I just loved this! You go into such great detail about love its like you know it inside out. It was well described and so true. I love the idea of love being an addiction. Especially being the crualest addiction of all. You really did a wonderful job describing the power love can have over people, and how it can be good and bad. Absolutely amazing!
I love that you used first and third person in this one shot. It really worked well with this story. It was great hearing Lily's voice narrating the story, and then that little flashback came in. Brilliant!
I just love that little riddle "Whats so fragile that when you stay its name you break it." Really clever I thought! And I loved that you didnt say who 'Shadow girl' was. I just love this different side of Lily, being sneaky and such. I think I like it better than all these 'Lily is so smart and perfect' fics you find a lot of. It really worked well in this story too, so it didnt come across as weird.
I loved how you didnt mention who the person narrating was or who she loved till the very end. If I didnt know it was Peter, I would have thought Lupin. It wasnt exactly horrorish, but you did get a bit of that theme going. Especially since we dont see 'evil' Lily often, lol. Anyway - Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant! Report Review
Hey Ali! Ok, I KNOW I reviewed this one before the crash, because I remember being just as jaw-droppingly fabuliciousnessly blown away by it the last time. It is just...love. I reckon, Author's Response: Fabuliciousnessly?
I love the words you make up! xDD
thank you, though! -loves-
What do I think? I think I need to pick my jaw up off the floor. That was amazing, Ali. I'm completely blown away. It gave me chills. I love how you kept referring to her as "Shadow Girl" in the flashback, and the way you switched from first person to third. I love how you kept us guessing who she was married to and who she was in love with. If this is what the youth of this world can write...the future libraries will crumble from the weight of your books. I was writing drivel at your age. Wow!Author's Response: Yay! Taryn! *runsaroundcrazily*
You think this is amazing? Wow. And you're a teacher.
And I'm glad you think the switching was okay, I wasn't sure about it, but if you say so!
And yeah. I like people guessing. *blushes*
The future libraries will crumble? Taryn! *huggleglomp* You're so nice! Report Review
I thought it was okay.
Lily and Peter... I didn't think they went together as much as they could have. But just because it wasnt my cup of tea, doesn't mean it isnt great. IT is! Maybe if you went over it a bit, you can add a few things. Other than that, it was alright!Author's Response: OK. Well, thanks! I'm glad you still think it's ok. :D Report Review
Hello Agent A.
I am impressed, but let me say one thing - I did not get a mention in the TWO A/Ns you had? Ouch. Sorry, I lie. You had three and a half (the disclaimer is a half).
I love your writing style - one of short, snappy sentences with almost no rambling. I think I like it even more because it's the complete opposite to mine (long run-on sentences, and more rambling than is healthy for you), and it's refreshing to read.
I don't think I mentioned it in the original (was this the one I beta'd at one in the morning? It's possible), but I love the way that Lily compares herself to the other girl:
I was pretty and smart. She was plain and boring. I was popular and kind. She was shy and withdrawn. I loved him. She liked him. It's just amazing.
And I must comment on this sentence: Wearing all black, hair under a hat, she wasn’t easily seen. Is shoe polish included? Okay, I know that wasn't constructive in the least but I'm not feeling very mature atm.
Other stuff I must have missed at one in the morning:
The boy and girl were walking I think this would sound better as 'the pair were walking', but that's just my opinion.
the only Seventh Year Ravenclaw - if she is a Ravenclaw, then how is Peter in her common room? Just something to think about.
other hand, and a silent tear 'and' should be 'had'.
Frieda stopped suddenly at a door with no handle, no keyhole and only a eagle shaped knocker a few sentences before this, you said that she was heading up to her dorm, which implied she was already in the tower.
I do like the clarifying sentence you put in about the knife - thank you.
And, finally, my other favouritest quote:
Love blinds. Love rips. Love tears. Love breaks. Yet people cannot live without it. Lies, betrayal and hate all arise from love. And love kills.
Agent EAuthor's Response: Agent E?
Forgive me. I must edit this story as soon as possible. You must be in it.
It is good that you like my style. It makes me happy. And subtle. But the strange thing is... I ramble so often in real life. I believe that I am too lazy, sorry, SUBTLE, to type.
And I was wondering how people would take the comparing thing. She may have sounded stuck up, but if you think it is good, I leave my life in your hands.
And yes. Show polish is included. Subtly of course. It is called subtle black polish.
Oh dear. You are right. More editing must be done. And soon. Let me tell you...
Frieda was in a hallway with Peter.
When she said dorm, she meant go through the common room to her dorm. So no, she was not yet in the tower.
And the knife was important.
And yes. I love that sentence too. If I do not sound stuck up about it.
Mission Respondingtoreviewing accomplished.
(Subtly) Report Review
Oh Ali! You did splendidly! *glomps* Absolutely chilling, horrifyingly gorgeous story. *grins happily* I know (as the other reviewers mentioned) that Peter/Anyone isn't all that popular, least of all Peter/Lily. But I'm SO ecstatic you took the ship and twisted it this way! Of course, considering I wanted horror, it had to be twisted anyway... but MURDER! What fun! *deranged* Please forgive my hyperactive-ness, I'm just so excited about this fic! Seriously, though, captivating narrative and intriguing concept, the whole Frieda thing. I would have imagined that it was Peter who pined after Lily, not the other way around. I'm SO glad you made it this way, though... the more twisted, the better! *laughs maniacally* Okay, clearly I'm not in the sanest of moods but rest assured I am very, very happy with what you made, Ali! *glomp* Chilling, captivating, twisted... yep, I'm definitely satisfied. :D Gorgeous.Author's Response: Yay! *huggles* I wasn't sure if you would like it because... Lily likes Peter, not the other way round. I looked on the hpff forums, and everyone in the ship discussion of this said only Peter could like Lily, not the other way round. So I changed it. :D
And I wasn't sure it was enough horror. But i guess it was! Yay! Report Review
:| WHOAH. okay okay.. Im not a fan of Lily and Peter much, because I like the thought of Lily and James Potter being well... perfect, but that was just wonderful! Keep it up! ^_^Author's Response: Wow! Thanks! Ye Report Review
Umm... Ew. Lily in love with perter is sorta gross.Author's Response: I'm A J/L shipper. This was for a challenge. Report Review
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