wow! this is a really good story! can't wait until the next chapter - I'm looking forward to it! oh, by pumps do you mean high heeled shoes? sorry, i'm not sure. that's just me though! i just love Annette - she's so sweet. i like how she's "naive" and doesn't even realize things like social status. That rocks! this is a great story idea.
i also really like your other story, about Sirius's daughter Ophelia. That's really good! I just read it a bit ago - sorry, i was in a hurry so i didn't leave a review there. but i did here!
Hugs, Gigi (:Author's Response: Wow, thanks!
by pumps, I mean like, little plimsole-like flat shoes, it's what I call them anyway! :) Report Review
Awww Remus has a crush!! Haha I like the chapter.. Great start and I can't wait to read more!!! Update again soon.Author's Response: Thanks :) Report Review
I really do like the idea of the story, and you have a very natural, flowing way of writing descriptions. However, the area you're lacking in (everyone has one!) is conversations - the general flow of it. Also, there's a reoccurring error I noticed - I'll point it out to you. For example:
("I'm sorry Sir. I overslept" she replied, not bothering with excuses like many of her classmates would.) You forgot to puntuate the end of the sentence - the correct version would be ("I'm sorry Sir. I overslept," she replied, not bothering with excuses like many of her classmates would.) As a side note, there should also be a comma after 'sorry', but that's easier to skip past. A few more examples: ("Nothing, Nothing" Sirius said, grinning.) to ("Nothing, nothing," Sirius said, grinning.)
A thought for you would be to try getting a beta reader. They help loads with the general flow of the story along with the obvious help with correcting grammar and spelling issues. Some are also willing to help with the plot and characterizations, too - a major bonus.
I'm sorry about the lesson on grammar, you probably didn't need to hear that! At any rate though, I'm saving this story to my favorites. Keep up the good work, darling!Author's Response: Hey, Thanks for the advice, it's actually really helped! :) Report Review
Poor Remus. So does he get up the courage to ask Annette on a date? Such an awesome chapter. Can't wait for more!!!Author's Response: I know, bless Remus. Annette just has no idea does she!
Thanks! :) Report Review
Oh this is such a great chapter. Can't wait for more!!! B) Report Review
I like this first chapter. Pretty interesting and it makes you wonder more about Annette's personality. Great start. I hope to read more soon.. With that being said, UPDATE SOON! 9/10 Report Review
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