Reading Reviews for Rice Milk Macabre
  
94 Reviews Found

Review #1, by ilharrypotter Now You See It...

13th July 2011:
Hi again!

Because of a new job and a short attention span, I've had to reduce to only doing 3 reviews per request. I apologize for that, but feel free to re-request as many times as you want :)

Once again, there's not much for me to say. This story is so well-written - it has so much substance, without being unforgivably long. It's a really great piece, and you should be proud. I haven't even seen the plot really begin to unfold, but already, I can tell there's so much going on that will keep your readers very interested.

I also love that Johanna's story will be entangling with Harry, Ron, and Hermione. So intriguing!

-Paige.

Author's Response: I'm glad that you like this story so much!! The length vs content was really a worry of mine, so thank you so much for the feedback!! I really appreciate you taking the time to write this review!


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Review #2, by ilharrypotter Eucalyptus

13th July 2011:
Hello again!

Your story really provokes a lot of thought from me, which is why my last review seemed so lacking, I'm sure. I stop and ponder a lot of what I read - not because it's confusing but because I'm curious as to what all of this could posisbly mean. I'm interested in this, and I guess I forget to give you an in-depth review. Oops.

Anyway.

Lovely chapter, again. You describe everything enough to give the story substance but not enough to be too much. You characterize enough for us to learn about Johanna - but not too much. You seem to be doing everything right - you're making my job so easy.

I also love to see Fred and George suddenly in the story, too! They lighten up every story, no matter what's going on.

I can't wait to hear more about this Ministry thing, as well.

You're doing a great job with this story. There's not much more I can say. Great job!

-Paige.

Author's Response: YAY!

Good, I'm glad the balance makes sense, I know I have a problem sometimes with not enough info in the beginning, so it eases my mind to know that you liked it.

I know I sound like a broken record, but THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for the lovely review!!!


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Review #3, by ilharrypotter A Well-Timed Enchantment

13th July 2011:
Hello there! ilharrypotter/polkadot from the forums with your requested reviews. Sorry it's taken me so long, I've been terribly busy - I apologize for the wait!

Right away, the first thing that draws me to your story is your title. It's so... unique. When I was going through the list of stories I needed to review, I would always pause and look at your story title for a little longer - it's just so intriguing!

Seeing it's your first story, I'll try to be attentive - from the first bit I've read, I look forward to not having to say too much, though. :)

'much too high for us to reach, thank you so much Miss Johanna, we appreciate her works so much, Miss!' this made me chuckle. I do love house elves.

I'm really interested in the South African influence that is clearly in this story. This makes it so... interesting. Really incredible at how you're mixing it into the Harry Potter world, actually. I like that a lot.

I can't think of any criticism or improvements - this is a great story so far.

-Paige.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! Sorry it took me so long to reply, I have had a whirlwind month.

I'm glad you liked the mix and the title. The ultimate goal of this story was to be a total detour from the usual fic, so I'm very happy to hear that its purpose has been fulfilled.

Thanks again for the great review!!


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Review #4, by puiwaihin A Strong and Sudden Thaw

6th May 2011:
Thanks for asking for a review of this story. This is exactly the sort of thing I like to read and you're writing an excellent story.

I really like Johanna. You've done an excellent job making her a real person. Your use of local color to give her a distinct voice really helps give your OC a unique feel. And she's definitely a sympathetic character.

You already noted your weakness with writing Dobby and the Weasley twins. I'll just note that the dialog you chose for them just doesn't really fit them at all. I think with Dobby I think you needed to make him eager to please and terribly unhappy that he was unable to tell the twins what they wanted to know. With the twins they seemed too much out of synch, where generally they are portrayed as finishing each others' sentences uncannily.

Aside from that, I don't think there's anything you really needed to change, just keep going forward! Keep up the good work and I hope to see more of what's to come!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

Definitely, the feedback on how to write more like Dobby is really appreciated. I'm glad that you appreciate Johanna for who she is-- I really wanted to put a new sort of character out there, sort of a new style, you know?

Thank you so much, I'll re-request when I manage to eke the next chapter out!

♥-ai


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Review #5, by Zaphiie A Series of Unfortunate Events

30th May 2010:
I began reading this story when I saw your request for Beta readers on the forums. I have no beta reading experience whatsoever, and wouldn't have a clue how to help in that respect, so I didn't reply, but I felt like reading your story - and I'm so glad I did!

This is brilliant - I almost can't see why you would need it beta read, because I honestly think it needs no improvement. It's very well written, interesting, and far from the normal, cliche type of plot. Johanna is a brilliant character with a lot of depth and she is fantastic to read.

My only comment would be that the Afrikaans glossaries at the end of the chapters should perhaps be at the beginning - I find myself reading the chapter and only half-understanding, then scrolling back up to see what different sentences meant.

I'm really excited for when you next update. Thanks for writing!

Author's Response: That's a good idea-- I'll think about putting the glossary in front.

Thank you! At least I know someone read the beta request form. :P

I just have some issues with it sounding a little campy for me, but I'm glad that you liked it-- maybe I have less work than I thought.

The next update will be soon, I promise. :)

-Ai


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Review #6, by Alopex Dead Girl Walking

5th May 2009:
I particularly liked the description of the grin that would have sent the Dark Lord crawling back to his mouse hole. That must be some scary something-or-other that can grin a grin like THAT. And speaking of description, I felt like I had a much better idea of what was going on in this chapter than I did in the previous ones. The first three chapters in particular were a little sketchy on details that make it easier to picture the scene and the actions. I was amused by the scene with the map. Your dialogue was good, as always, and I'm really liking Johanna as a character. I like how you keep gradually revealing more information about her, but I do think it would have been nice to know a little bit more about her toward the beginning. Not everything, of course, but some things were confusing in the first few chapters.

Author's Response: Hehe, oh it is a pretty scary something. :]

I re-read the chapter, and I have to agree with you-- I think it was because I had a much better sense of direction here-- I knew what I was doing and how the plot was going to go, so I was able to figure out how I could work stuff around. Besides, I think description's just a Harry thing.

I'm glad you like Johanna, and I'll definitely try and keep up the description that you like.

Thank you so much for the great reviews, I really appreciate them!

♥-Ai


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Review #7, by Alopex Now You See It...

5th May 2009:
Well, well. Very interesting development. I'm sure it can't be good news. I thought for a moment that Filch was the one who (almost) caught Johanna, but then I remembered that he wouldn't be able to cast the Lumos charm, and Mrs. Norris certainly would have been around. I never even considered the possibility that it might be Ron, and obviously Johanna didn't know him either. That's one special cat she has, too, being able to pack a bag.

I thought the scene with the portrait was quite amusing. He reminded me a bit of Sir Cadogan, that crazy night. I am a little confused as to why Johanna would know Snape (does she know all the teachers?) well enough to ream him out. If she's supposed to stay hidden, wouldn't it make sense to hide from the teachers as well, just in case they accidentally let something slip while Umbridge is around?

Author's Response: She's a SUPER special cat. So special, I'm not really even sure HOW she's special yet. But she is.

So many people are worried about the WHY with Johanna and Snape. Stop overthinking it, take it at face value-- that might make things a little clearer.

I agree with what you're saying, but I think what I was trying to get at is if the teachers see her frequently enough, they really have no reason to talk about her-- she's just another staff member, and since she's completely human and a maintenance worker, the haughty Umbridge probably wouldn't give the girl the time of day, you know? Hiding under plain sight.

♥-Ai


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Review #8, by Alopex A Well-Timed Enchantment

5th May 2009:
This is a very interesting, edgy beginning to the story. I'm intrigued so far; this is very different than any fanfiction I have read before. Your OC is extremely unique . . . no exchange student from America with extra-special powers who falls in love with Draco Malfoy!

Your characterization seems good so far: I felt like I got a real sense of who Johanna was. However, there were a few places where I was a little big confused as to what was happening, as I didn't realize from your description that she had returned to a room, for instance.

Author's Response: Sorry it took me so long to respond-- finals time= crazy.

Yeah, unique was definitely what I was going for in this story, so I'm glad that it worked out so well!

I do know what you mean-- (I tend to have a more vague writing style that trips me up now and again), but I do believe that on that one particular occasion, I wrote a sentence describing exactly that action.

♥-Ai


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Review #9, by Phoenix_Flames Nightmares and Dreamscapes

4th April 2009:
Oh my gosh! Way to end the chapter! I'm aching for more, more, more! I really gotta read it!

It's so amazing and it was finally answering all the questions you left unanswered!

I have enjoyed reading this so much. Feel free to come request when you have updated!

10/10

Author's Response: I know, I'm working on it, I'm working on it!

Ok, so good, I am answering some questions.

I'll definitely re-request, especially since you seemed to have enjoyed it so much!

Thank you so much for the great set of reviews and sorry it took me so long to reply!

♥-Ai


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Review #10, by Phoenix_Flames Will of the Empress

4th April 2009:
Another awesome chapter! Each one gets better and better, more in depth, and draws me in even further!

Wonderful!

9/10

Author's Response: Aww, yay! I feel warm and fuzzy inside!

♥-Ai


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Review #11, by Phoenix_Flames Dead Girl Walking

4th April 2009:
Another brilliant chapter. You really have a unique, wonderful story here.

I love how, each chapter, we found out just a little more about who - or what - Johanna really is. it's amazing!

This chapter was actually quite funny and I really enjoyed the humor in it. Ohhh, I love James!


Mr. Prongs would also like to know who the hell you are.

Mr. Padfoot is inclined to agree with Mr. Prongs, and would like to know how you are in Hogwarts.

Mr. Wormtail is inclined to agree with the aforementioned Messrs, and would like to ask the Miss if she is absolutely certain that she is in fact, alive.

Mr. Prongs would like to add in that that is quite possibly the stupidest thing he'd ever--"


H-I-L-arious! This was priceless!!

10/10

Author's Response: Yay, I worked so hard on those lines! Like, really, I spent ages perfecting each voice just for that one stupid part. I could probably write an analytical essay on each stupid Marauder by now, with all the stuff I did to make sure they sounded in character.

I'm glad you're getting some of your questions answered-- it means you're actively reading and thinking and connecting the dots(my stories require a LOT of that).

I'm glad this chapter made you laugh. :D

♥-Ai


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Review #12, by Phoenix_Flames 30 Days of Night

4th April 2009:
Another superb chapter!

I have nearly no cc, but I'm too excited to leave a long, lengthy review! XD

9/10

Author's Response: Thanks!

♥-Ai


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Review #13, by Phoenix_Flames Now You See It...

4th April 2009:
Hello!

Another awesome chapter. I loved how you ended it. With that wonderful sense of mystery and excitement.

I'm really confused and compelled for more. Why doesn't she show up on the map?

I love how you are portraying everyone. Ron is extremely different, but I like him this way. He actually gives a fig about school and about his prefect duties. It's really nice.

And it was wonderful how you fit in so much sarcasm with the what-I-find-to-be-mystery going on. It's awesome and a really great way to spread things out.

Great chapter! Can't wait for more!

8/10

Author's Response: Ah, the map, the map, everyone asks about the map. Just wait, my dears, and all will be revealed.

Ron... I don't know if he really super cares, in that he's taking it seriously, (a lot of people have said the same thing as you); I think you guys are reading a little too much into it (which is probably my fault). I mean, he cares, but he's more interested in the fact that a) she's running away and b) not a student than that she's out of bed. How do you think he would have handled the situation if he Johanna had been a student?

I just can't live without sarcasm. It makes my day all warm and fuzzy inside. Besides, it allows me to lighten the mood of a dark, melancholy story.

♥-Ai


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Review #14, by Phoenix_Flames Eucalyptus

4th April 2009:
Another awesome chapter. I could really see an improvement from the previous into this one. I really see that you have a superb story coming along.

I like the glossary. It's really interesting and helpful. ;)

Can't wait for more!

Yay, no mistakes to my eye!

9/10

Author's Response: Thanks for your reviews!

I'm glad there's an improvement, that's something I look for.

♥-Ai


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Review #15, by padfoots girl Now You See It...

30th March 2009:
Ooo. What's up with Johanna and Snape and why should he listen to her? I love it! The mystery that you've started to build up here is great. (And I forgot to mention that about the last chapter, so I'll mention it now. That last part about Umbridge? Brilliant! I love it! I wish I knew exactly what had happened. =]) And also, why has Dumbledore told her not to let anyone see her? Well, I suppose all these questions can't be answered but have to be read, but that's all good. A good story makes the reader hypothesize about what's going to happen next.

So I can see that the story is picking up here and the plot is just happening. I love how the map didn't show her on it, that really caught my interest. You've got a nice story going here, really you do! Again, my only suggestion is just a bit more detail, since right now, your story is pretty much all dialogue. Which isn't a bad thing, necessarily, but some balance is always good.

Good luck with the rest of your story!

-Alex

Author's Response: Heh, mystery's the name of the game, ain't it. :P Ohmygushness, you're on the money with that one. You definitely have to read to find out! *wink*

I'll definitely keep that in mind for future chapters, and thank you so much for your reviews-- sorry it took me so long to reply to them!

♥-Ai


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Review #16, by padfoots girl Eucalyptus

30th March 2009:
This is actually pretty interesting! I know that the trio will be coming into play eventually, but I'm rather content to just have Johanna's story at the moment. =] I think you've done a really, really good job with developing her personality and I can easily hear her in my head.

There were a couple grammatical mistakes here and there, but I'm just going to mention a couple of them that I made a note of:

*"...and Fred grunted in assent, his mouth to full to talk." -- It should be, "his mouth too full to talk."
*"She heard the screams of the burned and the mourning wails of those left behind," -- That should be a period at the end of that sentence, since you capitalize the next word, so I'm assuming you meant it to be two sentences.
*"...always hoping even in death." -- I would put a comma in there so it reads, "always hoping, even in death."

There's a couple more mistakes, but nothing bad at all. =] Just re-read your work. And I know you said in your Author's Note that you rushed this, but there's really no reason to rush. Take your time and edit your work. =]

Fred & George made me smile and I'm so glad that they're a part of this story. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter! =]

Author's Response: Gah! I meant to edit those first two the LAST time I edited that chapter. *sob*I miss things so often.

The last one was intentional. I like the way it reads.

I actually have had a lot more mistakes in this story than I've had in any of the others that I've written, and I don't know why-- maybe it's because Johanna cares so little. :P

I love the twins too-- now if only I could learn how to write them, that would be great!

♥-Ai


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Review #17, by padfoots girl A Well-Timed Enchantment

30th March 2009:
Well I'm here to read, as requested! =]

First off, I'll say that I love how you incorporated the African slang into the story and into Johanna's character. It really adds another layer to her and it's a great way to introduce her as your OC. Her personality is great so far!

Also, I liked how you tied together the trio and Johanna without actually having them run into each other. Very creative, nice job on that. =] And I also enjoyed reading the house-elf. Haha. That was amusing, good job on portraying the way a house-elf acts.

My one suggestion is for more detail. Now, I will say that I love description and I tend to overuse it sometimes, but if you add a little more description, you'll be able to set the scene for the reader and they'll be able to see it in their head much easier. Plus, if you describe the way characters react to each other and the way they speak, then your reader will begin to connect more with your characters. Which, ultimately, is what you want. =]

It's a nice start to the story and I look forward to reading more!

Author's Response: Thank you for both-- this story is really my struggle to battle cliche's, so I'm glad to hear that it's worked out alright so far!

I think the thing is that I was always told early in my writing that I put in too much description, so now I overcompensate and put too little, but I definitely know that that's a problem and do work on it when I remember. :P

Thank you for the reviews and sorry it's taken me so long to reply!

♥-Ai


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Review #18, by alanapotter 30 Days of Night

30th March 2009:
Once again, lovely humor and sarcasm mix in Johanna... I really have a good idea of her character and you're expanding on her wonderfully!

You've brought her and the trio together well, and you've started to lay out the main part of your story (or at least that's the feeling I'm getting) however, I think you'll want to start giving in a bit more to the action... you're introduction has set it all up wonderfully. Keep up the good work!

If you like, rerequest and I'll review the rest of these chapters for ya :]
-Jill

Author's Response: Thank you, that's something I worked hard on, because I feel like I tried too hard in the beginning to make her funny.

I always have a problem with having more intro than I actually need, but I don't know-- I feel like too much is better than too little, you know what I mean?

I'll definitely re-request-- thanks for the great set of reviews!

♥-Ai


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Review #19, by alanapotter Now You See It...

30th March 2009:
Once again, you've managed to sift humor in this expertly. I love when the portraits talk, and you've got the sarcasm attributed to many of them worked in here as well.

I was really surprised to see Ron actually paying attention to his prefect duties... but you played it off well. The way Hermione reacts and the fact that he was more curious about who it really was made it seem more like him.

And the cliff hanger ending... always a good thing, and it makes me want to read more!! So on to chapter four!
-Jill

Author's Response: Comic relief is something that I noticed with Shakespeare's writing, and I thought it would work well in this kind of melancholy, dreary, world that she's in now along with the terrifying one she'll be encountering later. It's just a fact of human nature, I think, especially people like Ron, where that kind of dry humor is his way of coping with his fear. The portraits just looked like too much fun, I couldn't help myself.

I honestly just needed him to get everyone down there somehow, and that seemed like the best way, and Hermione wouldn't have asked for help.

Cliff hangers have been my standby- I don't know how to write anything else anymore. :P

♥-Ai



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Review #20, by alanapotter Eucalyptus

30th March 2009:
Wonderful, once again! I really like what you've done with your OC, putting her in the kitchens instead of as another student... it's very interesting and quite refreshing.

This was a cute scene, and something I think will show up a bit more in the rest... you're really bringing your audience (or at least me ;]) in and it's flowing wonderfully.

Your grammar is spectacular, however, I would suggest a proofread - don't worry too much about this, it's a job that's never completely finished no matter how many times you do it.

On to chapter 3!
-Jill

Author's Response: Refreshing and unique was definitely what I was going for when I thought up this story-- I actually expected it to be a total failure because of how different it is, but it turned out okay, I think.

I don't know why- I have a beta and I'm pretty good with mechanics-- it's just like you said, everytime I read it over, there's another mistake.

My inner editor cries at that sentence. :P

♥-Ai


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Review #21, by alanapotter A Well-Timed Enchantment

30th March 2009:
Very lovely. I think you've set up a wonderful introduction, you've pulled in all of the main characters (or who I assume to be from the summary) and have already left the audience with questions!

I think the African slang is really interesting too; I love language and think that it's the greatest thing when authors add in slang from a different part of the world than the US or UK.

I also feel that your characterizations were right on... the house-elf especially made me chuckle.

Other than that nothing is jumping out, but great job! On to chapter 2!
-Jill

Author's Response: Wow, I'm so sorry sorry sorry it took me so long to respond- prom stuff and water polo have been taking up all my free time. Thank you so much for your great reviews!

Thank you- those were definitely my objectives for the first chapter, just to kinda take things slow, and I'm glad that it worked out to your liking (especially the house elf- they're always difficult).

♥-Ai


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Review #22, by Inti Dead Girl Walking

28th March 2009:
Wow. She is an angry young girl I have to say. So is she black South African? If that's already been mentioned sorry for missing it. Either way I don't really get why she's so angry at the English. The Boer Wars would have been long before her, or her dad's time.

And we still don't know why she's at Hogwarts. Or do we, and I've just completely missed it?

I'm sorry if I'm being negative, or sounding frustrated. It's partly because I am. I think you have a great prose, you describe well and your dialogue is fantastic.
I just feel like you're letting yourself down with the plot and the backstory at the moment.
I hope you pick it up in the later chapters, because this is just a brilliant story waiting to happen.

Hopefully these reviews helped a bit =]

Author's Response: Yeah, lots of repressed anger. I did describe her as blonde, possibly in this chapter or the one before it (I can't really remember). I'm not really sure about where you live, but it would have been in her grandfather's time, and racial prejudice filters down; I mean, I live in Hawaii, and even now, there are still people who are prejudiced against white people like my mother, how many years after plantations and statehood and stuff like that? I mean, I don't mean to sound rude or anything, but wherever it is that you live that racial hatred suddenly stops after one generation, I really wanna be there.

I think I should thank you for that, but I'm not really sure. :P I definitely do understand where you're coming from though, and I've had other people tell me that there's too many questions too.

Thank you so much for your reviews, I can tell you really took your time!

♥-Ai


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Review #23, by Inti 30 Days of Night

28th March 2009:
A gun? Where did that come from? So she's a Squib who can see in the dark? And wouldn't Harry and co. have pulled their wands on her?
Again it's largely the same critique. It's well written, but very, very open-ended, and I can't really see where it's going.

I just think, you've made things almost too mysterious? There's all this uncertainty, but there's nothing for the uncertainty to really focus on?
You have a good prose, really you do. I just think you need to start focussing your story from here =]

Author's Response: Ok, so what happened there, after reading over it, is that there was a paragraph where she took out a holster from the daypack as well as a pair of glasses, but it got deleted, so I have to edit that, thank you for bringing that to my attention.

I don't think even Harry and Co. would be as stupid as to pull out their wands when they see a girl with a gun pointed at them; and if I remember correctly, Ron does try and go at her, but Hermione keeps him at bay.

I know what you mean and in the later chapters that I wrote I tried to get things a little clearer.

♥-Ai


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Review #24, by Inti Now You See It...

28th March 2009:
Again, I'm having the same issues with these chapters as the others. You write well, it's an interesting premise and your characterisation is consistent.
But still, I just feel like I'm really, really missing something. Why is Johanna even at Hogwarts? I just feel like with every chapter there are more and more questions being asked, without any being answered.
Why wouldn't she show up on the map?
Another cliffy! Gahh! Do we get some answers soon? XD

Author's Response: You're definitely not the first person to say that, I'll tell you that much.

The map, I really don't have an answer that I can give you right now... I honestly don't even know why I put that in there except that I needed a reason to get them running down there... a bit stupid in hindsight, truthfully. :P

♥-Ai


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Review #25, by Inti Eucalyptus

28th March 2009:
British Ministry destroying South African villages?
Why is Johanna a cook and not a student? How do the Weasleys know her?

I think you wrote Fred and George well. There was a level of sexual innuendo that was definitely not in the books but worked well here.
You write well, and the way you mix the Afrikaans slang works nicely.

For some reason though, the whole way through this, I keep thinking why? Why would Snape send Fred and George to the kitchens?

This is good though, I get the feeling we're going to start finding things out soon =]

Author's Response: The Weasley's know her because they walked in one day when she was working; I think I explained that in one of the next couple chapters.

As for the innuendo-- I mean, they're teenage boys. 'Nuff said.
Thank you, I tried to make the Afrikaans blend so that it doesn't stick out so much.

Ok, so for the Snape situation, think about this. She has a reaction to the fact that he sent them there, and gets mad at the fact that 'he thinks he knows what's best for her'. What does that imply about the relationship between the Professor and Johanna? So now, understanding that they're closer than just teacher/kitchen staff, and taking into account her very lonely, introverted lifestyle/personality, why would he send the twins?

I think I'm too vague sometimes when I need to be more explicit.

♥-Ai


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