Hey Ash! Here I am with your rambling, nonsensical review. =)
First off, I really enjoyed your portrayal of the relationship between Lily and Snape. I hardly ever read anything with this ship but you were able to capture their chemistry so perfectly that you definitely have me convinced this ship would work. Additionally, I love the descriptions you included in this story from the very first line. Lily's "cherry lips" and "frigid white hand" threw you right into the dead of winter along with the characters. You sucked the reader right in from the very first line.
This line is amazing - "the rage induced blood purity slur he spat so coldly at her." I love how you can switch so flawlessly from the delicateness of the first paragraph and the harshness and intensity of this one. That was certainly one of your strengths in this chapter. Even with Lily's emotions you were able to capture her change from feeling hurt to happiness in only a matter of moments, and you did so with complete conviction.
I really enjoyed the dialogue throughout the story. I remember you telling me this is one of your strengths and I can definitely see why! The manner of speaking was completely different for Snape and Lily and really added to their characterizations. The variations in their word choice and sentence structure were slight, but it still added a great component to each of their characters.
The tension between Snape and Lily was incredibly strong. I love how you were able to capture this tension along with the awkwardness between them in the beginning of their conversation. Then you switched into a very emotional moment between the two as Snape begs Lily to forgive him. Also, their meeting at the end was beautiful! I was almost convinced you were going to leave the story without a full reconciliation after Lily left but I'm so happy Snape followed her. This would be a wonderful story to read on Christmas (even though we're still 10 months away) to leave a smile on your face. I can't wait to read more of your amazing writing!
AlliAuthor's Response: ALLI! First of all, thank you so much for reviewing this story, it really means a lot to me!
I convinced you that this ship could work? Yay! That makes me so happy you don't even know! I love me some Snape Lily so that's like the best compliment ever.
Gosh your reviews are so fancy, you're like the best reviewer ever!
I'm glad you liked my dialogue, at the time that I wrote this I feel like dialogue was one of my weaknesses so I really feel as though it's improved over time, but thank you for the compliment nonetheless :)
Now you know me, I couldn't end the story without a little kiss just to seal the deal :) I just love that they were able to kiss and make up and in a perfect world this is exactly how I see it going down. Except it probably didn't work like that. But it's nice to think of it that way anyway!
Thank you SO much for this review! Report Review
I really enjoyed this. It was melancholy, but not morbid. The detail was well-written too.
I like to think that Snape got at least one kiss from Lily before she died.
Great job!Author's Response: Thank you very much for this review, I enjoyed wriitng the story and I like to think that Severus and Lily might have one kiss! Report Review
I just listened to the reading of this story on the podcast and wow it is so good.
I really liked how she just stood outside the front door not being able to decide whether or not to knock and then getting caught by Severus.
I went from the feeling I have in canon, dread because of the loss of their friendship to being really hopeful by the end of this story. And sharing their first kiss on a snowy Christmas Eve!?! so wonderful!
sorry I'm rubbish at reviews, but I really enjoyed this story.Author's Response: First of all, thank you for listneing to the podcast! I love this story because I feel like it is the one missing moment that I would want the most. The moment when she forgives him...and I always hope the she would. Thank you for revieiwng! Report Review
Goodness, this is one wonderful fic. It holds love, and love that Severus felt for Lily all of his life. I love it, and it's one of the better Lily/Snape'z I've read. Love it to bits, great job, love. 10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing, I'm so glad you loved it! Report Review
I love Severus/Lily. :)
The characterisation of both Lily and Severus was so fantastic. I've never really thought that Lily would forgive Severus very quickly, and I think that things are more difficult to forgive the more time that passes, but the way this was written was really believable and made the timing of this event seem to happen right where both had calmed down but so much time hadn't passed that they'd completely seperated and lost any feelings they would've had for each other. As well as that, the way they reacted to what the other had to say was just spot on.
The reconciliation? The kiss? I've been waiting for all of that between these two for a long time and the way this was written just makes every aspect of the story believable and as though it could've happened in canon, even the two having to be secret friends. YAY for Severus/Lily.
You definitely still have this writing thing (though that A/N is a few years old, haha). I loved your decriptions and I also love that there's so much more narrative to dialogue. For some reason I always prefer more descriptive and narrative to dialogue.
LorrenAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing this! I really appreciate it!
I'm glad you like that there's a lot of description and narrative- that's something I've been working on for a long time. I usually get so into my dialgoue that I ignore the description, and I feel like I'm getting better at it as I go along.
I'm surprised at how many people think Lily would not forgive Severus, but then since it was kind of ignored in the books, I guess it's plausible. However, I like to think that they definitely reconciled and kissed, hehe. You know me! I love me some Severus/Lily!!
Thank you so very much for coming to review this story, I appreciate it!! :) Report Review
I listened to this at the HPPC site and I just had to come back and re-read it again. It is so beautifully written. I can just imagine Lily as she is walking to Snape's house. Although I don't read alot of Marauder era stories, Lily sounds like I have imagined her as all this time. Someone who cares about her friend and worries about his well-being.
This kiss is just awesome. I can just imagine the scene with the snow falling all around them. It is just so beautiful. Great job.Author's Response: Im glad you listened to the podcast!!! Kero did a fantastic job with it.
i don't read a lot of marauder era stories either, it's kinda a pet peeve of mine. I'm so glad you liked the kiss!! I get a lot of comments about- well I liked the story but the kiss kind of came out of left field. Well but I ship Severus/Lily so I don't know why you are surprised hahaha. I'm so glad you liked it, this is definitely one of my favorites and I can still really imagine it in my head, the way I wanted all the scenes to look, and I hope I wrote it down so it's as beautiful in your head as it is in mine!
Thanks again for reading! Report Review
Golly Gosh!! That was quite the story. It was probably the first lily/severus I have ever read/heard. It was something else, and i may possibly be hooked again! I read along with the podcast. This story was great especially for someone who has never read l/s. Great job There were a few grammatical/spelling mistakes, but nothing major. 7/10Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading this! You know how I LOVE Severus/lily hahaha! Thanks for letting me know about the spelling issues, and I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Ok so I loved this. Seriously. I mean I always felt that Lily actually over-reacted with that incident and would love for her to make up with Severus. I love that you set this at Christmas too because it is traditionally the time for reconciliation and they did reconcile so YAY! I totally love Severus/Lily and this was just so them.
I thought your characterisations were spot on with canon. And the ending was just magical. Sure, you could have extended it longer but I think that this little snap-shot was just perfect in length and content. Great job LR!Author's Response: Oh my dearest Kero!
I'm glad you loved this, and I'm so glad you podcasted it! It makes me happy. I do love this story to bits, and you brought it alive.
I think Lily over-reacted a bit too, honestly. I mean, he did call her a mudblood and I guess maybe that was the final straw, but I always thought they could remain friends in some way or fashion.
I'm glad you liked my characterization, and I like the way you said that- the ending was magical. :) I AGREE! hehe. S/L love!!!
Thanks for reviewing dear :) Report Review
Happy Staff Appreciation Day! This is a really nice little glimpse into their friendship/relationship, and nice to think that the one incident didn't necessary destroy everything. Snape had such a miserable life in so many ways, and it's nice to give him a moment of happiness. Now I just really wish it were Christmas!Author's Response: This is definitely one of my favorite stories I've written. I love Snape/Lily, and I can see this little exchange as a missing piece from the books, haha. Anyway, thank you so much for leaving my this review for staff appreciation day, and on my birthday too!!! (which was officially over 6 months ago but oh well. I guess a super late reply is better than no reply at all!) Report Review
Hi there :) Episkey from TGS here to review!
CHARACTERIZATION: The line ďAll they talk about are dark things, and thatís not me. Iím not always dark,Ē could have been phrased better, I think, to make it seem more Snape-ish. I think it was mostly the Ďand thatís not meí bit. Perhaps if just that was omitted to make it something along the lines of ďAll they talk about are dark things and Iím Ė Iím not always dark.Ē Though you do what you please, obviously, thatís just personal opinion :)
Other than that tiny, nitpicky thing, you captured Lily and Severus so incredibly well! His kindness and honesty is believable because he loves her, so itís not OOC in the least. And this formality with which he spoke was entirely fitting of his character Ė heís so reserved that itís perfectly canon for him to act as such. As for Lily, she has always been depicted as loving and kind, so itís completely realistic that sheíd seek Severus out and forgive him. And all her quirks Ė her hesitation, quick forgiveness, kindness and goodness Ė are so wonderfully Lily. You have nothing, nothing to worry about :)
OTHER: I had to include an Ďotherí section merely because I wanted to comment on your writing. Itís justÖ Wow. You string words together so well and your diction just makes me squee. For serious ^_^
I really, really enjoyed this. I wish I had more to say, but the only thing that would come out would be gushing.
Oh, and you made me wish that Christmas would come faster ^_^Author's Response: Thank you so much for your quick review!! I agree what you've said about my line up there, I'll try to find a different way to word that!
I'm so happy you found favor with my Lily and Severus! This is one of my favorite one shots, but once she accepts his apology, I always worry that I got a bit OOC there, but I'm glad you didn't think so!
And thank you so much for the compliments on my writing!! I really appreciate that it means a lot. They always say that you are your own worst critic, and that definitely applies to me, so you have given my self confidence a definite boost!!
Thanks again for taking time out to write such a lovely review, I will definitely be requesting from you again!! :)
-Ash Report Review
lovely just loved it!!!Author's Response: I'm glad you loved it :) Report Review
This is amazing, it's such a shame that it is only for a challenge. (Actually I think it works well this length so I take that back. It makes it a snapshot of their love and emotions which mean it is all the more intense in my opinion.)
Firstly I love your description; the atmosphere and the characters are described perfectly. I really like the phrase 'they both drank in the euphoria', I think it portrays the innocence they both possessed for situations like that but also the beauty.
I thought the formality with which Severus spoke was very fitting for his character, never quite managing to let those barriers down and never having experienced much in the way of teen culture. I think it added so well to how awkward they were as a couple which in turn made them perfect.
This is another great Severus/Lily that you've created in my opinion.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing, first of all. I worked very hard on the characterization for
Severus in this story, and I'm glad you liked it. I so happy you like Severus/Lily as much as I do!! Report Review
Oh wow, this was so just beautiful. I'm so glad I decided to check this out. Both Lily and Sev's characterisations were spot on, and the emotions in it were great. I could really appreciate how both of them were feeling. The whole thing was just so... charming. Wonderful job!
*adds to favourites*Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it so much! I'm very proud of their characterizations! Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
That was beautiful! I think you did a fantastic job of capturing the dynamic between Lily and Severus. I thought the description "Severus wasn't quite as ruthless as the rest of the Slytherins. He was just a quiet boy who was seemingly always in the wrong place at the wrong time" was a perfect interpretation of how he was as a teenager. I loved the way he spoke, as well. It was quite formal which I think would be in character for him, since he's rather isolated and probably speaks to adults more than his peers.
I really don't have anything bad to say about it. There were a couple of places where the phrasing was a tiny bit awkward. For example, in "Mother locks herself in this house and never leaves...especially since Father left" you repeat leaves/left and perhaps instead you could use "never goes out".
Anyway, I just thought it was very sad when I read in Memory Lane that you had no reviews for this story since the crash, so I popped over to find it. I see Marina had the same idea!Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for stopping by! I was so very excited to see review here! And I'm very grateful that timeturner thought that memory lane was a good idea!
I'm so glad you caught the whole "leave/left" thing, that kind of thing really annoys me a lot, especially when I'm writing papers. If I ever get around to the fanfiction side of things again, rather than the staffer side, I'll definitely edit that to make it less redundant!
I really appreciate you dropping by, it means a lot!! :) Report Review
Wow, that was incredibly sweet :) I've never been a Snape fan, but be really redeems himself here, you've shown the inner depth I couldn't see before. I liked how childlike he seemed, even though Lily thought he had grown up, how he was so desperate to be her friend again. I think it's Lily that makes this piece so lovely - her hesitation outside his house and her red pea coat; it was charming and makes me dream of Christmas, even though it's months away! I feel a little chilly, too, thanks to your vivid descriptions. I held my breath in the moment before they kissed, I felt so happy for them. It's the ultimate happy ending for unrequited love :)
I'm so glad I checked this story out after you mentioned it in your post in the Memory Lane topic! It's been a pleasure to read.
- tell_me_what_the_truth_isAuthor's Response: Hi! I was SO EXCITED when I saw this story had reviews! I'm really glad you decided to stop by!!
My ultimate goal was really to portray what their relationship could honestly have been like, especially after what happened in ootp. I kind of wanted Severus to be stand offish, and I hope I accurately portrayed that. And When I was writing it, the images popped so vividly out at me, I could litterally see Lily standing there in her coat, outside his door, hesitating.
I am so very happy you decided to come by and review this, it makes me very very happy inside :) Report Review
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