I'm very confused. And I suggest you get a BETA. It has a lot of gramatical errors. I feel like I'm missing out on a big chunk of the plot and it's not making any sense to me without that chunk. I believe this could be an interesting concept, but at the moment, it needs a lot more work. The element of Sakura and Elric is just a little to much at the moment for me to accept.
~OnnaAuthor's Response: Thanks Onna, Your reviews are by far the most helpful!
A) Agreed, I tend to do weird things with language, I totally recognise it on like tests and stuff but when I do it I don't seem to notice it. I just need someone to Beta though
B) I'd like to know what you feel that chunk is though, as I don't really know what you mean. If its the Alt History of the story, I'm not surprised. Originally I had planned to write Harry having a dream of the Last Battle as the Third Chapter but I really do not look forward to spending a WHOLE lot of writing just repeating what everyone already knows with some slight changes. I think I have an idea now of how to explain some of it, but I figured that this didn't appeal to everyones tastes.
Thank You very much. Report Review
Hmm... That was a fair bit confusing. A little too AU for my tastes. But it's only the first chapter, and let it be said that I give every story a second chance.
Other then that, just a few wording issues were things don't flow the greatest. I would suggest a BETA.
~Onna from the forums Report Review
You have really good description, however, I feel that this chapter really threw SO much information at me, information that is original to this story and unfamiliar, that I found myself rereading each paragraph a few times to get it so I could move on. Maybe you should break it up and make some of the story about Harry discovering this info or something.
Good work! Report Review
Again, beautiful description and choice of wording. Also, I wasn't much of a fan of Ginny before, but just the love you portray for her through Harry makes me love her too. Can't think of too much more to add for this one, just that it was amazing again. Same little grammar mistakes, no biggie. The whole 'Harry using buddhist techniques' thing was interesting, never thought of it before. Great job again! *huggles*
-Caitlin Report Review
Wow, that was brilliant.
Okay so I told you I would review this like a week ago, let me explain. Summer school started and I seriously have not been on the computer for very long at all the past little while, which I am so sorry for. But, I printed off your story and read it during my lunch break, and wrote up this review which I am now typing from my notebook. So, yay!
Back to the wow... Wow. With, like, a capital 'W'. Your use of language, just the choice of words, is amazing. It really speaks to me and paints this magnificant image of what is going on. I could picture the scars and aging of Harry's face; the transporting through timelines. Speaking of the timelines...
You have created this entirely alternate universe and series of magic within the Harry Potter world, making this the most original fanfiction I've ever read. You basically took the characters from JK, Voldemort's wrath, then went and twisted everything - in a very good and awesome way.
These terms that you created - Sands of Time, Tempus Dial, the Nameless Place (my personal favourite :P) - very creative and clever and just painted this science-fiction storyline in my mind.
It's freaking brilliant. Really, you know you'll become an author in the future right? :P If this is your fanfiction, I can't wait to read your original works!
Little CC, some of your grammar was off. Like "your" instead of "you're", little things like that. Not too big though. Great job! *huggles*
-Caitlin Report Review
There were a few sentence structure problems that confused me, but otherwise its alright. Interesting concept.Author's Response: Thanks, and yes being a Native Texan I in general have weird sentance's. I will work harder on that. AND YAY, YOUR MY FIRST REVIEW. Report Review
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