Reading Reviews for Journey of a Lifetime
  
158 Reviews Found

Review #1, by AsphodelMoon93 Confrontation

13th July 2012:
Wonderful chapter. Short. But nice just the same.


-Asphodel

Author's Response: Thank you! :) x

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Review #2, by NotToReal Change Of Plans

14th February 2011:
I like those pictures at the beginning of every chapter. It's very original !!
Keep doing that !
Very good story untill now =D

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Review #3, by letters Journey of a Lifetime

29th January 2011:
It's awesome and I wish that you could do a short story sequel or something just because I like this one so much!

Author's Response: Aw! tysm!
I don't think there's much of their story left to tell :p

But I'm glad you liked it! ^_^

love
Ak~


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Review #4, by Pacific Wizard Journey of a Lifetime

8th October 2010:
Emma: Your story was a great journey. It was a sweet story woven with timely mixes of angst, humor, sadness, romance and love. I liked the change in Malfoy character and personality and Hermione's surprise at his crush on her in years past. The wedding was fun to read though I thought you could have embellished the story a bit more with their ceremony and reception details. But brevity seems to be your style and that's not a bad thing. Anyway, well done and I look forward to more of your stories. Sorry I didn't find this one sooner. All the best. PW

Author's Response: Wow thanks so much for such a great review. This hasn't been reviewed in a long time, so imagine my surprise on seeing this review! :D

Anyway, thanks again for reviewing, it left me grinning :P

love
Ak~


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Review #5, by HarryPotterLover Journey of a Lifetime

28th September 2010:
I so absolutely love your story! It's was perfect and I just saw it happening. Everything made sense! I'm going to read more stories from you! :D

Author's Response: Thank you I'm glad everything made sense to you! :D
I was afraid some of it wouldn't! xD
Ak~


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Review #6, by Lupi_Erminea Memories

7th May 2010:
I didn't think that chapter was boring! I like seeing different parts of the books from other characters' perspectives. I'm definitely going to keep reading this story!

Author's Response: Aw, thanks! :D
You got me smiling there!
love
Ak~


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Review #7, by withalittleink Memories

2nd April 2010:
Wow, this is good! You definitely know your stuff. The only thing I would say is that I would think Hermione would have been more stubborn and angry, and maybe Ron wouldn't be so confident, but every fan writer takes the characters differently and it's still really good :) I'm going to the next chapter.

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Review #8, by whisky Conversations

19th March 2010:
getting good.real good. really like the story...tho im waiting for the mature stuff ot arrive, if u get my meaning

Author's Response: Hah, I can't write Mature for the Trio, love. :P The rating's mature just for a bit of violence.
love
Ak~


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Review #9, by whisky Confrontation

19th March 2010:
love this! so awsooommmeee. gona go read MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND MORE AND--

Author's Response: :D lol.
Thanks for reviewing love!
Ak~


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Review #10, by white_eyebrow Change Of Plans

16th March 2010:
Hey there, here is my review of chapters 1-3

First Impression:
-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
We can put images in our chapters? Why didn't anyone tell me this! Awesome!

Favorite Sentence:
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"Well stop doing that. What if I was in the shower or something?"

Story:
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I like your presentation of a mature Ron and Harry. Even though they are older, you still manage to make their characters believable. Ron and Hermione are indeed cute together.

Grammar/Style:
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This was well written, your english is very good. I didn't see too may grammar issues other than a few missed commas. However, since one of your concerns was flow, there were a couple of places where it trips you up.

// Either you tell that you can make and then make plans or donít make them at all.

I think I know what you were trying to say there, but it took me a few times to re-read it. Might want to rework that because it's a flow-breaker if the reader has to stop to try to figure out what you're saying.

//Hermione or for that matter any woman would pissed.

I think you're missing a "be" in there. Also, I don't know if this matters, but to British speakers, "pissed" means "drunk".

//"It's nothing really! Now you go upstairs and freshen up while I make you hot bowl of soup."

Think you're missing the article "a" in there. Easy to miss, but it made my eyes skip.

//Finally catching up with her in her room, his held her around her waist and lifted her up.

Word choice: "his" should be "he".

//Ron lowered her on to the bed and said in a gentle voice, "This." and kissed her gently on the.

This sentence is incomplete, and I think you meant to put a comma after "This." instead of a period. Moreover, "on to" (a preposition) is one word.

Final thoughts:
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Never apologize to your reader, the story must come first. But, If you are worried about a filler section being slow, you can try breaking it up. For example, interspersing it between pieces of dialogue or doing more showing and less telling by trusting that the narritive will reveal her feelings as the story unfolds. Just food for thought.

Author's Response: Woah! Thank you for such a detailed (and pretty :P) review!
Yeah, I realise, there are too many typos! :/ I'll fix that when I have the time, Should be in a week or two. :)
I'll re-request, yeah? Urgh! Comas will def. be the death of me! ;)
Anyway, off to re-request! :)
love
Aakanksha


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Review #11, by bleeccchhh to dramione Fears

14th March 2010:
no
never
nonononono
please don't!!!
ughhh draco never would think hermione was beautiful and hermione wants revenge remember???
ok well other than that i liked it!

Author's Response: lol! Yeah, I think so too and I'm a die-hard R/Hr shipper, so, no worries! ;)
Thanks for reviewing!
love
Aakanksha


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Review #12, by lauren Deja vu

14th March 2010:
this story is really excellent!!!
im a big fan, one thing tho, everybody gets mad real fast. i dont no if its just me but i feel like everybody's temper is like really strained all the time...
kthanks! l love it though so keep it up!

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing!
It's a Weasley thing! :)
love
Aakanksha


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Review #13, by blueirony Journey of a Lifetime

4th March 2010:
Sorry it has taken me so long to review this. I am not going to offer any excuses for my delay, only apologies.

First of all, I have to say that I'm not a big fan of Ron and Hermione. I just don't think they work in any way, shape or form. I realise that they are canon and that a lot of people love them. I am just not one of them.
However, the way you wrote them in this was really cute and sweet. I don't think you have turned me into a staunch supporter of the pairing, but I didn't hate the pairing in this. So well done. :]

Now, you have asked for critique. And I do have some. I really hope you don't take anything I say harshly! Because I truly did enjoy reading this. I just think there is room for improvement.

I'll go through them point by point.

1) Harry uses the word "Man" at the beginning of one of his lines of dialogue at one point. That is really not in line with his character.

2) You put author notes in the middle of the chapter. Get rid of them. They are distracting and can be irritating if you start explaining yourself in the middle of the chapter. Let the reader make up their own mind; if you write well, the reader will have no problem understanding the meaning of what you write.

3) At one point you both bolded and underlined something that Ron says. This is unnecessary. A simply use of italics is enough. No matter how much the emphasis is, italics do the job. Don't use bolding or underlining.

4) The conversation between Ron, Hermione and Lavender needs revising. Particularly with regard to the spacing in between the dialogue. You need to go back and look at where the breaks in the paragraphs lie between the conversation. At the moment, it's messy.

5) When Ginny and Harry are discussing her possible pregnancy, it seems that Harry admits that he loves her for the very first time. That does not seem conceivable to me since it appears that this story is set five years after the 7th book. If this is not the first time that he says he loves Ginny, then you might want to try and make that clear.

6) In the last chapter, it really is not necessary to capitalise the phrase "journey of a lifetime". It is very clear to the reader that you are weaving the title into the prose of the story and there is no need to draw more attention to it.

7) I don't understand why you had Ron plan an entire trip only to have Hermione ask him to stay at home, rather than go away. I understand that you are trying to make a point about how Hermione just wants Ron and doesn't care about where they are, but this really didn't seem all that necessary.

8) All the fighting with the Death Eaters seems a bit irrelevant? This story would work better if you just stuck to the romance and fluff. Or, if you really wanted to work in the fighting into it, make it clear from the start; have it lingering in the background and slowly bring it it to the forefront of the story.

However, my biggest issue with this is that you seem to carry the story through dialogue. When I say that, I mean to say that a lot of the chapters have too much dialogue and not enough description. Having alternating lines of dialogue between two characters for a large section in a chapter or, indeed, the entire chapter is not what you want to achieve in your writing. Dialogue can be your enemy or it can be your friend.
You might want to sit down and write your plot. And then look at how much of that plot is communicated to the reader through dialogue and how much through prose. There should be more of the latter. Dialogue is used for communication between characters, nothing more. It should not be used as a device for carrying the plot through the story as this can get very boring very quickly.

Please don't take this critique to heart. Please don't think I am being harsh. Please don't think I hated this story.
I didn't hate this story. I have not writting this out of spite. I am not trying to make you feel that you are horrible at writing.
You are definitely not horrible at writing. You managed to pull of a well rounded story - which is so much more than I can say for myself, haha.
You really have a way with bringing romance into a story. Some of the things you write are just so cute that I can't stop a small piece of my heart melting when I read it. Keep that up! Romance, while it looks easy, can be really difficult to write and you're well on your way to mastering it.

This really was a cute and lovely little story. And it made me appreciate Ron and Hermione as a pairing. I'm not sure I'll ever absolutely adore them, but this fic certainly helped me realise just how perfect they can be.

Joop :]

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the CC!
Yo weren't harsh at all, just giving good crit! :hug:
Anyway, I'll work on it! :)
love
Aakanksha
p.S: Glad you grew to appreciated R/Hr! :)


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Review #14, by MrsKatieGrint Settling Down

27th February 2010:
Aww.. no cliffhanger! It is a very good story so far. Strong start, and very good middle. You seem to have everything well organised and flowing very smoothly. I would be happy to review the next suitable five chapters, just request! :D

Author's Response: Yaay! Thanks for reviewing! I think I wil re-request! Later, though|!
Love
Aakanksha!


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Review #15, by MrsKatieGrint Musings

27th February 2010:
This was a good Harry and Ginny chapter. You have their personalitlies portrayed right too. They sound amazing too! Just like you described Ron and Hermione. :) Good overall chapter.

Author's Response: thank god! I thought I was off with Harry and Ginny!
hugs
Aakanksha


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Review #16, by MrsKatieGrint Change Of Plans

27th February 2010:
Great storyline here! Ugh! I just love how everything just flows! :P THis really is great and your details are wonderful! Keep it up! :D

Author's Response: Haha, thanks for reviewing! :)
I love details since I ramble A LOT!
hugs
Aakanksha


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Review #17, by MrsKatieGrint Memories

27th February 2010:
Nice catch up on Hermiones feelings. You did a great job with all your scenes of flashbacks and did an amazing job getting them out right. :D

Author's Response: yeah, I love Hermione's character, she just comes to me you know?
Thanks for the review!
hugs
Aakanksha


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Review #18, by MrsKatieGrint Confrontation

27th February 2010:
Really great start. I really like the way you portray all your characters. I like how it flows so well. Everything here is nicely organised and is just very smooth. good job. :)

Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you like it! :)
hugs
Aakanksha


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Review #19, by charlie23 Journey of a Lifetime

28th January 2010:
Hey Aakanksha! Wow, that was an A-M-A-Z-I-N-G chapter to end your story on. I feel all soppy and romantic and cute and... wow, the whole thing was just so sweet.

I could go on and on. I loved the little reference to Ron yawning during Harry and Ginny's wedding - made me smile :-)

It was just so lovely and super well done to finishing your first fic - congrats. And when you have exams coming up too (good luck btw).

Thank you for the shout out (sorry I only just got to reading this chapter) - it was no problem reviewing such a great story and afterall, you always leave me really nice reviews so it ha been a pleasure reading and reviewing.

Great chapter and great story.

p.s. you should defnitely keep writing. An epilogue would be great but at the same time I really like the way you tied things up here so I'm not sure it's really necessary. Sometimes it's good to end when it's amazing if you get what I mean? (I'm sure if you wrote one though it would be good). But keep writing and thinking of new ideas and maybe I'll see a new story of yours sometime (the responsible part of me says after your exams though :-) ) xxx

Author's Response: Okay, so I tried responding earlier, but it never got attached or whatever, I would always type a nice lengthy response as usual and it would get cut to just the first sentence. :(
I remember bits of my previous response though.
Your review made me smile! :) see? :P
As for you feeling all soppy and romantic.. I'm glad! Honestly speaking, I've never been in a relationship before, embarrassing, yes. So when I was writing this fic, I was deriving from various books I've read and how I'd pictured Ron and Hermione or whoever to be. So I hoped it would come across as realistic.
Wait..
Soppy and romantic doesn't mean realistic..oh crap! Was it? Was it realistic?!
Anyway, I had to make Ron yawn, it just so him! I'm glad you liked it! I can't wait for the next chapter of ATF!
It's getting so good! Hope it's not ending any time soon!
Hugs,
Aakanksha
P.S: I won't be updating until end March, maybe even later. I just don't have the enthusiasm or energy to write an Epilogue right now, maybe later! :)
Thanks for the review! :-)


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Review #20, by sinwillys822 Journey of a Lifetime

10th January 2010:
luved the story and good luck on ur exams.

Author's Response: Great that you liked it!
Thanks!
love
Ak~


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Review #21, by Ginny Yeske Deja vu

6th January 2010:
Can't come up with constructive criticism!

Author's Response: :) lol
glad you liked it!
love
Ak~


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Review #22, by Ginny Yeske Emotions

6th January 2010:
YES ITS A GOOD CLIFF HANGER!

Author's Response: haha!
cliff-hangers are evil aren't they? :P
love
AK~
P.S: Thanks for stopping by!


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Review #23, by Ginny Yeske Apologies and Surprises

6th January 2010:
cute, awkward, and caring.

Author's Response: :)
thanks for stopping by,
love
Ak~


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Review #24, by Ginny Yeske News

6th January 2010:
It's kind of draggy but cute at the same time.

Author's Response: Glad you liked it!
thanks for the review! :)
love
Ak~


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Review #25, by Ginny Yeske Settling Down

6th January 2010:
But still, that hanger gets people exited.

Author's Response: :)
thanks for stopping by!
love
Ak~


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