Reading Reviews for The Golden Child
  
56 Reviews Found

Review #1, by SnowWhite93 Vicious Lies

28th January 2010:
Dear Alassie,

I miss reading about Peyton and Alassie. Please update soon so I don't have to cry. i don't check online that often so you have plenty of time to update. Latin is realy boring so an update would be fantastic. Thanks!!

Love,
SnowWhite93

Author's Response: I know :(. I haven't written in forever, but I promise that I am working on one. Thanks a bunch love.
Love,
Alassie


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Review #2, by Wondering Too Much to Hope for?

2nd September 2009:
I like Peyton a lot. She seems nicce. I cant wait to read on!!!

Author's Response: I'm so glad I captured your interest. Thanks for the reviews!

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Review #3, by Wondering Bad Dreams and Best Friends

2nd September 2009:
I'm really glad i started readsing this story. Cant wait to c what happens next!!

Author's Response: Awwwe, thanks ALOT. New reviews are exactly what I needed to cheer me up after a bad day!

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Review #4, by LunaTheDeathEater Vicious Lies

29th August 2009:
Hehe, at least you wrote it!!! And I love it :) I don't have anything against the dreams, though! I wonder what they mean.

And I wonder how Arya got through the visit at her dad's... Hope she hexed them all! =P

And by the way, I think I snort a little too much too... xD I really understand Bellatrix =P
And it's kinda weird Maggie ended up a Gryffindor, though she really seem like one. Just like Sirius, right? But since I'm on the Slytherin side, I think it's terrible! xD

Author's Response: Ahh, I love the dreams. They came to me (quite ironically) in a dream on night and I have been hooked on the idea ever since. It is like, her whole life is being viewed from a different perspective and everything is much worse now than it seemed then.
Oh Arya. I wouldn't be surprised if she hexed them all and everyone but her father is currently lying unconcious somewhere. To this day. Not too much patience in THAT girl, that much is certain.
Well, I think I laugh too much, but laughter can't really be considered unladylike so I had to adapt it for Bellatrix.
Haha. If you think Maggie is a true Gryffindor now, just wait. As sad as it is, I just can't wait for this story to end so I don't have to keep all of the twists a secret anymore!
Thanks for the review.
~Alassie~


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Review #5, by midnightxskies Partners

14th August 2009:
I liked the scene between Arya and Peyton when they were talking about the uniforms. That was very well done.

I think you should have made the two of them have a few classes seperate from each other, however. After the OWLs are taken, the students really start to have different classes from each other. That was really the only thing I had to complain about in this chapter.

If you would like me to review more of this story, please feel free to come back and rerequest. Thank you :]

Author's Response: Oh thank you! While still to this day I don't like the developement of Arya's character, I feel Peyton's is improving.
And I need to be better about remembering to put my reasons for things into my chapters! Grr. There is a reason that I put them in all of the same classes, and I will have to put it in one of my edits. Peyton's mother ensured she had all of her classes with one of her roommates because she wouldnt know anyone and Peyton hadn't had any of those classes at her other school anyway, so no matter what she would have been new.
Thanks for the awesome reviews! I appreciate them!


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Review #6, by midnightxskies Welcome "Home"

14th August 2009:
The only thing I want to point out is that if Margaret is a Malfoy, she probably would have been sorted into Slytherin, not Gryffindor. I could see if her attitude was different, but I just think she would probably be in Slytherin.

Your descriptions are still very good, but part of this chapter was just a little rushed. Oh, and you seemed to have fixed all of your tenses, so that is always good :]

Author's Response: Ahh, Margaret. My next (and last) cliche. And I know it is a bad one. Ahh. Apologies in advance. *cringes*
Thanks for the help!


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Review #7, by midnightxskies Realizations and Confusion

14th August 2009:
I am really confused about Peyton's characterization. They way she talks to people seems to jump all over the place. She also seems like a bit of a mary-sue, so you may want to keep that in mind.

The scene in the carriage was a little confusing, and sometimes I couldn't tell who was talking. My advice is to take your time with your chapters. If you can't get them out right away, don't rush. It's better to have your readers wait a little bit longer than to give them something rushed. (I am saying that in response to your author's note.)

I do, however, like your descriptions in this chapter, so keep up with that because it's important to paint a picture for your reader.

Author's Response: Ahh, Peyton. She does jump around a bit, your right. And she is a bit of a Mary Sue, I do that intentionally. She does have flaws however, they just don't show up right away.
Looking back on it, this chapter does feel rushed, and I am glad you said that, because I wouldn't have noticed it otherwise. I am definitely going to have to go back and make some major edits after all your fabulous help.
Thanks!


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Review #8, by midnightxskies Too Much to Hope for?

14th August 2009:
Your tenses are still a little off in a couple of places. There shouldn't really be many verbs in the present tense. The only other thing I have to complain about it Sirius. I don't really think he would say something like "buttface".

You wrote that you were worried about cliches, and there are a few in here. I'm not going to complain about them, because cliches aren't always bad, and no matter what anyone says, they probably have a few they love to see written in stories. I think they are fine, as long as they have an important purpose. If you are really worried about them, I would just suggest not adding any more.

I am really anxious to see why your OC is hated at hogwarts so much.

Your descriptions of her emotions in the beginning of the chapter were very well written.

Author's Response: Thanks for telling me again about the tenses. I know that those problems are there, but no matter how many times I read the chapter I never seem to catch them all. Also, about my Sirius. He is kind of a love him/hate him character. I understand why you would think he wouldn't say that, and most of the time he probably wouldn't, but it will continue to be that he will be a complete idiot around Peyton because he develops a crush. He acts normal around other people, but that doesnt come until later.
And about the cliches. Yes, I do worry about them, but only for the beginning of the story, because I know they all turn around at about chapter 11. So, while I do worry about them, it is more just whether or not they make the story unbearable at the beginning.
And my OC hating Hogwarts. It is kind of just that she has no friends, and she goes into culture shock between the loving environment of her family and not really talking to anyone. So in case that isnt cleared up next chapter, you now know why.
I am glad you liked my emotions descriptions. It is something I really enjoy, and I am glad you think I do it well.
Thanks for the incredible review, I really appreciate the constructive criticism, I need it!


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Review #9, by midnightxskies Bad Dreams and Best Friends

14th August 2009:
Hello! It's midnightxskies from the review forum! I'm sorry this has taken me so long to get to!

I don't know if you meant to write the first part in a different tense, but it was a little confusing. It also carried over a little bit into the other part of the the story that wasn't a dream. It makes it a little awkward to read.

I like how the views of your OC are different at home and at hogwarts. It makes your story different, which is always good.

Also, it may only be because it's the first chapter, but I don't feel a connection with the OC yet. I can't make an accurate examination of her yet because it's too early, but I will comment on that again in a few chapters.

Otherwise, it's not bad ! :]

Author's Response: Yeah, I did mean to make the dream in a different tense, just because Arya was experiencing it in the moment, but I didn't mean for it to carry over...I will definitely look at that, thanks though.
And, you aren't the only one having difficulty connecting with the main OC. I have gotten multiple reviews saying how much my others are easier to understand (they show up later) and I am really trying to make her make more sense. Because she is kind of complex, and it is really hard to get into words. And I always forget that while I know her traits and why she does things, everyone else doesn't. So I have been really trying to work on that. Thanks for the great feedback, and in my own personal opinion, this is the worst chapter! Thanks!
~Alassie~


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Review #10, by Miss Lily Potter A Beautiful Friendship

12th August 2009:
Ahha, you tricked me. d: Completely. I didn't think it was Margaret's. Good job on that one. (:
I really like the beginning paragraphs, the description is, quite honestly, amazing. It works to set the tone really well, because this chapter's a 'bit' darker then the others. (:
Okay. So my opinions of characters have officially changed. :D I hate Bri and actually really like Margaret, even before her and Arya started getting along again. Honestly, the only character I'm not too fond of is Arya... No offense, of course.
But Brianne, really, she's cold. I know, meant to be that way, but I thought I ought to say that. (:
Once again, brilliant chapter. (:

Author's Response: I would have sworn I responded to this review the other day when I responded to the rest of them...that's weird.
I am so glad you liked the beginning paragraphs. This chapter came to me more naturally than any of the others combined (my characters in this one really like to fight me, especially Arya.)
Ahh, my Maggie. She is beloved! And I know what you mean by Arya, and I am not offended at all, because I often think it myself. It is really strange, because Arya has the most layers of all of the characters because she is the one I know best, and while I know the motivation for any of her actions or words, it can be really hard to convey via words. And I hate it. Because I want her to just come out the way she is supposed to! But she fights it. Alot.
Thanks for the awesome review.


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Review #11, by Miss Lily Potter First Day of School

12th August 2009:
This was cute! Up until the...end... But I shall get to that later. (:
Ahha, Peyton's such a girl. Like, flipping over Sirius being her partner, just reminded me SO much of teenage girls. I know, she is one, but... never mind, rambling. Sorry.(:
Sirius' OMG! line? Yeah. I officially love him, no matter how rude he is. That is how much I Loved that line. :D xD
Peyton's so sweet, she was being all nice to Sirius and then he was kind of a jerk back... *looks at above paragraph* Yeah, I contradicted myself. xD
Calling McGonagall Minnie? I love that, no matter how many times I read it. xD (:
And the part about Sirius' hair had me in stitches as well, it was just so... Sirius.
You keep your characters in character, which is really good. There was the contraction thing again, but I understand it. (:

But... Arya's parents being muggle-haters? I didn't know. Am I just extremely unobservant, or was that not said before? d: Her parents are CRAZY. o.o I feel bad for Arya now...
Well, as an extra I'm-in-such-a-nice-mood treat, I'm gonna review a couple more chapters. xD I know, I act like my reviews are so desired. Sorry.
I really like this story, I want to get caught up reading! :D
-Jasmine

Author's Response: I am glad you like my Sirius! He is just SO fun to write that I find myself incorporating him into parts where he in all honesty probably doesn't belong, but I just can't help myself.
Thanks for thinking I keep them in character! It is a lot easier because they are based off of people, but I also have to keep in mind that not everyone knows my characters and understands their motivations like I do, and it can be quite hard to convey that, so thanks.
And your reviews ARE desired, believe me! Haha. I love them and I get all excited whenever I see a new one.
Thanks so much.
Alassie


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Review #12, by Miss Lily Potter Partners

12th August 2009:
This was cute! I'm sorry, I'm a bit scatterbrained at the moment so excuse any random comments I make that don't have to do with the story. xD
Ahha, the beginning made me laugh, you seem to be getting into their characters more, which is cool. (: Not much in way of 'plot' happened (no offense!), but I like these chapters. :D
I like how Peyton seems... I don't know, she seems to be warming up a bit to Sirius, I suppose? Or did I misread that? Hmm.
So Arya and Margaret have to work together? I wonder how that'll turn out... xD
Sorry this is short, but I'm off to read/review the next!
-Jasmine (:

Author's Response: Ah, if you think nothing in way of plot happened, you should read chapter 8. It brings all new meaning to entirely pointless filler chapter.
I love my characters. They are my babies, and they are each unique and special and entirely important.
And oh, my Peyton. She is my girl, and I love her. She is just one of those people that feels the compulsive need to be nice to everyone, so yes, in a way she is warming to Sirius as long as he doesn't push her buttons.
Yeah, Arya and Maggie have to work together. But other pairings are more disasterous...
Thanks for the review!
Alassie


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Review #13, by Miss Lily Potter Welcome "Home"

12th August 2009:
I like this one too! :D
Aw, poor Sirius... *rolls eyes* Peyton is continuing to be my favorite character... (:
Ahha, Sirius made me laugh, when he lost his memory and was chasing Peyton and such...
One quick question, though, why is he so obsessed with Peyton? I know she's pretty, but why's he SO obsessed?
Ugh. Margaret strongly reminds me of Draco, honestly. d:
(: This is really well-written, and I like it a lot! :D
-Jasmine

Author's Response: Hahaha. Sirius' obsession with Peyton. It is one of the great mysteries of the world, and there are actually quite a few reasons behind it, some of which are completely unrelated to the story and should therefore probably be left out of it, but sneak their way in anyway. Mostly, he is just bored. And she is new, and therefore ineresting to him. Also, it really ticks off my friend who is Peyton, because she doesn't want to be with Sirius. So the particularly obsessive moments are usually written when I am trying to annoy her. Hahaha.
And Margaret...charming, isn't she? She is actually a really complicated character. Hahaha. I won't say anything else, because right now I am going to be very, very obnoxious and ask you to review the next two also. Sorry in advance. Haha.
Thanks for the awesome compliment!
~Alassie~


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Review #14, by Miss Lily Potter Realizations and Confusion

12th August 2009:
Ahha, your disclaimer made me laugh. xD

I liked this chapter as well! (:

Poor James, getting rejected by Lily. xD Is it sad that I don't feel bad for him? At all?
And Sirius made me laugh, when Arya was all mean to him and stuff.
Peyton reminded me of a little kid, you know, when they don't get something and they just have to know about it? No offense to your friend, that was just the vibe I got from the character. (: But I still like Peyton, she's pretty cool. xD Especially when basically saying Sirius was dumb.(:
The only thing I noticed in this chapter was that there weren't any contractions in dialogue, when Arya was talking. It's not that bad, just a little thing.(:
I liked this as well... obviously... xD (:
-Jasmine

Author's Response: I am glad you liked my disclaimer! I do try and make them amusing sometimes, just to mix things up a bit.
Ahh, so you see her as a little kid too. She isn't childish, in fact she is very mature, but she views things with a very childlike simplicity. She is also really inquisitive. And the combination seems to make her act childlike. So I know what you mean, and I don't think she would find it offensive at all!
Wow, i just noticed that. Interesting. I know I did it intentionally with Peyton because at first her English isn't that good, but I guess it must have rubbed off when I was writing Arya too. That's really weird. Haha. And kind of annoying now that I am looking back reading it. Next time I do edits I am definitely going to have to do something about that. Thanks for the awesome review!
~Alassie~


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Review #15, by Miss Lily Potter Too Much to Hope for?

12th August 2009:
I liked this chapter too! :D
Ahha, I like Peyton already, especially since she's from Spain; gotta Love Spanish people. (:
Oh, and I didn't say this before, but I really like Arya's name. It's pretty, just thought I'd mention. :D
Er, my only problems with this chapter was that there seem to be a lot of cliches; Peter being the one who lags behind, Sirius being a Playboy, etc. Don't get me wrong, I really like the story! I just thought I'd mention. (: *prays to not get hit ;D*
And when Sirius called Peter a buttface, I cracked up so hard. xD
I like it! :D
-Jasmine

Author's Response: Hahaha. Prays not to get hit? Never. I am so happy that you are reviewing, and besides, I knew those cliches were there in the first place. It was kind of an intentional thing. Because later I try and spin them and at least to me, it becomes less of a cliche. Not really the Peter one though. Because I know thats a cliche, but I just don't like him. Haha.
I am glad you like Peyton. And she would be glad too. No, I'm not crazy, but every one of my characters is based off of a real person, and she is one of my very best friends, and I can promise right now that she would be ecstatic to know you like her. Haha.
Thanks so much for the review! I really appreciate the help!
Alassie


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Review #16, by Miss Lily Potter Bad Dreams and Best Friends

12th August 2009:
Hey! So, firstly, I'd like to apologize that this took so long; I've just been kind of busy with getting signed up for school and work around the house and such. But, here I am, with your first review! (I mean, from me... :D) I suppose that means I should start reviewing, eh? Ahem, sorry...
I don't know if this was purposeful, but I really liked how you had the dream in present tense, and the 'real' world in past. It really defined what was a dream and what wasn't. (:
Ahha, the part about her 'voluptuous'ness made me laugh. (:
Er, is she supposed to be, like, a Mary Sue-ish type character, to her family at least? That was the vibe I got, but I could be wrong... d:
And the bit about her eyes was really cool! :D
All around, a nice start to the story!

Author's Response: Ahh, I'm just glad your reviewing at all. You could have not done it for months and I wouldn't have cared! I just really feel like I crave feedback, because nearly everyone who reads this story is a best friend of mine, and they insist I am fabulous (I know I am not) and refuse to even acknowledge that anything could be wrong with this story. I really need some constructive criticism to make myself better, as well as an objective opinion.
Ahh, yes, she is a Mary Sue. To her family at least. But not in reality. Because in reality she just might be the most flawed of all of the characters in the story. This may just be me being overly critical, because she is my baby, but I have difficulty seeing the positive traits in her. But that is later. I am glad you liked the part about her eyes. Thanks so much for the review and the help! I really really appreciate it!


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Review #17, by Marauderette Losing All Hope

27th July 2009:
I can't believe her father, he's such a jerk. And Catherine? She needs to die. But I love Arya, Peyton, and Maggie. Keep up the amazing work. 10/10

Author's Response: Ahh, I am so glad you love them! They are my girls, the babies of my story. And Catherine, dear, sweet Catherine. Just in case you were wondering, all of my characters have real life counterparts. Including Catherine. And I get to be lucky enough to spend time with them. Yay!
Okay, I always return reviews, but your penname seemed extremely familiar to me. So I went to check something. And I found two of your stories I have read. Is, and The Ministers Daughter. Now, because I am a terrible and awfully lazy person, I never reviewed either. I apologize, and I promise to review every chapter of The Minister's Daughter for being such an awful person.
Oh, and about Arya's father. I know he seems awful now, but he will get better. Don't hate him just yet! She idolizes and adores him, and he likewise, he just is of the male gender and has EXTREME difficulty with sensitivity, plus he has his own brand of idiocy. Haha.
Thanks for the incredible review!
Alassie


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Review #18, by LunaTheDeathEater Losing All Hope

26th July 2009:
=O Thanks =D Hihi, I knew the writer's block would give in after a while ;)

Hehe, I love this chap =D Didn't know Sirius and Maggie were friends! Nice :)
Poor Arya, that woman is terrible! I kinda like Harriet though, no idea why... xD

Author's Response: Hahaha, believe it or not, this is the chapter where Harriet's behavior is the worst. She is usually pretty tolerable, but in this chapter she is very snotty. She is more stuck up than evil, unlike her mother, who is just evil. Pure evil. Haha. Thanks for the FABULOUS review!
Alassie


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Review #19, by Mrs_Potter1234 Losing All Hope

19th July 2009:
I'd love to hear your excuses! Haha! God, I knew Cathrine was gonig to be a bitch, but I didn't she was going to be that big(hehe)! I can't beleive what she did! Oh, and, GO TAMMY&CO.!Ha! Update SOON!

Author's Response: Haha, you are probably the only one who would like to hear them. To be entirely honest, I am quite boring. They aren't very good excuses for neglecting my story that I love so much. And yeah, Catherine is an absolute bitch. Like completely. And so isn't the person she is based off of. Yes, there is a real Catherine. And yes, this thought is as horrific as I assume you find it.
Ah, Tammy, Matthew and Frank. Incredible individuals if you ask me. I just love them.
I will update soon, otherwise SnowWhite93 will probably have my head. And being my best friend, she does have the capability to forceibly take it from me next time she sees me. *hides*
Thanks for the awesome review!!
Alassie


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Review #20, by SnowWhite93 Losing All Hope

19th July 2009:
Ok first off, thank God you got rid of that writer's block. I am so happy that you are back writing again. Next order of businesss I , as usual, greatly enjoyed this chapter. I love the characterization of Catherine and her daughters. They seem to be nasty individuals. Tammy and the uncles are quickly becoming some of my favorites in this story. I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter. Keep them coming!!

Author's Response: I am starting to think you just say such nice things to make me feel good about myself :P. Ahh Catherine. Ahhh, Catherine's real life counterpart. Let's just say they are SO similar, it is scary sometimes. And Tammy and uncles! Yay! Thanks babe!
Alassie


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Review #21, by Mrs_Potter1234 Home for Christmas

9th July 2009:
Love your story! Now ,can you add a new chapter.SOON?!?!

Author's Response: Yes, I can. After a long and extremely depressing slump, I am back and writing again! The next chapter was submitted to the queue last night. I am so glad you love my story. Thanks so much for the review.
~Alassie~


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Review #22, by casa_bella Home for Christmas

18th June 2009:
Wow! You dedicated it to me anyway! Haha! Fanks...
Wow, amazing chapter, yes I loved the twist in the family plot, it's not too far-fetched, so that's good.
LOVED the Remus POV in the beginning, it really fit! Do it again!
Jacob is definitely my favorite!
Update soon!

Author's Response: Hahaha, I really liked your response, it made me happy. I'm glad you enjoyed the twist in the plot.I was a bit reluctant to do it, and I am glad it payed off. I am ecstatic that you enjoyed my Remus POV change at the beginning though. That was one of my favoritre parts of the whole story so far, and I am glad to know you enjoyed it. Jacob is your favorite? Hahaha. I love Jacob too. And let me tell you, the person he is based off of would be very glad to hear that. Because I do base every single one of my characters off real people. I will update right when the queue opens. Thanks for the review!
~Alassie~


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Review #23, by LunaTheDeathEater Home for Christmas

28th May 2009:
Oh my gosh! His GIRLFRIEND??? Well, I didn't expect any of this, but it MIGHT be my "great" memory that tried to trick me... =P Anyway, it was a great chapter, and I'm sorry It's probably taken me so long to read it!

I like Tammy. Arya's mother. She sounds cool! =D And David to, though =P But I like Tammy. =D

Yeah, the Remus almost-POV was great! Nice to be in his head for a change =P You have to do that again!!!

Author's Response: Hahaha, I am glad you liked it. I have been planning on doing that for a very long time, but I wasn't quite sure how it would go over. Glad it got a positive response. Hahaha, and I love Tammy too. Thanks for the review!
~Alassie~


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Review #24, by Lindsey Home for Christmas

25th May 2009:
AWESOME!!! I like Tammy best, but I hate Cathrine already! I can't believe they are divorced! That SUCKS! Write again soon , please!

Author's Response: Awwwe, thank you! Hahaha, it does suck, yes, but it had to happen. I like Tammy best, closely followed by David too. Every single one of my characters are based off of real people, and believe me, Catherine is AWFUL! Thanks for the lovely review!
~Alassie~


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Review #25, by Narcissa48 Bad Dreams and Best Friends

18th May 2009:
loved it! A great start to an intriguing story, so well done =)
i dont have time to read the 2nd chapter today, but i certainly will tomorrow. I promise =).
keep up the good work!
x
10/10

- Narcissa48 -

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much for the review! I am glad you like it and think it is intriguing!

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