this story had tp go and get confusing on me. Report Review
i hope u would continue Report Review
Umm...I think that you posted a chapter twice. Except for that, I love the story plot! Very original. Report Review
I sure wish that you'd pick this story back up and continue with it. It's a good one.How about iit?
Robert Report Review
I'm really enjoying this story. This is the third of fourth time I've read this, but I pick out something new every time.
I have only a few complaints, though. One is that the conversation can be a bit stiff. Contractions are allowed. Regular conversation is loaded with them. Too much "I am, I will, you are, it is, I cannot" isn't normal, especially for kids.
Another complaint is sentence structure in places, but it's not insurmountable.
My last complaint comes in this chapter and it's a spelling issue for a very difficult word. L-Y-C-A-N-T-H-R-O-P-Y.
Otherwise, this is really good! Now...since I've read this a few times before, I know that you've all but abandoned this. That's a tragedy in itself. You need to keep at this and finish it because it's perfectly riveting! It's genius! Report Review
BTW chapter 10 and 11 have no pertenance to one another. (ur gng 2 check but use the scrol chapters not ur own) Report Review
ok come on
update soon fav book i even printed a copy for my libary but i need an update please! Report Review
Oh WOW! I havent enjoyed a fanfic EVER like I enjoy this one, its absolutely amazing and keeps me guessing in such a great way.
Apart from the minor mixup in chaptors(I'm guessing it was a simple error) its been brilliant.
A true pleasure reading this, hanging on with baited breath for the next chapter,
Bones Report Review
A very nice story, but this chapter is from earlier in the story. I am not sure what caused that, but I assume you will fix it soon. Keep up the good work.
Ratboy Report Review
I am really enjoying your story. It's very intriguing. I do wish you would post more chapters. I would really like to see what happens with Harry, Sirius and Remus.
Keep up the good work and please post soon! Report Review
i read this story the frist time u posted it i love iti keep thinking ur up dating so plz do i used 2 long on js 2 read ur updates so plz write more i think i already said that but i js really love this story it nothing any1 could of expected and we need more stories like dat out there Report Review
You already posted this chapter.. and you should probably delete the chapter titles you have in the chapters. like you have chapter 13: a gift from Fawkes under Chapter 11: A gift from Fawkes.
anyways, this is an awesome story! harry has a little too much angst, but i can see why he does. keep writing please! Report Review
great chapter! update soon! 10/10 Report Review
WHAHOO! HANG ON! LEFT TURN! SPINOUT!
Now that little twist was not what I expected! Wow!
This is an very intriguing story line, and I anxiously await the the next thrilling installment.
Hurry up, will you!?!?!
100/10Author's Response: Hey now! i can't help it if the verifications take forever. LOL I post immediately after the verification goes through :D. As i said, I have another 10 chapters or so ready to be posted, and just waiting. :) Report Review
I like the twist in your story and I don't think any one will begrudge you for this canon departure. Your audience may have issues if either Hermione, Ginny or Harry end up dating Draco, but it does not appear that you are headed in that direction.
I will respectfully disagree that Harry would be that weary of Dumbledore...I think Harry's experiences in book 7 would only enhance the respect that Harry has for Dumbledore and to me, all was resolved at the King's Cross death scene. However, it does offer a bit more in the plot area. I am very much looking forward to the next chapter.Author's Response: I've read the books many a time. While I may not see it as being weary, I have shown that Harry does trust Albus, but also he's weary of contaminating more than he should. The point I was bringing across was that in this reality, Harry is techically a child in many's eyes, and Harry is still dealing with the anguish that Albus had withheld many of the things he should have told him. I think he's earned a little 'payback', don't you? :)
And as for Hermione/Ginny ending up with Draco.. I should HEX you for even *thinking* i would do something like that. HeH. While I will be remaining 'canon' parings, i may depart on what JKR had planned. (i.e. Neville/Luna.. .she stated they never got together...) Then again.. you never know. Report Review
So Brilliant! What a great story. Well written and proof read. Good plot twists. The best I have read in a long while. Update soon.Author's Response: I update as soon as I'm allowed to. :) I have at least another 10 chapters prepared, just waiting for the validations etc. Thanks! Report Review
Quite good but a few spelling errors and such. I'm just wondering but why is everything bolded? I find it's sometimes a little distracting. I also read in your summary you don't read AU, I am just asking why, the is a fanfiction site anything can happen, actually the best of HPFF almost 100% of the stories are AU one story has reached 5000 reviews and is still going.
I also saw that you are starting to like AU stories better, so I very much thing you should read SunDevil05 stories, she is my favourite author by far, most of her stories consist of AU but they are the best stories I have ever read of fanfiction. I hope you check them out (they are all harry/ginny ships) :)
Sundevil6Author's Response: Yeah, when I first came across this site, having an AU was like blasphemy to the JKR universe. Then I actually read some, and found that there was a decent creative outlet there. I've always been a temporal mechanics buff, (Temporal theory, temporal physics, if time travel is possible), and incorporating it into the JKR series wasn't going to be my intention. However, i find myself doing just that. BUT, saying that, I try and stay cannon to characters. Not adding fictional characters to make the story interesting, like a sister for Harry Potter. To me, that defeats the purpose of BWL story. Report Review
I've enjoyed this story thus far. You have done a decent job polishing the text, although there are typos here and there and a few very awkward constructions. In this third chapter, though, I feel that you spent too much time going over what was known from canon. Oh, that reminds me. You are keeping to canon (from Latin for 'rule'), not cannon.Author's Response: Yeah, sometimes my fingers type faster than my brain processes. Hence you have some minor typographical errors. And here i find myself berating others for their blatant misuse of spell check! Report Review
Nice job on this second chapter! I really like the direction you're taking this. I also really liked that whole scene with the portraits and the discussion concerning the hallows and the elder wand. Good stuff. I definitely agree with your take of him keeping the wand (and hallows) and why he can and should keep them.
Sorry I didn't reply to your response from chapter 1, but I couldn't get back in to leave another review. Honestly, without going back in a rereading it I don't remeber specifics as to why I didn't think it flowed, but it probably wasn't anything to big.
A couple of editing things for you (and here I will remember to be specific):
1) The scene at the burrow with the Malfoys - You have "No. I don't think so, if you wish to speak with ME"... Since Ron's saying this I think you meant 'Harry' instead of 'me'. Then in the next sentence - "He could tell that 'Ron', Hermione and Ginny..." You need to take out Ron's name and just have 'Hermione and Ginny'... . (2) I believe later in that same scene you have 'mistaken' when you probably meant 'mistaking'. (3) After that there's a spot where you have 'inny' when you meant 'Ginny'. (4) and during the scene with the portraits, you have Harry saying 'no, he didn't think he could call Dumbledore Albus, then a few paragraphs later you have Harry addressing Dumbledore as Albus - makes it seem inconsistant. That's all I spotted editing-wise.
Great job on the plot and the story in general. You've got me intrigued. Looking forward to your next chapter! - MAuthor's Response: Yeah, I noticed the flowing errors. But, as editing the chapter will require revalidation, I think it's going to be too much of a pain to actually edit it. The next chapter is in validation queue, and i have 4 done, 5 is almost done. Sad thing is it takes almost 2 weeks per validation. Thanks for catching those errors. I do have something planned for certain characters, and as much as I wanted to keep Lucius evil, I think that almost losing his son would change *most* people's views. I have something in store for certain others tho. *evil grin*
Thanks for reviewing Report Review
Wow, I can't wait to read more of your story. Keep up the good work.Author's Response: Thanks. I have Chap. 2 in queue right now. Currently working on Chap. 5 on my PC, but who knows. With this queue, it may take a while to get it all posted. I haven't even gotten to the main plot yet with CH. 5 Report Review
Wow you have completely and totally taken me by surprised. I decided to read your story for one reason and that was to find something to criticize. I've seen some reviews you left that weren't very nice and found people who are most critical usually don't write very well themselves. This surprised me though, it's well written and well thought out. I like the scenes between Harry and Kreacher especially.Author's Response: I appreciate your honesty. While I do not wish to critique fellow authors, I find that some things can not go unsaid. For example, the lack of the word "Spell-Check" seems to have been foreign to most. Others, I find that they claim to be fans, and have yet understand the simple concept of "cannon" or "non-cannon". When I do take the task of Critiquing, I try and be constructive as I can, without blatantly insulting their intelligence. There was one review I left, that I felt was "too kind", although others would say it was harsh. As I have found that some are "first attempts" I tend be more overtly critical, in hopes of improvement. Some take offense, and some take to heart in the intention that it was made. As I had previously stated I do not care for AU as much, but I'm learning to like it, as I've found that some authors here have a knack for keeping it interesting. But "adding" characters like a twin sister for Harry, wholly disrupts the whole "Boy-Who-Lived" universe, and makes no sense (to me) in being here. Thanks for your kind words :) If there's any kind of mistake I may make, please feel free to point them out. Report Review
Very good! I look forward to seeing the coming chapters.
Keep up the good work.Author's Response: thanks, i try and make it interesting :D Report Review
wow this was a very great story so far it is so detailed i love it!i added it to my favorites and urge others to do the same i am a really big harry potter fan and i loved this videoAuthor's Response: Thanks! I try. :) I saw a different angle from what others are doing, so I think I'm going to go with it. :) Report Review
A really good start to your story. I like it. The beauty of creativity and individuality is that we can all start with the same basic premise, same characters, and the same cannon, and write completely different stories. I've seen some really well done stories on this particualr aspect that have intrigued and moved me. And I'm constantly amazed at the level of pretty solid writing that's out there among all of us ammatures.
Just a couple of quick suggestions if your open to them. First is that while the story is good now, I think it could be better if you added more detail and description to the scenery, and to what the characters are actually experiencing. It would make it seem a little richer, and help to set the mood and tone you're going for better. Don't get me wrong, I know that's not an easy task, and Lord knows I labor at it, but in the end it will improve your story. Second - While the dialog is solid, there were sections that felt a little choppy and didn't flow a well as others. One thing that helps me is to walk away for a day or two, and then come back and re-read my story. I've literally thrown away whole sections, or at least re-written whole sections by doing this, but in the end I got a better product. Just some thoughts.
I hope you don't take my comments personally. I'm only trying to help. I really do like your story, and look forward to seeing where you go with it. Good Job, and good luck! - MAuthor's Response: Actually, I thought something was missing from the first few chapters. I have ch.2 in queue already, but I think I will rework ch. 3 and on to include some view points. I'm unsure of where you mean it was choppy and didn't flow. Could you be a little more specific as to the area? I'd love to know, so it can be improved in future chapters.
Thanks! Report Review
Great start of a story. This storyline has been done before, so it will be interesting to see how you will take the story from here.
Great job!!!Author's Response: Yeah, I know the storyline has been somewhat done, but I've noticed that the particular things i plan *haven't* been done that I noticed. Thanks! :) Report Review
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