Well, since in your review request you said that "brutality is ok," I'll have to take off my kid gloves. Just kidding. My impressions of this story were largely favorable.
Eensy weensy grammar thing: During Draco and Pansy's heart-to-heart in the common room, he said "all ready" instead of "already." That's the only thing I noticed.
All right, I'll admit to feeling some initial skepticism when I first read about an American exchange student with gelled hair. Yeah, I know I should give stories like that a chance, but I always have this reaction that it's going to turn out to be packed with ridiculous cliches. However, your story wasn't that way.
Pansy wasn't really the way I picture her, but then again, I've never spent much time contemplating her character. Obviously she's human too, despite her fancy wandwork in this story. I enjoyed her voice in this story. I also liked the way you made her and Draco best friends. I don't think I've ever read a Hogwarts-era story in which Pansy isn't either his boyfriend or a completely annoying cow. I rather liked this Pansy.
I really liked the snowball fight idea. At first, I thought it was kind of random, but it turned out to be a major part of the plot. I had a pretty good idea of how the snowball fight would turn out, but I really enjoyed the descriptions of the colored snow and all that.
There were moments at the beginning where I thought Pansy's voice seemed a little "off." You mentioned that this is the first story you've written in the first person. That makes sense, because there were a couple times near the beginning where I started thinking the description would have worked better in the third person, or sounded more third person than first person. I think you got into the groove fairly quickly, though.
I thought Pansy's initial reaction to Chris(tian) was a little silly. It's just a personal thing with me . . . that immediate awe thing always makes me want to roll my eyes. However, the rest of their interaction was very pleasant to read. I liked the way Pansy described all the houses to him, waited to give him a tour, and just generally was nice to the new kid. That's not quite what I would have expected of her, but I still liked it. Also, the part with the gargoyles was nice.
Chris was a nice OC. I wish there had been more about him in the story, but since the story was told in the first person from Pansy's POV, of course that was impossible. The way they got together at the end was very sweet. Overall, a very interesting and enjoyable story. I've never read anything quite like it.Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing for me!
I really appreciate your feedback, and I'm so glad you could find things that I did correctly. :]
Normally, I hate Pansy. She just bothers me. But as I started thinking about her character more I realized that she's gotta be a person, even if she's an obnoxious one. :] So I switched it up a bit.
I'm glad you liked it.
Chris was fun to write, because even though he was born into the story a pre-made cliche, I wanted to work with him. :D He was fun to write.
I'll fix that grammar error and do a read through to see anything else I can fix.
Thanks so much!
--Emily Report Review
i thought that you did a wonderful job on this little one-shot. you really seemed to have a nice grasp on your characters and i believe that that was one of the things that made this work out so well. you mentioned that you have never written Pansy before but honestly, i think that you did more than alright. so many writers who aren't focusing on her directly portray her as a doppy, love-struck girl but you really appeared to bring some life to her character and i found that truly exciting. i am certainly impressed that you pulled her off so well when you have never had experience with her character.
was this seriously your first time writing in first-person? well, being truthful, i couldn't tell at all. you didn't seem to have any problem at all with it and i would definitely advise you to write it again in the future. you seemed to know what you were doing and therefore i believe that it worked out well for you.
overall, i thought that this was a lovely take on Pansy. it was realistic in nearly every way possible and i am convinced that you knew exactly where you were going with this when you first started it. great job. feel free to come back to my thread anytime that you wish; i honestly do love your style and your stories. keep up the beautiful work!Author's Response: Thanks so much!
This made me smile.
After this piece, I wrote another one-shot involving Pansy, but I'm so glad that you liked this since I never editted it after it was first posted. :D
She's a hard character to write, because she's so easy to get wrong. I'm glad you thought I did well.
Thanks so much for all of your compliments, I'll be back at the thread soon. :]
--Emily Report Review
Wow, that was amazing!
Usually I'm not a Pansy fan, or a fan of any story where the Slytherins are main characters, actually. I feel like the author makes them all sweet and nice when they're really cold and mean. And you did that. But some how you made it a little more believeable. Maybe it was Pansy's crush, and it made her more human. But you did a nice job. I really liked it.
The snowball fight is a genius idea! It was so much fun. My only suggestion for that part would be to have Draco be a little more competitive towards the Gryffindors; we can't forget that huge rivalry.
Otherwise, very nice job. It was a good, well written story and even though it was long I flew right throught it. Nice work!!!Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate you taking the time to review this, since I know it is a bit long for a one-shot. :D
I'm really glad that you liked the snowball fight, that was probably my favorite part to write.
I agree about Draco's competitiveness, I really should have caught onto that before now... haha.
Well, anyway, thank you so much for reviewing, I'm really glad you liked this since it was such a different angle for me.
--Emily Report Review
i love it. ten out of ten.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm glad that you enjoyed it, thanks for taking the time to review. :D --DracoFerret11 Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection