I really like how you introduced all the characters!
I LOVE REMUS!! He's my favorite and such a sweetie!!!
Update soon please!!
I really need more of this!:P
10/10Author's Response: Hehe, I love Remus too. But not as much as I love Sirius :)
Thank you so much. I'm planning an update for this! :) Report Review
I love him sooo much.
This is fast becoming one of my favourite stories on here. ;)Author's Response: Ooh gosh *blush* really?
HEHE, Thanks!! I'm glad you liked it.
I'll try to update soon. Report Review
Great second chapter!
Can't believe she slapped Regulus Black!
Great way to introduce the Marauders into the story though. ;)
Didn't seem cliche'd at all (like most story's of this nature).Author's Response: Hah, she has style. Let's give her that ;)
Thanks so much. I was really worried about writing the 'introductory train' scene. Haha. So... woo! Thanks! :) Report Review
Very interesting first chapter. ;)
I'm intrigued to see how it progresses.
Well done!Author's Response: Thanks! lol, I'm pleased you're interested :)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
In the opening scene, I went back and forth between liking it and not liking it. The way you wrote the dialogue had me doing double takes. Let me take you on my journey.
"I still don't understand what the hell you were doing, Emmy." Good. Straight-forward and strong.
"He called her a slut, Judes." Not so good. Sounds very melodramatic, which doesn't fit the plot you created. Sounds very juvenile, which is a shame.
"Oh, boo hoo." She hissed. "And rightly so; did you see the way she was flashing her chest at him?" Better. Her personality is very well done and it took away from the melodrama that happened in the aforementioned line. The only thing I wasn't completely in love with is the use of the line, "and rightly so" because it sounds too formal for a teenager to spit out in casual conversation.
Perhaps this is just me being too analytical, but I figured I should point that out to you.
I like the way you introduced Remus to Emmy, but I feel like that too has been done. The fact that she was upset and he was there to save the day seems kind of lame. And while it is in his nature to be nurturing and caring of others, I feel like this situation has been written in every other Remus/OC story out there.
I really like the plot in this. It's very interesting. And I love the way you write. It's very mature and entertaining. You're a very talented writer, I can tell.
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Ah, I'm glad you reviewed this chapter as well, because this is the one I'm most worried about. I see some edits in the future.
No, I completely agree with you on these points. I can defintely see what you're talking about. Hehe. I'm glad I have your eyes here!
Hm... maybe I'll mix this up a little as well and have him NOT really worried. GASP. Haha, actually -brainstorm-
Ohgosh! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Laura Report Review
Yay! Music! I love music. I live and breathe it. And usually people think that including musical abilities in OCs on this site is cliche or... something. I don't really know why they think this because being able to play an instrument is truly unique. Most people can't, when you think about it. So I'm really glad you included that bit at the beginning about her playing the piano. It was a great visual, and it added a lot to her as a person.
I REALLY love the scene on the train, where Emmy slapped Regulus. That was a very unique twist on the usual meeting people on the train, which I hate. Most authors do the general "Hi, can I sit here with you?" And that's getting old very fast. You didn't do that, and I really respect that. I can tell that you have put a lot of thought into this, and that's great to see.
I like the way you write your characters, because you're not afraid of anything. The way Regulus was talking to them was really forward, and I like that. I can tell that you thought a lot about how you wanted him to come across to readers, and he came across very clearly. Great job.
This is really interesting and I like it. Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Ah, me too. I thought it would be nice to have an OC who was interested in music. Though I was a little afraid incase every said 'OMG TWILIGHT. She plays piano like Edward' But thank god that no one has :D Yet... hehe. I'm glad you liked it.
Uh, me too! Haha, and the people the sit with on the train are the people they are friends with for the rest of their school time. I thought I'd mess it up a bit ^_^
Thank you so much!
Laura Report Review
Hey, it's Ilia from TGS! Sorry for the delay in the reply. My life has been going top-speed lately. But I'm here and I'm ready to review ^_^
I really love your opening. The opening made me pay attention right away, and it was full of personality. From just be beginning lines, I got a strong sense of the mood of the story, and the personality of your narrator. You write first person very well, which is something not many authors can grasp. This was different than the other first-person stories because most other authors write the same as they would in third-person, but just replace the pronouns with 'I' and 'me'. You didn't. You went beyond that. I could strongly hear your narrator's voice in the text, which is great.
The part I like most is that she hates that she looks like a Barbie. Most people would assume that looking like Barbie would be a good thing - perhaps close to being perfect. This type of appearance could easily be written as a Mary-Sue, but you didn't go that route, and that's really important. You know how to twist around the usual cliches, and that's the sign of a great writer.
The plot is very interesting right now. Not much happened literally, but I feel like a lot has already. I feel like I have a good sense of who Emmy is, and she's very interesting. The only thing I wasn't thrilled about was the way in which you actually introduced her. Instead of having her talk to us about who she is, I would rather read her in action and form my own view of her.
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Hey there! No, no, no. Don't apologise at all :) I definitely know how that is.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I really tired to make this quite different from all of the other Remus/OC fics out there. So I'm glad that you think it is.
Thanks so much! Report Review
I really like this story so far, I hope you can update soon!!Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks so much. I'm so so so glad you do :) Report Review
PLEASE UPDATE SOON!! Ahh I love the marauders, I really want to hear more about them =) It would be so cool if Emmy became part of their 'crew' hehe and I want to know what happens with poor Hetty and Judy omg I hate Judy. You're amazing =) hehe x x xxAuthor's Response: I'll try to update! I'm on a roll. Ha ha.
Thanks so much for reviewing! x Report Review
You're an amazing writer!! I love this story it's really interesting =) xx xAuthor's Response: Thanks SO much! That's a huge compliment.
xx Report Review
I love how you focus on normal life before introducing magic =) It's a new approach and it's easier for me to relate to.. so thank you! 11/10 x xAuthor's Response: Thanks very much!!! I thought it was important for the reader to understand Emmy, so she wouldn't seem like such a loser :P Report Review
ok well i'm not sure what to think. i was a bit confused.
was remus the one at the bar (was it a bar? i'm very confused)
cause i dont think emus would act like that. he seems too nice. he acted more like sirius or even james.Author's Response: No! Ha ha, it wasn't Remus, or ven James or Sirius (and I definitely don't think either of them would act that way). It was a unknown muggle man at a muggle bar that Emmy picked up, because that's the sort of thing she does. I hope that if you read on you'll understand why I chose to introduce Emmy in this particular way. Remus and Hogwarts have not come into the story yet. Thank heaps for the review! I appreciate it nonetheless :D Report Review
i never really know how to start reviews off, so i'll start off by saying that your introduction immediately grabbed my attention. a naked, nameless man in a muggle car, and a girl with a need for speed - you don't see that very often on hpff! and aside from being unusual and therefore captivating, it really set the dark sort of mood that followed. so all in all, a very effective (and still amusing! poor 'vermin', haha) introduction.
i think you did a really good job with this throughout. your character is unlike any i've seen before on this website, and not only is she unique, she's well-developed. i like that you get a sense of her confusion and her regret concerning her own actions; she's not at all uni-dimensional, which is great, because 'different' characters can often get that way.
i'm not usually a huge fan of song-fics, but the lyrics you chose for this chapter were a perfect fit, so no complaints there!
and finally, to end my ramble, i really liked your brief portrayal of 'daytime' life: church meetings, tea with her mother's friends, etc. it's such a huge contrast from what she seems to often do at night, and it once again gives emmy a lot of dimension and helps the reader really relate to her. even if i don't hook-up with randoms at clubs, i do have aspects to my life that i would NOT want my parents to know about!
over-all, a very original and very well-written introductory chapter! i'm excited to see how remus might play into this, so i'll for sure be watching the 'chapter updates' thread :D !Author's Response: THANKS! Wow, thank you so much. This review has made my day! I'm really glad you like Emmy, hopefully I'll be able to develope those dimensions further as she starts her year at Hogwarts. I started writing the second chapter last night (I took a break for a while) and I must say, I'm rather fond of it. He he. Thank you so much for you kind words. It's mean so much. :D Report Review
can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Glad to hear it. Thanks :) Report Review
O_o! I only saw the start of this. But, the rest is good too. I started writing mine tonight, so the first chapter should be up in, oh, a week. Still haven't thought of a title yet. This is cool though.
You're too good at everything, Bets.Author's Response: Aw thanks. I can't wait to read yours when you're done. And please, never call me betty aka bets again. lol. nah, you can if you want. But I'll call you....barney or something. Anyways, thanks for the review! Report Review
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