It's good for your first fanfiction. I liked it a lot. Report Review
I loved this line: 'As of why I wanted protection and power when on the other hand is harder to pinpoint… my mind is too weak to decide the time.' I don't know why, but I think it's awesome. Awesome! :) Also I loved when he said that it's his fault the world is too dark even though it wasn't his hand that killed anyone and then abruptly remembering that he had. You might want to tone it down with the exclamation marks a bit, though. :) They're a good effect but only when used in medium doses. ^^ Other than that, it was pretty good for your first fanfiction. Keep writing! ;]Author's Response: I'm glad you like it and i will be sure to take your advice about the exclamation marks into consideration for the next fanfic i write which i will hopfully finish soon. Report Review
YAY!!! THAT WAS SO AWESOME!Author's Response: thank you! im really glad you liked it Report Review
I like this idea and the form in which you wrote it. However the ending two sentences give me a feeling that Peter is in front of a jury giving a brief conclusion to an analysis of his life. That did not work for me because the rest was a narrative for the ordinary or perhaps just himself. Nonetheless the rest was very good.Author's Response: thank you so much from replying to my story. i am really greatful for your ideas about how i could make my writing better and will keep your comment in mind for the next story i write. again thank you for leaving a review. Report Review
that was nice. . .the only thing that got me was '!' at the end of nearly all the sentences. It just didnt seem right.
But it was a nice read and I loved your take on Peter, it was lovely.
~hljAuthor's Response: thank you so much for replying to my story Report Review
Not bad. Not bad at all. It's an interesting look at an uninteresting character. What motivates a person to abandon and betray those who were his friends?
I believe that your assessment of Peter is spot on. Fear is indeed a powerful motivator, especially when combined with greed, and a lust for power.
This is a pretty good short story. Keep writing.Author's Response: thank you so much for replying to my story your comments make me want to write more Report Review
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