hey. your story does not suck. it's pretty good actually! it's a little short though, if it were a little longer it would be better.
i was sooo happy to see that fred was alive but pretty upset about harry being dead.
anyway good job! keep it up!Author's Response: thanks for the feedback! Report Review
Well done! You will notice that all, save one, of your reviews are positive and encouraging. Can't help the Grumble-bums. Ignore them, they just don't have the talent themselves.
Now, I feel it was a little short and undeveloped. It was well written and evocative of true reactions to such a loss. But, I agree that you could have brought out some more feeling and thoughts from people.
Other than that I think you are a good writer with lots of potential. You can only get better. Now try to write different things. I will be so interested in reading more of your work.
Here's a hint: Reviewers get their writing reviewed. I review often because I thoroughly enjoy so many peoples work. I only save a few favourites for a very short list. I'm putting you on my favourites list for encouragement, and so that I don't miss a good future read.
All the best for your writing, and remember, review, and you shall be reviewed. It's just something I've noticed that happens naturally. People follow the links back.Author's Response: This was so helpful! Thank you so much!! Report Review
It Does Not Suck, just the idea of Harry dying, does. This is your idea, your story and it should go the way you want, despite idiotic reviewers, (I checked them out prior to reading). I found your name while checking out another's reviews. Thought I'd take a look. I'm very glad I did. Please keep at this one, I think you might have some good ideas. I'm also glad you had Dudley in it, as a mature better young man who discovered he liked Harry a bit late.Author's Response: I'll probably go back and do a rewrite eventually and develop it a bit more. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
crap story man!it totally sucked!Author's Response: Thanks for the feedback. Rather primitive and rude, I must admit, but it is apreciated none the less. Report Review
This is a good first fanfic. Your characters are all in canon and I particularly like the fact that Dudley has grown up.
Don't be despondent about the lack of reviews. I have over 600 reads and about 15 reviews, but I find the more reviews I write the more people look at my stories.
The most important thing is that you say you had a really good time writing this piece. That is what fan fiction is all about - enjoyment.
Keep writing, and keep enjoying.Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words. I wholeheartedly agree. I also reveiw to a lot of what I read because I know it must make the authors feel good. I have also pledged to try and read all the stories those who reveiwed to mine have posted. Report Review
Hi again. Read your comments, thought you could use a quick pep talk.
Looks like you published this story about 3 weeks agao, so a 116 reads isn't to bad. And shockingly, 1 review (now 2) reviews isn't bad. That's about where I was after my first month. It'll be tougher for you than me because you posted a one shot versus astory with chapters. I pick up new readers everytime I post a new chapter (the same will happen for you when you resubmit your revision). If it makes you feel any better, I've got 5 chapters (6 actually posted - 9 days and still waiting on the blasted queue) and 1100+ reads, but only 31 reviews, and this over 4 months since I posted. From various reviews I've read on other authors stories, they suffer from the same problem. So don't get to disgruntled, it seems to be the nature of the beast. I got a pep talk from seeker68 once, and he told me much the same thing happened with his story at first before it took off.
The other thing to remeber or focus on is this - Why are you writing? Are you writing for reviews? Or are you writing because you enjoy the creativity of it, and you're working to improve your craft? Also, some stories, or plot ideas resonate with readers more than others. I'll be honest here, I don't normally read stories where any of the big four die (H/G/R/Hm). Not something that usually draws me. I read yours because I'd seen that you'd left reviews at the aforementioned seeker68's story. Sometimes a person's comments intrigue me and I will check out their work (hence the advantage of leaving reviews if you're an author).
I strongly encourage to you to revise. Let me know when it's done and I will be happy to read it again and leave my two cents worth. You know, you said you could do better. Heck that's true for every author on this site and other sites like it. If we didn't need to improve much we'd already have fat contracts with publishers writing original pieces of fiction (ah well I can dream, but for now I keep my day job). Hang in there, I think your doing pretty good! - MAuthor's Response: seeker68 is really who inspired me to actually write a story in the first place, so its funny that you bring him up.
Thanks again for the advice. The creative juices really aren't flowing right now, so thats why you haven't seen a revision yet. You've really helped me a lot so thank you, and I will leave a review to your story when I have revised it. Can't wait to read yours! Report Review
Your story does not suck! I thought it was pretty darn good for a first go around. I won't say it was perfect, because there are things you can do to make it better, but the basic premise is very good (although did you have to kill Harry? I mean honestly! lol :) Sorry had to throw that in as I am primarily a H/G shipper.)
Like I said, I think you did a really good job with this, but I'd like to see you go back and revise a little.
1) Spend some time describing in detail the scene and the mood. Maybe give us more insight to what some of the main characters are thinking - really put yourself in their shoes, ya know? This will also really help set the tone for the reader.
2)There's good emotion here, but I think you can get even more intense with it. Make it something powerful. This is the love of a life time being mourned. This is the best friend of two people. This is the surrogate son and brother. He's the bleedin hero of the wizarding world. Don't be afraid to let the emotions come forth in your writing.
3) when you edit it, watch carefully for words that make it through spell check (which when you meant witch). My advice is to read through it 3-4 times, with a couple of days inbetween readings (I do that and still miss stuff, but I do catch a lot as well). If possible, have someone you trust proof it.
4) Whatever you do keep writing and trying new ideas out. It's the only way to improve. (Lord knows I still have to follow all that advice I just gave out.) ;)
You've already done what most writers have the hardest thing with. Most writers can't up the stakes for their characters by having death become a reality to a character. Take it that next step and really make this a tear jerker. You've got a good framework hear. All it needs is some fleshing out.
There, how's that for a first review? Hope you know all my comments are meant only to help and encourage you. I hope you decide to revise this, I think it has a ton of potential! Good luck! - MAuthor's Response: First off, you're the first person to review my story, and I thank you very much for that.
Second off, your help is very much apreciated! As I said, this is my first fan fic and I probably could do better, so I'll try and Edit it for the others. 116 reads and one review... oh well, at least you reviewed! Report Review
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