Why are you talking directly to the reader? That's the worst thing for a story to do. Report Review
Wow, you are really good, I loved it :) Report Review
Okay, I have been trying not to let it bother me for this long, but I can't stand it anymore. Draco has gray eyes! J.K made it clear in her books. There now that I have said it, I will continue reading.
A little OOC but not too too bad.
Other than that good job! Report Review
Too dramatic. And why the heck does Hermione fall for Draco? Anyone know? That part makes absolutely no sense.
I'm sorry, but this was poorly written and makes no sense. Hermione would never fall for Draco like that in those circumstances, and vice versa for Draco.
And a little tip: read what you're posting at least 24 hours after the last time you edited it, and THEN post it. When you write and then edit it you make stupid mistakes because your brain gets fried, and when you read it the next day you catch errors that you wouldn't have before. It helps prevent stupid mistakes. Report Review
I am going to give those who like writing fanfics a little constructive criticism (this isn't only for HP fanfics, these tips can be applied anywhere)(the actual review is at the bottom but you should still read the whole thing):
Tip 1: The Plot: throw in as much mumbo-jumbo, magic, witches and wizards, and fictitious STUFF as you want. Got all of it? Great. The trick to making a really good fictitious story is to have all of the elements of fantasy in it, but still keep the character’s actions realistic. Take away all the magic and fiction stuff: would Malfoy make the same choices? Would Hermione? Consider these things when writing fiction stories.
Tip 2: DRAMA. Holy CRAP, I hate drama. With a burning passion. More than Severus Snape hates shampoo. A touch of it here, a little dab there - it's all good, as long as you don't overdo it. Of course, use more drama than Snape does shampoo - a tiny bit never hurt anyone (except me)... Once again, think about the likelihood of these things happening if there was such a thing as (insert your fictitious elements here), or if (insert your fictitious elements here)were removed from the story; whichever way you want to look at it, you need to determine if the actions are realistic and if the reactions to the actions are realistic.
Tip 3: Step 1: write. Step 2: read. Step 3: edit. Step 4: DON'T YOU EFFING DARE LOOK AT THE DAMN STORY AGAIN TO-EFFING-DAY.
The next day, repeat steps 2-4 until satisfied with the results.
The biggest mistakes that i see when reading fanfictions (other than drama-overuse) are quite silly and are quite plainly resulting from a burnt-out author who's worked too much in one sitting. PleaseohpleaseohpleaseohPLEASE take breaks, if not an entire day after editing for a few hours than at least once every couple of hours. AND under NO CONDITION are you to post your fanfic the same day you finish it. AND read it just one more time before posting.
Tip 4: take you own sweet time writing this stuff, gosh darnit. The fanfic I'm working on now, most people would say, is finished. No-sir-ee, it most certainly ain't. It's 6,005 words and will stay within 100 words of it, because I am in the proud stages of final-editing. This is my fourth run through with editing, and I'm almost done. BUT- once I finish good ol' run through numbah 4, i'll read through again and edit more. And I'll keep editing until my sweet little heart is content, and then I'll give it to a few of my friends to read for constructive criticism. They have specific instructions for when they receive my final product: find any and all errors, and tell them to me in as mean of a way as possible. Then I'll edit some more and keep going until, at last, 'tis done. I've been working on it for three weeks now, and I must say, it's turning out pretty well.
Not all of these tips are meant for the author of this particular fanfic, I just want this out there for everyone to keep in mind when writing :) HAPPY WRITING!!!
p.s. when writing HG+DM fanfics (which I love because of the imposing challenge of their pasts), I find that when writing happily-ending Dramiones, the best way to make it realistic is to either give Hermione a traumatizing love-life and have Malfoy help her through it, or forcibly put them together for a while (through work, associates, business – think of a way) so that they can get used to each other. Either way, Malfoy has to realize EVENTUALLY that he was an idiot for all that blood status mania.
p.p.s…. Also, you are going to get good well and bloody sick of your fanfic by the time you’re done writing it, IF you write it right. Hmm, write it right… try saying that ten times fast… writeitrightwriteitrightwriteitright… hehehe
p.p.p.s…. In case you haven’t already figured it out… yes, I am indeed insane and belong in the INSANE ASYLUM!!! SO WOOHOO FOR INSANE PPL!!!
Peace yo ~8-)
All in all, drowningmusic, I think that you did well; just keep in mind what I said about having friends read it before you post it so that they can give you suggestions, and the drama and realisticality (i made up a word there :D) of the character's actions.
personally... I'm not so sure that Hermione would have fallen for Malfoy in those circumstances. In fact, sorry, but I highly dount it. She's much too practical. Also, why exactly does Malfoy tell Steven to bring Hermione to the woods, just to change his mind? And what makes him fall for her? She suddenly goes from being a captive to him liking her, a lot.
Please understand that I'm a stickler for these things and that I'm like this to everyone. But other than what I've mentioned, I like your writing style and the plot and will read more of your stuff :) Report Review
this story is so confusing!!! I didnt understand any of it and i didnt like the way that you made Hermione fall for Draco like that. Sorry poorly written Report Review
I wish this story didn't end so soon.:'( did Blaise have to die:( makes me sad :(:(:(:(:(:(:( :(
anyways it was awesome ;P Report Review
the story was amazing... i loved it...! :D Report Review
its interesting so far... i would love to see what happends ahead... Report Review
Great story. It was well written and I liked how you added the narrator's voice every so often. I also liked the suspense and the way you had my mind whirl with the possibilities. Thank you for taking the time to write this amazing story. I greatly appreciate it.
P.S. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO Report Review
this is a truly great story that i enjoyed reading very much:)
1 000 000/10
=) Report Review
aw soo cute :D i like u should write more! Report Review
OMG That story was so cute...I thought you did a wonderful job. Report Review
I seriously thought you killed hermione. But then once i read the part about a daughter, i suspected that hermione was alive. And yes, she was! Im so glad you didnt kill her.
This story is amazing. I have to say i especially love the happy ending. Great job!! Report Review
wow this story was so good i loved every second of it!! i liked how you kept us guessing the whole time i could never figure out what was going on and it was awesome!! the ending was perfect and dramione are to adorable :) GREAT JOBAuthor's Response: Thanks. I'm glad you liked it. I love suspense so I was hoping others did too. Report Review
Although I'm sad the story is ended, it went out with a happy ending! I love happy endings!Author's Response: Don't worry. I love happy endings too. Report Review
and i HAVE enjoyed it from beginning to end!
and the ending was great! i loved how blaise got all nice and saved her life. this series was definately one of the best!
i have a question though.
will you ever make another story? Draco/Hermione?Author's Response: Of course I will. It might be soon actually. Now that it's summer and all. At the moment I have a Rose/Scorpius though. I am glad you have enjoyed it though. Thanks for reading. Report Review
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! UPDATE SOON! I just read the entire story today, and the only reason I regret it is because now I'm freaking out in the suspence of what will happen next!
BTW, I give this story a 10/10Author's Response: Thanks. I'm glad you like it. You won't be freaking out for too much longer because the next one will be up today. Report Review
Im going to guess that she met draco then. Are they going to end up killing each other? Why was there a sudden change in draco? I thought he already chose hermione over power and all of a sudden he changed his mind and wanted power again. Whats wrong with him? Or is there more than meets the eye?
I cant wait to read te next chapter. Hermione is going to meet draco isnt she? I sure hope that none of them kills the other..
Great job here and UPDATE SOON!!Author's Response: All your questions will be answered soon. I'll have the next one up tomorrow. I'm glad you like it. Report Review
awsome...no other word=) Report Review
yes i like it more and more=)
enjoing it heaps=)Author's Response: I hope you keep on reading. Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
very good=) i like this already=)))Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
Excellent dialogue and the ominous tonality towards the end had me intrigued and waiting for the next chapter. You have a great sense of characterisation and keep the writing consistent. I like your point of view and your overall writing style. You have certainly set up a fantastic base for your story and you have improved out of sight.
Keep writing, it'd be a shame to miss you.
Anonymous WriterAuthor's Response: Thank you so much. I must admit that you have just inspired me to write more often. I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
this series is sooo goooddd[:
i just started reading it today and i LOVE it[:
and this chapter is amazing. i hope she doesnt kill draco
but im dying to know what happens next.
definately one of my favorite stories on heree[:Author's Response: I'm glad you like it and I'll get the next chapter up this weekend hopefully. Report Review
awww i really really like this story. PLEASE finish it??? :)Author's Response: Don't worry. I'm planning on it. Report Review
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