so beautiful. i love the way it's written, and it's really moving. i'm actually tearing up. great work Report Review
I love the tone of this chapter. You established your characters voice really well from the first, and you did great adding key information while still entertaining. and of course, the ever suspenseful cliff hanger! great job, I look forward to reading the rest!Author's Response: i always feel that getting started, actually trying to introduce a character is always so difficult. mainly because you have to make mere words transcend into images, emotions, etc, and im always trying to improve giving voice and creating personalities. hopefully i continue to suceed. Report Review
woaah, this is great!
i noticed that the update made one of my previous reviews disapear to i decided to rereview! i actually read this story quite a while ago, when you were like around ch. 8. then i think you deleted it or something? because i couldn't find it when i was looking for an update. anyways, im super glad you got around to finishing and posting it! it s not eeryday i read a great story with a very original storyline! i mostly see potter-relative twin girl mary sue (if you dont udnerstand, its ok :P) but putting david in slytherin, and his conflicts with james was very interesting. i feel so bad for david, since his whole family is against him, and you wrote the last part BEAUTIFULLY! "i never did chase after her" was so cute and sad at the same time. the fact that lily actually started likeing david made me happy. all in all, a great story, that kept me clinckin "next chapter" every time! sorry i didn't get around to reviewing the preivious chapters, but i had to keep reading!!! lol, what a long review. im looking forward to reading your other stories!Author's Response: oh gosh this made my day. but what ended up happening with that was i ended up doing a massive update/rewrite that took a lot longer than expected. but i have seen a LOT of those potter-relative twin girl mary sue stories and sadly it is where i got the insperation but decided to give it a more interesting twist. and i am going to work on a sequel to this and im also going to be writing a next generation story at the same time. im still working on the story lines for both so i havent even got a chance to start writing but hopefully soon i can do that.
thanks for leaving a re-review. Report Review
Poor poor poor David!! i cant tell you how sorry i feel for him right now. James's reaction surprised me though i was half expecting such a reaction from him.
I'm loving your story!! great writting!Author's Response: im rather cruel to my poor character who i oddly relate to in far too many ways. im glad you're enjoying it so far. hopefully you feel the same way when you get to the end. Report Review
coool.. imagine two completly diffrent brothers falling for the same girl!! haha!
anyhow, this was yet again another amazing chapter that has made me want to read more and more.Author's Response: that was actually how i came up with the idea for this story. ive seen a lot of stories on this site with james having a sister who falls for sirius, but none with james having a brother who falls for lily. plus it adds a nice element of drama, angst, and tension that i got to elaborate on for the rest of the story. =) Report Review
okay, i loved the punishment David got; its going to make the story much more interesting!! i do feel sorry for him, but oh well =P besides that, i loved your characterization! (you might have noticed in my reviews that i'm horrid at spelling, so my apologies for the millions of sp mistakes i make)Author's Response: im not a spelling/grammar psycho. i have to proofread everything i write at least 5 times in order to be mostly right. even then i know i probably make glaring errors. thanks for keeping up the reviews. you have no idea how much i appreciate it. Report Review
you know what? if i would have been in Davids place, i would seriously not have known what decition to choose. And i think David made the right decition--although part of me still thinks that he is going to become a death eather..
Another great chapter! i really like ur descriptions :)Author's Response: im actually thinking of writing a sequel to this story and if i do end up doing writing one that issue would finally be resolved. it was one of the main aspects of the story i sort of left unresolved and it's been bothering me slightly. Report Review
omg, he came here to meet Voldemort?! of all the things i had imagined, i never had that in mind! wow, i like where this story is going!
have a nice day :)Author's Response: i had a lot of fun writing that chapter. actually i had a lot of fun writing the entire story but whenever voldemort got into the mix i got to indulge in my weird imagination. Report Review
your summary caught my eye and i decided to give this story a try, although when i clicked it, i never expected it to be about a slytheirn boy! Great starting so far, i'm enjoying the story :)
And, i'm sorry you lost so many reviews :( i'll try reviewing every chapter, but i'm not the best when it comes to reviewing ;)Author's Response: thanks so much for leaving a review. it was very depressing losing all of those reviews but i am keeping a running total of how many this story has total and i know everyone who did. but this has officially made my day even better. Report Review
this was really really good! i feel so bad for david, but then again, wow is he ever strong and brave!Author's Response: i want to try to make him as human as possible. hopefully im accomplishing that. thanks for reading and reviewing! you guys are my motivators to continue writing. Report Review
Go David! Leave Voldie! Sorry for the unusual outburst but I couldn't contain myself. Wonderful story, I can't wait to see where this goes.Author's Response: David isnt in the clear just yet. James is still in the picture along with a certain red-head who will finally make her appearance. Thanks for reading, glad you're enjoying. Report Review
Poor David. That really sucks right there. Anyway, wonderful chapter, and odd as it may seem I really liked your use of the word abhor. (Don't ask me why, but I really like that word.) So, once again great chapter and I can't wait to see where this is going.Author's Response: hey, you're talking to someone who is known for many oddities here. thanks for reading, im trying to get chapters up as fast as possible. Report Review
oh, poor david! that sucks, stupid regulus and his manic death obsession.
more more and more soon!Author's Response: dont worry, im working on chapters as fast as i possibly can. thanks once again for leaving a review. Report Review
Anyways, I love this. I love the way David and James interact, and I love how Regulus is going to take him to Voldie.Author's Response: thanks so much. reviews always make my day. i feel kind of bad for david, especially since i know what happens to him next. Report Review
great story, i really like the intresting twist to it. update soon, please!Author's Response: thanks for the review. and im working on the second chapter, it'll probably be up by tomorrow. hope you enjoy. Report Review
I have not read your other story 'One False Move',but am looking forward to reading this story.According to the site I am the first reviewer and don't really want to bother you with all the negative aspects I find in this story.I just want to know whether David is the main character of this story and also I was also of the opinion that Regulus Black was into the pureblood thing ,but I guess that really doesn't matter.Being a major fan of James/Lily ,I am slightly disappointed in James' character(which shows him in a very bad light and I don't think he deserves it).I guess I am trying to figure out too much from very little.I am also excited at the prospect of reading a story in which James is having 'psychological '(I don't mean to say he is crazy but just having a rough time and I hope I deduced this right from the summary)problems with Lily helping him(It's the other way around usually).
Anyway, best of luck(I don't review often cause I can't pause from reading and write horrifyingly critical and long)
P.S. why dont you try putting your story on mugglenet as they're very strict and you can find out how good your story is.Author's Response: wow, long reviews make my day!
david is indeed the main character however james and lily will happen, but only after many interesting circumstances develop. and as for regulus, he too will get developed as well. this was just an idea that popped into my head randomly when i was trying to think of something to write. and as for the whole james thing, david is just very, very irritated by his older brother and is rather cynical. one of his many flaws.
but thanks for reviewing. hope you get to see my limited explanation. Report Review
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