You literally have no idea how horrible I feel about not having reviewed it. First, as part of my challenge, and now, with your request! -hangs head in shame- Life does get busy and things do slip my mind... and as bad an excuse that is, I do hope you forgive me. Or at least not secretly hate me. -hangs head lower-
ANYWAY. I do love seeing Bellatrix and Rodolphus together - anything vaguely Black-sister related, really - and seeing them in a fluffy, less sadistic setting is so refreshing. I really do adore seeing them this way - even when I wrote them way back when in their teens, they were deranged. But this showed that they were human once, too, and again, it really makes me happy to see them this way.
Not to mention, you wrote innocent!Bellatrix wonderfully. It's not that great a stretch to see her as a murdering, torturing madwoman. Seeing her, you'd never guess it, but she's aggressive and adventurous and wild. All makings for a good Death Eater, no? =P All of your included characterizations were lovely, as well. The Sirius cameo made me smile, it was too cute and yet sad as well, for we all know what ends up happening to them. In that way, this whole fic is rather sad: the reader does learn to put aside conceptions about these people's schooldays, but little things in the narration - Bellatrix being a wildchild, Rabastan and Sirius being the same age, Narcissa secretly hating Madame Puttifoot's, all of that - remind the reader that all is not well. That subtlety puts the whole fic into perspective, which really makes the fic ^_^
Oh! And how could I forget the use of second person? As I adore second person to bits, seeing it here was a pleasant surprise and made me all the happier! Especially as it wasn't in the challenge to begin with. Not many people would think to use it, let alone for Rodolphus, so major kudos to you for doing it. Rodolphus is sweet (!) and relatable, which are two adjectives I don't think I've EVER used in relation to that character. It flowed very well, narration and dialogue both. I'm always happy to see second person done well, so yay!
All in all, an adorable (!) Bella/Rodolphus fic that is surprisingly insightful. You really know how to pull together little details to make the fic really stand out. Well done, Lia!Author's Response: Hey Gubby,
Relax, it's fine. I understand life gets in the way and that thread was sorta inactive anyway.
At first, I really had no idea how to write Bella/Rodolphus in a way that would've been un-death eater like but this plot just popped into my head.
Writing Rodolphus wasn't much of a challenge as we're given so little information about him in canon. I'd always seen him as a quiet, pensive young man anyway and not so much the bad boy who smokes. As for Bellatrix, well, I tried my best :) It was kinda hard to keep her canon characteristics out but some still leaked in. I felt I had to include Sirius, I imagined their relationship was much more civil when they were younger.
If you think about it, all is never well. Even those who try to be perfect never really are. It's always those little things that are important in the end, aren't they?
Ahh, you're the first person who reviewed that actually likes second person! I've always liked it, it always appealed to me because it's so different to the others. I just thought it suited Rodolphus in this story. And yes, I don't think I'd ever use those words to describe him either, lol.
Thank you so much! I'm glad you like it:)
Lia. Report Review
Hi, here is your requested review long time ago. Sorry it's taken me ages to get to your story. But here I am now. :)
This story was in many ways my firsts: first story I've read in second person; first Bellatrix/Rodolphus; first pre-DE story; first OOC Bella, being all this lovely and nice, especially to her Gryffindor cousin, Sirius. I always thought even in her younger years, she was more...disapproving of him. It's a nice change from how we know them from the books, before their Death Eater lives have started. Thanks for sharing it. :)Author's Response: Hi, wow, those were a lot of firsts! I'm thrilled that you enjoyed this!
Thanks for reviewing,
Lia. Report Review
As far as plot and characterizations go, this was a very well written story. The emotions and details of the interactions between Bellatrix and her family members (even the cameo appearance of Sirius) are very well done. I do feel that the second person POV is a little awkward, and might sound a little better in third, but that may just be my own bias. Otherwise, I enjoyed seeing the teenage Lucius and Narcissa, with their problems with communication already starting. This is an excellent story, and you should be very proud of it.Author's Response: Hey,
This story was really a challenge for me to write something different. I don't usually do romance fics especially with characters like these. I understand what you're saying about second person, it does sound awkward at times but for some reason, I thought it suited this story.
I'm thrilled that you thought the characterisations were well done, I had the timeline shifted a bit to fit in Sirius. I was a bit worried about writing Bellatrix though.
As for Lucius and Narcissa's issues, I guess they had to start somewhere:)
I really am proud of my one-shot.
Thanks a lot for reviewing!
Lia. Report Review
It's your SS here from the Slytherin Common Room!
wow! I've never read a story about the beginnings of Bella and Rudolphus. All the same I loved it. One part that I enjoyed was that Lucius was seemingly his "mentor" throughout the whole thing, yet he seemed to be having issues of his own. Not to mention a little Sirius and I'm guessing the friends are Lupin or Petigrew or James. I never would have thought of adding them into the equation, but the way you placed them made it work.
I'm used to the evil, sinister, Voldemort loving Bella that JKR produces, and usually when someone goes out of character, like you did with her being nice and lovy, it doesn't work. But the way you wrote it made it seem natural. I almost forgot she turns out evil in the end of it all.
I had been confused about the 4 in the afternoon reference, but that too came out perfectly at the end.
All in all I loved it and now I'll be reading a lot more Bella/Rud stories.Author's Response: Hey kjodraco!
Yeah, it is a rather unusual pairing in that it's not written about so often especially in this context. I tried to maintain some of her, um, well-known qualities in this fic, while still trying to make her seem almost pleasant. Though, like in canon, Lucius can't really stand her :p. I also wanted to give Rodolphus a bit more play because he always seems to be left out, I really loved writing him.
Haha, yeah, Lucius was having issues, I just thought he was hilarious in this fic but I'm glad you caught the irony there.
Sirius' friends were indeed the rest of the Marauders, I thought it would've been nice to include them :)
I'm really glad you loved it, it doesn't get many reads because of the pairing. I thought the reference in the end was a nice touch, it was actually one of the first things that came to mind when I was writing this.
Thanks a lot and Merry Christmas!!
Lia. Report Review
That my dear author is plainly brilliant. Well done and I enjoyed. it alotAuthor's Response: Hey Iagan, I'm glad you think so.
Thanks for your review! Report Review
Hey there, here to review as you requested!
To be honest, I have a personal bias against writing in present tense and first/second person. I just find that it sometimes sounds awkward or hard to follow. But that's just me, so you shouldn't be concerned.
Anyway, it didn't stop me from enjoying your storyline very much. It was nice to read about Bellatrix and Rodolphus's relationship before the stress of the Death Eater life (and Bella's obsession with Voldemort) probably darkened their lives. Your writing flowed very well.
Your characterization was also, overall, great. I love how you showed a humane side of the young Death Eaters: how Rodolphus was quiet and introverted, how Bellatrix became embarassed in front of him, and (my personal favorite) how Lucius was helping a young Slytherin with his Transfiguration homework. It's a side of them that I'm sure they did have, especially when they were younger, but is not always portrayed in the books.
Although Rodolphus, Lucius, and Narcissa were all well-characterized, I found that Bellatrix seemed to drift in and out of character. Her description at the beginning fit well, as did her actions during their date. The only thing is, I don't think she would have been so friendly to Sirius. At that point, it was already known all through the Black family that he was a Gryffindor and in the company of bloodtraitors and half-bloods. She might not have been violent towards him, per se, but definitely colder. She might have just ignored him.
All in all, I enjoyed reading this very much. It almost makes me like Rodolphus and Bella. =]
Keep up the good work!
~CSGAuthor's Response: Hey!
I'm glad you still enjoyed it despite the fact that it was written in a POV that you don't like. This was my first time writing like this, I usually prefer third person.
I was a bit worried when I was given this challenge because I had no idea how to write a fluffy Bellatrix fic. Rodolphus isn't written about very much so I figured that he could get his time to shine in my story (another reason why it is in his point of view).
I never pictured him as a quiet young man, to tell the truth, but I thought it would've been a nice change. Writing an embarrassed Bella was my favourite part, you don't see it so often and it was funny too. I don't know if you realised that the young Slytherin Lucius was helping was Snape. I'm not sure if I made that clear enough.
Bellatrix was supposed to be out of character in this story, I think I mentioned that in my Author's Note, though I admit she should've been a bit cold to him. Sirius being sorted into Gryffindor and be-friending blood-traitors didn't even occur to me!
I'm really glad you enjoyed it, I think, after writing this that I'm a huge Rodolphus fan (I always used to feel sorry for him in the books).
Thanks for the great review!
Lia. Report Review
Hey, this is realize from the forum here to review.
Wow, when I read the first few lines I almost thought that I had written the story. Our styles seem to be quit alike. I usually begin with describing a word such as love and hate or weakness. I donít know if you have read any of my work, but if you havenít I think you should just so you can see it for yourself. Anyway, I really enjoyed the beginning and having the question was perfect. I liked that this involves some characters that people on this site donít usually write about, it was interesting to read about them. I think that you were able to develop the characters characteristics rather well because little is known about them, so you could change and add what you wanted about them.
I loved the way that you described Bellatrixís character it was purely amazing. However, I would have liked more description on her physical appearance. I liked the way that Lucius becomes so oblivious to what is going on. I also loved Rodolphusís reaction to making Bellatrix blush that was cute. However, maybe if you had described what he felt when their eyes meet that would have given more emotion to that moment. I almost felt that him asking her out was rushed, we didnít get any insight about his physical features, was he sweating, was he smiling, and were his eyes on her the whole time? There were so many questions that werenít answered in that scene.
Lucius is one of my favorite characters, there is so much that you can learn about him, and put into his character to keep you interested in him. You never really know what he is thinking. We only got to see Narcissa for a few seconds, but description of what she looks like would have been useful. A major part of writing is to create a picture for the reader and if you plan to do that then you must use description. I liked seeing Sirius that was a nice little twist, but maybe if there had been more of a conversation or you had mentioned Sirius friends whispering about Bella and Rodolphus just being friends that would have caught my attention and made the scene more interesting.
I think that there is a lot of mystery to Bellatrix. I think that they are cute together, but I think that his was rather rushed, and the ending to the story hardly made any sense. I did enjoy reading this, but there are things that need work, mostly the descriptions, and the ending of the story. It wasnít to bad and in my book it is a 7.3/10Author's Response: Hey realize, thanks for reviewing; you are really thorough.
I've never read any of your work, at least not yet - you requested a review from me. To tell you the truth I don't really write like that, the thought of second person perspective just appealed to me around the same time the plot did and that was the first thing on my mind. You are right about minor characters - you can play around with them as much as you want :)
I really enjoyed writing the part when Bellatrix blushed because how often would she do that in the future.
I get what you're saying about the descriptions or lack thereof from rereading what you said about what could've been going through Rodolphus' head when he asked out Bella. And again when they were in the woods; I didn't realise I was going to make people confused.
I love Lucius too, all of the Malfoys actually. I didn't really consider much description into Narcissa either.
I'll try to work on the descriptions and the ending (I didn't really like it either except for the last few lines).
Thanks so much for your input and feedback, I really appreciate it.
Hi! This is Indigo from the forums, here with the review you requested.
Wow, just... wow. That was absolutely brilliant. It's very exciting for me to read a pairing I haven't read yet, and this was a very big treat for me. It's great to see the characters react so uniquely, because, if the pairing was, say, Ron and Hermione, you'd know exactly how they'd react. This, however, was the opposite. I really enjoyed reading it!
There were only a few mistakes that I could catch, which all had to do with simple typos. Nothing to worry about, though. If you really are concerned about it, you should just re-read it, as I'm sure you will find them as well.
Reading through Rodolphus' point of view was really, really great. The way you chose your words was fantastic, and the dialog and all other writing flowed brilliantly. Well done!
Overall, I would say this story deserves a 10/10. It was really, really great.
IndigoAuthor's Response: I'm so thrilled that you think it's brilliant!! I've never written a Bellatrix/Rodolphus story before and writing them all fluffy is kind of odd too but I think it came out pretty ok.
I really did enjoy writing Rodolphus, I think he was awesome, especially when he made Bellatrix blush :D (I exceptionally enjoyed writing that part). But yes, Bella and Rod's actions were kind of unexpected, with Ron, he'd say something stupid and Hermione would roll her eyes.
I will check on those typos so thanks for telling me.
Thanks so much for your awesome review, Indigo:D!!
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