Reading Reviews for Quite an Ordinary Birthday
63 Reviews Found

Review #1, by reavreav Sweet Sixteen

12th June 2008:
i totally LOVE your story. its so funny, we seem to be updating at the same times xxx

Author's Response: Aww, I'm so happy that you do ^_^ Thanks for the review! *huggles*

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Review #2, by Potterholic Before King's Cross

11th June 2008:
Another good one! I love how Ada almost didn’t want to leave, and it would be interesting to see her in Hogwarts. Her sorting was interesting, and I like how she had no idea about the traits of the houses. The hat’s last line was intriguing too. I wonder what it means. All in all, great job! Looking forward to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Aww I love it when people point out stuff that they liked ^_^ loads and loads and loads of thanks! *hugs and sends some peaches* Hope you continue reading :]

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Review #3, by Potterholic Sweet Sixteen

11th June 2008:
Great chapter! I love how you dropped hints about Ada’s past, and I’m curious to see who she was talking about. The trip to Diagon Alley was written wonderfully, I could feel the excitement she was feeling. ^_^ I wonder what Ollivander meant by her wand being destined for great things, and I like how you explained her lack of magical education. It does make sense, and it saved her from Mary Sue doom. =P Oh, and I like how we met the Marauders. Can’t wait to see more of them! Anyway, love this chapter! Off to the next one!

Author's Response: Oh wow.. wonderfully written? *blushes* Thank you so much! That really made my day. ^_^ And I'm very happy that you don't think she's a Mary Sue, that was definitely one of my biggest worries.
Thanks for the another amazing review honey! *hugs*

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Review #4, by reavreav Before King's Cross

11th June 2008:

i really really like your stories, and this one looks really really good becuase its a different and original idea. amazing. it'd be cool if we could chat.
samcanman AT hotmail DOT co DOT uk

Author's Response: I'm really really happy that you really really like them ^_^ thank you so much for those kind words!
I've added you to my msn contacts :)

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Review #5, by Potterholic "Your daughter is a witch, Mrs. Bathory."

11th June 2008:
Oh, I love this! Now I really love Ada. She’s funny, and you really got me into her head. I can’t wait to see her first encounter with the magical world. ^_^ I’ve seen this before, but you made it different somehow. The doubt, the excitement, and the curiosity, all of them were written wonderfully. I’m almost as giddy as Ada. =P Anyway, great work! Off to the next chapter!

Author's Response: Ooh I love it that you love it!! ^_^ I'm sooooooooooo glad you think I made it different, I was really worried about that because after all, this is an OFC in the Marauder world - that just screams CLICHÉ. xD You've made me really happy now! ^_^ Thanks for the awesome review, hope you continue reading! *hugs*

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Review #6, by Potterholic A Sunny Saturday Morning

11th June 2008:
Interesting start! First of all, I love the title. ^_^ Second, I really like Ada. I really felt like she was narrating the story, and her rambling made me smile, especially the part about the Hungarian Countess. Professor Medusa made me laugh too. I’m curious how he came to lose his index finger. ^_^

…even if it was my desperate urging to move to another country that brought us to Ireland. Hmm… interesting line there. Why would she desperately want to move to another country? You definitely got me hooked here. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Thank you so, so, so, so much! I love that line too, the moment I heard it I knew it fit perfectly as the title of my story. ^_^ And I'm really happy that you like Ada and her ramblings, and Professor Medusa, and yay I was hoping someone would get hooked with that line :] Thanks so much for the wonderful review, you rock! *hugs*

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Review #7, by LynnHelven Before King's Cross

10th June 2008:
Oh wow, I had to say something- you do Latin too???!!! Oh my god wow! I am the only person I know (other than the random people in my school) that does Latin!

One-shot? Creepy? Where?! Let me read it! *happiness*

I am totally hyped up as I have just caught up with my geography coursework, I may reward myself with a writing session tonight when I get back...

Author's Response: Lol, yeah I do :] and I quite like it, in fact. *is a geek xD* I think I'm the only one in my class who does, though. :P
The creepy one-shot is being written, and gosh I'm really enjoying it. It's called Five Thousand Gravestones. You'll see ^_^ But before that, there will be a really fluffy Peter/OC one-shot up, which is in queue. :)
Ooh you finished your coursework, woohoo! :D I hope you do have a writing session, I'm really interested in reading the ending of Painfully True. *hinthint* I'd really like to talk to you more, do you have a forum account? PM me if you do, my penname is same as here :)

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Review #8, by saint_soliloquy Before King's Cross

10th June 2008:
Sorry this last review took so long, I'm so lazy x_X

Like the last chapter, I can clearly see your writing style improving as you're becoming more comfortable with writing in Ada's voice. You said that this is a really slow chapter, but I really enjoyed it. I think it's little information chapters like this that make a story, y'know?

But yes, as I was saying, I loved this chapter. It's technically really good, and I really like how Ada's rubbed Professor Vector the wrong way already. What would be really interesting to see would be an on-going conflict with Professor Vector. I haven't ever seen that before, and I think that if you could develop the Professor it would be really funny to read :] Professor Vector having a go and Remus trying to defend her... Ok, I'll stop there xD

I also really liked how she had second thought about being in Gryffindor. I've never read something like that before, and it's really interesting that she feels that way. I wonder if she'll get on with some of the Slytherins as well as the Gryffindors then... Hmm...

But yes, great chapter. Please don't give up on this story, because you've made a really wonderful start on it :] Drop me a PM when you submit the fifth chapter, I'd love to read it!


Author's Response: Aww thank you so much! I also like chappies 3 and 4 turned out better than the first two, with the way they turned out and all. 1 & 2 were just the really awkward beginning-of-a-new-story thingies, you know? I'm seriously thinking of going back to fix them. I probably will, when I find the time.
Haha, I haven't really had a developed conflict with Professor Vector in mind, but you're right, that would be pretty funny :] I might do it, if inspiration strikes. :D
Wow, I'm really happy you found that bit interesting. :D And you're on to something there, I'll give you a hint, she makes friends with a Slytherin in the next chappie. :] (oh, and it's not Snape, just for the record. xD)
Don't worry, I'm definitely not going to give up on this story, I love it too much ^_^ Thank you once again for the wonderful reviews, and I will! *hugs*

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Review #9, by LynnHelven Before King's Cross

9th June 2008:
This is so very frustrating, I have already written two long reviews for this chapter but oh no, neither of them posted! Basically, I loved this chapter, and I can't wait for the next. I'm in the middle of a lesson, so I can't review lots, sorry! Just so you know, I've finished writing Chapter 12 of The Game, but I can't post it until I can connect my laptop to the internet, which will be in two weeks time. Haven't finished the second part of Painfully True yet, as I'm juggling History, English, French and Geography coursework, but I should be done soon! Good luck with the next chapter, I can't wait!

Author's Response: Aww that sucks, happened a few times to me too! Thanks so much for being persistent enough to post a review anyway, though. ^_^ Hope the teacher didn't catch you or anything. Anyway, I'm really glad that you loved it! The next chappie should be coming up soon, but I am also currently in the process of writing a creepy one shot I must tell you nothing about, but I really love it and think it'll turn out pretty good. Oh, and I feel your pain, I have a mountain of work to do in Physics, Chemistry and Latin before the school year is finally over. *sigh* Thanks once again for the feedback though, it really made my day! *hugs*

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Review #10, by saint_soliloquy Sweet Sixteen

7th June 2008:
Ah ha! I'm soo glad that there's an explanation for Ada's lack of education for the past five years :]! Or rather, there will be. Good plot hook there.

This is my favourite chapter so far. Now there's more dialogue and you've established the main character, your descriptive skills and the narrative is noticeably improving. One thing that I really like about the narrative is that it's funny and witty, but not in an overly horrible or sarcastic way. She doesn't direct her comments at anyone and she doesn't use them to make fun of a bad situation, which is really endearing about her. It also gives an impression of innocence around her character, which is fitting. It'll make her 'journey' all the more prominent :]

I also loved how you kept to plausible wand materials. All too often OC's wands are made with some crazy wood only found in the depths of Timbuktu with a peppermint and crystallized phoenix tear mixed core o_0 She seems all the more real and doesn't seem that out of the ordinary in comparison to her fellow students (on the surface, of course.)

Her and Remus's meeting was a *squee* moment aswell :] Made me happy, so it did.

Technically, there's a couple of errors. One thing that seems to be a re-occuring feature is that you tend to use dashes instead of full stops/semi colons/colons. A good beta could help you with that. It doesn't really affect the flow of the chapter, but it's a little bit irksome for people who look for good grammar.

There were one or two spelling errors too, I think. One, where I can't seem to find now was the misspelling of the word "drive". It was in a sentence about something driving her insane? I think you'll know better than me where it is :P

Another I wasn't so sure about;
"He had lucid, moonlike eyes which seemed to shine through the shop and through me; entire me."
Was 'entire' supposed to be used here? I wasn't sure, because it didn't really fit in with the sentence. I would suggest replacing it if it was intended, because it feels a little out of place.

Otherwise, I loved this chapter! Well done :]]


Author's Response: Thank you so much for the third time! I really liked this chappie better than the first two, too, because it feels like the story's finally going somewhere. In super slow speed of course, but ah well. Anyway, I was grinning the whole time I was reading your review. ^_^ I'm thrilled that you think so! Lol @ the wand comment, I'm afraid that for a moment I actually considered something like that, but fortunately I snapped out of the horribly clichéd concept deciding to give her a normal wand, although slightly prettier than others. :p
I know I have an issue with dashes. -_- (and other stuff. *is very happy that you haven't mentioned the horrible misuse of teses in the fic*) I find them a little too useful and just throw them in wherever possible which is a habit I should kick. *kicks it* Though, I find that the more I write, the less I tend to use them, so it shouldn't be as bad in future chappies, hopefully. And I'll fix the 'entire' bit, because now that you mentioned it, it does seem a little out of place. 0_o
Loads of thanks once again for the amazing review! This really made my day ^_^ *huggles*

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Review #11, by saint_soliloquy "Your daughter is a witch, Mrs. Bathory."

7th June 2008:
I'll try and make this review a little shorter than the last so I can get on to the last two chapters which I'm supposed to be focusing on, right? :P

Firstly, I loved Ada's little daydreams. They seemed to fit right in with her characters and made me giggle. You nailed the whole wonderment of the whole thing really well, and I felt excited for her.

However, and this is a big however, something about her attitude in this chapter doesn't seem to add up for me. Coming back to the paranoia thing, if she is meant to be the Queen of Paranoia, I would of thought that she would be far more tentative and cautious towards these two strange people who just told her that she was a witch. The optimism she has shines through clearly, but I felt that the cautious side of her character should of played a far more prominent part in this chapter.

I also thought that there should of been some explanation as to why Ada hadn't been taken into Hogwarts for five years. It's a pretty big part of her background as far as her schooling is concerned, and it strikes me as odd that she or her mother didn't voice this.

That's another thing; Ada's mother seems a little underdeveloped here. Ada says she worries, but she doesn't really put up a fight with the teachers when they're telling her that her daughter is a witch (which she doesn't believe in.) I'll assume that she isn't going to be a big mover and shaker in the plot line, but I just felt that the reactions of the characters lacked a little depth in this chapter.

Aside from these issues, I really liked this chapter. Ada's voice is really relatable and funny, and it makes it compelling to read :) Well done.


Author's Response: Haha, don't worry about your reviews being long, I'll be the last to complain. Well this was another awesome review, thank you so much! *hugs* About Ada and the contradictions, well... I think I agree, to some extent. She is really confused and freaked out, so her paranoid reflexes hadn't really kicked in as they should've in a situation of a different type, like when she's, say, walking down a dark alley. Finding out that she's a witch had a little different outcome; it made her sure that she was dreaming and wouldn't even accept the idea as possible or realistic. I know that maybe I didn't fit that in the right way, so I might go back and fix it, if I get inspired. :)
I had another review also telling me that Ada's mother is a bit undeveloped. It didn't strike me as so, but ehh... maybe her reactions were a little.. off? I don't know, this is also a thing I might go back and fix, if I have the time and inspiration.
Anyways, thanks once again! I'm really glad that you liked it and found it compelling to read ^_^

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Review #12, by saint_soliloquy A Sunny Saturday Morning

7th June 2008:
Hello there :]

Righto, to start, I really loved the way you opened this chapter and Ada's narrative voice. Though a lot of writers would probably think of it as amateur to write about how a character looks/acts instead of showing the reader, I think in this story it's pretty fitting. Plus, it makes it different from a lot of other stories, especially since it's good. I would, however, advise to cut it down a little. Making it more concise keeps the connection with the reader but also stops the reader from wondering when the story will start, if you know what I mean.

As for characters, I think you established Ada and her voice fairly well. She's obviously intelligent, a little sarcastic, and forever the optimist. However, I feel that there's a bit of a contradiction in the fact that she is paranoid, but lets Medusa in anyway. Especially when he makes a comment about 'destroying' her. Being a fairly paranoid person myself, if someone told me that they could 'destroy' me I certainly wouldn't let them into my house xD

I really liked the whole instant-coffee thing with Medusa to :] I can imagine that he would of gotten along with Arthur Weasley like a house on fire!

Structurally, I think this chapter's pretty sound. I didn't see any significant grammatical mistakes, but one paragraph I found quite difficult to read;

"Snuff, my nine months old puppy, started barking like crazy, and it made me think that outside was either one of those annoying little brats this neighbourhood was full of, or a deaf person, or a person too eager for their own good, or a person who has never seen or heard a door bell in their life so they just couldn't help but try out the amazing discovery no less than ten times. "

It might just be me, but I think that because this is one long sentence, it's pretty hard to keep a track of and read right the way through. I would suggest stopping the sentence at 'crazy', taking out the conjunction and starting a new sentence on 'it'. This is confusing xD I'll show you what I mean;

"Snuff, my nine months old puppy, started barking like crazy. It made me think that outside was either one of those annoying little brats this neighbourhood was full of, or a deaf person, or a person too eager for their own good, or a person who has never seen or heard a door bell in their life so they just couldn't help but try out the amazing discovery no less than ten times."

But yeah, overall, a really entertaining chapter :] I'm looking forward to reading the rest and seeing how you develop Ada.


Author's Response: Hi there!
Wow, this was really long - thanks so much for taking the time to review! I really appreciate it. *hugs* And the feedback is awesome, thanks! ^_^
Yeah, I suppose it is a bit of a contradiction that someone is both paranoid and optimistic, but it is possible. Like, her mind would always jump to the worst possible outcomes of a situation, but she'll always have an incredibly positive outlook on them. I'm really sure that made no sense whatsoever, but nevermind. :]
You're right about that paragraph, it is a bit too much and I'll go change it right now. Thank you so much once again!

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Review #13, by SweetAndSilent21 Before King's Cross

4th June 2008:
Love your story. It's really cool, and really well written. Keep up the amazing work!

Author's Response: Yay!! ^_^ I'm really glad that you love it and that you think so :D Thanks so much for reviewing, I'll check out your stories :]

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Review #14, by xosiriusblackloveox Before King's Cross

4th June 2008:
heyy. your stories are really good =) please keep writing them :)

Author's Response: Oh wow thank you so much, that made me smile ^_^ I will, of course! Thanks for reviewing *hugs*

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Review #15, by 65ashben Before King's Cross

4th June 2008:
Interesting. So she got into Gryffindor? Such a awesome chapter. Can't wait for more!

Author's Response: Thank you so much!! ^_^ Yep, she did. More should be up soon, hopefully *hugs*

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Review #16, by lupinlove Before King's Cross

4th June 2008:
saw you in the updates thread :D i really enjoyed this chapter, and i would have to disagree with you that it was 'slower than a dead snail' (hahaha), because it really built on ada's character without bringing the story to a halt. i like that you have her as dependent and aware of it, as many characters are just the opposite. and i thought the bit with her mom was really touching :)

i also like that she's unlike other characters in that she
a) didn't 'sense something weird' about peter, and instead wishes she were his friend
b) admits to having a teensy crush on remus hehe, and
c) has second guesses about her house and wishes she were more 'stealth' (and therefore isn't the typical alpha-gryffindor).

great chapter! :) looking forward to meeting your original ocs!

Author's Response: And I was just about to post in your thread!! :D Oh gosh, thank you Sooooooooooooooooo Much! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!! You're officially my favourite person today. I think I'm gonna go check out some of your stories these days and leave a few reviews and possibly add you to my fav authors list since you're so amazing. Okay, now onto the actual response.
Yay!! ^_^ I thought it was going too slow and that I was going to lose most of my readers, so I'm really glad that you don't think so. :) Haha yeah, Ada would love to be independent, it's one of her main pet peeves that she isn't.
I'm sort of very happy that you liked that bit concerning Peter ^_^ because that cliché's really been getting on my nerves. I mean, if everyone constantly sensed some evil aura around him why was he so well liked and trusted? And yeah, the Remus bit, that's just a little foreshadowing. teehee ^_^ And lol, if Ada knew the actual characteristics of her house, she'd object much more to being a Gryffindor. ;]
Anyway, to finally finish this, thank you so, so, so, so, so, so, so much once again for leaving such an awesome review :] and expect to hear from me this week! *hugs*

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Review #17, by 65ashben Sweet Sixteen

3rd June 2008:
That was so great. So what house will she be in? Such an awesome chapter. Wanted to say thanks again for reading and reviewing my story. Can't wait for more! :)

Author's Response: Oh yay! ^_^ Thanks so much, I'm really, really, really, really, really glad you think so. As for the house, you'll find out in the next chappie, which is waiting in queue. ;] And you're welcome, I enjoyed it quite ^.^

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Review #18, by Browneyes101 "Your daughter is a witch, Mrs. Bathory."

3rd June 2008:
Here I am again. :)

Okay so here's the deal, I normally only do two chapters but since you only have three up I'll do all three. Now without further adue, your review.

First off I think that Ada was a bit too excited. I know at the beginning she just found out she was a witch, but for me I think she was going by stereotypes. You do have some fragments that I see throughout this chapter. I can't put all of them up here but I will put a few that I seen.

"This is so creepy. And exciting." (Lower case the a in and instead of putting a period, put a comma.)

'I shook my head.' "This must be some kind of a mistake. It just can’t be true-" (Before head put a comma.)

"That is so cool." (Correction: That was so cool.)

I suggest getting a beta to fix these problems.

Another thing that I noticed was that you put was too many dashes. Their is no need to use a dash in half the sentences in this chapter. I noticed it in the last chapter too, but here it was extreme. You also have some miss spellings, but I don't think I have room to put them.

Again, I'm sorry if I sound too harsh; I'm really a nice person. I do suggest getting a beta like I said before, they really help in situations like these.

Hope I helped.6/10


Author's Response: Hey there again! :)
Wow, really? I was actually under the impression that I made her a bit too un-excited. :O I mean, she did just find out that she could do magic, I don't think you could get too unrealistically excited about that, ya know? :) That's just my opinion though, and of course I appreciate yours. :) And thanks for pointing all that stuff out, I know I have a huge problem with tenses, and quite an unhealthy issue with putting dashes in every other line. xD As for the misspellings, sorry, this is where I have to object. ;] I really don't think there's any, except probably mixing ways British and American people spell words.
Don't worry, you weren't too harsh, far from it. :) Thanks once again for taking the time to review! *hugs*

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Review #19, by Browneyes101 A Sunny Saturday Morning

3rd June 2008:
Here I am as requested. :)

I'm going to be bluntly honest with you, and I really hope you don't mind. I think you didn't start this chapter off right. Example:

"I'm Ada. An ordinary girl, of brown hair and brown eyes, an average figure and a mind that brought me a lot of trouble - common life, I suppose, except that it was nothing like that. We'll see how things turn out in the end."

Normally people don't start out like this. Readers want to figure out who your character is, that's how people connect with the main character. I don't mean to sound mean (Hehe, does that even make since?) but a lot of readers don't like it when the author just gives it to them on a silver platter; give us a challenge to try and figure out who your character is.

Here is another thing that I found.

"Something in me changed - maybe it was because I finally let some things go. But, this is not a story about my past issues"

Only if you don't have any other choice should you start with but. I suggest lower casing 'but' and put before 'go' a comma. Because that first sentence is a fragment, so it would be good to combine the two sentences to make it look more professional. I don't think you should have that dash there, instead I suggest putting a comma because it's the beginning of the sentence.

Other then those two things you have a good starting point. I hope I wasn't too harsh I can come off that way when I don't mean to.

Hope I helped.6/10


Author's Response: Hey there!
No, of course I don't mind, I appreciate your opinion. :) I know that normally people don't start like that, which is actually one of the reasons why I started it that way. ;] She's telling her story, so she had to introduce herself first, right? I get your point, though, don't worry. :) As for that other sentence, I guess I just didn't want those two lines connected, thought it'd make a different impression this way, but you're right, and maybe I should change the other line so that it starts with something other than 'But'. 'However', maybe xD Anyway, thanks for taking the time to review. :)

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Review #20, by Meeeeera Sweet Sixteen

31st May 2008:

It's Meera again :)

Very nice chapter, dear. You're definitely very good at humourous conversations. I laughed at quite a few things in this chapter.

Your description has also definitely improved, which is awesome :)
The insight into Ada's previous experiences was good... and I want to know who 'He' is. Your characters are becoming more developed too, which draws the reader in.

As for the missing finger thing, i thought you were making an allusion to Pettigrew. Maybe I was wrong :P

Your grammar was pretty good too. You tend to switch between present and past tenses a lot- that's something you've got to work on.
As in:
"I sigh then, remembering my dream."
And then a couple of lines down:
"I sighed, giving Snuff's head a stroke."

Same action, different tenses. Maybe if you got a beta, they'd be able to pick up on all of those, and help you fix them.

Apart from those, I rally did like this chapter. Make sure you post when the next chapter's up!

- Meera :)

Author's Response: Hey there!
Wow, I'm really glad you think so! :D And I'm thrilled that I made you laugh! :D Thanks so much for all the feedback and the positive comments! It really made my day and inspired me to write more ^_^
Oh yeah, Pettigrew.. right, I forgot about him x] no, really, I wasn't making an allusion, it didn't even cross my mind :)
.Arghhhh. Yes. My ever-present tense issue. Grrr. I know, I have to work on that. A lot. Argh. I hate tenses -_- Thanks for pointing that out, I'll try my best not to make the silly tense mistakes anymore. That doesn't mean that I won't, though :(
Anyway, thanks so much once again, your reviews are awesome, really. :) *hugs* The next chappie should be up in a day or so since the queue is so beautifully short ^_^

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Review #21, by Faith Sweet Sixteen

26th May 2008:

I love her =D

And Ireland rocks. I live in ireland. Cork ftw =]]]

Andandandandand i wanna know where shes from. You know? The accent and the mother tongue thing going on??




Author's Response: YAY!! Thanks so much! ^_^ Yeah, Ireland rocks. I wish I could live there. *sigh*
Ada is from.... somewhere in Europe. yeah. ^.^ I didn't put the exact country because this way people can relate to her more - from the readers point of view, she can be from Finland, Hungary, Belgium, Romania, Switzerland... wherever you want. :D Of course, I know where exactly she's from, but I'm not giving it away (yet). ^.^ Anyways. THANKS ONCE AGAIN! ^_^ Hope you continue reading!

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Review #22, by lupinlove Sweet Sixteen

24th May 2008:
i really like all the characterization that's happened so far in this story, and in this chapter especially: ada's character is funny, but you can also see a more vulnerable side, and i loved finally getting to know a little more about her past life ... i'm curious to find out more about this 'him' character and why he wants her murdered. i'm also very intrigued by the story of the bathory lineage ... it adds a whole other level of magic to the story, which is great.

i love the mcgonall/medusa pair. they're sort of like the comic relief in the diagon alley scene which, since we all know about it, can tend to get a bit long. because of the various comedic bits you put in, as well as the glimpse at remus and peter, this chapter was till quite interesting :)

my bit of constructive criticism here would just be that i've noticed that you've started, on occasion, to jump from tense to tense. it makes it a bit awkward to read at certain parts, but it's not a big deal. i think that as long as you're aware that you've done it, you should be able to fix it in your next chapter :)

overall a very original story, and i hope you continue to write!

Author's Response: Yay! Thank you so much - you have no idea how much your review has made me happy ^_^ And, I managed to intrigue someone, woohoo! *does a happy dance* I love that you loved McGonagall and Medusa and that little bit of Remus and Peter over there. ^_^ Oh, and I know I have a huge issue with tenses. It's actually the only part of English language that has ever gotten on my nerves (and still does.. grr). I'll TRY to fix it. I'll try my best. :( It's really not my thing.
Once again, thank you sooooooooooooooo much! You're awesome! ^_^ *sends loads of ice cream to lupinlove and an air conditioner since it's over 30 freakin degrees and I'm about to melt :S*

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Review #23, by lupinlove A Sunny Saturday Morning

24th May 2008:
let me start off by saying this: i'm a sucker for rhymes, and so your title got me immediately! hahaha, i sort of wish i'd come up with it. anywho, i thoroughly enjoyed this chapter :)

i found it a bit iffy at first, and i do think that your first four paragraphs could use a bit of tidying up - perhaps cutting it down to one or two paragraphs that are more to the point and therefore draw the reader in more quickly - if only to keep people from losing interest before you have a chance to elaborate on ada's character, which i find really unique and enjoyable to read about. you definitely made me want to find out more about ada's past, which is i think what you were going for, so it was effective, but i think - if you were nit-picky - it could be even more so. :)

that's really my only complaint, though. i found the rest of the chapter entertaining and interesting. like i've already said, i think ada is a great character: she's funny, sarcastic, and obviously has a bit of an unusual problem (what with her whole paranoia queen title) that sets her apart from the rest. i laughed when meduse asked about the instant coffee, and i grinned at the bit about the cat rolling her eyes! oh mcgonagall.

over all, i think this is a great first chapter :) it accomplishes everything it should - it's made me excited to go on to the next!

Author's Response: Hey!
I'm really glad you like the title! ^_^ I'm pretty fond of it myself. I heard that line one day and thought it was pretty cool, so I googled it and found out that it's a lyric from a Marilyn Manson song. Which I don't really mind ^_^
Argh yeah, my infamous paragraph issue lol. I guess I just have this thing about writing huge chunks of text glued together - not a good thing to do when you're starting a story huh? :S I guess I'll need to change that, at least the beginning. And I'll try not to make them so big in future chappies :)
Thanks so much for the feedback! ^_^ I'm thrilled that you liked Ada and her quirks and my portrayal of the professors and the whole chappie in general. Thanks once again *hugs* ^_^

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Review #24, by Sirius_n_Me A Sunny Saturday Morning

24th May 2008:
oh i really like this you are a great writer

Author's Response: Ooh thanks so much! Glad you think so ^_^

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Review #25, by xLostxFaithx Sweet Sixteen

20th May 2008:
Again, I would like to say that I do not think this is going too slow. I actually LOVED this chapter. Starting chapter's with dreams can sometimes be cliche (again with the accent), I've even done that myself, but I think you eluded the cliche part. The dream itself wasn't cliche so it worked. I liked the way you desribed the dream and how you made it vague, like the way a real person would remember a specific dream.

I loved the time reference, mostly because I totally agree. hah.

I loved the interaction with Remus and Peter, it made the whole scene that much more real and authentic. Both Remus' and Ada's reactions were very believable.

The only thing I wasn't sure about was the scene at Ollivander's... Was it supposed to be similar to Harry's first trip there as well ?

I absolutely loved (and hated hah) the end of this chapter. 1- Her fear about living without her mother was perfectly placed. Who wouldn't feel like this after what she's been through? (Not that we know really what she's been through! grr! hah) And i loovvveeeddd the insight into what she felt about her past. It was very well written, leaving out just enough information to keep the mask of mystery (and make me want to rip through my computer screen!) and leave me wanting you to get this next chapter up pronto !! haha

I can't wait to see how her tuturing goes! Oh, question by the way: How do you pronouce her first name? Is it Ada like Adam or Ada like Ate ? It's been bothering me haha.


Author's Response: Okay, once again, I would like to say that this was an absolutely amazing review. ^_^
I actually loved the dream bit, and it was a pretty fun part to write. So I'm glad you liked it too :)
The scene at Ollivanders... hmm, that was the part I was unsure about too. :S Yeah, you're right, it was similar to Harry's first trip (btw, she tried Harry's wand at one point, didya notice?? ^_^). But there's only so many ways of describing a first trip to Ollivander's that I could think of xD so yeah, it was pretty uninteresting, but at least now she has a really cool wand. :P
And, OMGOMGOMG I can't believe you think that part was well written! :D I thought it sucked - I really, really didn't like it and actually wanted to cut the part out but also I really wanted some more insight about her past so I grudgingly left it there. But this makes me really happy, that you thought it was well written. :) Thanks so, so, so, so much! *hugs and sends a basket of strawberries and chocolate and hazelnut ice cream* Oh, and Ada is pronounced 'Ay-duh', which I guess is like 'Ate' :)

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