hey, i love your story, PLEASE POST CHAPTER SEVEN! :)Author's Response: ah, i know. i need to. it's getting ridiculous. Report Review
wow. i really like this story! xAuthor's Response: aww thanks! :) Report Review
Awww. I have always loved that last line there, it's so cute! You can do romance and humor? cheater. these reviews are only short because i've already told you everything possible over the phone. p.s, call that phone tomorrow, p.p.s, i'll finish reviewing tomorrow i'm exhasuted. =/Author's Response: ohhh this conversation will be EPICC. i haven't talked with you in like eighty hundred years, which in girl years, is like 3000 million. :)) Report Review
The dedication! OMFG I never saw it before. hahahahahahahahahahah
I'm seriously about to pee my pants right now. Does James
want any thin mints?Author's Response: hahahahahahahahahaha. i freaking love kyle. HE WOULD SO LOVE THIN MINTS. omfg, he'd be like addicted to them. hahaha :) Report Review
I love Lily's mini meltdown over Petunia and her love muffin. LOVE MUFFIN
ok, now that i got that out of my system, can i repeat what i said last review? no? darn. well I love James then, he hilarious and smexy. (: And yes, I did use smexy, is that a problem?Author's Response: you know what i love? YOUUU. thanks babe. :)) Report Review
You're freaking hilarious! (: How come your so good at making me laugh when I read your stuff even though I've read this oh i don't know...seven zillion times? you have talent chica!Author's Response: thanks loveyyy. i'm glad this can still make you laugh even though you were with me when I wrote it hahaha :)) and plus it's like suuuper old. Report Review
this is one of the most amazing first chapter on hpff! if only the best friend would update.;)
but honestly, i love how much info we get here without it being completly overwhelming. your flow is great in this chapter! (:Author's Response: thanks best frienddd :) aww, you're too cute. Report Review
I have really enjoyed your story so far. I liked the addition of the death eaters. It helps to show that the war is already happening. It is easy to forget while focusing on writing about just the stuff at Hogwarts. Well done! I have to say that you have done a great job on your grammar. That is always the worst for me and I didn't notice any major mistakes in your story! Well done!Author's Response: the funny thing is, i am doing this HUGE grammar unit in my english class and i am really looking foreward to applying it to my HPFF writing. Report Review
I liked the interaction in this chapter! The one thing I would like to point out is that you use a lot of dialogue but you need to add some description in as well. When you have too much of one, and not enough of the other, it can be easy to loose the reader's interest. With description, you want to write just enough to create the picture in the reader's mind but also leave room for them to imagine it their own way. I hope that makes sense, if not PM me and I can clarify! :)Author's Response: i totally know what you're talking about. description is my weakest point and i really try to improve it, but i hate doing it! it's something that i have to work on really diligently and i will get better, thank you for pointing it out! Report Review
You must have been reading my mind with my review for the last chapter! I really like the change in James! Also, I liked what you put about his Dad being shocked he had made Head Boy as well. Caught my attention.I love small details like that! I like how this story is progressing! Well done!Author's Response: thank you very much!! =] Report Review
Good continuation. I like how you are taking your time with the plot line and not really rushing it. I like seeing Lily's internal debate with herself about James. Although, I would be careful to not make Lily a Mary Sue. You don't want her to be too cliche. Since we don't know too much about Lily when she was in school, you have a lot of room to adapt new things to her character. Fun flaws and quirks that really make her your own! I have recently realized, even with my own writing, how easy it is for characters to fall into a stereotype. Especially the Marauders.
Great job so far!Author's Response: thanks so much! =] Report Review
I am finally here with your long awaited review!!! I apologize on the wait.the real world stole me away for a bit! Now I am back and must admit how I missed HPFF greatly!!! Anyways, on to the review!
It was a good start to get the story rolling. I would watch the descriptions of each character. My preference is not to go too into detail, but work it in throughout the story. It wasn't poorly written though, which is great! I do like the dialogue between Lily's heart and mind. It gives a bit of a humorous twist to the story! Great start...looking forward to the rest. Just to let you know, I may not review each chapter, I will read each one. May end up reviewing every other chapter since you have several up!
9/10Author's Response: thank you for the very sweet review! =] i totally know what you're talking about. school and the real world really distract from writing! Report Review
Interesting start. I like the idea of having the heart and the head talk separately like that. The chapter flowed well if a bit slow, but first chapters are always slow. ^_^ I wished there were more things going on here than just explanations, but it's the introductions after all. ^_^
I don't think you need to introduce the Marauders and Lily by explaining their characters in paragraphs, you can easily show it to us through their actions. Here it's a very common characterization of the Marauders, so it feels a little cliche at this point, but I'm looking forward to see how you will develop their characters. But all in all, I enjoyed reading this. Off to the next chapter!Author's Response: thank you so much! i could have done more with this scene, but there's not much else to be done, like you said. i look forward to your review! =] Report Review
Lovely. You transitioned your writing from humour to action in this one with pretty good results. I'll send in a good word for you so more reviewers come. The brownie thing was a nice analogy, and James is just so sweet and hot!
Anyways, good job. Keep up the good work.
CAMAuthor's Response: awww! thank you! i'm blushing. =]
that's how james is supposed to be ;) thanks so so much =] Report Review
YOU ADDED HAGRID! YES!
I'm officially in love with this. Like, how come I've never saw this on the boards?
And you also foreshadowed on a lot of things. That's very cool.
And then you gave Dumbledore a reason for making Lily and James the heads. A nice explanation.
Onwards to the last chapter!Author's Response: hagrid is a necessity!!! =] love him.
thank youuu! =] Report Review
Oh my god! Your chapters are getting better and longer! I was lol-ing all through it. I think my favorite non-canon character is Megan, because she asked Lily for all the dirty details. LMNEAO (try to guess that one).
And look, I can't give you any negatives any more. You are doing so well and I am beginning to get hooked on this story. Your humor is so good I can't stand up straight. I look forward to reading the last two chapters!Author's Response: thank you! what a huge compliment :)
not even going to try to guess that one, haha =] Report Review
You know, he really isn't that bad looking. I bet he's really hot without a shirt on. I mean, seriously, look at that arse...
Oh. My. God.
What? I mean it's the truth. Look at it! All tight and firm in his robes. Can I... squeeze it?
Oh. My. God.
HAHA! I was squealing like crazy all the time after that. I like your timing-- a lot of people tend to make Lily fall in love with James in the first chapter, when others drag it out to the point you no longer want to read it. I like this. It has a whole bunch of humour and drop-your-jaw moments. Ya!
CAM (I think it's catching on!)Author's Response: hahaha a lot of people like that part and i love it =] thanks! Report Review
Okay, second chapter! Woot woot! I have a feeling Lily is about to curse James, but I don't want to get ahead of myself. And goodness, you make James so sexy. Here's an example:
"Well, I guess you being Head- Headó "
"Boy?" he finished for her kindly.
He said it kindly! He's not pigheaded! I am so happy!
I don't want to be mean in this chapter. I'm going to the next one.Author's Response: oh james, he's my favorite. =]
ahaha thanks! =] Report Review
HAHA! DUMBLEDORE HAD A SENIOR MOMENT! Sorry, totally random! I need to get into review mode!
Positive: You captured Lily in a good light so far. She's not too mean on James, but not nice to him either. That's sort of how I envisioned her.
Negative: I sometimes write like this, so I am trying not to be hypocritical here...okay: it lacks on detail. It also sounds like you are speaking to children in this post. I do understand your pain with the first chapter-- it is the most boring, noisome, most difficult thing to write-- but maybe it's just me. Not too shabby for your first post (god, you should've seen mine. "Harry found Voldemort on his back, and kicked him hard. Voldemort was wrinkly and gross but Harry had to do it. Voldemort didn't do anything..."
You get my point.
MORE POSITIVE: the whole thinking to herself thing. I love it (because seriously, who doesn't wage wars against their heart and brain. I know I do =]]) And I'm glad Lily feels a little affection towards Remus (nothing romantic or anything). You did good with your British measurements as far as I know because I'm American too. Can't wait to see what happens!
CAM (that's a new name I'm trying out. It's sexy, right?)Author's Response: i totally agree with you on the whole "first chapter thing" i hate first chapters. =[
oh! very sexy ;) thanks for the review =] Report Review
One thing that I'm a stickler for is the flow of someone's writing, and I have to say that this chapter really flowed well. So kudos for that. I also like the way that you've developed Lily, and the idea of her heart and her head talking is adorable. It made me smile. haha. Fantastic job!Author's Response: thank you very much! i've always been worried about flow and such but, evidently, i'm doing well! thank you! :) keep reading, it only gets better! Report Review
Ok Please hurry? I love the story I want to read more. I'll keep reviewing over and over untill you post more! haha JK...but seriously I will annoy you!Author's Response: hahaaha, the 7th chappie is in the works. won\\\'t be long now! Report Review
I do belive I have officially fallen of my computer chair in Laughter! Haha good chapter!Author's Response: thank youuu! you\\\'re so sweet :) Report Review
Ha ha you had me litterly falling out of my chair with laughter! I love the whole hea and heart conversations! What a great idea!Author's Response: oh gee, you\\\'re making me blush! haha, thanks :D Report Review
I loved your chapter. It was soo funny! I hope you will write more though. I hate it when a story isn't finished!Author's Response: i will definitely write more!! i will never abandon this story, promise!! thanks love. Report Review
i like this story :D the chemistry between james and lily is nice, and it's brilliant to see that james won't take no for an answer. i love all the banter between lily's head and lily's heart.
lyxaAuthor's Response: thanks so much! =] james is my absolute fav. glad you like him!! thanks for the review! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection