This.Was. Amazing. Oh my goodness, I read every word and couldn't stop, its heartbreaking yet encouraging at once.Author's Response: thanks for the review!!! Report Review
That was so good!! I've read the book about five times and I still cry when I read all the parts where people die. I bawld like a baby when Dobby died, and the same goes for Fred and Bellatrix (what can I say? She was a bad ass!). Thank you so much for writing this!!Author's Response: Thank you for this review. Report Review
Wow! Heart felt. I liked this a lot! This sort of fics are so hard to execute well, since there is no new drama, but only past tense drama.
It might have worked even better though if you had just focused on Dennis and maybe on or two of the more obscure characters though; say Lavender and then maybe just Luna because we sort of know about Hermione and Ginny, although Harry's part is essential.
Also, some of the paragraphs need to be broken in two of three to make it easier to read.
A 10, though, absolutely!Author's Response: Thank you for leaving a review!! :)
This was actually one of the very first things I had ever written. I am very hesitant to change anything in it. If I would, I would lose this as a bar to compare my new work to. If that makes sense?
I'm glad you enjoyed this!
Melissa Report Review
I love it. Thank you for sharing that piece of work with us.Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to leave this review. :) It is much appreciated.
-Melissa Report Review
The Final Battle of Hogwarts was on May 2 not May 1Author's Response: Actually, voldemort was killed on May 2nd. The battle started and lasted into the night of May 1st. Most of the casulties were on the 1st, hence the memorial on the 1st. In my mind the 2nd is a day to celebrate their liberation from Voldemort's reign. Thanks for your concern though.
here's one line of dialogue for you: FANTASTIC!Author's Response: Awe... Why thank you. Report Review
Annyeong haseyo! Ilia here for your requested review ^_^
Wow. If this had been the first thing I wrote, I would be doing cartwheels around my house right now. This piece is awesome, to say the least. I can tell that you really thought deeply about how you wanted this idea to be presented, and to be frank, I appreciate the effort. There's nothing worse than reading a story when I can feel that the author didn't care. This piece was so touching, I was almost in tears by the end.
I really am impressed by how little dialogue you had in this piece. One line, actually. And that one line was so powerful, both because of the content and because it was the only spoken dialogue. That's such a smart idea - to isolate the dialogue. Brilliant.
I also think your characterizations were amazing. I was especially struck by your portrayal of Molly Weasley. I think you captured the motherly spirit in her perfectly, and my heart broke for her because of your portrayal of her. This line in particular: Despite her own loss during the Battle of Hogwarts, her heart bled for everyone seated before her. In this line alone, you have captured the essence of Molly Weasley, devoted mother, but in a sense, a mother to everyone. Just... awesome.
The only thing I would change about this piece is the layout. You had quite a few huge blocks of text, which is quite daunting to see on the page, to be honest. Consider breaking up some of the longer ones into shorter paragraphs. I also think it would do wonders for the flow of it. After I came out of a long paragraph, I felt like I needed to breathe for air before diving into the next one =P
Overall, this is beautiful. I think you should be very proud of it, especially as your first piece. I wouldn't change anything except the format. Besides, if you change it up, you wouldn't be able to see how much you've grown, right?
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: hey Ilia!
Firstly, thank you for this wonderful review. It is indepth, honest, and quite helpful. :)
Secondly, aww. Thank you so much for your praise. I read the cartwheel sentance and wished for a moment that I knew how to cartwheel. I put a lot of effort into this peice and am glad that despite beginner's nievity, that it is noticable and appreciated.
I was very new to this world of ff when I wrote this. I didn't realize that stories without much dialogue were uncommon. I actually (when I wrote this) thought that the lack of dialogue was a weakness. I didn't include dialogue because I wasn't confident in my ability to bring realistic speech to my characters.
Characterizations are very important to me. When reading ff, if the characters aren't strong and tangible to me, I can't bring myself to finish the story. I try not to be hypocritical and bring strong characters to everything I write. I'm so dumbfounded that you were impressed with them. (Molly is my absolute favourite character.I'm jumping for joy that you think I captured her character).
I love the idea of changing the format. I've been trying to put my finger on what it is about this peice that I am disenthralled with and I do believe that might be it.
The last sentance of this review made me smile... just so you know. Thank you so much!!! This review is tops.
-witness Report Review
First, let me say, wonderfully creative plot you have here. I definetly think it's worth taking some time to "clean it up" (to use your words) as it's a unique engaging portrait of a particularly difficult time for the characters.
Your description are good here, a bit haunting and harsh at the same time. Which, of course, fits perfectly with the events of the story. I do see more definitive descriptions in your later writings...where you have tightened up the descriptions to make them more specific to a character rather than the broad overview type of description you have here. I think that both are needed and work here, you just perhaps should balance them a little as you have in your later works.
Since the descriptions and plot are already so well done, the one suggestion I can offer is to perhaps work on the flow of the story itself. Since you've chosen to talk about many characters, rather than just one, and the lack of dialogue (which works fine but is sometimes difficult for the average reader) making sure that the piece flows from one "scene" to the next is critical. There are a couple of ways you could do this. One would be to focus on a single character and have them seeing these things around them. For example, take your favorite character and have them sitting on the bench and acting as narrator as they see each of the other characters in the village. You would lose some of the internal monologue directly but could easily have your narrative character guess as to what each of the other characters is thinking.
You could also ue an inaminate object and have each character come across it. This seems strange in a review but when you think about it, it works very well as a transition in a story. For example, perhaps a falling leaf that gets caught on the summer wind you mention at the beginning. A the leaf travels around the village, it can be seen by each character. When seen, it calls forth the internal monologues that you have written for each character.
Yep and I'm rambling again. Gosh, you are going to hate me soon! As I said, this is a really fabulous idea you have here and I think thi is definetly something worth taking your time with. It could easily be a classic piece of writing if you take the time to nurture it. Well done!Author's Response: Hello!! Sorry it took me awhile to respond. Life's been unexpectantly busy around here.
It is wonderful to know that my infant peice of writing is worth cleaning up. :) I always loved the idea of the memorial service and wanted to portray as many affected characters as possible. It is wonderful that you drew connections between this and my later works and really helpful.
When I initially wrote this, I didn't realize that the transitions were rather poor. Since then, I've realized that they are a bit jumpy. I love the idea of a narrator watching this all. I could definitely work with that. :)
Rambling is always a-okay when it's helpful. I don't think I'll ever hate you... As soon as I get a chance (once my novel chapter makes it through the queue), I'll be doing some much needed nurturing.
Thanks so much!
-witness Report Review
Impressive. Almost brought me to tears. First 10 out of 10 ive given. Nice.Author's Response: Why thank you. This was one of the first stories I had written, and although it's an oldie, it's still a goodie. I'm glad you liked it. Thank you for taking the time to review.
-witnesstoitall Report Review
Wow, this is so good! It's an insightful look into the recovering witch and wizard community a year after the war.
You're writing is excellent (especially your vocabulary), and the only point I have on that front is that you used "had" a lot, and I was told that things sound smoother if you drop the "had" and just say things that happened in the past directly. Like, instead of "he had thrown the ball to her" I'd say, "he threw the ball to her." It just flows smoother, in my opinion, and sounds nicer. :) Excellent one shot!
AetherAuthor's Response: Why thank you!!! I have always read a lot and have always had an adequate vocabulary. Sometimes I am unsure about using certain words and worry about the piece sounding too wordy. This was the first thing I had ever written. I should go back and edit it, but I\\\'d like to think that the quality and smoothness of my writing has improved since then.
I\\\'m extremely glad that you enjoyed this little one-shot. :) Thank you for your review and be sure to check out my other stories!!! Report Review
Very well written piece, I love the description and your style is incomparable. Well Done! I enjoyed the way that you seamlessly moved from one person to the next.
Thank you for sharing, i'm going to be reading more of your work as soon as possible! Thank you very much for sharing! xxAuthor's Response: Why thank you!!! I am very fond of this piece of writing. It was the first thing I had ever written. I am very glad that you enjoyed it and hope that you enjoy my other stories as well. :) Report Review
omg my favorite!!! so sad but it really captures the mood and emotions of everything!!Author's Response: awe... Thank you. That's what I was going for. I'm glad you feel that I succeeded in capturing the mood and emotions of such a wide range of characters. :) You should check out my new story... its similar and focuses on the thoughts of an array of characters.
Thank you!! I really appreciate the feed-back. Report Review
LOved it!!! Nice to see how wverythign turned out! ;)Author's Response: why thank you!! I'm glad you took the time to leave a review. :) Report Review
great story. good ending, but i also wish you would have shown more of the actual memorial service as opposed to just the thoughts of the people attending. still, a good story.Author's Response: why thank you! I wanted to avoid action and stay in their heads. but I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
OMG :( dats so0o0o amzing and beautiful it made me tear up !!
love it :)
mee :D xxAuthor's Response: thanks... :) this is my favorite story I've written. I'm currently contemplating writing a companion peice to chronicle those who died looking down on the living during the ceremony. Not sure yet though. Report Review
this was truly beautiful. I can picture something like this occuring. I liked how you gave a little snippet of each character's thoughts and what happened to each of them during the year following DH. It brought a tear to my eye and was very bittersweet. One last thing... Luna and Dean?!? I never thought of that before I'd like to read more about them before I pass judgement.. Overall: Good Job!Author's Response: Thank You... I'm glad you liked this one. I'm currently in the process of writting a companion peice about those who died looking down on the same ceromony. or something like that. :) Luna and Dean always struck me as a potential couple throughout DH... I know JKR says that Luna marries Rolf, but I'm pretty sure we all know that hardly anyone marries thier first love. Report Review
wow! i was crying the whole time... nice job!!Author's Response: thank you... :) Sorry it made you cry... but I'm very glad you liked it. Report Review
Very well written. Just watch some grammar things (like to/too, had stoleN, and a few other things I forget) and you misspelled Charlie Weasley's name.
But really, it was very good. I thought you captured all the characters well. Good description of George. I'm always looking for post-war one-shots and this one was really good. I liked it. =)Author's Response: Thank you... I do enjoy writing the post war time period. There is just so much to work with. Thank you so much for the grammar help. It can be difficult to edit your own work, and so I sppreciate it.
OMG I LOVED THIS STORY!!! ONE OF MY FAVES! IT CAPTURED EVERYONE PERFECLY!!! I STARTED TEARING UP WHEN YOU TALKED ABOUT FRED AND GEORGE! IF I COULD GIVE THIS HIGHER THAN A TEN I WOULD!Author's Response: Thank you. I know I know... to this day the mention of fred makes me sad. :( But I really appreciate your comments!
That was very very good. It was extremely well written, and something that I can imagine occurring. I like how you took the main characters in the battle and expanded on what they went through in the past year. It was a great little snapshot of their lives during the year after the battle. Great job!Author's Response: Thanks... I just felt like I should touch in with everyone since the final battle affected each of there lives. I'm glad you enjoyed it...
Thanks for taking the time to review. Report Review
OMG! This is so beautiful, so powerful. You are an amazing writerAuthor's Response: Thank you. I sincerely appreciate the time it took for you to read this. :) I am honored. Report Review
That was excellent. The quiet reflections of the one's who survive, just beautiful. Good job.Author's Response: I struggle writing dialogue, hence why only three words are spoken in this peice, but felt that emotions and thoughts were more critical than the words the characaters could speak. Afterall, in circumstances such as these, there are no words to be said. I am very glad you enjoyed this despite the lack of dialogue.
Thank you. Report Review
i loved this a lot! it was beautifully written and tugged at my emotions :)Author's Response: oh yay!!! :) Thank you so much for reading and reviewing... this was the first thing I'd written. I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
I liked it, but the paragraphs were really hard to read because of the size.Author's Response: Well, I'm glad you liked it. I'm sorry you found it difficult to read, but I'll try to amend that in future endeavors Report Review
I liked it, but the paragraphs were really hard to read because of the size.Author's Response: ...ummm basically what i said to the last review. I think you posted twice. Report Review
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