Reading Reviews for Cage
  
170 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Jolly Typical Tuesday

26th August 2010:
So, I found this story through... the Reviews That Made Your Day thread! Okay, odd place to find a story? Maybe. But I was about to post there and then I got stuck reading earlier posts and someone had left you such a wonderful review that I felt that this had to be a great story. Plus, after reading the review (I didn't read all of it because I didn't want too much to be given away about the plot and so on) I suddenly really wanted to read a Horror story. And your summary gave me the chills. :P

Anyway, about the story. ^^ I really like Clyde, he feels very real and the way that he likes to break rules and see how far he can go and how he also can be sensitive, in love and feel unworthy. It's just great with deep characters! ;) Also, I'm wondering, is Clyde a Slytherin?

I also like Neville's characterization. Small things like him saying that it was his turn to pay when he just as well could have said that it was Clyde's, that he was concerned over Clyde and that he thanked the waitress made him feel like the Neville we know. But at the same time he's different. He's funny and more confident with himself and I find this totally believable as Neville having a friend when he was younger would definately have changed him.

One thing that I did find odd though was that Jessamine and Clyde talked over the phone. Just a bit too unmagical for my taste. Unless Jessamine is either a Muggle or a Muggleborn and Clyde is a Muggleborn?

All in all, good story so far! Looking forward to the horrory parts! (Yes, I know horrory isn't a word ^^ I just like making them up.)
-Jolly

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm so glad you found this story - any way is fine with me! =D

Clyde is actually my favorite character I've ever written, so I'm really glad you liked him too. I appreciate what you said about Neville as well. It was my intention to show that Clyde brings out a different side of him.

I understand what you mean about the lack of magic in this story, but you may see that it becomes important.

Thank you so much!


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Review #2, by Miss Lily Potter Finale

11th August 2010:
So I read this about a month or two ago, and I saw when it was done, so I said to myself "That's okay, I don't have to leave a review, it was from a long time ago."

But this story has been niggling in the back of my mind, begging to be reread, and so I did so. And I don't think I can *not* review.

This story... it's amazing. The raw emotion you packed into seven chapters is amazing. Clyde became a person, a real person. He was flawed and original and unique and he watched his best friends die. And when he was angry, I was scared. Even the second time I read it. I was sitting here and my heart was racing and I thought to myself, "This author is talented. So, so talented."

I've had you on my Favorite Authors for a while now, but it never really hit me, just how fantastic your stories are. There's so little description, and yet I could see everything.

The part that really got to me was Luna going mad. Just imagining her, sitting in the chair, rocking, scared the crap out of me.

And Vandy's death. Her freakout and then just lying there, halfway out the window... It was shocking and terrible.

But what really scared me was Clyde's blase reaction. I don't know if that was what you intended, but the "What now?" really cut me to the core. How much would it take someone to see, to have that reaction to that?

I loved it. I love that you had him discover God; I think it's a natural progression of Clyde's character.

Neville and Luna's deaths were so, so anti-climactic, yet they were such a focal point of the chapter. The first time I read it, I skimmed over it and then I had to go back and reread. "Wait, what? Neville and Luna *died*?"

I don't know how you feel about this story, but I really think it's wonderful. I think it's the emotion that really got to me, the raw emotions, splayed out on the page, because these are all people's reactions, with no magic. They're just... human. And that's really scary.
-Jasmine

Author's Response: Oh, wow. How do I even begin to respond to this? I was so shocked to see that I had a review for Cage. I figured everyone had forgotten about it by now. Thank you so much ^-^

I can't thank you enough for saying I am talented. Compliments like that make me confident in that I can actually do this. I'm so glad you liked this story. I rather enjoyed writing it, even though it messed with me a little bit. Thanks so much =)

I hate description. I really do. I would much rather tell you the important stuff. I don't believe in writing the stuff people skim over. =P Thank you!

You're picking up on all the subtleties that I had intended everyone find, and that is just amazing to me. Thank you so much. Readers like you make my writing more enjoyable =)

I like this story, even though it's old. Thank you so much! This review totally made my day. My week!

Thank you! ^-^


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Review #3, by Leigh Kelley Finale

6th January 2010:
Saved by cigarettes? Now that's something.

Anyway, I must say now that this story was brilliant. Luna and Neville dying really came as a shock to me, but it only makes sense for them to die along with Vandy. Happy endings don't always work, and I doubt that it would have with this story. I mean, although Clyde survived, I don't really feel like it ended happily. He doesn't have the best of jobs, he's still smoking, and he's a mute. It did have a nice meaning at the end though, even if I don't see Clyde as the type of person to believe in a higher power. It does give him something though, as he himself said at the end.

Most of everything that happened over the course of this story was a surprise to me. I thought it would be this big old scene with death eaters and them trying to fight for their lives, but that would be all too easy. I'm glad that you took it out of the box, and had this whole mental aspect to the whole thing. It was just the four of them, no Voldemort and his followers, and it worked. I believed in everything you've written, even if the course of events happened in an unnatural short period of time. Who cares, really? It was a nice plot, and you allowed it to unfold beautifully.

Grammar-wise, you were pretty much perfect. I didn't find anything to pick on, so that's good. Your storyline flowed well, your characters had dimensions, and your writing was completely gripping. If I hadn't needed to leave yesterday, I would have read it all in one sitting. Great job.

~L. Kelley

Author's Response: I hope I sort of threw you for a loop with that. =P

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked the story as a whole. It was sort of a bittersweet ending for that reason. Clyde doesn't really understand that yes, he survived, but he has no one anymore. This whole story messed with my mind when I was writing it XD

I'm so glad I could surprise you! That's something I've been trying to accomplish with my writing, and it's so great to hear that I have done it =) Thank you so much! The mental aspect of it, I thought, was much scarier than being attacked by death eaters or demetors or something of the like. That's why I wanted to take the magic away from this story and show people how scary humans could really be.

Thank you so much! Your feedback has helped me so much. ♥


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Review #4, by Leigh Kelley Some Things Aren't Meant to Last

6th January 2010:
Addiction is such a terrible thing. People lose their limbs, their voices, hang on the edge of death and still can't give up on their cigarettes. Going a day without it is like going through a day without trying to breathe. Absolutely impossible. I think his addiction is something you've been trying to show with all the flashbacks? And even the first scene with Nev in chapter one touched on it. Having him go crazy because he doesn't have his comfort is absolutely plausible. Leaving his friend behind, while terrible, is absolutely believable. No one can stand between him and his cigarettes. No one. And it's already been four days. With the end in sight and a cig just waiting for him, just why would he stop? Yeah, you portrayed it all nicely.

Not much more for me to say here, so reading on.

~L. Kelley

Author's Response: It is, isn't it? This story was difficult for me to write for that reason. Clyde is so different from me and his values are so far away from what I believe, so having to live through him was hard. Having to BE him when he left his friend on the tracks for his cigarettes... it was hard. Thank you so much for your reviews. I really appreciate your feedback. =)

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Review #5, by Leigh Kelley Escape Plan

6th January 2010:
Haha. There's just something amusing about Vandy taking that leap off the Sanity Express as well. Okay, maybe it's not so funny at all, considering how psycho she got. But, after reading the other chapters, she just seemed like the calmest one. For her to go off like that really puts things into perspective. She knows none of the people in that carriage. Has no one to talk to really. Made it an effort to snap at the only person I saw to have any interest in her. Being around them when she obviously had no want to, trapped with seemingly no hope at all... It's enough to send anyone crazy. I know I pretty much go crazy when the electricity goes because I can't stand just sitting in silence. And I pretty much crack when it's gone for most of the day. So imagine being pretty much alone for four days. Yeah, I'd go psycho on everyone too. She's almost like a calm before the storm. You described their emotions and the scene really well.

Vandy going through that window, or trying to anyway, was really chilling. I thought that she'd end up tipping the train and send them all crashing off the tracks. It was pretty scary, to say the least, especially with Clyde so calm about it all. Just sitting there, watching. And then just pulling her and laying her aside. I believe it. It's all about self-preservation and surviving. What kind of a connection does he have to the girl? Other than having been cooped up with her for four days? And she hasn't exactly been the nicest to him. It's not like Neville and Luna, where it was clear for most of the story that they care for each other. So to be honest, I didn't really feel bad when he left her behind. Cold of me, but she hadn't been the most likable of characters.

Now, I wonder if they are going to make it.

~L. Kelley.

Author's Response: When you think about it, it's not very funny. But I definitely understand how you could think it was funny. I thought it was kind of funny when I was writing it, and then I was just like, "Oh..." Thank you =)

I'm so glad you believed that part. It was sort of disturbing for me to write this part, when Clyde just sits by and watches as Vandy essentially kills herself, but it was how it had to be, you know?

Thank you so much! I hope you like the rest ^_^


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Review #6, by Leigh Kelley The Sickening Sound of the Truth

6th January 2010:
Well, someone just took a dive off the sanity bus. He's really losing it, and I had no problems feeling that. Clyde's thoughts were just so over the place, and it added to the atmosphere. Sometimes I was confused as to what's going on, but making sense of anything when I am having the direct thoughts of someone in a breakdown would be difficult. You really captured the mood well.

I don't like Vandy. At all. Even when he placed her on that pedestal I couldn't bring myself to like her. How can anyone be so perfect? And then she snapped, and I was like 'Oh!'. And now she just keeps on being mean to him, and it's like, 'Okay, I'm sure he got it already. Leave him alone.' I guess it's his current state that has me not caring for her character much. I feel sorry for him, no matter how crazed he is, and doesn't have any kind of support. But, he can't be the only one suffering, of course, so I don't know how he can get that shoulder to lean on when all the others probably need one too.

Just curious. How comes there hasn't been a search party for them yet? Wouldn't they have realised by now that four students were missing? They have their wands, so they know that they boarded the trains, right? And since they didn't get off it, wouldn't it be logical to be out looking for them? Then again, maybe they are, and just don't think to check the train tracks. Who would? Ah, I dunno.

Reading on!

~L. Kelley

Author's Response: XD Yes, I suppose that's an accurate way to phrase it. This going-crazy, helter-skelter part of the story was really fun to write because if something felt wrong, it belonged. Isn't that weird? It messed me up a little bit; it was difficult to go back to writing normally after this XD But I'm really glad you liked this part.

Good, you're not supposed to like Vandy. XD I suppose the relationship between Vandy and Clyde could have been extended so that this part was more dramatic, but I guess it's too late now =P Again, I'm really happy to see how much you're thinking about this story. It means a lot to me.

I suppose logically, that would happen. That was sort of a trap I'd set for myself with this story. I really wasn't sure how long it took for the train to reach Hogwarts once it left the station, but I knew that withdrawal needed a healthy amount of time for it to set in. You make a good point, but I appreciate that you're using your imagination for this story =P

Thanks again!


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Review #7, by Leigh Kelley Reality Check

6th January 2010:
Vandy, Vandy, Vandy. Those words actually came out of sweet little Vandy's mouth? She really seems different from the Vandy we've heard about through his thoughts. I'm surprised she let them sit in the compartment with her if that's what she truly thought of him. Maybe it's because Luna and Neville were with him. Hm. It seems that she's wanted to tell him all of that for a long time. I am glad she said those things, because we get to see another side of Clyde.

Sometimes, characters like Luna and Neville do seem out of character. Luna doesn't seem very Luna, but she's pretty tough to write, so I can't really get on you for it.

Still curious as to where you're taking this. Every time I think something is going to happen, it doesn't. I can't guess to your plotline at all, but I suppose that's a good thing?

~L. Kelley

Author's Response: XD Oh, yes. Vandy's deceiving, isn't she? I'm so pleased to see how much you're thinking about this piece. That's the best compliment I could receive as a writer. ♥

Yes, Neville and Luna were a problem. They are very difficult to write, and I know that's no excuse, but I will have to practice more with their characters to get them right. Thanks.

It is a good thing, don't you think? =)


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Review #8, by Leigh Kelley Let's Sit in the Back

6th January 2010:
Nice dream at the beginning there. It felt so real, and I was so sure that it was a flashback or something similar. Clyde's little statements, like the one after he says 'I ran', just gave me that feel. It was written so well, and had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. It was just that gripping, and demanded that I read on to find what happened. You definitely got the horror bit down there. To discover that it was just a dream was actually a relief to me.

You have really got a feel for your character. The same voice I heard in the first chapter, is still here now. He swears a lot, but that's just him. I like how he recognises that he's not the greatest guy, and therefore doesn't want to mess with Vandy because he fears corrupting her. It's kind of sweet. Somehow I feel that she's not as pure and innocent as he seems to think she is.

I just knew taking the wands before they boarded the train was a bad thing. I thought something would happen on the train, because teachers don't travel to the school like that, right? The only adults on the train are the driver and the trolley lady, if I am thinking correctly. So Clyde had every right to feel naked.

So, disconnected from the rest of the train? And wandless? Can't wait to see what happens next!

~L. Kelley

Author's Response: Thank you! That dream sequence is actually one that happened to me in real life, tweaked a bit for the HP world. I had a dream that I was hiding in my closet from Nazis (we were reading Night in school at the time) and I was suffocating. When I woke up, I found that the covers were over my head, and that's why I dreamt of suffocation. Weird, huh?

Thank you! Like I said, I really like writing Clyde. I'm glad you like him, too. =)

I really am not completely sure of what canon says about adults on the train. I didn't think about that before I wrote this, to be honest. I just wrote what I wanted to happen =P

Thank you so much! I hope you enjoy it ^_^


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Review #9, by Leigh Kelley Typical Tuesday

5th January 2010:
Hi there :). Sorry this took so long!

With first person writing, I often find rambling characters. I much prefer it when authors jump right into the story, and not let the characters give unnecessary details by way of introducing him or her. Less inner thoughts and more action. Like we have here, for instance. You didn't waste time letting Clyde row us through information that is in no way essential to the plot.

Speaking of Clyde. I love his character. He isn't flat or bland, but actually pretty exciting and well-rounded. His inner thoughts are sometimes amusing, and interesting to read about. He's quite the character. I can't believe that he wouldn't stick around if he had knocked up Jessamine, but I can't say that I am surprised by it. Anything else and he wouldn't be Clyde. Funny how I feel like I know him after one chapter. His voice just shines through so much, and it is so easy to distinguish him from all of the characters I have been reading about lately.

Loved the dialogue. It was easy, natural, and flowed. Your description was nice too; just enough to have the reader able to picture the scene without being crushed by too much detail.

Anyway, I'm interested to read on. I feel that what they read in the paper is related to the plot, and I can't wait to see how. I'm not that big a fan on horror, but with Clyde as the main character, I am sure I'll enjoy the rest of this.

~L. Kelley

Author's Response: Sorry for taking so long to respond!

Thank you! I was very afraid of having a rambling character. I found, though, that with first person, it alleviates the need for lots of description. The story isn't about what's going on around the character so much as it is about the character himself.

Thank you! Clyde has easily become my favorite character to write. He was very fun and interesting because he is so unlike myself in real life. It was fun to sort of live through him with this piece. =) I'm glad you feel like you know him already! That's so great to hear ^_^

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review ^_^


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Review #10, by Jackson Robles Let's Sit in the Back

1st October 2009:
Grammar wise you...I'm SO sorry, but SOMEWHERE up there you broke 'the' up into 't' and 'he' and you forget an end quotes twice right at the end. Besides that it was darn well edited!

He swears too much for my taste. I don't have a problem with swearing in general, but he swore at times that just caused me to go 'Really?' I should have said he swears too much in times when he doesn't need to--and he is the typical 17 year old, and they do do that, and they do drive me crazy.

So that was a compliment. You have this character down pat. I dislike him, which may be your goal, but that doesn't take away from the story. While I think your first two chapters could have been one--as nothing really happens in either other of them besides scene change--they are reading easily.

That's a big thing I look for--if your story forces me to read it. The first chapter felt like that, but the second one is getting much better! Flow's good--it usually does with a 1st person narrator.

And I like that. I do hope to see some redeeming qualities in this character. We already see he's at least a little human when his heart flutters for Vandy.

Nice work! And I do apologize if my last review came off as less than positive!

Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, I know there are some typos, thanks for reminding me to fix them. =)

I'm sorry you didn't care for Clyde's potty-mouth, but that's just the way he wanted to be written. I had him in my mind, and that's just what flowed out of me when I wrote this. I know that sounds writer-y and lame, but that's seriously how it happened.

Yay! I'm glad you're getting more and more interested as the story progresses! =)

Oh, no, it's not like that at all. I can handle criticism, so you don't need to apologize or anything every time you point something out that bothered you. Thank you!


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Review #11, by Jackson Robles Typical Tuesday

28th September 2009:
That's good. Original I'd say, actually. So many times you see something catchy, something about the scenery--that's how mine starts. Not yours. "He's late." So much can come from that. Let's read on...

It's well written, but not necessarily my cup of tea. Angst isn't my style. While I am all for terrible people as narrators, believe me, this character, and from what I've read I could have predicted everything you wrote.

While I promise I mean that in the best of ways I will read on--and please don't take that the wrong way. It's a good original character, well rounded and feels real. So many OC's seem like mannequins.

Onto the next one. I was honest. I said I would be.

Author's Response: Thank you! I HATE starting stories with description. I hardly ever do it. I'm glad you like it. =)

I know that this story takes a certain kind of reader, and I know that asking anyone to review it is a huge risk. I'm a bit confused about your comment about my writing being predictable. In what ways? How did you know what I was going to write? Was it just Clyde that made everything obvious?

Thank you so much! I appreciate your honesty. =)


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Review #12, by Siriusly Smitten x Finale

28th September 2009:
In response to the review you requested:

I'll give you this much, I've never read an OC quite like Clyde. In fact, I've only read a few fan fictions with a male OC playing a significant role besides acting as someone's boyfriend. I have mixed feelings about the character. You developed him well. Readers get a terrific insight on his past, and why he is the way he is. I think this idea, as a base plot would make for a great original story, but not so much for a Harry Potter fan fiction. Clyde was out of place in comparison to Neville, Luna and Vandy, although that was probably your intention.

I know you mentioned the Americanized thing in your Authors note, but I'm going to talk about it. If you ever planned to re-write this story later, perhaps do some background research of British life and terms in the time period, or just rule out blatant American terms. I'm neither British nor American, but I think for an author to make their Harry Potter fan fiction realistic and relatable, British terms is helpful. However, there were moments of glory in Clyde's thoughts and actions that I did like.

Grammar wise, you were pretty good. There were a few awkward short sentences, but everything else was good.

I checked out some of your other work, and personally, I found myself liking it more than I did Cage. I found myself skimming through parts of Cage, although nonetheless, I was eager to see how it would end. You kept the story going, and made me wonder what was going to happen, so kudos for that. The pace was good, and I partially liked the first chapter with the moments between Neville and Clyde.

Overall, you have quite a unique story and character. I think your skills as a writer are definitely evident, and I stand by what I said above: It would make a good original fan fiction if you moved it away from Harry Potter fandom.

Hope this helps?

Author's Response: XD Thank you. Clyde was definitely a project. I know that male OCs are not very common around this site, but I still wanted to make him special enough so that people would remember him. I get your point about it being more suited for original - I was contemplating making this an original, but I sort of practiced on the HP-world first.

I appreciate your comments, but I must disagree. Having a character with such a strong personality like Clyde, I think he would be ruined by my mediocre British. Even if I researched, it wouldn't sound the same. Clyde is a strong character because I know him so well. I know him so well because I had to make him sort of American. Thank you, though. I do appreciate your opinion. =)

I understand. As I said, this piece is getting old. Some of my newer projects exhibit my more mature writing style and ideas, and I just wanted to keep this on the archive to show how much I've grown. Thank you =)

Thank you so much! I really appreciate your detailed review ^_^


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Review #13, by Jazzeh Turnip Typical Tuesday

26th August 2009:
Y'know, the title of this chapter made me laugh as soon as I'd finished reading. Teenage pregnancy, smoking... All things "typical" of teenagers these days xD. And for some reason I really liked this line "I was in it for the look." It speekz tha troofs.

You asked me if this is still "fresh"... and it sort of confused me. Novels that were written YEARS ago would still be fresh to me if I hadn't read them before xD. So yes, this is "fresh" because I've never read it. :D

One thing I have to pick at is that Neville speech sounds a little off. His character is great, it's JUST his speech. You've changed his character a little to suit the whole situation with the war, but his speech has just gone a little too far, in my opinion.

Your writing is flawless, and I love reading it. It's so smooth and just... I can't think of a word for it. But it's good.

Sorry that this review took its time to get to you, I generally avoid doing longer fics until I absoloutly have to, but now I've read this I want to R&R all of it. So you'll be hearing from me again, but it may take a day or two. I don't want you thinking I've just dissapeared because your story put me off OR because I'm getting fed up of you (which is pretty much impossible considering everything you've given me to review so far has been different xD).

9/10 :)

Author's Response: Thank you! It's interesting that you point out the chapter title here because when I titled it Typical Tuesday, I wasn't thinking about the heavy subjects that would appear in the first chapter... Good point =P

Hm... Neville's dialogue is off? Okay, thank you for pointing that out. I'll keep that in mind for when I write him in the future. =)

Thank you so much! It's no problem; take as long as you need to. I really appreciate your reviews, so I'll wait ^_^



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Review #14, by shadowycorner Escape Plan

23rd August 2009:
It's been four days already? But the train had to come back by the same tracks, no? And where do they pee? Gah, four days in such small space with strange people would turn anyone into a psycho. That makes the reactions these people are having pretty plausible. Still, though, someone had to find out they were missing or...something.

I sort of found out where the horror is in this piece. It's in the minds of people who are stuck together, really as if in a cage. Not as if, but for real. It's a very ood twist, but it also gets sort of repetitive as well. Still it's interesting to read and Vandy's breakdown was brilliant. I think I grinned a little when after it, Clyde became sort of calm and...okay, what do we do now?

Overall, this is all very interesting. :)

Author's Response: Yeah, well... For the sake of the story, it's been a while and no one has found them =P I need a little bit of leeway from the reader with this story, y'know? Help me out here. Humor me ;-)

Yes! Exactly! That is the true horror that I was trying to portray. I can't explain how excited I am that you understood what I was going for. ♥

Thank you!


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Review #15, by shadowycorner The Sickening Sound of the Truth

23rd August 2009:
Sorry it's taken me so long to get back here, but I'm always so exhausted once i come home that i don't have enough intellectual energy to form good enough reviews. I read these two chapters a week ago and really liked them. I liked the twist in Vandy's nature toward Clyde, but I can't say I like her. As a character though, not the way she's written. And I haven't quite gotten well with Luna, but I like both Clyde and Neville, especially Neville. You do a great job in writing him.

I was shocked and even a bit thrilled by Clyde's nature throughout this chapter. The way you described the inner state of him was very good. With all the crazy jumbled and conflicting thoughts. Although I doubt something like that would come from not smoking for half a day. But then I got to thinking...zomg, maybe he's schizophreniac!! It seemed like that, heh, but my theories are almost always wrong, so...

I wonder what will happen next. This story really is one that leaves me guessing and wanting to know what happens next. If only I actually could read the whole piece in one go, I would. It's good stuff what you have here. And I can't wait until I get to read the next chapter. :)

Author's Response: No problem. I totally understand =P

Thank you! I actually find it a compliment to hear that you don't like Vandy, because that means I wrote her well enough to produce a real reaction from you, right? =D I didn't really like her either. She was pretty rude =P

You know, I'm not a smoker, so I don't really know what it would be like to go a half day without one, but I had to amp up the drama a little bit =P

Thank you so much! I'm so glad you are enjoying the story and I hope you like the rest of it ^_^


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Review #16, by dream_me_a_dream Let's Sit in the Back

21st August 2009:
whoa, quite the cliffhanger there! :-) I really can't find much to comment on, I didn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes, and I think you've done well with developing Clyde's character. Not much else to say...but I guess that's a good thing! :-)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm glad you like Clyde. I hope you enjoy reading him in the future =)

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Review #17, by dream_me_a_dream Typical Tuesday

21st August 2009:
hey, tessae from the forums with your review... finally! :-) not much to say as the story's just beginning...but I' promise I'll write more on the next chapter!

my main comment is that the main character seems well done. I'm not a fan of some of the language used, but it does help define the character. I look forward to seeing what's going to happen :-)

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm not really a big fan of heavy cuss-use in real life either, but I thought it fit Clyde's character. Glad to know you liked him! Thank you ^_^

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Review #18, by musicgirlhp14 Typical Tuesday

20th August 2009:
This is really different. I mean, I usually go for the different stories but this seems a little off to me. I've written my fair share of stories that were very Muggle, so I can't really critize you for that. My only suggest if to make Clyde a little more wizardish. I mean he can still smoke, and be sort of an out-cast, but he still very Muggle in my opinions. Good start so far.

Author's Response: Different is good, though, right? =P I am going to take it as a compliment that this is different because that's my way of making this story stand out. I understand your concern about Clyde being Muggle-ish, but the horror of this story stems from them being real people, and not so much about the magical world. Thank you for your review! I appreciate your thoughts =)

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Review #19, by Elesphyl Let's Sit in the Back

18th August 2009:
Ooh. Now if that doesn't promise action, I don't know what does. I'm curious about Vandelia - is she Greek? Her last name does suggest that.

I really liked the dream at the beginning. It showed that Clyde was pretty much just as vulnerable as anyone else, despite his tough, hard exterior. It really gives him a lot of depth, which I definitely appreciate reading about in any sort of character. Here, however, you've pulled it off particularly well.

You were wondering if the plot was still fresh. Well, it's my first time reading this story, so it's definitely fresh for me! Characterizations are spot-on, though I'm a little iffy about the Neville/Luna deal. What House is Clyde in?

Oh, and I absolutely loved this line:

Maybe what I'm destined to be is exactly what I've become already: a bum. A loser. A nobody. I mean, look at me. I'm seventeen years old and I've already gotten myself addicted to drugs, I almost got my girlfriend knocked up, I live by myself, and I've already got gray hair.

It seems so true! A slap in the face for Clyde, so to speak, but self-inflicted. And then when he doesn't want to corrupt Vandelia ... aw!

Great story, great themes - congratulations again on a well-written chapter!

XOXO, Kalina

Author's Response: =D Kalina! Thank you so much! She is Greek, actually, though that doesn't have anything to do with the plot. I just thought it would be an interesting tidbit to include for her character =P

The dream was actually a retake on a dream I actually had. In my dream, I went through the same thing (except instead of Death Eaters it was Nazis. I was reading Night by Elie Wiesel at the time) And when I woke up, the covers were over my head. I thought it would be interesting to include in a story.

Luna/Neville proved to be more difficult than I thought. Luna is by far the hardest character to write, and I'll definitely need more practice writing them.

Thank you so much! I can't tell you how excited I am that you are picking up on all the underlying themes I have going on here. Thank you so much! ^_^


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Review #20, by Fuzzy_Slippers Finale

18th August 2009:
'If they do, they probably call them something weird like...ciggos. Cigarettos. Everything over there ends in -os.'

Haaa, you're so right! I've taken at least eight years of spanish and it never fails to annoy the hell out of me that everything ends in -as or -os. They have such an easy time when creating songs -- everything rhymes!
Anyway, to the point. The finale chapter was pretty shocking. Neville and Luna dying I did not expect, though I think now that I should have. : )
Clyde's character was so original, throughout. And though I hated him, he was also just too fascinating to not read more about. He grew and developed, though not in the way he should have, and not in the correct time; everything he did seemed like he did it too late. His actions fit the character you created perfectly.
I couldn't quite grasp the bit about God . . . perhaps that's because I'm not a very religious person, myself, so it falls on deaf ears (or blind eyes, as it is). But the whole part about him dropping out of Hogwarts and becoming a janitor, and being a mute . . . brilliant, really. You didn't go out of your way and make him change into this redeemed man who went out and took the world by storm, which wouldn't have been fitting; it was a natural progression, even if the end point was not all that glamorous.
If I'm not rambling and you can still understand what I'm trying to say?
Anyway, a pleasure (erm...or horror?) to read. It was so different, and despite the darkness of it, it was satisfying to follow that one, flawed character until the very end.
10/10 all the way through. Thanks for writing. : D

Author's Response: XD I don't know what prompted me to make fun of Spanish. It just felt right, I guess XD

Thank you! I actually kind of hated him too, but writing him was a blast, if that makes any sense.

The bit about God, I knew was going to be a stretch. Either it would hit completely with readers or miss completely. But while I was writing it, it just felt right, so I had to include it.

I knew the story would be ruined if I made Clyde change for the better. That hardly ever happens, don't you think? It would take away all of what made him special, I thought. I'm so glad you liked my choices.

I understand completely what you're trying to say =)

Thank you so much. Your reviews have made me so much more confident in this story. Thank you so much! ^_^


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Review #21, by Fuzzy_Slippers Some Things Aren't Meant to Last

18th August 2009:
Ah, the inevitable separation. You pulled it off spectacularly; Neville's emotions were raw and intense, and Clyde's determination to keep moving for his own sanity felt twistedly understandable.
I would write more but, I'd like to move on and see what happens immediately.
:D
Another great chapter.

Author's Response: Thank you! I figured they had to separate. It would show interesting points in their friendship and all of that, so I'm glad you liked it. XD I'm so glad you like this story. I really appreciate your reviews ^_^

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Review #22, by Fuzzy_Slippers Escape Plan

17th August 2009:
I really loved the scene where Vandy went mental; I just know if I was stuck in a train with no chance of getting out for four days, I would snap exactly like that. You make it feel so real, despite the fact that it's full of horror and this not-so-common situation.
And the way you get inside of Clyde's head as he starts to lose his grip on reality . . . it's wonderful. The comment on Luna and Vandy losing it but in different ways was a deep observation.

Another great job.

Author's Response: Thank you! That bit was kind of liberating to write, actually. I'm glad you thought it was realistic =)

I can't tell you how happy your reviews have made me. Thank you so much ^_^


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Review #23, by Fuzzy_Slippers The Sickening Sound of the Truth

17th August 2009:
Whoa, the paranoia of this story is really brilliant. The way they're actually trapped in a cage-like atmosphere, and the way Clyde himself becomes trapped halfway inside of his own mind, due to the extreme withdrawals he suffers because of his cigarettes.
Deep; love it. I'm really feeling the pessimism of the fic.
10/10.

Author's Response: Thank you! It was hard for me to imagine what it would be like to be in a situation like this, so writing this, I just kind of let go and wrote freely. I'm so glad you like this story. I really appreciate your review ^_^

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Review #24, by DeaVanity Finale

17th August 2009:
Hm... this ending was definitely surprising. Clyde suddenly believing in God. God being his best friend. Surprising. I don't really believe in such things but I suppose that after that kind of experience he needed something he could hold on to.

I liked the whole story, though, but the ending wasn't something I expected after reading all of this. xD

Thanks for reviewing ;D .

~ DeaVanity

Author's Response: I know this ending certainly isn't what everyone was expecting. I knew that while writing this - people would either love this ending or hate it. Can't win em all, I guess =)

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your open-mindedness. This story is different, I know. Thank you so much for your reviews =)


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Review #25, by DeaVanity Some Things Aren't Meant to Last

17th August 2009:
Hello, reviewing as requested. I'm sorry it took me a while but I was on a trip and couldn't read it all...

I'm not usually a major fan of horror/dark stories but you write well and this was...interesting. In some parts, though, it was a bit, well, not boring, but slow.

And I'm not sure if this whole thing would have that kind of an effect on people but if it did then you did a great job in writing the whole thing.

I did notice one small error, in the first chapter you referred to Clyde as Clyde Rogerson, but later on you changed his surname (it's not a big deal but I thought I'd let you know...).

Anyways, concerning this chapter - Clyde is in Gryffindor, right? Shouldn't he be brave or something? I mean, okay, he was contained in a train cart for God knows how long but still... Though I do like your characterisation of him. I can't relate or feel sorry for him but he's an interesting character. ;D .

On to the final chapter *dies to see what happens in the end* xD

~ DeaVanity

Author's Response: Thank you! It's no problem about the wait - I didn't even notice =)

I totally understand your point about it moving slow. But the horror here is really about what is happening to them psychologically. There wasn't a lot of room here for action scenes, you know?

Oh, geez. That dumb mistake. Thanks for pointing out his name. I'll fix it. =)

I understand your concern about Clyde being brave, but just because he is in Gryffindor doesn't mean he has to be the hero, you know? Clyde as a person only cares about getting his cigarettes. Not the fate of his friends.

Thank you so much! I know I might have come off as a bit harsh but I really do appreciate your review =)


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