Hey, onestop_hpfan18 from the forums here to review as requested. Sorry for taking so long, things just got complicated in my life with getting all my assignments for classes completed and turned in, and such forth. But I'm here now so that's all that matters, right?
Well, I'm not a big Dramione shipper, in fact I despise the ship, but I must say that you really have did a nice job with introducing the plot in this first chapter. There was only one grammar error that I found throughout the whole chapter and that was at the end when you wrote 'She couldn't wait to "through" her arms around Ron.' It should be this 'She couldn't wait to "throw" her arms around Ron.' Other than that, you did a great job keeping the flow running smoothly as the story moved forward. Keep up the great job that you're doing! 9/10Author's Response: Hey, sorry for taking so long to respond to your review. I do appreciate you taking the time to write one for little old me!
I'm glad to hear that a Dramione-hater liked this chapter. It's great to know that you enjoyed reading this!
Thanks for pointing out that grammar error too!
I appreciate you lovely review!
GG007 Report Review
Well, first of all, I love the chapter title. :)
I loved this chapter as well. The flow, the plot, the writing, the characters... You've done a great job.
It was really touching when she found his ring. It made me really sad, as it made me realize that no one lasts forever and that everything can change in the blink of an eye. Kind of deep, I know. :P This story is deep, though.
I dunno if I mentioned it before, but I like your summary a lot.
There's not much more to say, really. Please don't hesitate to re-request for more reviews when you update! I'd love to read more. :)Author's Response: Hello again!
I like the title too. I thought it was appropriate because Hermione's whole world has changed and now she has to get back into a routine that probably feels very wrong to her.
I wrote the ring scene having in mind Hermione about to have another breakdown but then I thought to myself, "Hermione is so much stronger than that. She needs to hold it together. She is GOING to hold it together." So that's how I ended up with that scene.
Glad you like the summary. I will definitely re-request for your lovely reviews once I post the next chapter.
Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews!
GG007 Report Review
I knew it! :D Well, I think I did. It crossed my mind. :P
This story just keeps getting better and better. The writing in this chapter is spectacular. I know I've mentioned it before, but I'll do it again: I love your portrayal of Hermione's emotions.
I like your Ginny as well, and the way she dealt with her anxiety. Lots of people write Ginny as rather stupid, and I'm glad you don't. Lavender annoyed me, though, which was probably the point. :P I don't think Lavender would say something as ridiculous as that, though.
As for Draco, I'm starting to get fond of him. :P Your Draco, that is, not the canon one. I'm guessing he has a crush on Miss Granger? I can't wait to see what happens with those two.
I don't think there's much more to say, really, so I'll just keep reading. :)Author's Response: Hey!
I'm glad that you sort of had an idea about what was going on. I wanted for some people to be able to predict it but I didn't want it to be terribly obvious.
Also, very happy that you like my portrayal of Hermione's emotions. It's something I work very hard to achieve so I'm glad it's working.
I know, I'm getting rather fond of my Draco as well. I know he isn't very canon but perhaps that side of him might just come out a little later but I'm not revealing any secrets...
Anyway, thanks for reading and leaving such a kind review!
It's me again. :D
I really liked this chapter. You portray Hermione's emotions beautifully. I loved the part where she smelled his shirt and felt as though she was losing him again.
I could see the three of them in the bathtub, holding hands. One had lost his best friend, one had lost her brother, and one had lost her lover. I can't even begin to imagine what that must feel like. I think I liked the way you wrote it, although I'd like to see Harry and Ginny's grief as well.
I liked the dialogue. Well, the little dialogue that there was.
I'm not sure what I thought about how she found out about his death. She didn't seem that shocked, if you know what I mean? You probably don't - I barely know what I'm talking about myself. :P I don't know. There was just something missing, but I can't put my finger on it.
Overall, though, I greatly enjoyed this chapter. It was well-written and incredibly sad.Author's Response: Hello again!
Once again, very pleased that you also enjoyed this chapter.
I tried to make this chapter devastatingly sad but with a bittersweet type of ending. I thought it would be a good idea to put in the bathtub scene so that I could portray the true strength of Hermione, Harry and Ginny's friendship.
And don't worry, there will definitely be more dialogue in the coming chapters.
Thanks for the review!
GG007 Report Review
Hullo, this is maraudersmap from the forum! :)
I have a feeling that this will be a wonderful story. The ending was shocking, heartbreaking, mostly because you'd described so intently that she couldn't wait to see him, and that she thought he was about to ask her to marry him.
I liked her meeting with Draco, and that she wasn't fully sure whether to trust him, but wanted to believe that he'd changed all the same.
I would've liked to know how he died and what kind of mission they'd been on. Perhaps it'll be in the next chapter?
Your Hermione is very in character, I think. It has only been one chapter, though, so I can't say for sure. As for Draco... well, I'm not sure, to be perfectly honest. He was nothing like the Draco in the books, but it has been three years, after all, and people change. Especially with Voldemort gone.
Your writing is great. If I have to comment on one thing, I think you used Hermione's name a little too much... 'She' or 'the brunette' or something like that would, perhaps, have worked better. It's not too important though; I barely noticed. It flowed nicely, and I enjoyed it very much.
Now I'm off to read the next chapter. :)Author's Response: Firstly, I am so sorry that I did not respond sooner to your reviews. I really do appreciate the time and effort you put into them and again I'm so sorry for not getting around to replying earlier.
Now on to your review...
You are extremely sweet! I'm ecstatic to hear that you liked this chapter! Thanks for the tip about the Hermione thing too. I didn't realize I was doing so thanks for drawing my attention to it. And I know what you mean about the whole Draco thing. I still wrestle with it myself but I think it will all make sense in the coming chapters.
I'm off to respond to your other review!
GG007 Report Review
Wow. Great cliff hanger. I'm dying for the next chapter.
I felt like there was fairly good characterization. The flow was a bit rocky, but that's just a tad. Otherwise, it was fairly steady. I liked the plot and where its going.
It seems very intriguing. There weren't many errors. Maybe a little punctuation or grammatical errors here and there, like missing commas, but that's it.
8/10Author's Response: Oh my goodness, I have been such a slacker lately. I sincerely apologize for not responding to your lovely review earlier. You know how life gets in the way of HPFF sometimes...
Anyway, I greatly appreciate your review. I'm glad you liked it!
THanks for the feedback,
I have to admit. You are absolutely brilliant! I love this plot, and this story. I have nothing to pick on, and I would say you were perfect, but I do believe I have given your ego enough air :P Great job, and I'm sorry that I can't critique more, but you're absolutely amazing :)
Hope the rest of your story turns out like this! Brillaint job!
~GretaAuthor's Response: Wow! Well I think I would say brilliant was a bit of a stretch but I really appreciate the ego boost! I will definitely let you know when the next chapter is up! Report Review
Oh.. This is good... Well, it's bad that Ron died.. But this story, is good.
Hi! I'm singerhotti from the forums :) Sorry, introduction's a bit late, but you hooked me! This is really good. As is becoming quite unusual, You are the 3rd review that I have today in which I have nothing to pick on. Absolutley zero. The only the I could comment on, is that Draco's smiling.. That was a little odd for me so early in. But other than that, this is great!
I'm off to the next chapter!Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :) That was really fast! I'm so happy to hear that you like it so far. You made my day a little brighter :D Report Review
Oh... poor Ron, so in the flashback we found out how he died... your writing style is just amazing... you know that? I have nothing to critique here... just fabulous. I really felt with the characters...
What will happen next??? :oAuthor's Response: You are too kind! I'm so glad that you are still enjoying the story :) I will request again when I post the next chapter :)
Gosh, your writing is amazing!
This is a great Dramione, I love Dramiones...
Your description is one of a kind... the way you introduced the characters and what they were doing now after the war, how they felt, like for example Ginny, that she hadn't overcome yet completely the loss of her brother.
And now??? Ron... is... dead? I'm not a big fan of Ron, but... oh gosh! Poor Ron...Author's Response: Those are some very nice comments, so thank you so much! I'm really glad that you enjoyed the descriptions. I'm also happy to hear that you think it's a good Dramione so far. It's my first ever so I want to do it justice.
Thanks for your thoughts! Report Review
update soon can't wait for more chaptersAuthor's Response: aw thanks, I'll try to :) Report Review
Awesome !! I'm really looking forward to the next chapter!! ^_^Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much for coming to take a look :) I'm going to read yours the first chance I get! Report Review
Aw, this was such a sweet chapter.
I liked how you used flashback as a method of revealing how Ron died instead of just continuing on where you left off from the last chapter. Hermione's bond with Ginny and Harry also makes this a great story.
I'm surprised this story doesn't have more reviews and favorites! I'm adding it to mine. =]Author's Response: Again, another amazing and kind review!
I'm happy that you liked the flashback method. I did try to mix things up a little so I thought this would be a good way to do that while still moving the plot along.
Also, so happy to hear that you think that Hermione's bond with Ginny and Harry makes this story better. I think that their friendship is so important and strong that it is something that will always be there, even if horrible things do happen.
I'm blushing from you last comment about the amount of reviews/favorites :) That is really sweet of you.
Thank you so much for your wonderful review! Report Review
This is WittleAna from the forums. Sorry that it took so long to get to your story!
Wow. Just. . . wow. I found this chapter really great. I like how you tied up the loose ends that JKR didn't in the seventh book. I also liked your writing style. It was understandable, but not too simplistic.
I have to say, I'm not a huge fan of Dramione, but so far, you've avoided many of the Dramione cliches I've come across. That definitely makes me like your story more.
You've got a few punctuation/grammar issues. I think a beta could solve that easily.
10/10.Author's Response: Wow! 10/10 :D I'm definitely grinning like an idiot right now but in a good way! Thank you so much for your wonderful thoughts. I really appreciate it.
Also, I'm so happy that you didn't think the story was cliche. I know there are so many Dramiones out there so it's great that you enjoyed this one.
Can't wait to hear more from you :) Report Review
Hello, it's me again :)
Great chapter, especially after that cliffy. *sob* Poor Ron!
Here's a mechanical error I noticed:
With one look at Harry and a quick and mumbled, 'sorry,' Hermione ran.
--It's a little awkward. Try rewording it, maybe?
Anyway, this was well-written. The emotions Hermione, Harry, and Ginny were trying to deal with were very real. I liked the thing with Ron's shirt and also the random laughter near the end. I also like how Hermione thought Harry was joking at first--she does tend to put herself in denial. Anyway, try writing longer chapters because it was a little short, but still a job well done. Update soon!
~queen_lunaAuthor's Response: Firstly, thanks for reviewing so quickly! I'm glad you liked the second chapter. It was a difficult one to write because I had to get all of the emotions that Hermione, Harry and Ginny were having. I know it was on the short side (which is a little strange for me) but it was meant to be that way. The next chapters are quite a bit longer. Also, I will go backa reword that sentence you mentioned. Looking at it now, I barely understood it myself... blame it on late night writing ;) Thanks again for your thoughts! Report Review
Another good chapter. Poor Hermione, and also Harry and Ginny. Having to bury Ron would be the hardest thing they ever had to do. So sad, you can hear Hermione's heart break.
I am looking forward to your next chapter to see how they cope with this situation.
Keep writing.Author's Response: Well thanks for reviewing again! I know, it was a hard chapter for all three of them, but sometimes bad things happen... they just seem to happen to them a lot though, don't they? Anyway, I hope you will enjoy the next chapter!
Great first chapter. Hermione seems canon, and Draco, poor Draco, seems cowed by his experiences, which is not unexpected. I love the way you wrote them both. I wonder how hard she has to push before the old Malfoy comes out?
I look forward to more.
Keep writing.Author's Response: Well first off, thanks for the review. Secondly I'm really glad you liked how I wrote Hermione and Draco. I wanted Draco to be different because of his experiences during and after the war. But as we all know, people change but not always completely ;) As for how hard Hermione will have to push him before the old Malfoy comes out? You'll just have to wait and see... Report Review
This is extremely well written so far. Please continue--I'd love to read more!Author's Response: Aw, I so happy that you liked it! I will update soon, I promise :) Report Review
HI this is Ariana from the forums.
i liked the feeling that you have put into this chapter, it has a lot of depth and a fair of connection. if you know what i mean.
One thing didn't quite flow for me and i thought i might mention it because it is the first sentence. Okay i think in the quote below the second Hermione should be changed to "she" it seem to flow better.
"Hermione’s heel’s were clicking loudly against the cold, hard marble floors of the Ministry of Magic. As Hermione navigated her way towards the lift"
Other than that grammar was great.
i do also think though that Hermione and Malfoy were geting friendly a little too fast, years of torment seemed to just fly out the window, but that is just my opinion.
i also like how you killed off Ron, i hope the next chapter will show Hermione's grief
StephAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing so quickly! I really appreciate your advice and criticism and I will definitely go back and fix up a few things :) Report Review
update soon that was really sad but good storyAuthor's Response: Thanks. The next chapter should be up in a couple of days so I hope you enjoy it! Report Review
Hello! This is KaraBlack -finally- returning your review!
Just wanted to say that this was absolutely amazing!
Here's what I liked in a nutshell
1.Style of writing and flow -absolutely fabulous-
2. Introduction of Characters (e.g. Draco and Ron and Teddy)
3. The flow-my goodness I love the flow
4. Draco (sorry a bit biased there ;D)
Generally those are the best parts to me!
I did thoroughly enjoy this chapter and am eagerly awaiting for you to write more! Be sure to stop by my Reviews thread for ANY of your stories! :DAuthor's Response: Wow! You pretty just made my entire day :D I'm so glad that you like my style of writing and the flow. Those are two things that I really work hard on so I'm so happy that they turned out well. I will definitely drop in and request some reviews for my other stories and I'll let you know when the next chapter is up (Which will be in the next couple of days!) Thanks again!
Great story; really sad by the way. Draco/Hermione would be so cool in the real book...Author's Response: Thanks. I liked the real book but I definitely have a soft spot for the unexpected :D You have got to love when opposites attract! Report Review
Very good opening chapter. A few spelling/typo, grammatical and punctuation errors which I see have been mentioned by other reviewers. However they can be fixed, and your characters and plotline more than make up for them.
Hermione is well written. Draco has mellowed a lot since his school days, but being on the losing side in a war and having parents in Azkaban would explain that. I think his character is quite understandable. The possibilities in your plotline are huge.
I look forward to seeing where your story goes from here.Author's Response: It's so nice of you to take the time to review my story! I have been meaning to go back and edit that chapter a little so hopefully I will get time this weekend. Otherwise, thanks for your lovely review :) Report Review
Hello, this is lucretia neva/uptowngirlinlove from the forums, filling the review you've asked.
Ok, so let's get it started.
1. Plot: I particularly enjoy Post-Hogwarts stories, because there's so much that could happen, we don't know when they got married, how did they actually live so it's all about free artistic reign. I like that bit when you retold what had been going around for the past three years, how both couples had tried to get on with their lives and so on.
2. Characterization: I like how you characterized Hermione, particularly that part when she thinks about what Ron wants to tell her, the uncertainty but also the delight of imagining that he might propose to her after all.
Draco seemed a bit too soft for me, perhaps he shouldn't have called Ron by his name and instead should have just said Weasley. It would not have been offensing but it would still preserve the rigidity. Ron is mostly reffered to by that name, by his family and friends, and I doubt that any of his co-workers would call him that either. I assume that Draco and Ron mainly greet each other, bearing in mind that status.
3. Ending: the ending was good, a wonderful cliff-hanger that leaves the reader yearning to discover what happened to Ron, how did he die and what happens next.
4. Grammar: I'm not a native speaker, but with my knowledge of English I found some mistakes that aren't that big but anyway, that's my part - to offer constructive critique. So, a few that I've noticed: "Hermione's heel's" - it should be heels.
"Her and Ron had talked about"- she and Ron...
In the paragraph about the night of the battle you keep on switching tenses, perhaps you should just stick to one and make it seem like a flash, rather than a description.
6. Other: it would look better if you made the letter in italics. And pay attention to commas, sometimes they completely lack from the sentence.
Overall: It was a good start for a story, but you should keep an eye on grammar and commas. Feel free to request another review when the next chapter is validated.Author's Response: Thanks for the helpful criticism. I actually just recently went back and edited that chapter so it it's in the queue right now. I appreciate your very helpful advice about characterization and everything else. I will be sure to let you know when the next chapter is up! Report Review
off to a great start! what happens next?? can't wait for the next chapter :)Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it... more is on the way! Report Review
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