Far more entertaining then watching paint dry. As usual your writing is excellent and that is the reason I checked out this story because I have never read a Lavender/Harry story and I rarely read stories in Harry's generation unless they are about Oliver Wood lol. That being said I preferred the first half of this story to the second half it was funnier and more entertaining but that's probably because I can't picture Harry and Lavender together still though a very good job.Author's Response: Lol, thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I have no idea where these two came from! they just popped into my head one day so I had to write this story about them.
I can't picture them together either, so I had to make this an exeptional circumstance, and I wanted them both to be as IC as I could make them in a pairing.
I'm so flattered that you think so much of my writing that you felt you wanted to read this as it's out of your usual reading zone. thanks again!! Report Review
It wasn't bad at all, write very well. I personally am not a Harry/Lavender fan, but that's mostly because I don't really like good ole Lav Lav very much. You have captured both of their personalities very well though the kiss was rather sudden, and I kind of felt that it came out of no where, maybe a little more build up to that point... just a suggestion though. There were also maybe two mispesllings or typos, nothing major, just thought I would point it out.
I hope that this helped, thanks for asking :)Author's Response: Lav Lav! she's not my fave character lol, can't wait to see her in HBP lol. But I thought I'd give her a go, don't know where I got the idea for this ship from lol.
The kiss was a bit random, all to do with the situation they were in rather than any real feelings, as I didn't want a soppy ending where they suddenly declared feelings for each other lol.
Thanks so much for taking the time to review, I'll check back over this for the typos etc! Report Review
Cool and I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for writing.Author's Response: Thanks very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
I would also like to add that you shouldn't put yourself down, your writing is very good. I'm not usually a fluff-fan but I really liked this one-shot, have confidence and your writing will come on! Good luck for the future, I hope to see more from you. =]
-SoloAuthor's Response: I'm fine with my writing in general, I'm just not overly fond of this story lol.
thanks for the encouragement! Report Review
Solo here for the requested review!
First off punctuation:
‘“Will you please just calm down,”’ should have a full stop, not a comma as you went on to a new line.
-Where Hagrid found them and said ‘“sure, sure, under here, come on.”’ There should be a capital letter at the beginning of the first sure.
-‘“Dam you for a quitter, Lavender Brown,”’ there should be an ‘n’ on the end of dam to make it damn, dam is something that stops water in a river, and there should be a full stop instead of a comma at the end there.
-‘A swam of chattering girls had surrounded Lavender’ I think it was just a simple typo – a swarm of chattering girls had surrounded Lavender seems to fit better.
-‘“It wasn’t so bad,”’ again, just needed a full stop instead of a comma.
Mkay, general characterisation:
-Lavender Brown. We don’t see too much of her actual character in the books, although she goes out with Ron and he spends a lot of time with her it’s from Harrys perspective mainly. From what we have seen from her, you have stuck to her personality very well from my point of view. She seems exactly like the one in the books, although we see her in more depth in your story. I’m glad you didn’t stray from her real personality!
-Harry. He goes through a range of personalities throughout the books, I think you portrayed him very well, you write a very believable Harry. He’s the hero of the series and you wrote him as one.
-Hagrid. We don’t see much of him, but I had a hard time distinguishing your Hagrid and the book-Hagrid which is good! I don’t really like it when people stray away from the characters true personalities; you did very well on this front.
The plotline in general was actually very believable, although it may seem a little cliché in a general summary it’s not written as one. It’s an unusual ship, unusual is good as it means original! You have a general ‘flow’ to your writing, nothing left me thinking ‘whaaa? How did they get there?!’ which some of the more unusual ships have done.
Everything happens gradually, there was a great climb up to the climax of the plot.
General targets could be just watch out for punctuation, re-read before you submit. Look out for commas instead of full stops, that kind of thing. I would say you have a natural talent for writing, there are some really beautiful quotes in there too! Well done.
-SoloAuthor's Response: Thanks for pointing out those mistakes. I'll edit them right away.
Lavender was a bit difficult to write, I didn't want her to be too over the top and annoying as I have seen her portrayed in other fics, so I appreicate the comments on her.
I do enjoy writing Harry, but I'm aware that sometimes it;s easy to fit him to your story rather than fitting the story around him, so I'm pleased you obviously didn't think I did that!
I like unusual couples, but as you say it sometimes happens that a reader doesn't quite understand how they end up together in the story, so I'm glad you thought I managed to sidestep that.
Thanks so much for taking the time to leave your comments. I'll keep my eye on my punctation. lol. Report Review
It was pretty good. You may want to add a bit more details, but it is still very romantic. 9/10Author's Response: Thanks very much Report Review
Hi this is Ariana from the forums
Ok so you did well with grammar and speling but there are a few things i will point out. i suggest you scan it over again there a few sentences that are missing comma or semicolns for their emphisis and i only sa ethese tow mistakes:
"Harry grit his teeth with frustration" ~ i think Grit should be gritted and be forwarned this is in the opening we sentences so is easily noticed
"Lavender flapped his hands away irritably" ~ i am not too sure but i think flapped should be slapped. ALthough this one was not as noticable. =)
Okay onto the good things. i really liked this it held emotion and you describe things very well using great analogies. i really liked the part where without knowing it Lavender made a Batman and Robin refrence about Harry being the boy wonder and then didn't know about Clark Kent aka Superman. It was great so dont be worried.
Oh and i think you shoul most definately change your A/N: okay. it was great and when you say that you don't think it is great it shows a negativity that imprints on the reader right before they review and you don't reaslly want that. Be postitive about your writing abilities.
Hope i helped
Steph @0o0@Author's Response: HI Ariana, thanks for stopping by.
my commas etc have a tendancy to wander out of place lol, thanks for pointing that out I'll re-check it.
U are right, I did mean slapped lol, thanks. But I think it is grit rather than gritted.
I quite liked the Clarke Kent bit as well lol.
Thanks so much for all ur comments I really appreicate it, I'll edit my mistakes as well, thanks again Report Review
Good story I really liked it.
Much mre entertaining then watching
paint dry LOLAuthor's Response: Thank you, I'm truely glad u liked it. I'm one up on the paint so that's good lol.
Thanks for taking the time to review Report Review
Don't put down your writing. It was good. You actually write well without any errors I noticed in spelling, grammar and punctuation. That makes you better than 50% of the writers on this site. Your piece was a bit of fluff, and as such it was a good bit of fluff. Not everything has to be "War and Peace" to be worthwhile. And unlike most people you actually wrote something and got it on the site. Never put yourself down. You are wonderful!!Author's Response: I'm so glad u thought this was ok lol, I'm not a fan of this one shot at all lol. Your right of course, it is just a bit of fluff & is ok as fluff goes lol.
ur review has made my day now lol,. thanks so much!! Report Review
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