if he will change his mind later on...a little.

I might have been looking to far into it, but I have a feeling something between Robyn and Skylar was forshadowed, because Skylar said she didn't have the recklessness that Angie possessed, though later, Christy said Robyn was the one to kill Kris Jacobs, which is a much more reckless act that killing anyone. I get the feeling that in the future, Skylar is might see how reckless Robyn can be.

I felt my heart break a little bit when Ahna said that she and Dmi couldn't be together anymore, then swelled a bit when they got back together. I know this story is mostly a tragedy, but it's still nice to see the romance in it, though I imagine that this romance will have a part in the tragedy later on.

I give it a 9/10, only for the pov mistakes.

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Review #19, by magic139 Woman I Am Born; What Does Woman Mean?

28th August 2009:
aaahhh! this chapter was sooo intense i can't even handle it. love love loved it and i DID NOT see that ending coming. christy? jfkdjkaf craziness, pure craziness. but anyway, i really really liked this chapter and once again, i commend you on its length. i'm not going to tell you guys to 'hurry up!' or 'update soon!' because i want you to take your sweet time and write another fantastic chapter at your own pace; the longer the wait, the better. i really love where this story is going, and i'm really interested to see how its going to turn out in the end. thank you, my two most favorite authors, for teaming up and providing us harry potter nerds with this indescribably amazing piece of work.

patiently waiting for chapter 14!
-M

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Review #20, by Blair Bubbles Woman I Am Born; What Does Woman Mean?

28th August 2009:
WOW! What a chapter!

Finally Sithra has been revealed and I have always had a feeling that it was Christy! I also had a feeling that Robyn was the one who killed Kris since you had written that Kris' killer wore a gold necklace just like the one that Robyn always wears. The fact that she has used an Unforgivable of Elle actually impressed me; I knew that it was something dark but I had never thought that it would be THAT dark. I also found it interesting when Aaron brought up a word that I think was "Mother" and then Christy says that her acquiring of wandless magic "just happened"...which I am guessing means that this is something that is hereditary?

The part with James at the end really confused me although it was good to see the prophecy/myth as a whole. Is the ending of the sentence supposed to read "embracing the magic of Christy Zabini"?

And while I understand why Ahna, McGonagall and Dmi all think the prophecy has to deal with Ahna because of the line about being scared, I do not think they are thinking about the right scar. I think that the correct scar would be the one that Christy gave Ahna that day on the train...the one that had three marks. But that is just a hunch, I will have to see.

I am interested to see what Skylar is doing too...as much as I hate his character. Christy said only Aaron and Robyn were the living ones who knew she was Sithra, so then why does Skylar have an owl and a piece of parchment he sent out that might have had Ahna's name on it. Gah! I hate his character so much so the possibility that he might be good and is gathering his own research to help Ahna is annoying haha I guess its probably just because I don't think a character like him can be redeemed.

PLEASE keep Ahna and Dmi together! The scenes where it seemed as if they were going to break up tore me up inside; they need each other, they really do.

Thanks for an amazing chapter. You guys have managed to do it again! Just when I think that I have things figured out you create more, you give me more. Sorry for such a long review but this chapter gave me so much to think about and therefore so much to say!

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Review #21, by Scarymissmary28 Woman I Am Born; What Does Woman Mean?

26th August 2009:
I knew it!*does victory dance*I knew Christy was Sithra!But I never thought that Robyn could be a murderer,such a thirst for power she has...Great chapter as usual,I love the way those Triple Crescent myths are woven into the story,they make it even more interesting(and informative to people who don't know much about ancient symbols)
I have lots of questions and suspicions still,but I'll have to wait til next chapter!

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Review #22, by onestop_hpfan18 Angels Fall First

24th August 2009:
This chapter flowed nicely and I thought that the way you went from one character to the next character throughout the chapter really went made the chapter flow so seamlessly together with the timing and what was happening. I like how Brianna ran into Aaron's path at the beginning... I can somehow see them falling for each other, no matter how far-fetched it seems. It'd be kind of perfect since Ahna and Christy hate each other so much, but if both of their twins suddenly started sneaking around to see each other it would be quite ironic since they're supposed to all hate each other.

Also, I like how Dmitri is swooning over Ahna, but Ahna is completely clueless; like when they were going over Quidditch plays. When will those two finally confess their true feelings for one another?!

And that Quidditch match with Scartha stealing the plays from Castaniza in such a dirty way really showed what awful students the Scarthians are. Overall, this chapter was well written and there was only a few grammar errors that I caught while reading the whole chapter and they were so small that I've forgotten what they were as they didn't take away from the reading at all. Great job; 10/10

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Review #23, by onestop_hpfan18 Empty Chairs At Empty Tables

23rd August 2009:
Hey, back to review ch. 5 now. I really liked how both of you intricately weaved in all of the drama between Ahni and Dmi, and then everyone else; like Ahni and Mel, Ahni and O'Foyer, and Robyn and Skylar. The characterizations of each of them are so well tuned already that it makes the story that much better than it already is. And I like how Bri is jealous of Ahni for making princess when she didn't make anything as it shows that they really are human. It also shows that even they can be mad at one another at times, just like any other siblings are with each other. Overall, great job; 10/10

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Review #24, by Groundswell Feral

22nd August 2009:
I know I've said I hate Melissa, and I do, but I still love her POV. By now you might have noticed I love all different POVs :P And especially ones as Melissa and Skylar because they are so different and bitter. I love reading that stuff.

I'm surprised she could even be herself enough to hear the voices of her friends whilst having a sight. IT seemed to me as if her concentration wasn't completely on it in the start, but then it took over. Well done on the last part. The short sentences and pictures were just spot on.

Hm, now I wished I had paied attention in my latin classes. I did get some of it - because it was obvious - but not enough to really understand it :P

And AHA! Sithra Rystanzi! I should have know, but I didn't.

Again here, I feel you're skipping a very interesting part. What happened straight after Ahna fainted+

The whole part in italics with Dmitri. I'm guessing it's some sort of a dream. There were so many things in it and I don't know what to think of it. It was sweet in the beginning, but somehow the middle part reminded me of Ahna's own dreams.

Love the Brianna feeling something is wrong part. It would have surprised me otherwise, but it was nice to have that little part there :)

The part from April's POV. was a bit confusing, truth be told. Ten days has passed and Ahna is still sleeping a fever off? She's got more than just fever and I dont understand why she wouldn't be inthe hospital wing. What was going on with Kevin and Carter, and suddenly Dmitri? Where do we see the girl group growing apart?

And yet another dream... I rather like this one with April. I don't know why, but it seemed so light and simple. I love it.

I can't help but notice that in these two chapters, you have been moving incredible fast. I feel this is an important part of the story, but I just don't get enough out of it. I can think of a lot of other scenes/chapters before in this story I could have been without, and yet you choose this part of the story to hurry over? I'm sorry if I sound rather mean here, but I really feel you miss out a lot I would like to read.

I'm confused. When Ahna wakes up, apparently she's been sleeping for three days, says Sabrina, but it all happened at the funeral, which was at the 19th, 13 days ago. And if she has been awakened in between these days, why didn't we hear about it as readers?

Oh, and when I read what Ahna thinks of Skylar I looked like this - :(

I've got to ask, yet another ball?

And Dmitri. Seems now it's him who does not do well...

Melissa do seem kind of pathetic in my eyes. haha, well, she can't get over Dmitri even though he's obviously not into her. And she keeps wanting to interfere in other people's business. Get a live please :P

Skylar is so mean. But at the same time there's something about him. He's very smart and he's right when saying he never did anyting against Ahna's will. He's just... well, mean. Evil, one might say.

I loved the scene between them, but it also made me want to... well, maybe not have them together after all :P haha. And it's getting all exciting now.

Confusing first part of the chapter. Lovely last part. I'm all for the drama.

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Review #25, by Groundswell Lost in the Darkness

22nd August 2009:
I like that you keep the hate/attraction between Ahna and Skylar there. You show so well that they both have some mixed feelings in this and are both very confused.

And I think the different ways they both tackle this in are so very great. Different and well portrayed. Especially Ahna, but I think it might be because you center this story more around her than Skylar and it becomes more obvious.

It's sad it affects her in this way. Especially to Brianna and Dmitri. And later when she talk to Dmitri - it's binding her in a way, locking her inside herself, sort of.

The scene between Skylar and Aaron was very interesting. They interact in such a different way - a fight for power I see it. It's really interesting and I love reading it.

I found this one of Jefthro's classes very, very interesting. I don't know anything of what he said - or even if anything of it is true - but it really is something exciting. Kudos on that, not all can write a class that comes out so perfect.

And I did not see the death coming. Really surprising. But I also think that it's from here and forward your story really starts to get interesting.

What does "Quare es vos fletus?" and everything else that was said mean? I can't seem to get the language, if it even is one?

I think this scene could have been written better. I mean, I think the mood was there, creepy and all that, but it was confusing at the same time and I didn't quite get what happened at some points. And also what happened before and after. Maybe it's the point, that Ahna didn't feel well or was half dreaming or not really knowing what was going on, but the whole part didn't really... well, it seemed as if a scene or something was missing.

I think she should tell Bri. Tell ones sister everything and Ahna obviously needs to talk to someone. It's going fast suddenly here, but she's totally destroyed in the end of this chapter.

I find the start of the conversation between Ron and Ahna very good (and I like Ron), but somehow the last part seems kind of... I don't know. Wrong to me. Awkward in a way. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's just... Yeah.

Why does Draco's view of Dmitri suddenly change? He hated him just at christmas, but now he's suddenly asking Ahna to let him take care of her. I find this slightly off in a way.

Overall I think this is a very intersting chapter, but so many things happen here and it doesn't seem to fit together at all times. You have the murder as a thing in this chapter, but you jugle with a lot of other scenes, but don't really put them together correctly.

But well done with the Skylar/Ahna. Still love it :P

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