Ooh! I've read a couple or so about Lily and James's deaths and the afterlife. They've been really good so far and yours is no exception, perhaps even better!
Your writing is absolutely amazing and I loved every single part of it but a certain line stood out to me. "They say the dead who have loved too deeply in life have a harder time letting go."I think that line just speaks so much for Lily. She's only had Harry for a little bit more than a year and she's happy with her life then that's suddenly taken away from her. I love how she accepted her death eventually, though. Together with James, the two of them can do anything. ♥
So beautiful, I'm so glad I got the chance to read this. (:
74th review out of 100 Report Review
Aw this was a beautiful little piece. I liked your insight on what death would have been like for James and Lily, and what would have transpired. Lily's character was written so well, and James was magnificent. I think you captured their love and understanding very well too. I loved the scene of Lily visiting Harry and he sighing in his sleep. That was so sweet. The ending sentence was very touching as well - they were never too far.
All in all, this made for a beautiful read. Great work!
(AditiDraco95) Report Review
I feel kind of bad for reviewing a one shot that already has so many reviews, but I couldn't help it, I love these two so much!
Bah! This was so bittersweet, the happiness of their love literally filled me, but Lily's agony, the realization that she was gone, she didn't have a heartbeat and she was completely separated from her child - so horrible ;(.
James seemed very calm and confident, which I loved. Lily's absolutely trust in him is beautiful.
I really like that he went to see Sirius. I want to know what that was like.. Sirius always breaks my heart so the idea that he was James's choice feels really perfect to me.
You made an excellent use of imagery in this, making what was happening obvious and giving it a poetic kind of feel. Your descriptions revolving around what it feels like to die, holy cow. I think a lot of people skip that part, because they just don't know what to put, but you handled it more than wonderfully.
Thanks for such a wonderful read, your writing was gorgeous, and the style was perfect. I'll absolutely have to check out a few more of your pieces!
Thanks for the swap!
JamiAuthor's Response: Don't worry about reviewing this even if it has many reviews. The last ones are from three years ago, so it's really nice to hear new perspective on a story I've written so long ago. Especially since it used to be my most prized story back in those days.
James and Lily have always been my dream couple, and I always wanted to write something about them. Various novel-lengths were unsuccesful, so I went for something simple and that's how this tanspired. Add it with my obsession with death and there you have it!
I'm glad you liked James going to see Sirius. Some people felt it was wrong of him to choose his best friend over his son, but I think he knew Sirius was in such a state he needed him for at least those few fleeting seconds.
Thank you so much for this wonderful review and I'm sorry I took ages to reply, I was really busy and it was hard finding the right words, because you just made me so happy. I'd be thrilled if you gave me your opinion on some of my other works. I'm a closet fan of BTF (and I promise I'll read all of the story and review it properly once I finish work), so it really means a lot since I think you're pretty great!
Liz Report Review
Such a cute story, but I think it could use a little more length. Other than that, good job!
Shay_Gryff :D Report Review
I just read a story about Lily confronting Petunia when she is dead but that is the only thing I read about this kind of stories and seeing I enjoyed that one and I liked your summary I decided to read this. I really felt it was touching that James told her he was proud of her and he instead choose Sirius to see. It seemed like a thing he would do and I really liked the way you portrayed him. A lot. I think you captured Lily’s emotions perfectly and their interactions were great! Report Review
What a wonderful picture of death for the eternal couple. I love the last sentence "but then, they were never too far."
What a warm, emotionally powerful and beautiful story! Report Review
This is so sweet. I love it. I don;t really like sad lily james stories but this one was good. 10/10 Report Review
Lovely! i dont have words to describe how this story made me feel, but its a good feeling! Great story!
MEL Report Review
It was really beautiful! Report Review
“Are you scared?”
“I’m with you.”
That settled it.
i cried A LOT. wow- it was incredibley imaginative and heartbreakingly (is that even a word!?) poignant. amazing.
x Report Review
That is so cute and romantic !! Report Review
Wow, this was beautiful.
I think you captured Lily perfectly; her feelings about being dead, about having left Harry behind and about, well, everything. It was evry nicely done and I like how in character she was kept. I especially liked the part about how she had been so brave all her life but now that she was dead, she wasn't anymore. That was great!
Your writing is amazing. The flow, the way the words worked together... it was brilliant. You really did a wonderful job with this. My only problem was James, although he was written well it sort of felt like he didn't think as much about Harry. Eh, it's hard to say what I'm thinking but it felt like it didn't mean so much to him that he had just left his son behind. The last thing he said though, that was good.
Anyway, this was fantastic! Report Review
amazing. . . sweet loved it! Report Review
Wow, I had totally forgotten how much I loved Thresholds the first time I read it. Seriously, the first paragraph still makes me wonder if that's exactly what happens after we die. How did you even come to think about it, Lizard? I mean, when I think of death, all that I see is a lonely soul coming out of the grave and floating towards the heavens. Ah anyway, what I want to say is that I loved the way you described death and what actually happens.
Things that worked:1. James's chocolate frog coloured eyes.2. The fact that he chose to see Sirius. There's really nothing spectacular about it, but I really respect their friendship and I've always had a soft spot for best friends who lead a tragic life...*cough* or something like that)3. What little conversation Lily and James had. It was meaningless...yet very meaningful (I dunno that's possible. lol) and just so simple and sweet and loving and...(I could go on :P)
Things that didn't work:NOTHING! I loved it all! Hehe. Loveya for writing this awesome piece, Bonc. Lily and James AND Lizzie ROCK! :D
P.S. If there are any spelling/grammatical mistakes, ignore them. I typed really fast :D Report Review
That was beautiful. The writing! It's amazing in every way: Lily and James are very realistic. Their love's so touching...
You're a wonderful writer. Report Review
"all you clung to was not gone, but forever out of your reach."
what a gorgeous way of phrasing it! as you know, the afterlife is something that fascinates me... but it's this aspect that is the most touching, heartfelt and hardest of all. The fact that you know that they are close, but so far away... it was beautifully done and i loved every word.
Lily and James' ineteractions were perfect... i loved Lily's shock at discovering that they were dead and harry was alive. It fitted her, i think, and made it so heart wrenching and poignant.
beautifully written, and it goes into my favourites because it isnt often i read something as lovely and touching as this. 10/10 you're a very talented writer :)
- Marina Report Review
Sorry that it's taken me a few days to respond to your review request. *is ashamed*
This was a very good one-shot. Quite original. I have a few little things to point out, so here they are:
-Great beginning paragraph; it caught my attention right away.
-"Getting inside the cupboard swiftly, if Lily had a beating heart, it would break. " Maybe add "as she was" to the beginning to make this a complete sentence; right now it's kind of an awkward fragment.
-I liked that James visited Sirius and that Lily understood that. It was like she knew he'd visit him, and he knew she'd visit Harry. Their relationship was very well defined, and not just in the visiting part.
-Good last sentence. Very Dumbledore-esque. (Let's pretend that's a word--it just sounds like something the sock-lover would say.)
--Kate/RP Report Review
Thatâ€™s a very nice one-shot. Itâ€™s well written and while itâ€™s short it goes right to the point.
I like the fact that youâ€™re not dwelling too much on their death and the sorrow that comes with it.
With few words you succeed into showing how they are affected by death.
It was nice how Lily took some time to register what happened to her and then her first thought was for her son. The fact that James chose to go and see Sirius instead of Harry was a little puzzling. I know that he cares deeply for his almost brother but Harry still remains his son. Maybe you should write that he knew lily would chose to go and see Harry so he decided to see Sirius instead.
I would have not though Harry to be in the cupboard as a baby. I think thatâ€™s a little too harsh even for the Dursleys. I would have thought that he would have been moved to the cupboard as a punishment for doing â€śweird thingsâ€ť when he was a kid.
The last paragraph was just great. James saying that he wanted to die with her but now he would rather be the only dying was harsh yet beautiful how those feelings should be.
My favourite sentence would be â€śPeople think staying and holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting goâ€ť (you forgot the â€ś . â€ť at the end ^_^). This sentence fits perfectly with the flow and the feeling of your story. And that is so true.
Good job.Author's Response: About James going to see Sirius...many people take it that he chose his friend over his son, which James wouldn't do. He went to see Sirius, because he knew only one of them could go to Harry and he gave that choice up for Lily. I was wondering whether to add it there, but then i wanted to keep it subtle and I thought people would understand.
You're probably right about the cupboard, one reviewer already pointed this out.
And finally, thank you so much for your wonderufl words and constructive criticism. It was strange for me to focus on death, so I didn't delve into it. I didn't delve into much of everything in this piece, because that's how I wanted it to be...soft and brief.
And I added the full-stop a few days ago, but the edited version still has to be validated. And as for the last part when James says that to Lily...that was one of the most important things. The fact that they died alone is somewhat beautiful, but at the same time it made me think that James would give anything if Lily could still live and be with Harry, so i tried to put that in there. :)
Thank you again for reviewing. Report Review
Aww, that was beautiful! I love how you chose to look at that night after they died, and your style is just lovely. ^_^ The after-death sensation was written wonderfully too, and I love how the ending is hopeful. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you. I've read many stories that lead all the way up to the point when James and Lily die, so I wanted to create something new and put across the belief that death is not the end.
I'm very happy you liked it! ^_^ Thanks again, dear! Report Review
I LOVED how you started this story. It was so beautiful, so deep... They way you described everything. Wow. VERY well written!!!
How it all works into the story, like an explenation for how she felt - and what it was like.
The words I'm left with is beautiful and deep. The entire story was. The sadness feels good somehow, if you know what I mean?
The curious part of me would really like to read what James saw when he went to Sirius though. But that might be better left off for my imagination to figure out.
It's all written so very well, and really takes on the "death is just another great adventure"... The last one I heard say that was Peter Pan :/
Anyways, I can't wait to read the rest of your stories!Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much for taking the time to review. I'm happy you liked it. And aah, don't tempt me, I might just sit down and write that bit about James visiting Sirius. :D
I'm glad you understood the meaning of this story, which basically implied that death is not the end and it doesn't part us like the marriage vows say. And I was aiming for creating that strange sort of pleasant lovely sadness. I'm very happy you liked it. Thank you. Report Review
Wow. That was absolutely beautiful. Heartbreaking! Really well written, beautiful emotion, dialogue was perfect, and some of the best James/Lily characterization I've read. Well done.Author's Response: Thank you so much. I tried my best in this one, it's wonderful to hear this from you. Once again, thank you! :) Report Review
Hey! This is InsanityRulz from the forum here to review :)
First off... I loved the glasses in your banner! I don't know why...it just made me want to tell you that it was unique in a banner!
Secondly...your first chapter was absolutely gorgeous! Amazingly written! This was a very unique story too! I'm moved by it :) Great job here! And, I loved these lines:
â€śAre you scared?â€ť
â€śIâ€™m with you.â€ť
That settled it.
Very romantic and cheesy, but beautiful! I wish it would let me add it to my favs...but, the bloody thing won't let me login!! Anyways, brilliant one shot ^_^ Thanks for letting me read it :)Author's Response: Aw, thanks. Those glasses are actually the official Harry Potter merchandice, lol. I own one of those myself. Well, of course I wanted them to represent James.
Many people like those lines and I have to say I'm very fond of them too. I wasn't really going for anything too complicated or sentimental, but wanted to keep it true and simple.
So thank you for reading and leaving this fantastic review. :D Report Review
Varda here from the forums to answer your review request! :) I'll do the critique first and others later.
Memories of what has happened poured into Lilyâ€™s mind,... - Here you suddenly switched tenses, so it should be 'had' instead of 'has'.
People think staying and holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go - I *think* you're implying that letting go makes one stronger, but maybe you should tweak that sentence a bit to make it less fuzzy, like "...but sometimes it is letting go that does just/precisely that."
Alright, I know that was hardly any criticism at all, but your story is almost completely flawless! Never in my life have I read a story with this plot, nor a story that expressed James and Lily's love for each other so beautifully and clearly. That being said, your characterization of both characters is absolutely flawless. And your story flows brilliantly.
I adored the doe reference as well as this sentence: Getting inside the cupboard swiftly, if Lily had a beating heart, it would break., and the fact that both she and James suddenly know things without knowing they knew them.
And oh my ghillies, that was an amazingly beautiful opening paragraph, the part before that little break in the page! Wonderfully exressed and written! As is this entire story! Let me tell you that this is in no way what I expected when taking up a request-- this is the kind of story that touches your heart and is not exaggerated when I say it is one-in-a-million.
A thousand times better than anything Rowling has written, my favourite piece of work on the internet, hp or not; I am adding this to my favourites and will recommend it to anyone I come across. Thank you for the truly astounding and magical read.
Much love and take care,
VardaAuthor's Response: I think this is one of those review every author dreams of getting. And I'm almost terrified of replying, because I honestly don't have an idea what to say. Perhaps only that your review made tears sprung to my eyes, that's how much I am thankful for your words.
One-in-a-million and better than rowling? Wow, I could digress, but instead I'll just savour this moment forever. Honestly, words can't possibly explain how much this review means to me. You are incredibly sweet and I'm so thrilled you liked it as much as you say. Also thank you for pointing out the little mistakes, I knew I had one tense issue, but couldn't find it. I will edit it right away.
James and Lily have always been my favorite couple and this story was my way of releasing the sadness of their tragic death, therefore it is a very treasured story of mine. Thank you again, thank you!
xoxo Elizabeth Report Review
Hi, This is singerhotti24, from the HPFF forums.
I think that this was a fabulous one-shot! (One of the best that I have read.) The feel is so light, so free, but so grouned at the same time. I find myself wondering, 'However did you do it?'
I'll just put these into subsections from the Area of Concern:
The Feel: I do believe what I said above would suffice for this, but really, you painted this picture, I could see it soo vividly, it was shocking to me. The feel is great, and untouchable.
The Characters: Fabulous. They seemed so mature, and it feels as if the readers could connect with them (I, being a reader) even though we have never died before. James's sentiments to Lily seemed like something that he would say. All in all, very believeable.
My Opinion: If you haven't gotten a hint yet, I loved it. It was very well written :) Well done.
~GretaAuthor's Response: Hi Greta (that's a VERY nice name, by the way). One of the best? Wow...thanks! *blushes* This story means so much to me, honestly, so reviews like this really make me very, very happy. Thank you for everthing.
James was, somehow, the easiest part to write in this piece (though it wasn't really hard as most of it came naturally), but I really just love him and tried to express his love for Lily in those brief moments and words. Thanks for pointing it out. Report Review
May I just say that I have just had to go and get myself a tissue. Which is a very, very rare occurance for me. I didn't cry at anyone who died in the real HP.
You right amazingly well, everything's brilliant and beautiful. Love this: 'All this happens in a fraction of a second, and then you just go, softly, as if falling asleep, only to wake and realize that all you clung to was not gone, but forever out of your reach.' Fantastic quotes.
Wow... just wow, really beautiful, kind of haunting in a nice way?
I'm not even a fan of one-shots, but geesh...
-wanders off with glazed eyes-
And yes, I know I already told you this in an OWL, but it's stuck with me ever since I first read it, I've read it at least ten times since then and can basically quote the first paragraph off by heart.
STOP WRITING AND I KNOW WHERE YOU WRITE.
10/10!Author's Response: Aw, you came to review. That's so sweet of you. I really made you cry and HP didn't? Wow, I don't even know what to say to that. And thank you for mentioning the quotes, they all came sort of naturally, I'm really glad you like them.
Haunting in a nice way...yeah, I guess. That's how I viewed this piece, actually. :)
And don't worry, I don't plan to stop writing any time soon. :) Report Review
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