I rove it! I know its short and sweet but all the way up to the last chapter I rove it

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Loved it! Great job, but poor Sirius. I know I say that too much lol.
^_^
C

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Ah! Poor Sirius! It sucks to have to choose between two awesome guys! Great job!
^_^
C

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I haven't checked your story in so long! I'm so glad I got bored tonight and now I have some good reading to catch up on. ^_^
C

Author's Response: you're a saint.

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Thanks for updating! Thought you had forgotton. Great chapter. Upload more soon if you can, please

Author's Response: Schools sucking my life away, but I've finally been able to write a few more chapters. thank for reading! and reviewing!

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Woohoo!! Thanks for uploading another great chapter.

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing!! you make me smile!

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Ooo. Tension is thick. Love the update! I can't wait till Mary lets is all out. THeir reactions will be interesting.

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Nice chapter. Please upload more soon.

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Poor Sirius! It is going to be hard to choose between Snape or Sirius.
C

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I didn't expect her to be with Snape, nice twist.
C

Author's Response: Ohh I couldn't help but add snape in. He's so fun!

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You captured Dumbledore perfectly. I also loved the way Molly was, very good depiction of how she would act.
C

Author's Response: That's the only thing I felt I got right in this chapter. Thanks for noticing : D



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I like Lupin's last comment. That would be the one thing that would snap someone out of something like that.
C

Author's Response: Lupin is one of the most enjoyable characters to write for me. He's so easy going, plus I love him. : )

Thanks

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Very good, hon! I am thoroughly enjoying this story!
C

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I like it, I know what you mean though; writing from the third person POV makes it hard to establish how truly emotional a scene can be.
Here are some ideas though -

"Padfoot," Lupin started, "We..we lost him. There is no baby," he said looking to Mary, who was hiding her face in her hands [with her shoulders slumped forward]. He quickly looked to Sirius who looked between his best friend to the crying woman. [Lupin had been dreading this day, even more since Sirius had escaped. He finally had one of his best friends back and he knew that something like this would make him lose that.]



"You're lying to me." [He shook his head disbelievingly as if to shake the thought away. His only(italic) son, had never even had a day to live, while Sirius himself had already had years. It was so unfair.] "How did you get in on this, Remus?" [He rounded on the man that was supposed to be his best friend, and glared at him in a way that would have made any other person cower.] "Why would you make something like this up? I'd rather have a son raised by filth than not have one at all. Where is he, Mary?" Sirius was now sounding desperately pathetic. The lines on his once handsome face had instantly grown deeper. He turned to face the sobbing woman who looked up, but seemed to look over his shoulder. [She may have had fifteen years to deal with the loss and make it more manageable, but now all the walls she had put in place were demolished by Sirius' grief.]

[He swallowed hard several time before he was able to find enough strength in his voice to continue the story.] "I had worked a longer shift that day. We needed money. We were late on rent. I promised to keep them safe, Sirius. I couldn't have them live on the street. I returned to the apartment and found Mary on the ground. She was covered in blood. I didn't know what happened, but she was unconscious. I rushed her to St. Mungos. They told me she had apparently attempted apparation but her fever had caused her to fall and hit her head. They fought hard for the baby. They had Mary on potions and spells, there were so many I can't even begin to name them. Eventually there was nothing more they could do. Mary had had a miscarriage. The baby was gone. For weeks the healers put Mary in an unconscious state. They eventually had to break the news, and they wanted me to tell her. They thought I was the father. We went with the story to avoid questioning. The healers woke Mary up and I told her...I told her the baby was gon-"

Mary looked up quickly, [the grief in her eyes was replaced with fear]. "Oh no, I must be getting home. He'll be worried. He'll want me home. You've seen how he is..." she said quietly. [Her stature had changed, every inch of her body seemed to cower forward with her shoulders. If she had looked broken before, it was nothing compared to now.]

That's all I can think of right now lol. I hope it helps!
C

Author's Response: ooh! thanks for the help. I'm thinking about
re writing a couple chapters and that will help a lot. I just need to try and explain feelings more. hah. Thanks again



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I like it, very good first chapter and introduction to the story.
C

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uh oh... she's in trouble... good update!!

Author's Response: thanks! I've been trapped in a block but i've gotten a few chapters written. hopefully they'll go over well.



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good job! keep writing

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