so now well never know...! i really like it, great job 8) now i gotta sleep cuz i read this from start to finish with only a break for food!Author's Response: Aw thanks. I really am pleased you like it. I did do an au sequel to this one too... Report Review
wow crazy!!! whose are they??? great chap!Author's Response: hmmm I wonder. Report Review
i knew it! 8) now the question is, is remus the daddy?? great chapter as alwaysAuthor's Response: ah now there's a question
Thanks xx Report Review
oooh that is betrayal in its uglyest form! poor james but poor elena cuz james wants lily again.. oh the drama!Author's Response: drama drama drama... ;) Report Review
yeah the second part was a little out of no where but good! but what is elena not telling??Author's Response: Thanks :)
You'll just have to keep reading haha Report Review
omg does she have a kid???Author's Response: now that would be telling... Report Review
i just started reading this today since it was the only story i hadn't read yet. im really liking it, it's completely different than what i usually read! oh and please update Losing It All soon im dying here! 8)Author's Response: I'm glad you're liking it!
I will try but I wnt to do it right, rather then just update for the sake of it... I'll do my best, I promise! Report Review
But was he not secret keeper because he was the one Vodemort wouldnt expect?They picked Sirius first,but then thought he would be the first one they would go to? (Considering he was James best friend)???
Still think the fic is great!:)Author's Response: Thank you:) I'm glad you like.
They'd still had to trust him with their lives though ;) Report Review
I can see what you mean.But I'm not sure if Peter would have been there anyway.He doesnt seem like a party person,And I dont know if the others were that close to him.:(
And I always imagined his parents not being particularly nice.So maybe they wouldnt let him go?Author's Response: I think they would have been close otherwise he wouldn't have been secret keeper...
I wasn't really sure what to do with Peter in this fic though to be honest Report Review
I LOVED IT!!! And I didn't want it to end :(
Off to read more of your stories, because I need more
;DAuthor's Response: hehe thank you! I have started an AU sequel to this one which isn't as stylised in structure but I'm enjoying it just the same. Report Review
I think this story is amazing!!!
I love the way you write, describe everything and the plot as well. I don't think I have read a FF that has James with someone other than Lily for awhile and I like how you swap between the two time frames.
;DAuthor's Response: Thank you.
This one was a challenge for me and one I throughly enjoyed, so its really good to know someone likes reading it. Thank you!! Report Review
this was a very weird story but i liked it!Author's Response: I thought I'd experiment with this one. I liked the idea of playing around with the timeline. I'm happy you liked it though! Report Review
Yes, I just thought I might read onAuthor's Response: Yay! Thanks! Report Review
Hey! This is Erised, with your review.
I love the idea of this story, with the whole messy love triangle plot. The story also moves along at a steady pace, with plenty of depth for your characters.
Your opening paragraph was fantastic. I feel that it really set the atmosphere of the story perfectly, making me want to read on. I also really liked how you made the part where Elena visits Remus really mysterious. I didn't know who it was at first, so well done on that front :)
The way you've split the story into two parts and two different time frames is also uniquely achieved. Lastly, the characters were pretty well depicted - your character development of Elena is great.
There are a couple of small areas of concern however. The first thing that leapt out at me was that in around half of the speech, punctuation would be missing at the end. I'm sure if you asked someone to beta this, it would be sorted out quickly :)
Another small thing is that I thought Dan, Elena's best friend, was a bit of a stereotype, but that might be just me. You could perhaps not try and make him a stereotypical gay character - maybe try giving him little characteristic quirks or flaws? It's up to you :)
Overall, you've got a great story here in my opinion. If you get the story beta'd and proof-read, I'm sure it will be amazing :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for reviewing- and so quickly too! I think with the punctuation its my computer pasting oddly and I'm rubbish at noticing so maybe, yeah, I should get someone to beta it.
With Dan's character I was worried about the stereotyping, but I was more concerned with developing the character of Elena and i knew I had limited chapters because of the way I wrote it. I think (or hope) his character is developed slightly more as it goes on, but I can appreciate what you mean.
As for the style in which I wrote it, I didn't want it to be just another James-ends-up-with-Lily story and having it as a linear narrative just didn't seem quite right when I had the idea for the story.
Thank you again for your review and for being so honest, it really is much appreciated! Report Review
this is really good.
i love it(:Author's Response: Thank You xxx Report Review
excuse me, but i dont understand what happened?
was it James's or Remus's??? Help!Author's Response: Ahhh... Who knows? thats the point... Report Review
AHHH no.. awww i want a sequel!! whos the daddy?!?!?!??! aaah .. sigh.. i loved the story so incredibly much!Author's Response: Thank you so much. I never thought of doing a sequel...hm Report Review
I actually liked the first scene, with Remus, and the second scene, with Elena alone, the best. The idea of Elena invited to a pool party that turned out not to be a party -- just her in a bikini and four (where's Peter, by the way?) hormonally-challenged adolescent boys and a way permissive mother, sort of creeped me out.
Again, the gist of it is that her romance with James moved forward that summer. I'd almost rather have heard her tell Dan that she attended a pool party with James et al. and they saw each other in their respective swimming clothes, than read a description of the event first hand. It would have moved the chapter along more quickly. But, that's just my opinion.
The dialogue and descriptions were generally quite good. The reality is that this sort of story isn't this reviewers's cup of tea, a circumstance which you should certainly take into consideration.Author's Response: I can understand that so thank you for your honesty. The reason why I did it that way was purely because of the fact I wanted to two stories to run alongside each other and, as the later one was more intense, it had to be done in a relatively small number of chapters. And I actually forgot to put Peter in- honest mistake. Report Review
First of all, my apologies for the errors in the previous review. I said, repeatedly, "Elena and Sirius." Obviously, it should have been "Elena an James." I wrote it at 4am. I am sorry.
This was a fun, lively, and enjoyable chapter. The dialogue seemed natural and the pacing was great. Good job. I liked the part, at the end, about the drinking cure: it enhanced Elena's character.Author's Response: Ah I see. I did wonder where the Sirius stuff came from lol. Not a problem.
Thank you- I enjoyed this chapter. I added the drinking cure precisely for that reason, so its great that it worked! Report Review
I thought it was a terrific beginning. The middle part, about the crushes and James' frustrated yearning for Lily, was a little bit -- sorry! -- but I'd seen that material before. The gist is that Elena was Sirius's girlfriend, right? And she had a fling with Remus? That was the unique element. I realize this was a short chapter, but I'd have liked it more if you cut straight to the chase and established Elena and Sirius commencing their relationship. (The stuff about Dan, and Elena's crush on Sirius, were sort of beside the point, because the story is about Sirius feeling betrayed and the effect that betrayal has on later decision making. In other words, I thought her POV was overly emphasized; I wanted to know about Sirius (or Remus). (Of course, I don't know how your story is going to develop, so this may not turn out to be an appropriate criticism. However, that's my impression at this point.)
I liked the last scene a great deal; thought it was very well done.Author's Response: Sorry, but its not really about Sirius at all (which is surprising for me!). The James/Lily stuff...well, you'll see!
Thank you so much for reviewing! xxx Report Review
Beautiful, poignant and pure perfection (check my aliteration- hey that rhymes now too! Sorry I'll get back to the review now...)
So I expect excellence from your writing anyway but this was so much beyound that, really blew me away. It was a fantastic idea and for a spectacular first chapter. I'm really looking forward to more.Author's Response: Rhyme and aliteration- wow he he.
What a review! I just hope I can live up to your expectations!
Thanks (getting emotional again *sobs*) Report Review
Cool! i love what you've got here - it's not often you find a James/OC... and it's about REMUS! so, 10/10 for that already!!!
i really like Elena so far (my Spanish teacher's called Elena :D) - she seems kind of cool, and she likes James and therefore must be amazing :P
and i LOVE the gay best friend, Dan. That always makes for good reading hehe
I like the fact that you change between THAT night, and the past. it's really cool (i need to stop using that) and it's something i'd want to try in the future. I also love the fact that we KNOW there's going to be a betrayal, and now i wonder how. that's cool too ;) *cringes*
I'm glad you've written enough to keep you going :) I'm looking forward to your next chapter!Author's Response: I told you you'd get some Remus lol! I'm actually writing The Betrayal as we speak!
Thought I'd add a twist with the GBF (for some reason I keep picturing him like Chris from Hollyoaks lol).
I'm gonna alternating posting this with with posting Thatl!
Thanks hun, so pleased you liked it!! Report Review
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