Reading Reviews for Consumed
  
222 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Debra20 A Voodoo Vacation

31st August 2011:
This is such a promising start!

Freddy feels like a very fleshed out character. Her name already gives us some hints into her personality. I am immensely intrigued by her relationship with Quirrell. How come you chose precisely him as a canon character to tie your story together?

I loved your descriptions of the surroundings. Your perfect chosen words create very vivid images of the witch's home and the outside hallway. I really admire the richness of your vocabulary. The diverse wording really adds a touch to the story, bringing it to life, seemingly without effort.

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Review #2, by lia_2390 Dark Night of the Soul

17th May 2010:
Heya celtic,

After reading all your other fics with these characters, I just had to read this one. I only started it this afternoon and I have to say, I'm addicted. I love Freddy! I love the fact that she isn't a student OC but a professor so it gives the readers a glimpse of the Hogwarts Professors in a light that we've never seen them. I thought you captured them really well.

Then the memories of Quirrell's proposal, then to him leaving, returning to Hogwarts almost unrecognisable, the dissolution of their relationship and his demise. Oy, I felt so bad for Freddy that she had to dig back through all those to find what was wrong and still no solution after.

'No,' Freddy laughed, untangling herself from Trelawney’s long, spidery arms. 'You told me that I would marry a healer named after a bird.'

That night, they went to the opera and saw La Traviata by Verdi. The heroine Violetta, a courtesan, died of tuberculosis in the final act.

Now that I'm reading the sequel, I'm almost afraid because I found two lines in here that are related to it. The first one I laughed out at and I'm crossing my fingers at it's possibility while the second, I really hope that's not what ends up.

This story is absolutely brilliant. I remember reading earlier that this was your first story, I still can't believe it.

Lia.

Author's Response: Hi Lia!
Thank you so very much for the thoughtful review! *blushes* You are really too kind. I'm so glad you enjoyed this fic and were able to relate to Freddy as a character. I personally love writing OCs, although I was live in terror of the dreaded Mary-Sue. ;)

Ah, I'm excited that you picked out those two lines!!! The first one is indeed significant. The second one I wouldn't worry about too much--it was more to foreshadow Freddy's TB, not her impending doom. ^_^

Again, thank you so much for your support and encouragement. It was just wonderful hearing from you. Take care and be well!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #3, by breakingeven The Path Out Of The Woods

10th April 2010:
Okay. Wow. Wow. Wow. This fic was so amazing. I can't even put it into words. Forbia's characterization was fantastic. She was incredibly believable from beginning to end, and even the change in attitude due to sickness was perfectly understandable. The whole thing was insanely engaging. I had to tear myself away from the computer in order to leave the story! I haven't read a fic this good in such a long time, and I can't wait to read the sequel. I'm sure it's just as good. You're a very talented writer, and this whole fic sounded just like a book I would purchase in a store and read cover to cover in one night! I've spent the last day and a half reading this, when I probably should be doing my spring break homework, but it was completely worth every single second! I've never read or even seen anything as original as this. I would have never thought of Quirrell as being a social person, let alone getting engaged, but I love it as just one of the completely unique things about this story! Oh, God, look at me, I'm gushing. But it really was super fantastic. I'm going to go post it in the recommendations section of the forums right now, although I hope somebody would have beaten me to the punch by now! I will almost certainly be re-reading this in the near future. 10/10, I would rate it higher if I could! :)

Author's Response: Hello breakingeven!
*blushes* Oh my...I really don't know what to say. What an a amazing review! I'm afraid this reply isn't going to be very coherent. I'm entirely speechless.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my fic and share your thoughts on it with me. Your feedback really means the world to me. I cannot possibly express how grateful I am for your kind comments.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this story. It was the first ever full-length HP fic I'd ever written, so I was quite nervous about posting. And I'm really happy you enjoyed the Quirrell/OC pairing. He certainly does not get enough attention in the HP fandom.

Thanks again for everything! I hope you have a great review!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #4, by breakingeven The Healer

10th April 2010:
Ah, dangit! I was hoping she wouldn't have MDR-TB! But, I'm so glad I decided to read this fic. It's so good. Very addicting.

Author's Response: You are correct! Freddy does have MDR-TB. I know, I'm not being very kind to her. ;)

Thanks again for the thoughtful review!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #5, by breakingeven The Captain of All the Men of Death

10th April 2010:
Hah, I knew it! I'm sorry for not reviewing any of the previous, but I just... I just had to keep reading! And I plan on leaving you a nice, looonnnggg review when I get to the end of this. But, I knew it! I knew it I knew it! You kept mentioning the cough, and I have extensive knowledge of respiratory diseases because I wrote a research paper on them just last semester, and TB was my focus! Then, when you mentioned the blood, I was like "oh yeah, it's TB." And then the line about tuberculosis in the opera? Yeah. I knew it! I'm so proud of myself now. XD Anyway, fantastic story, I can't wait to finish it!

Author's Response: Hello breakingeven!
Thank you so very much for the lovely reviews. It was wonderful hearing from you. Your kind feedback really put a smile on my face. I'm so glad you enjoyed reading "Consumed". ^_^

Yes! Freddy has TB. You are quite right. You know, I think only one other reviewer picked up on her respiratory illness. I suppose I was rather cryptic about, so you must be very astute. ;)

Thanks again for the awesome review! I hope you have a great week!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #6, by padme_alejandra The Path Out Of The Woods

2nd October 2009:
I honestly read this when you first posted it but as I was on my blackberry at the time I wanted to wait until I was actually on a computer to post a review. Then life got in the way... anyway, here I am!

This was a fitting ending for a perfectly lovely story. Forbia is such a real character in my mind because you've developed her so thoroughly throughout the course of this story. I've grown to really love her and I'm excited to read more of her in the sequel! You write a brilliant Remus as well - he's just as I picture him: soft spoken, unfailingly kind and completely unassuming. Perfection.

I like the spot where you ended this very much. It seemed quite fitting. And the little blurb at the end was also very fitting.

Awesome work. Wonderful writing.

Author's Response: Hello episkey!
Ugh, I'm so so sorry it took me a month to get back to you. I really feel ashamed. Usually, I'm on top of my review replies, but I came down with whooping cough in September and I was away from HPFF for a while. I sincerely apologize for the delay! I do hope you can forgive me. :)

Now, onto my proper review reply. ^_^ I really have no idea how to express my thanks. Your reviews have been so wonderful and encouraging. I feel so very grateful for your support.

I'm glad you enjoyed this last chapter. I wasn't sure if readers would be satisfied with how I wrapped things up...on a rather uncertain note, that is. And I'm thrilled that you thought Remus was in-character. He's a favorite of mine and I would hate to massacre his wonderful personality.

Again, thanks so much for the review and once more, I apologize for the delay. I do hope you have a lovely week! ;)

Best,
celticbard


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Review #7, by Liam R A Warning

5th September 2009:
Wonderful chapter, as per usual.

It was good to see so much of Flitwick. His character is usually forgotten in fanfiction, of which most of us are guilty, so it was nice to see more of him, and hopefully there will be more of him throughout the story.

Forbia's dream and vision are slightly creepy. Well, not slightly. Very XD I can't wait to see what happens there!

Wonderful story, can't wait to read more of it (:
10/10

Author's Response: Hiya Liam!
Thanks so much for the awesome review! I really do appreciate your comments. ^_^

I'm so glad you enjoyed Flitwick's appearance in this chapter. He's such a great character with so much spirit. I would love to have him as a professor. ;)

I do hope you have a great weekend. ^_^ Take care!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #8, by Liam R A Goat's Head

5th September 2009:
Another wonderful chapter.

Freddy is such a believable, interesting and relatable character, which is brilliant. She's a normal person, with normal insecurities and realistic emotions, which is hard to find in a lot of fics, so well done on that.

I thought the shutters prank was horrible, and when we found out the motive behind it, and what it meant, I couldn't help but feel so sympathetic for Freddy.

The goat's head prank was also very mean. Freddy's sudden and unexpected outburst was very surprising, and yet over the last two chapters we can see how that has grown and why she suddenly exploded.

I can't wait to see what happens with her and Lupin, either. They certainly didn't start on the right foot, did they? ^_^

Great job, Lee Anne [:

Author's Response: Hi Liam!
Haha, you're quite right. Lupin really did not make a good impression on Freddy, although it wasn't entirely his fault. Just bad timing, I suppose.

I'm so happy to hear that you like Freddy as a character, especially since she isn't exciting or attractive like most OCs.

Again, it was wonderful hearing from you, Liam. Thank you so much! I hope you have a fantastic weekend. ^_^

Best,
celticbard


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Review #9, by Liam R White Rabbit

5th September 2009:
Once again, I am in awe.

This chapter was so interesting. The little hints to the canon timeline also added a seperate element to the story. The Boggart in the Wardrobe, for example. That reference was wonderful, very intriguing to read.

I wonder why the shutters bothered her so much ... Hmm. I suppose we'll find out later, but I'm already extremely interested to find out why she should care so much about shutters ...

This darker side of Freddy, which we're seeing through Hermione's point of view, is very interesting indeed, and in stark contrast to both the first chapter and the first half of this chapter, it makes me wonder if she has more sinister motives than we first experience.

God, this is so interesting!
Wonderful work, Lee Anne, really.
10/10

Author's Response: Awww, thank you Liam! I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter and the little references to POA. I just love it when authors use details from the book, though I often have to remind myself to include them. ;)

There will be much more on the shutters in the next chapter. It's sort of an obscure reference, though just the sort of thing that would bother Freddy.

And as to her motives, my lips are sealed. I dare not give any of the plot away! Haha. ;)

Thanks again for the awesome review! Take care!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #10, by Liam R A Voodoo Vacation

5th September 2009:
Wow, Lee Anne!

Forgive me, but I've been meaning to read this story for a long time, yet every time I have just forgotten. I am truly sorry for that, really. How I didn't start reading this before is just beyond me, to be honest. (Sounds confusing, I know ^.^)

Freddie's character is very intriguing already! Her flawed character is something I find very interesting. Already you've set her up brilliantly, her self conciousness about her weight, her natural interest in more exotic magical practices, everything about her as a character just seems perfect, and knowing you, I'm sure it will only get better!

I'm really not one for AU, but this was fantastic. The ending, especially, was a wonderful cliffhanger, and I honestly cannot wait to find out what happens next!

Brilliant,
10/10

Author's Response: Hi Liam!
Thank you so much for the wonderful review! And please don't apologize. I'm just pleased to hear that you enjoyed this opening character. ^_^

I'm so very glad that you like Freddy's characterization. I personally love OCs, though I know they always run the risk of turning into Sues, (which is my greatest fear). ;)

It was wonderful hearing from you, as always. And I really do appreciate your thoughtful feedback. I hope you have a pleasant weekend!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #11, by californialove A Warning

27th August 2009:
Heyo! I'm here with your review from Aparecium!

I feel bad saying this, but what's important is that I'm being honest. Ha! Well honestly, this chapter wasn't as exciting as the previous chapters that I read before this one. It was almost as if things for Forbia, (ha, I like that name) are progressively getting worse as she sees what she is getting herself into when it comes to teaching. Like at the start of the story, she was all into learning and excited and loves to teach and now things are just getting plain weird. As if those weird occurrences were an ominous presence, here's the actual bad omen with the dreams going on.

Although, this "warning" was set up perfectly and what made it even better was that, (I'm assuming this is the rising action), this whole problem or rising action wasn't made obvious until now. You waited for the story to develop before bringing the conflict. It's a great way of pacing the story.

Now, I hope you don't get the impression that I'm saying this is a filler chapter, because it's not. It's kinda one of those chapters where not a lot goes on, but one important thing happens. Kinda like chapter five of Willoway.

But I also want to bring up the interactions going on between Forbia and Lupin. I believe that Lupin almost felt like an outsider during his teaching term at Hogwarts and now that Forbia is here, I bet she feels even more of an outsider. She hardly socializes with anyone and I just get the impression now that she kinda just doesn't really care. Like she brushed past Lupin and didn't even bother talking to him about what happened. But what also makes it better, is that she's not cold about it. She's genuinely human and kinda brushes it off in a wallflower type of persona.

Hope this helps!!!

Alice

Author's Response: Hi Alice!
Wow! Thanks a million for the wonderful review! I think you know from my gushing over your beta work that I simply love your feedback. Its consistently helpful and, as a writer, I really couldn't ask for more. ^_^

And why would I feel bad? This review was awesome! It really made me rethink some of the elements in this chapter and helped me plot the first chapter of the sequel.

Hmm, the bad omen actually wasn't supposed to represent Freddy's lack of teaching skill, but rather, something else. That something else is very obscure though, so perhaps I should have tried to make things clearer. ;)

I'm so glad you enjoyed the interaction between Lupin and Freddy. She is definitely a wallflower, like you said and therefore, I always have a hard time balancing her shyness with her inherent stubbornness. Haha.

Again, thank you SO much for the terrific review! You definitely deserve a promotion over on Aparecium. ^_^ I hope you have a pleasant week!

Best,
Lee Anne


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Review #12, by Violet Gryfindor The Path Out Of The Woods

13th August 2009:
That ending line about visting hours being over seemed perfect for this story. I can't pinpoint exactly why, but it closes off this story and leads into the sequel very smoothly. I loved how you ended it with Remus and Freddy. I remember when you started the story that you were thinking of a ship between them, yet the way you turned out here works even better. There's a bond between them now, one of shared illness and heartbreak, something much stronger than romance could bring. And how they spoke of Quirrell in those last few lines fit so well - it brought everything to a satisfying close.

Freddy and her mother... wow. I felt sorry for Freddy's mum in this chapter more than for Freddy, who was being stubborn and rather childish - in character for her and realistic, though I was still a bit sad that they couldn't settle things between them. It's interesting that Freddy has taken on Minerva and Sybil as surrogate mothers, replacing the need for her biological mother. *pulls self away from psychology* :P I love your portrayal of McGonagall - the line about the gift horse made me laugh. It's so her to say that!

Anyway, this was a great finale chapter for this story and it shows off your skill in closing off one story while also opening into the next. I've really enjoyed reading "Consumed" - it's become one of my top favourites on the site, and certainly the one I've been most addicted to. :D

Author's Response: Hello Susan!
I'm so, so, so sorry it took me over ten days to get back to you. I've been feeling really under the weather lately and I didn't want to leave you with a quick "thank you" after all the inspiring reviews you've left for this story. Please forgive the delay. I really hope I didn't seem ungrateful, because I truly appreciate your generous feedback and thoughtful support.

I cannot possibly express how much your encouragement has meant to me over the course of this fic. You have provided me with so many thoughtful insights, I honestly cannot thank you enough.

I am so glad you enjoyed this final chapter. I wasn't sure if it would be satisfying for some readers, as I had to keep some plot threads open to carry over into the sequel.

And you are absolutely right about Freddy's relationship with her mother (and, by extension, McGonagall and Trelawney). Mrs. Fotherby and her daughter are exact opposites and they have a tendency to clash with each other. Their relationship never quite matured past the point of Freddy's childhood. In essence, Freddy acts like she's five around her mother and her mother treats her like a toddler as well. It really is just a vicious cycle. You certainly hit the nail on the head with your assessment.

I'm so honored that you took the time to both read and review this story, Susan. The first chapter of the sequel is nearly finished and I am hoping to have it posted as soon as the queue reopens. ;) Again, I do apologize for the delay. Thank you so much for your consideration and patience! I hope you have a lovely week. ^_^

Best,
Lee Anne


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Review #13, by Oceansurferg The Path Out Of The Woods

13th August 2009:
It's been a wonderful story to read. Very interesting and different. Thanks for writing it!

Author's Response: Aww, thanks so much! I'm so very glad to hear that you enjoyed this fic. ^_^ I hope you have a lovely weekend!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #14, by Erminia The Path Out Of The Woods

11th August 2009:
I've been reading this fic for a while but was always too intimidated to post a review, since my reviews never sound very intellectual. :P However, I thought I should post a review since such a fantastic fic deserves more reviews.
Just wanted to say that this fic has been amazing. You are a superb writer, and this piece is wildly creative and well thought-out! Thanks for giving me the pleasure of reading such a terrific piece of work.

Can't wait for the sequel!
- Mini

Author's Response: Aww, thank you SO much, Mini!!! It was absolutely wonderful hearing from you. ^_^ And please don't worry about your reviews sounding "intellectual". Have you seen any of my review responses? Ugh, I just tend to ramble on and on and on. ;)

I am truly glad that you enjoyed this story. I always thought that this fic would be too different for the HP fandom, but happily, you proved me wrong!

Again, thanks a million, Mini. I do hope you have a great weekend!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #15, by padme_alejandra Blame

5th August 2009:
Ah, the end is near?! Oh dear. I'm half excited and half melancholic! :P

I really enjoyed McGonagall here. I liked the emotion she showed regarding Freddy's condition as well as her reaction to Trelawney - a firm believer in sound reason and judgment, and hard, solid facts! :)

Dumbledore was also unnervingly accurate (in the best way possible, I assure you). I felt like I was reading him straight from the books. The toffee comment was the icing on the cake :D

I'm intrigued to see how Lias is faring with his TB. And how and if Remus and Freddy will interact now! Can't wait for an update! Even though it is the last.

P.s. This is how excited I was that you had a new chapter up: I got home from the air port at 3am and the first thing I do after I curl up in bed with my phone is check HPFF. When I saw that you'd updated I couldn't help but read it! Haha.

Author's Response: Hello episkey!
Thank you so very much for the encouraging review! I'm seriously getting addicted to your feedback, it's so thoughtful and inspiring. ^_^

Whew! I'm thrilled (and relieved) to hear that you thought Dumbledore was in-character. I was quite worried about that scene. He's very hard to write, at least for me.

And I'm afraid you won't find out about Lias until the sequel. I know, I'm being such an evil author here, but I thought I'd carry him over since everyone seemed to like him.

Go get some rest! You must be exhausted. Airports are no fun, especially at 3 in the morning. ;)

As always, it was wonderful hearing from you. I cannot possibly express how much I appreciate your feedback. ^_^ Take care!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #16, by soliloquy Blame

4th August 2009:
Your writing is always so enthralling! I just keep going and going and going and before I know it, I've finished all your latest chapters! Freddy is so realistic and I always feel so bad for her. I really don't know what else to say beside the fact that your writing style is so captivating and literally just keeps drawing me back :) You always write the canon characters perfectly and nothing ever seems forced. It flows well and everything fits together. This has seriously become one of my favorite stories. I'm so glad that you've almost finished plotting most of the sequel! I can't wait ;)

Author's Response: Hello soliloquy!
Oh my! *blushes* What a thoughtful review. Thank you so very much! I am absolutely thrilled to hear that you are enjoying this fic. Your feedback is wonderfully inspiring. As a writer, I couldn't ask for anything more. ^_^

And yes, the sequel is coming along nicely. With any luck, I should have it posted a few weeks after I finish "Consumed".

The final chapter will be posted tomorrow. I hope you have a great week! Take care!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #17, by Violet Gryfindor Blame

30th July 2009:
If the title of the sequel is as illuminating as the title of this story, then things don't look that good for poor Freddy. Though it's amazing how she's gained the loyalty and affection of all these characters. She has such a lack of confidence and inability to see her own worth that I'm very glad that the people around her are willing to stick up for her. There's something compelling about Freddy that makes people want to like her - I can understand it as a reader because I feel it too.

I really loved the first scene. You wrote Dumbledore to perfection, and although his love for Muggle candy tends to get overused (I'm guilty of that too :P), it fits here because he's trying to comfort Minerva in his own way, and that's usually the way he does it. So instead of being a random offer, here it serves a greater purpose. And, of course, seeing Minerva and Sybil arguing, then agreeing with each other was wonderful - finally, they can see eye to eye on something.

Will Lias be coming back into things more? There was the potential for a relationship (friendship or otherwise) between him and Freddy, but it sort of fell away from the plot. While it fits that he also was ill, I am hoping that he'll either make an appearance in the next chapter or in the sequel. You developed him really well, and it'd be a shame to lose that.

The scene between Hermione and her parents was incredibly realistic, and I liked seeing them finally appear in a story. This is the first one for me, so it's quite a treat. :D As always, your portrayal of Hermione is spot on.

I'm looking forward to how the next chapter will turn out, since it is the last, and there still seems to be a few loose ends to tie up. Only two weeks to wait, so I'll try to be patient. ;)

Author's Response: Hello Susan!
Ah, it was wonderful hearing from you, as always! Whenever I post a chapter, I await your verdict. You're such a talented writer. I always take all of your feedback into account and use it when plotting my fics. Thank you so much for the encouragement and inspiration!

Yes, Freddy does tend to underestimate herself and to be honest, I think I underestimated her as well. When I first started writing this story, I saw her as a sort of alienated person, isolated by her own prickliness. But now that I'm starting to finish things up, I realize that she is a nice person. She truly cares about others, which is why, I think, she has won herself a few friends and their complete loyalty.

I'm so glad you liked the scene with Dumbledore. I'll admit, I struggled with it somewhat. He was supposed to come off strictly as a considerate headmaster in this chapter and not the quirky professor we all know and love. Even though I wanted him to be caring, I also wished him to be realistic about the situation.

And yes! Lias will be back, not in this story, but in the sequel. His relationship with Freddy will be left as an open question until sometime during "Breathless". The sequel will actually focus more on Freddy's relationships with the living (Lupin and Lias among them) than the dead (although Quirrell will certainly not be forgotten).

Again, thanks a million for the thoughtful, in-depth review, Susan! It has truly been an honor to have you read my fic. The last chapter is in the works and should be posted soon. ^_^ Take care!

Best,
Lee Anne


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Review #18, by momotwins Blame

30th July 2009:
I noticed you spelled Minerva McGonagall's name "Minvera" in this chapter. Editing error or is it deliberate?

I'm glad Hermione and the others are all right, and that Freddie's not going to lose her job. I really hope Freddie makes it :(

Author's Response: Minvera? Ugh! I'll have to correct that right away. Auto-spell check must have changed a few things, either that or I made the error. Haha, I am a typo queen after all. ;) Thanks a million for telling me!

And thank you so much for reviewing, momotwins! Your support and thoughtful feedback has really meant a lot to me. ^_^ I hope you have a great weekend!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #19, by Bella_Portia The Captain of All the Men of Death

23rd July 2009:
Too disappointing? Hardly! This was a wonderful payoff on several levels.

The title -- "Consumed," after all, turned out to be a pun. I thought that was just, really neat.

Early on, that moment in the Common Room when Hermione had her revelation. I thought you brought that off beautifully. It was so well written, the way her mind ticked off the clues and reached a conclusion. Moreover, it was a really effective beginning to this chapter. Nice, also, the way you set up and leavened this chapter with the overly excited Patil twins.

Knowing that Hermione thought Freddie suffered from TB, I was testing the theory as I read the next chapter. And sure enough: coughing, flushed -- clearly still showing symptoms. The scene with Remus was nice. (By the way, I feel a bit silly, assuming that the gentleman in your earlier chapter graphic was intended to represent of Remus, when he was not at all.)

That scene with Trelawney (reading The Quibbler -- writing letters to the editor -- loved it!). It was extremely satisfying the way you pulled together and explained those dreams, those gruesome dreams, at long last!

The ending revelation, the poster, the sanatorium, the final image -- good heavens, I was recalling an earlier reference to La Traviata. I should have read more into it. I hope Freddie will not go the way of Violetta.

I think this was a wonderful chapter and, as they say, a very enjoyable and satisfying (in the sense that it answered my reader's questions) read.

Author's Response: Hello Bella Portia!
YAY!!! I'm so, so, so glad this chapter was a satisfying payoff for you. Ugh, I was terribly nervous about the whole TB thing. I've been planning it since chapter one, but I still wasn't sure if I'd catch my readers off-guard and leave them going "what?!?".

I'm so glad you enjoyed the scene with Hermione. That bit gave me so much trouble. I kept asking myself, "is this in-character? is this realistic enough?" ;)

And you've picked up on some of previous clues? Awesome!!! I was really hoping that my readers would be able to make sense of everything after reading this chapter. Haha, I actually thought the La Traviata hint was a bit too obvious. I guess I was wrong. ^_^

Thanks a million for the amazing review, Bella! You truly helped to put my mind at ease. I hope you have a great week! Take care!

Best,
celticbard



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Review #20, by Bella_Portia The Trouble with Coincidences

18th July 2009:
I am so horribly far behind in my reading and my reviewing. I had intended to have read this -- well, at least a few weeks ago.

My first reaction, on finishing this chapter, was that it ended too soon.

Suspenseful, dark, fascinating contination of the story. I thought the set-up that got Freddie and Hermione together -- because that is mainly what this chapter was "about" (at least, IMHO), was pretty neat.

I continue to be very favorably impressed by the grace and skill with which you hang words together. You paint lovely pictures.

I will be reading on.

Author's Response: Hello Bella Portia!
Thank you so much for the lovely review! I always look forward to your thoughtful, encouraging feedback. ^_^

I am so glad, that after twenty chapters, you still find this story enjoyable. I honestly thought most of my readers would be bored to tears by now. ;)

Sorry this chapter was abrupt for you. The next one is much longer. To be honest, I probably rushed this chapter a bit to get to the big reveal in chapter nineteen. :)

Again, thanks so much for your kind comments! I'm getting ready to sit down and work on chapter twenty-one this afternoon and your review has provided me with so much inspiration. I hope you have a great weekend! Take care!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #21, by Varda An Intriguing Interview

18th July 2009:
I'm back! :)

Clever idea, describing Forbia's office from Hermione's perspective, as a newcomer to the place would fit more than someone who's been occupying it for quite a long time. But maybe you could cut the descriptions a little bit shorter? Just a bit. I normally don't mind long, detailed descriptions, but yours is only for one office and it fills up a page of my computer screen. ;) Some people might find it boring, but if you'd rather stick to your gut (as I do with criticism from time to time), let it be.

Turning, she observed a calm, cheerful witch who’s appearance and manner... -- it's 'whose' in this case. :)

...but all of that had changed when she saw just how fluttery and flighty the woman was.

Predictably, she was disappointed.
-- As Hermione didn't seem to be expecting disappointment, perhaps 'predictably' isn't the right word here.

Hermione was so caught up in their discussion that she did not realise Fotherby had begun to take notes, nor did she pay much mind to the dozen or so carefully crafted questions the professor asked her.

Fotherby had an informal way about herself, a way of making a person relaxed enough to talk openly and enthusiastically.

Hermione would never have guessed that she was being graded.
-- you know, you could probably combine these three into one paragraph and it would fit just fine. And props to Forbia's method, though I'm still a little confused as to why all the kids are being graded individually instead of just handing their papers in... I certainly never went through that at 13, but *shrugs*

I also think a lot of your paragraphs could be combined to make things look less choppy. But other than that, it was a lovely chapter! It was nice to read of your main character from a student's perspective. :)

Best,
Alex

Author's Response: Hiya Alex,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review! Wow, your feedback is so in-depth! I really do appreciate it. ^_^

As to the paragraphs, I read over the chapter and, to be perfectly honest, I did not find them choppy at all. But maybe that's just me. I prefer working with smaller paragraphs. ;) Also, where grammar is concerned, one character's actions cannot be combined with the dialogue of another's, so that does tend to break things up a bit. ^_^

Thanks for pointing out the "whose" typo! I'll fix it right away.

And as to Fotherby's grading method, she finds it easier to rate her students on an individual basis because a. her class is relatively small and b. her students are a mixture of different years (since her subject is an elective) so I imagine it would be fairer to consider a third year's work apart from a fifth year's work. I suppose you could say she's very anti-curve. ^_^

Thanks again for the wonderful feedback, Alex! As always, you've given me tons to think about. I will certainly take your suggestions into consideration when I revise. I hope you have a great weekend! Take care!

Best,
Lee Anne


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Review #22, by padme_alejandra The Healer

17th July 2009:
Oh, no, Hermione! I honestly gasped aloud when I read that (which ended the breath I'd been holding while reading this ^_^). Thinking about it, I can see how it fits with PoA canon. Hermione was definitely rather haggard and tired at this point, but in the books it's solely attributed to her time traveling. I like how well this fits :) And poor Lias as well. Oh dear. I'm anxious to see how this all plays out..!

Oh, Madam Paulina! -smacks forehead- That makes perfect sense, I can't believe I never connected it. It was in the first chapter, I should have guess the visit had more significance.

I really liked the scene with Quirrell. You really showed her conflicted heart well - how she loved him and hated him at the same time. It was quite moving, I really enjoyed reading it and I definitely felt for poor Freddy.

Really excellent chapter! I thoroughly enjoyed it :)

Author's Response: Hi episkey!
Yay! I'm so glad to hear that you enjoyed this. Originally, I wrote the second half of this chapter about three months ago and then I wrote the rest about a week ago, so I wasn't sure if everything would flow well. Some bits were ad-libbed too, mostly the scene in the graveyard. I was really unsure about it, but I'm so thrilled that you liked it. ^_^

And yes, Madam Paulina was Freddy's TB contact. I'm glad it seems rather obvious now. I was hoping readers would be able to connect the dots after I revealed everything. ;)

Again, thank you so much for the lovely review! Your feedback really means the world to me. I hope you have a great week!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #23, by Violet Gryfindor The Healer

14th July 2009:
Hermione, too? Oh dear, I wonder what you're going to do with that in the next chapter. o_O But as she was showing none of the major signs, it's probably not that advanced yet, so here's hoping that Hermione has enough strength to use her timeturner to save Sirius later on. :P Now I see how you've removed Freddy from the PoA plot, just in time, it seems. It fits really well with PoA since Hermione did, I think, show signs of fatigue that she and others put down to taking too many classes. Very interesting and very well done. It's risky working so close in parallel with the books, yet you're doing it perfectly. :)

The moment in the graveyard made me squee. I wasn't sure if it was so much that Freddy was Seeing or if she made it to that "King's Cross" like stage in death. Somehow I can imagine Freddy's place being a graveyard. ;) But it was a very moving scene in how you portrayed the two of them together. She could say all she wanted that she'd never forgive him, but she still loves him, too. You really captured powerful emotion there, and it was amazing to read.

Only three more! :O It'll be sad when this story ends, I've enjoyed it so much. At least the news of a sequel will help me from getting too sad about this one ending. ^_^

Author's Response: Hello Susan, my dear!
Gah! I am six days late with my response. I am so, so, so sorry. RL suddenly got insane this week and I was incredibly distracted. Again, I do sincerely apologize. Your reviews mean so much to me and I would not want you to think they were unappreciated.

So, have I mentioned how honored and flattered I am that you've stuck with this story for so long? Twenty chapters and you are still here and not bored to death. Yay! As a writer, I honestly could not ask for anything more.

And yes, Hermione has a touch of consumption too. I was actually unsure of how to approach the climax, while at the same time, keeping the story close to canon. Originally, Freddy was supposed to end up in St. Mungo's shortly before the whole Sirius timeturner incident. I was hoping to use the tension of POA's climax to bolster this story's ending, but at the last minute, I changed my mind, hehe. ;)

I am so glad to hear that you liked the graveyard scene. It is actually based on a recurring dream of mine (which I thought would bring things full-circle since this whole fic was based on a dream ^_^) But yeah, I was definitely going for the whole King's Cross stage of death, although I do hope it did not turn out too morbid. ;)

Again, thanks for everything, Susan!!! Your feedback has provided so much inspiration over the past few months, I cannot possibly express my gratitude properly. I hope you have a lovely week! Take care!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #24, by padme_alejandra The Captain of All the Men of Death

10th July 2009:
Consumption! I can't believe I never guessed it because, looking back on it now, so many things fit! Coughing, coughing up blood, the title (the most obvious of all! haha). I feel terrible for the poor girl, I hope at least something with go right for her! (I'm voting for Remus haha)

I liked the abrupt way in which Remus told Freddy that he was a werewolf. It was true to his character, as well as his disbelief that Freddy was okay with it. How I love him :P

I also enjoyed how Hermione put all the pieces together even before Freddy did. Definitely very Hermioneish :)

This was just an excellent chapter, I don't even know what else to say! Everything was spot on, as per usual. I can't wait for updates! Especially because the next chapters will work toward the end - which, while sad because this will be over, I'm terribly excited for. I can't wait to see how this all turns out!!

10/10

Author's Response: Hiya episkey!
Yay! I am SO glad the tuberculosis revelation made sense to you. I was so worried that after twenty chapters of my hinting at it my readers would be completely caught off guard. Whew! At least I know I am doing something right. ;)

Thanks a million for the fantastic review!!! I literally squee every time I see a review from you, they are just so wonderful.

And I am glad you liked the way Remus told Freddy about his lycanthropy. I was hoping that would not come off as too abrupt.

Again, thanks for everything, episkey! I hope you have a great week!

Best,
celticbard


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Review #25, by alanapotter A Goat's Head

7th July 2009:
Very nice! I love how the whole beginning of this chapter was just her contemplating various topics... it really helped give the audience an all-around sense of who she is, how she deals with things, a bit of an introduction to her relationship with Quirrell. I like the whole shutters thing... it's really cute :]

The whole scene with the goat's head was interesting. I feel like the end of it could've been a bit more emotional, though. When she was getting frustrated with the boys it was clear that she'd had enough and they'd better hand it over, but I feel like she should've had a bit more of a reaction to the thing calling her names than she did. I don't know, maybe that's just how you wanted her to react.

I loved the scene with Lupin too, especially how you showed it from his perspective. It was wonderful to see her from the eyes of another character, even if only for a moment. The way you've characterized him is wonderful, and his reaction to her movements was amusing.

I really don't have any concrit besides the whole emotion thing mentioned above! We're getting a thunderstorm at the moment, so I'll have to come back later to do more!
-Jill

Author's Response: Hi Jill!
Wow, thanks a million for the detailed review! Your feedback was awesome, as always. ^_^ I really cannot properly express me appreciation to you. It means so much to me to hear from fellow writers and fans of HP.

I am glad to hear that you enjoyed the Lupin bit. He is definitely my favorite HP character and I was worried that I would turn him into a Gary-Stu. He is just so lovable! It is hard not to like the guy. ;)

And thanks for the tip about the goat\\\'s head scene! Concrit is the best gift a writer can receive. I will certainly use your comments when I go back and revise.

Again, thank you for everything, Jill! I hope the thunderstorm did not knock your power out. ;) Have a great weekend! Take care!

Best,
celticbard


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