Reading Reviews for Secrets Revealed...
5 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Pottsy44 A Friendly Duel

23rd April 2011:
This review will cover all of your chapters.

Conventions (Spelling, grammar, punctuation): In all of the chapters there are few grammatical mistakes, an increased amount of punctuation errors, and even more spelling mistakes. However, the number is still low for all of these. Conventions: 7/10

Plot (ease of understanding, and development): The development between James and Lily is good, and James' personal development is good. The plot is a little hard to follow, especially in the early chapters because there are so many unexplained thoughts. Clear those up either in-chapter or later in the story and you'll be good. Plot: 5/10

Story: This is an interesting story and I'd like to see more. Story: 10/10

Total: 22/30

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Review #2, by allisyn_weasley A Friendly Duel

25th December 2008:
I love this story. MORE!

Author's Response: Thankyou very much! I just finished editing the whole thing and writing a new chapter - and if it wasn't for the fact that I'm not on my normal computer I would upload it right now. grrr. I'm thinking it'll make a nice new years gift. Thanks again.

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Review #3, by jameslily1313 A Friendly Duel

24th November 2008:
bahahaha!!! *laffs sillily 4 another min or so* A FRICKNICKIN PIN!!! poor lily. shes sssooo funny. "THIN? I H8 THIN PPL WITH THEIR RIBS STICKIN OUT!" hey now, its not my fault i USED 2 practicly be anerexic. well, tahts wut my lil cuz would say. shes ittybitty. well ya im a lil off topic, but VERRRYY good job!!! 10/10 for schnitzel!!! xP

Author's Response: Thanks alot! I think I'm going to revamp it an awful lot this summer - winter for basically everyone else on the net. But yeah, thanks alot for the review!

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Review #4, by thecoolestdork13 Animosity and Expectations

2nd November 2008:
Well not bad, but it needs work. I'm not trying to be mean here, just help you out. You need to fix a lot of little punctuation mistakes, such as spelling out numbers. ("Five" instead of "5") Just read through your story again, and ask someone else to as well, os they catch little mistakes. (My sister does this for me.)

And this is a pet peeve of mine, but I hate it when the head boy and girl share a dorm. I find it really unrealistic and cliched. I know changing this will probably mess up your plot, so you don't have to change it, but just make sure the rest of your story is cliche-free to counter-act it.

This story's got a lot of potential, and there's some nice little bits to make me want to keep reading, like why Remus and Sirius are fighting, so keep up it up!

Author's Response: Thanks alot, I always forget about the number thing.
Just to clarify - my story isn't the usual dorm cliche, because Voldemort's around I want them to have a place for the prefects to meet - not so I can do all the corny little bathroom things and "you snore!" and all that stupid, annoying fluffiness. I did it because the marauders have had a falling out and I wanted James to have a place on his own to get away from them(not just a broomstick) - not so much for Lily/James romance, they can have more of their one on one convos on patrol.
Thanks so much for the review, and I plan to make this as cliche free as possible.

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Review #5, by alana Thoughtful Alarm Clocks

27th April 2008:
im not sure how many secrets were revealed in this chapter-but im wainting for the next ones until i pass judgement on the secrets.
It's an interesting intorudtion and sets up an aura of suspense (i.e. what it this thing). Some creative ideas as welll, such as the alarm clock (with “the special feature, once in a lifetime edition puncho-pusher!!!”)
my only critiscism is revise the first paragraph, and explain it a bit more.

i await your next chapter with eagerness and a litle aprehnsion

Author's Response: Thanks for the review!

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