this story was fantastic and i enjoyed reading it. please, keep writing more great stories like this one.^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing every chapter, I'm so happy you enjoyed it :D

Cheers,
Lily

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another great chapter this one! onto the next chapter...^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: Thank you ;)

Hugs,
Lily

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great start 4 the 1st chapter.^_^

10/10

Harry and Ginny

Author's Response: Thanks ;)

Hugs,
Lily

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that was so sweet! adorable i luved it!

Author's Response: Thanks :D

Hugs,
Lily

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YES!!! DIFFERENT BUT EFFFECTIIIVE :)
I REALLY LOVE THIS, IT JUST WORKS!
THANKS, ITS SO GOOOD. FAB!
WELLL DONE, BABE
GREAT JAMES/LILY FANFICTION.
WISH IT WAS LONGER, THATS HOW MUCH I LOVED IT... THANKS
XX

Author's Response: Aww thank you so much ;)

Lily

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This is adorable! It is really good! =)

Author's Response: Thank you!

Lily

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All those misunderstandings! I'm not surprised they have problems getting along when they keep hurting each other eithout knowing it. Why not just sit down and talk for a while? :P
I love how Sirius seems to be the one fixing it all.
I'm wondering, if Lily got the potion, why didn't she go straight to the Hospital Wing instad of waiting til the next day? It seemed that James' condition was pretty serious, and one would have thought that she'd go right away.
I think it's a bit fast Lily and James started dating. After all, the story takes place over only a couple of days, and in my head that's not nearly long enough time for the to date. Become friends, yes surely, but the other thing is just moving too fast.
I think you've written a fine short story which I found quite amusing. I like that you skipped around in the scenes (which I'm normally not one for), and you kept unnecessary details out of the way.
Well done!

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I think Lily is so sweet when she's confused or scared. Much like she is here about visiting James. She just needs a little push. Which Sirius is the perfect person to give her.
Again, I like how you only have got what matters in this story and skip all those unnecessary scenes. It's so nice and a thing some people would have to do a bit more often :P
I think your Severus was a bit out of character. He wasn't calm and collected enough, and he suddenly blurted out his love confession for Lily. It just didn't seem like the Snape we know.
Sirius, on the other hand, was lovely. You write him very well in a great way. He's so great and charming one can't help loving him.
Another really good chapter. It was a nice read.

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I think it was a very good first chapter.
I like that you take on several point of views, or scenes, not only following one person. It gives it a good view of what's going on everywhere int he entire story. And you seem to fit so much into one chapter, it's pretty impressive. (I'd never have been able to do so)
And being a huge canon follower, I have two things that're bothering me here. First, James Potter was a chaser, JKR have said so even though it says otherwise in the film. And second, I couldn't help to notice the line about Snape becoming Potionsmaster right after graduation. Looking it up, I found that he doesn't become so before another few years.
I'm a bit surprised that Sirius seems to change so fast. I mean, first he's extremely mad at Lily and later they're best buds, doing homework together.
Good first chapter. I really like it!

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well i liked the way you made the story turn out. the only problem i have is why Lily did not immediately bring the potion to James when she recieved it from Snape. James was seriously ill and under any normal circumstances a person would have instantly brought the potion to them in order to ensure recovery. however besides this small fact i enjoyed your story

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again this chapter was great. I did find out one new thing that I have critisim for. It's not too big either! The thing I could think of is. You need to start a new line everytime someone speaks. You did that a couple times and forgot to start a new line. That's all Yay

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wow hey there!

another great chapter. No critisim for you or anything. Sorry about that too. I hope that isn't making you too sad :)

So heyyy.

I really loved your charcterizations throughout your story. You are doing a wonderful job. It's a great story. Lily and James are very cute. And Snape. You made my draw drop at how well you could write him. Good job

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Wowww! This was a really good thought out chapter and I honestly have no cc for it. I'm sorry about that! I really like your knack and ability at how you are able to write the details they are beautiful. I am very glad that you also incorporated a flashbakc in your writing. They can be amazing literary tools and help us understand the past of your character more. Great beginning

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Excellent! Simple good. I wasnted it a littlelonger though.

Author's Response: Lol, thanks but it's done.

Lily xx

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I liked it a lot =)
Though, I'm still a Lily/Sev fan hahaha.

Author's Response: Well if you liked it despite that, it just means I did a good job, so thank you!

Hugs,
Lily

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That was a great story! I cant believe it's over! *sniff* I really like how you did the whole snape/lily thing and how snape only made the potion for her. Anyway that was great!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!

Hugs
Lily

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It was really cute. I really liked Sirius' character. He's one of my favorites and you did a great job portraying him.

Author's Response: Thanks, I've lately become quite a Sirius/OC fan myself!

Cheers,
Lily

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Very good. Well written and well thought out

Author's Response: Thank you,
Lily

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holy crap that's really good! lol, and the last paragraph was also very good.very...idk. poetic? or mabe it was just good.lol.

Author's Response: lol, thanks!

Lily

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HI Lils,

I am really sorry that I haven't read this till now, its just that school work has really taken over! (1 more exam left and i'm back writing)

On to the review.

Well i thought the concluding chapter was fantastically writen. I have mentioned it before and I'll mention it again...your writing style is wonderful it seems to bring the story to life!

The characterisation of all the characters especailly James and Lily were 100% perfect, I really think you've mastered the characterisation technique!

I knew that James and Lily would end up being boyfriend and girlfriend, how could they not! They are really suited to each other.

Lily, this has been a wonderful one short! I think it's superb! I'm giving you a 10/10 because you never cease to amaze me with your superb stories!

Yours Magically,
Craig

Author's Response: Hey!

Don't worry about it, I know what the hurdle of school is like to writers like us believe me! Lucky you, my finals START next week meaning probably a lot less writing till the holidays! how on earth did you set your quill down, I'm having a terribly hard time letting go and am getting in trouble with my Mum daily because I'm "not committed enough"!

Hugs,
Lily

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Hey Lils!

I am really sorry that I havent read this sooner, I did get your email about it. But school work has just taken over! (2 exams left for me then i'm back to writing!)

Anyway on to the review.

I really did love this chapter i thought it was wonderful! I liked everything about it the characterisation was perfect, yet again! You portrayed Snape perfectly! So he's agreed to brew the potion for James.it'll be interesting to see what he comes up with!

I just absolutley loved, the scene between Lily and James, when she reached for his hand, that was just perfect! They are truly ment to be together. I'm guessing James' mum used to call him by the nick name 'Jamie' and thats why he got so upset.because his mum and dad were killed by Voldemort?

Superb chapter Lils! a 10/10 for deffinate!!!

Keep in touch!

Yours Magically,
Craig

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i loveded it!
keep up the good work!
10/10

Author's Response: ooh! Thank you so much!

Huggles, Lily

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*sigh* your writing really does get better and better!! :D this was a brilliant one-shot! and you wrote it wonderfully! ah the woes of lily and james... they can get so annoying! but am i fed up of reading about them? nope! hehe!

i dont know how to make this review long... there reallyisnt much left for me to say, as everything i said in the last two reviews also fit here in this chapter, as the characterisation, feelings, tension, and descriptions were all marvelous! and it had its chuckles too, like when sirius picked up lily and carried her to the hospital wing! lol! and madam pomfreys indignation yet obviously utter pleasure at lily and james kissing! poor her, having to put up with pupils crying at the expense of others, and then having to console them and witness their troubles! yet something really does tell me she likes it! good old poppy!

anyways, this has been a great tale of the most famous couple in the hp world, and you have carried it through beautifully! i could really imagine it happening. you should indeed be proud of the outcome!

and oh look, ive managed to make this longish after all! dont you just love me for it? hehe!

never stop writing!!!

Rose :)

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aw no, poor jamie!! his beloved lily comes to visit him and then calls him by a tender nickname that causes him to become delerius with pain! :(

lol! another great chapter! and continues the story nicely from part one. i like how it has a lighter feel to it in places, like with sirius and lily planning to surprise james. i also think its briliant that you included the whole lily/snape scenario really naturally, giving it great depth yet fitting it with the story! i always do feel sorry for severus every time i read something related to his relationship with lily...

i feel all the characters seem to grow up remarkably in this, and act very maturely. this is great as a lot of the time they are way too care-free. you had the emotions coming out wonderfully, i could really feel for each of the characters.

So, reading on now! fantastic job as always!

Rose :)

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hummm... what to say?

lol! :D

no, this is extremely brilliant, this is why i'm not sure how to go about reviewing! simply because it is so intense and angsty! i thought you wrote it very well, with loads of emotion and vivid descriptions, i really felt as if i were there! and i like for a change how mean and snappy lily is, i think a lot of the time shes too nice and 'i hate james potter but secretly i dont'. in this story, you bring across the impression nicely that she really does hate him in a very heartless and selfish way, and that his now ill condition is bringing her down to earth and shocking her with the truth of the matter; that james is a human being like everyone else, and has feelings that can be hurt and hopes that can be crushed!

you also wrote the urgency of the situation brilliantly, and sirius' character hit me as being quite strong and true. that flashback was also a nice touch, it wasnt too long or too short, and gave us a good insight to how things were with james and lily!

so, great start! apart from the few grammar mistakes and typos this was wonderful!

will be back to review part two in a bit!

Rose :)

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