Reading Reviews for Don't Go
  
45 Reviews Found

Review #1, by sweetypye0110 First Day Back

5th February 2014:
I already like it one chapter in!! Can't wait to see if there's a love triangle between the black brothers :) great job!

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Review #2, by Christine_Nighting Project Clairvoyance: Day One

21st June 2011:
Oooh. Looks like Rebastian is nice.but shouldn't he marry Bellatrix? Haha. Can't wait for the next chapter!!

Author's Response: Hi so sorry this took so long to respond to! I'm really thankful for the review and I'm glad you liked it! I'm pretty sure it was Rodolphus that marries Bellatrix. Rabastan's his brother. I've been feeling so bad that I haven't written in a long time! The next chapter should be out within a month! Thanks again!

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Review #3, by MyMyMiss Project Clairvoyance: Day One

14th June 2011:
I am so sorry! This review is WAY over due and I am terribly sorry that it has taken me this long :'( I'm just lacking behind alot recently. But i'm on it now :) x


I love your Main Character, Seren. (I hope my spelling is correct cause I am wayy too lazy to scroll up >.< Forgive me) She can be really sensitive and nice when she wants to be, but generally she comes across too me as out there but still determind and vicious. She makes me laugh at time when she can be really stubborn. She Is just generally a laugh. I love your Development and how you portray her ;) great work.

I adore Rona. She is just crazy. But in a good way. I LOVED An eventfull weekend. That Chapter was really good. And really well constructed if I do say so myself. “I just need ten seconds of ‘no Rabastan’ time. Can you give me that?” That made me laugh for so long it wasn't funny >.<

Overall I really enjoyed reading the first six chapters in this story.

~Karnii.

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Review #4, by NaidatheRavenclaw Project Clairvoyance: Day One

12th June 2011:
Alright, big sum it up review here!

Characterization. Your characterization of Reg is spot on. I get an excellent feel for his character and his personality. I know what's going on in his mind, and I know his role in your story. So great job on that!

Your characterization of Seren could use a little work. I have a vague idea of who she is, but I'm not as good on her character as I am with Reg. OC's are really hard to do, and I respect that you've given me any idea at all, but I do think you could add to this.

Plot. I really like Reg in this story. It helps to pull it away from the land of Marauder cliches. I also like how Rabastan is a main character. We never see much of him in these sort of fics, so I'm glad you included him. I'm interested to see if Sirius will play a bigger role, and also who ends up with who. I think plot is one of your strong points. What I said earlier, about not seeing it much still stands for that chapter, but here I have a much better understanding of what you're going for. So really, great job with plot!

I'm going to give you a suggestion here that you can completely ignore if you want to, because it's something that won't take away from your story if you don't have it, and you may have already thought of this. Anyways, your main plot is all the romances. I get that and love it. But it's always a good idea to have a subplot. Something else going on at the same time. It could be Reg and the Death Eaters or Seren loosing a family member. It could be almost anything. But it makes a story a lot more interesting, and really adds depth to it. Again, this isn't necessary, but it enhances everything. And if you've already thought of it, great job to you!

Writing and style. Your strong point is definitely your dialogue. It's natural and it fits well. So many times I'll see really stiff dialogue, or stuff that doesn't fit a character, but yours is honestly spot on. It adds humor to your story as well, which I love. And thought I should add that your flow is very good as well.

Your weak point when it comes to writing is style, I would say. I was saving this for the end, because it's kinda vague and more of a matter of personal preference. Your story is written in a very declaritive voice. You narrate and tell me everything that's going on. I still struggle with doing that too. Now I'm not saying you should embellish too much, or make it really flowery, because that isn't your style, but I do think a bit of description would go a long way. For instance, don't tell me that Seren is annoyed. Tell me that her brow wrinkled and she scowled. Do you see the difference? You're conveying the same emotion, but the second way shows me instead of tells me.

Overall, I think you have a great idea and a really good start to this fic. The OC character workshop (not sure if you've been there) is a great resource for Seren, and also feel free to PM me if you have any questions about this, because I know that was a lot to take in! Again, sorry about how long this took me!

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Review #5, by NaidatheRavenclaw Meetings and Brother Issues

12th June 2011:
New character. Odd. For some reason, I suspect that it's Aerona, but I'm probably way off the mark there. I usually am :P In any case, I'm eager to see how you plan to use her.

Reg has a good voice. It's easy to tell when he's talking and when Seren is now so good job with that. I'll give you a big long review next chapter! Promise!

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Review #6, by NaidatheRavenclaw The Dreaded Project

12th June 2011:
That was an odd change in Reg. A bit too fast for my liking, but I think that's more personal taste than anything else.

I'm still not getting a good picture for Seren. She was snarky and sarcastic in this chapter, but I didn't see much of that previously. I'm sure I'll get a good development soon though :)

Project, eh? It seems like every story has something like that. Just be sure to make it your own!

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Review #7, by NaidatheRavenclaw An Eventful Weekend

12th June 2011:
Well that was a twist! I did not expect Reg's pov. I have to admit though, I like it! It was a nice change to be inside his head for once. It did take me a while to realize the change, though. Just something to think about.

I am kinda getting worried about the development of the plot. I get your motive, but I'm not sure you're on the right path... Let me think about it, and I'll comment again on your next chapter.

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Review #8, by NaidatheRavenclaw So Called Tolerance

12th June 2011:
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry for abandoning this story for like, a week! RL and the House Cup made me completely forget about my review thread!

I love your dialogue! It's great, really. Makes me laugh every time! I would say that writing dialogue is definitely one of your biggest strengths. And as long as you have exciting dialogue, your story can never be bland.

If I had to be nitpicky here, I'd say that I'm not getting much of a feel for your character. I'm not really sure what to think of her yet. That being said, it is only the second chapter, so I'll comment more on that later.

I'm really excited to keep reading! Hope the great work continues on!

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Review #9, by TheGoldenKneazle So Called Tolerance

7th June 2011:
Hi there! It's me off the forums with your review (at last - sorry it took so long, exams have been getting in the way)

I really liked the fact that not much happened in this chapter, but we got told a lot of information about Seren, Aerona and their relationship. They have a very normal friendship, but it's nice to see the little details - like Aerona always complaining, and getting suspicious of Seren and Regulus - to find out what kind of people they are.

Seren's very good at putting up with Aerona! But they're so upfront with each other, and although they annoy each other, they admit it and move on. I love how you've written that.

I find Seren's animal deterence pretty funny, and all her Aerona's banter about all the different animals that hate her! Also like the fact that they both fancy a different Black... for the moment. I want to see what will happen when Seren starts becoming more interested in Regulus... also how Sirius will come into it more too. I want to see more of him and how everyone acts around him!

So great chapter :) 10/10
~TGK

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Review #10, by NaidatheRavenclaw First Day Back

6th June 2011:
Hi! Naida here with your requested review! BEfore I get to the stuff you actually requested, I wanted to point out that your first two sentences are in present tense, and then it switches to past.

Seren. Such an ususual name. Out of curiosity, what does it mean? I can't comment much on her character now, seeing as its the first chapter, but I hope she'd just as unusual as her name!

Plot. I like the Regulus element added in. There are so many Sirius/OC stories, so I'm glad yours has a twist. I think it'll be interesting to see who she ends up with. Again, as it's the first chapter, I can't comment much on this yet, but I'm hoping it'll be amazing! Which, I'm sure it will be.

Overall, a really good start!

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Review #11, by ravenclaw_princess Project Clairvoyance: Day One

6th June 2011:
I'm surprised at Rabastans very forward nature, but not surprised that this is happening. There was a bit of foreshadowing to Rabastan's like of Ravenclaw girls earlier on in the story and it is great to see, what could have just been a random comment, actually become a larger part of the story.

I like Rabastans character. He is quite light hearted compared to everyone else and it was great to see him breaking through Seren's shell. She had so much anger at the beginning of the chapter, but he managed to diffuse most of it.

Overall, you have a nice little story going. The chapters flow well and your characterisations are very sound. Each person has their own personality and they are all very unique and easy to tell apart in you writing. Great job

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Review #12, by ravenclaw_princess Meetings and Brother Issues

6th June 2011:
Interesting chapter. Things are starting to get going plot wise and I'm interested to see where Laverna fits in to everything. I liked the little interchange between Reg and Sirius. Reg, while outwardly cocky, does seem very insecure around his brother.

short review for this chapter, but I didn't see any issues and it read pretty well.

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Review #13, by ravenclaw_princess The Dreaded Project

6th June 2011:
Poor poor Seren. She will have her work cut out for here. And you can tell that that potion has trouble written all over it when in the 'testing' phase.

This was a great chapter, my favourite so far, mainly because there was a little more plot development happening and slightly less random banter between the girls.

I love how Seren thinks. She has such deep thoughts and they come across very well and are written very nicely. She really does think that the fates are out to get her and I can definitely see why. And her rant was just superb. Anyone would be dumbfounded after that.

Reg's behaviour when they were selecting their potion was slightly creepy. It was like he was flirting with her. Based on what I know from the previous chapter of Reg's it kind of came out of the blue, so I'm wondering what his motivations and intentions are.

Grammatically, there aren't too many problems. Sometimes there are a few odd comma's missed, or the occasional wrong tense, but there are no major issues.

Overall, great chapter. It flowed well, had a nice pace and good plot development.

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Review #14, by ravenclaw_princess An Eventful Weekend

6th June 2011:
It is was interesting to see a chapter from Reg's point of view. You have given him a different voice to that of Seren which is good. He has an air of cockiness about him which came through in your writing.

At first I was a little confused who it was because it didn't really sound like Seren. It took until he beginning of the second paragraph to fully determine who it was.

I loved how Reg saw Aerone. His thoughts were fantastic and I also think very believable. His whole view on the situation was also consistent with how you described Aerona's behaviour in the previous chapters.

All in all, good chapter. There was lots of humour and it was well written.

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Review #15, by ravenclaw_princess So Called Tolerance

6th June 2011:
You do a lovely job with the sarcasm. The dialogue between the two girls is really well good and they bounce off each other well. I imagine that Aerona is very tiring to be around.

The chapter flowed well and showed the passage of time without any confusion. You write lovely descriptions too which add detail to the whole story.

I did notice a few repeated phrases or descriptions such as "halo" when describing hair and the "keep telling yourself that" phrase. Try to vary them up a little.

Other than that though, it was another sound chapter. the characters have been set up well and they are definitely unique.

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Review #16, by ravenclaw_princess First Day Back

3rd June 2011:
Hello, Ravenclaw_princess reviewing as requested.

This was a really great first chapter. You have set up the plot well and haven't made it a long drawn out process to get the jist of the story. The chapter flowed really well and was set at a nice pace. All the important early details were covered, but they were also nicely incorporated into the story rather than through long winded introductory paragraphs. What I really liked was how you brought aspects of the girls physical features into the story seemlessly, so by the end, you had a clear picture of them without the need for a paragraph dedicated to their looks.

The characters immediately had quite unique personalities and I like them all. Seren has a little bit of a sarcastic wit about her which was fun to read, and Aerona is so over the top and melodramatic. They suit each other perfectly. The boys were also described well and realistically for their ages, they are only 16 and 17 after all, and you kept them at this age rather than making them playboys.

One point I did pick up on though is that Sirius is older than Regulus and therefore wouldn't be in the same class.

Grammar and spelling was fine. I did find at times that the paragraphs could get a little long. While not a huge issue, just keep it in mind as you continue through as long paragraphs can lead to the reader sometimes becoming a little lost.

I like how the chapter ended, however you did not mentioned Seren's last name previously so it isn't immediately apparent that she is paired with Regulus. the whole chapter has set up for this moment and we clearly know Seren's feelings towards Regulus. Her reaction to the situation was brilliant and obviously not to her liking. It was very well done and I'm really interested to see how things play out, both between her and regulus and with Aerona. Well done on a very good first chapter.

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Review #17, by Aligiah Project Clairvoyance: Day One

3rd June 2011:
Ah, I sense issues in later chapters. I'm loving Rabastan, and I'm hoping to see more of him in the future. :] Rivalry for Regulus much?

I found this even more enjoyable because we got to see an even more fiesty Crawford and a hilarious Lestrange. I'm honestly really enjoying your story!

Fantastic chapter! 10 all the way!

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Review #18, by ilharrypotter Meetings and Brother Issues

2nd June 2011:
Hello again!

Holy cow, this is the fifth chapter? It doesn't feel like that much has happened - that may or may not be a bad thing. Things are spaced out adequately in this story, but it doesn't feel like there's anything happening in most of your chapters. Which is... bad.

This chapter didn't feel like much of anything. In fact, it's kind of boring to me - I feel like your plot could be a little bit more... there. Right now, I have no idea what your plot is supposed to be.

Feel free to re-request reviews; I'll try to be a little more chatty in the future.

-Paige.

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Review #19, by ilharrypotter The Dreaded Project

2nd June 2011:
Hello again!

"I rolled my eyes as I moved forward to the cauldron to play a riveting game of 'Pick-the-Potion'. And my prize? Elixer to Induce Clairvoyance."

I like Regulus' sarcasm, and I like how Aerona gets so mad at Seren whenever she talks to Regulus. The two girls have a really amusing dynamic, and you've developed it well.

I'm sorry that my reviews seem so terribly short, but I feel like I don't have too much to talk about - nothing really to discuss, nothing to gush about.

You're a good writer, though, and I'm looking forward to watching the story progress. It has a lot of potential.

-Paige.

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Review #20, by ilharrypotter An Eventful Weekend

2nd June 2011:
Hello again!

Nice to see a chapter in Regulus' point of view. I rarely read about him in his Hogwarts age.

"I just need ten seconds of 'no Rabastan' time. Can you give me that?"

That made me chuckle. Lots of little lines in this chapter made me chuckle.

The possible cliches in the story really do worry me - I don't want to see the story fall by the wayside, but if the cliches take over, there's a good chance it will. Be careful with that - a good story can easily be ruined.

-Paige.

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Review #21, by ilharrypotter So Called Tolerance

2nd June 2011:
Hello again!

Oh, I've missed introductions to humorous stories! I'm sick of boring introductions!

"What on earth was Rowena Ravenclaw thinking when she came up with Ravenclaw Tower? Seventeen minutes. That’s how long it takes to get from the Potions dungeons to the Ravenclaw sixth year girl dorms."

I LAUGHED. I've missed laughing. YAY FOR LAUGHING.

I really like Aerona. She's funny - I feel like I don't know anything about Seren, but Aerona, so far, has proved to be a comical character that I enjoy reading about - at the moment. This is the kind of impression you want your main character to inspire from your reader - not a side character. Characterization could be improved.

-Paige.

Author's Response: Hi thanks for the review! haha Glad I was about to provide the humorous introduction. I'll try to work more on Seren's background. She does have one, but I need to find a way of integrating it into the narrative. Thanks again!

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Review #22, by ilharrypotter First Day Back

2nd June 2011:
Hello there! Polkadot/ilharrypotter from the forums with your requested reviews.

First off, I would like you to know that I do appreciate your pairing. I LOVE odd pairings, and I've never, ever read a Regulus/OC pairing before in my life - I'm ashamed to admit that, because I love reading about the Blacks.

Secondly, this story looks like it's going to be right up my alley. All of the stories I've been reading lately have been completely OUT of my usual realm, but this is romance and humor - and from your summary, I sense sarcasm. Oh, I'm so excited. It's been a while since I've been able to read and review a story with a good dose of sarcasm! I'm a little excited. Let's hope you do me proud.

I see that this is a complete rewrite - I'm glad you've gone and rewritten it. Not to say that it was bad in the first place, but usually when a person does a complete rewrite, the story improves SO much and I enjoy it quite a lot more.

You've got very huge, long, extensive paragraphs. I don't know if that's a good thing - some of them are hard to get through.

Also, this seems like it has a potential to become very cliche. Not accusing you of being cliche, but it has the potential. The good boy versus bad boy thing - I do, however, enjoy that Sirius isn't the bad boy in this story. That's nice to see.

I like the name Aerona - does it have any particular meaning? It's very pretty. And Seren as well - I thought it was a typo for Serena at first, but I'm guessing that isn't the case now.

And then it switches over to the dark side - Potions partners. I expected there would be a cliche somewhere, and here it is. As long as there aren't a thousand of them, I won't say a word, but my cliche-radar is beeping very loudly in my head right now.

I appreciate your grammar/spelling. This is a well-crafted story, and I can tell that it has potential. bravo!

-Paige.

Author's Response: Hi thanks for the review! Sorry it took so long to respond. I was away for a bit and the reviews kind of piled up on me.
Anyways, I'm glad that you liked it. The whole rewrite thing is more from me personally losing interest and not liking my characters. Others have mentioned my long paragraphs also so I'll work on that.
I was just browsing names a few years back and Aerona stuck with me. It's the feminine form of Aeron, a welsh name which means 'Berry'. Seren is also welsh. It means 'Star'
I was worried about the whole potions partners thing being a cliche when I first started this, but it's vital to where I wanted to take the story. Thanks again!


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Review #23, by flagurl1_j Project Clairvoyance: Day One

2nd June 2011:
um yeah! i would say i was thoroughly surprised!!! now i am confused about pairings... keep up the good work! fantastic story!

Author's Response: Hi thanks for the review! Sorry it took so long for me to respond. Glad you were surprised! I'm sure pairings will clear up soon enough! Thanks again!

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Review #24, by TheGoldenKneazle First Day Back

31st May 2011:
Hi there! I'm here with your review off the forums :)

So far, the plot of this seems pretty enticing. Seren has been partnered up with the hate of her life, incurring the wrath of her best mate; I'm really interested to see where it goes with this!

Already, we are siding with Seren on the matter. She is quite a funny character, but really normal - and it's nice to see a character who 'appreciates Sirius but isn't completely obssessed by him! Her relationship with Aerona is actually pretty funny too, because they are so comfortable with each other and Seren doesn't even find it abnormal that Aerona drags her around and scratches her multiple times :)

The descriptions of the classmates and Slughorn were really great for putting us right in Seren's head, and it set the scene beautifully.

I would definitely want to read more! Great job :)
~TGK

Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for the review! Glad you liked it. Also glad that you like Seren. She's known Aerona so long that the little annoyances just bounce off of her. And yes, as much as I love Sirius, I'm sure there were some who didn't completely fawn over him. I'll be sure to come rerequest! Thanks again!

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Review #25, by Justinnnnnnnnnnnnnn Project Clairvoyance: Day One

30th May 2011:
I was surprised! I was expecting Seren to completely shut Lestrange out, she even seems to like him a bit. Although Regulus is just about a dead man it seems. Thanks for the amazing reading material! I'll be definitely waiting for more! :)

Author's Response: Hi Justin! Thanks for the review! Glad you liked it! haha Yes there is definitely some liking on both their parts. And Regulus definitely needs to pay for ditching her. I'll let you know when the next one comes. Thanks again!

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