thestrals!
brilliant, absolutely brilliant.
i love it

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I love how Remus keeps reading Lily's diary. though where is he getting it? D: I MUST KNOW. lol I like how you balance the events with the diaries, though the diary's are a we bit to short. I kinda liked the detail you had in the first one. ;) all is good please update soon

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UPDATE! Please! -breaks down in tears of hysteria and absolute desperation-
I REALLY want to find out how Remus gets the diary. My only idea is that it's some sort of elaborate plan of his to get extremely hot James and the lovely Lily together...
UPDATE! Please!
Woah...deja vu...
xSapphirex
ps: 21/10 !

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Hmmm...I like Severly. And could Remus be using the accio charm? Or he could be flying up to her dorm on a broomstick. Maybe he waits till Lily falls asleep in front of the common room fire and steals it out of her bag... I'll think on it...

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OH! I just figured out what the invisible licking things were! There thise invisble horse thingys that you can't see unless who've watched someone die! Um Thestles or something like that...I think.can't remember how to spell, and I'm far too lazy to actually look it up...

Author's Response: I know what you mean, lol - They're Thestrals. So of course Lily and Mary couldn't see them...

Thanks for taking the time to review my story :D

Cheers,
Nat

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wow! that was really great! im excited to read the next chapter! i

Author's Response: You as much as me - I can't update fast enough!
-Nat

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whoa... that was fast... I kinda read it rapidly that I'm already reviewing x]

Fast but so good... shesh when will Remus stop rreading Lily's Diary, seriously... Anywho, what is snape going to do? xO... I support that Sev/Lily thing but not so very much... But I'm curious... What's he going to do?!...

-Patty xx

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I want more! This story is to good! You should make updates every five minutes! You should be lucky, you made it to my favorites, very, very hard, only a few have suceeded...ANYWAYS, UPDATE SOON OR ELSE YOU SHALL FEEL THE RATH OF A.O.B.F!

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AHHH! the last line left me in complete histarics! how is remus doing that?! oh well, i love your story- hurry with the next chaoter please!

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I like it.

Remus is funny, the way he keeps getting the diary. I like your version of Lily's character!

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ahaahahah!!! how does remus get that diary?! it's driving me up the wall not knowing!!

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LOLOL
Evans,
Your crazy.

Nice Remus. ;]
Update soon ;D 10/10

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i like this story, because it's funny. but i'd love to see some stuff later on. lily and james stuff. 6th year isn't important, is it?

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I just love Lily's diary entries. She's so sarcastic and funny. Her friends just need a good smacking on the head and they should be fine. anyway, great chapter! sorry I think i forgot to review the last one!

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Hola!!

Ahh I get that feeling all the time. I swear my hands have mind of their own or something! I'll read over a story and be like what the hell?!! Where did that come from?

Oh well they are entertaining to say the least. I liked this chapter my dear Remus was in here. :D he is as bad as the rest. But he can READ!! Ahh! Well I wouldn't want him to read what I write about him. OH LAMA NO!

Sorry moment. See this is why my mother always told me not to read or write in the middle of the night. lol. I get all hyper and write random things down and then people read it and like ...huh??

yeah.anyway. I'm SO SO SO SO SO SO SO sorry about not reviewing for so long but my computer was being an ass and stuff so yeah. And now im at my aunts and my moms telling me to go to bed because im being too loud blah blah blah...

so yeah I have to go read more sometime lol. And I'll review :D

NIGHT
10/10
--Lilly!

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He he, great idea for a story!
You've inspired me. Since I just joined,
and have been meaning to for quite a while.
I'm trying to think up story ideas and you gave
me one! Not to worry, I won't steal any of your ideas,
or things. Just the having a diary thing!

& Pattern, didn't catch it! Explain? =)

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Hilarious absolutely funny xD !!
Keep it up!
Can't wait for another chappie!

-Patty xx

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I have no idea what those licking things were. Do you? lol. I liked this chapter, very much. lol.

The description the boys was very well written the only things wrong is that Sirius has dark brown eyes. Thats all. I thought he had grey too but then my friend was like trying to kill me because of it. So we searched it up. Damn him. He was right. :p

Anygary, I like all your people so far. I always have fun trying to picture OCs in my mind. I get to be overly creative. lol. I guess thats the reason I like writting too. lol.

Well I'm going to go to bed so I will review more tomorrow but for no I'm going to sleep. I've heard its good for you. lol. Night!

Great job,
♥10♥
--Lilly!

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Hola!

Alright I'm not sure how in the world I found this. I think I was looking through friends favroties or something. but lucky you I did find it - also lucky me - lol. I'm going warn you that I am someone whor reviews every chapter and if I really like reviewing one story I tend to move over to another. lol.

So far this is very interesting. I've never ever been one to keep aa diary so if I had found something like that I wouldn't have any idea what to write about. I'd probably just start writing a story lol. :p

You're writing style is great! i really like it. It's fun, but too BAM like some stories I've read - which i loved lol - and it has Lilly which mean uh DUH must love lol.

I'm not sure if I'll finsh the next chapter and if I do how far I'll get because its getting pretty late so I'll try and review more today but it not I promise tomorrow. kay?

Great job,
♥10♥
--Lilly!

Author's Response: Wow. You talk like me and my friends on helium. Not that that's a bad thing at all (Crazy people rule).

I've never written in a diary either, so all of this is totally made up =D. The few times I've tried have turned into boring, whiney novels about my day, so I'm glad you liked my fic.

I'm really happy you'll be reviewing every chapter- I need people like you to keep me hyper.

Cheers-
Nat

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No, what were they?

Overall, I thought it was a good chapter. I thought the relationships between the friends were really good, and I love that all the grammar/spelling is practically perfect. (Small thing, but it adds so much.) I loved Lily's thought processes and the little details you gave like this. I love your style, and I think it will develop really nicely with practice.

There were a few things though:
- I thought Sirius would be angry with Lily for smashing up his camera. He just didn't seem to have a real reaction to his camera being destroyed (even if it could proably be repaired by magic) apart from laughing.
- I felt there was too much emphasis on describing to the diary. It feels very much like a fictional diary, and not like a diary you would write in real life, if that makes sense.
- I find the relationship between the marauders and Lily cliche, especially that between Lily and James, but that might just be me. I think Lily's very obsessed with him (in a negative way), which is something I see in a lot of stories.

Overall, I thought it was very good. Sorry if you thought I was too harsh (and thank you for a nice long answer to my other review ...). I will get round to reviewing the other chapters at some times (sorry if you're dreading it), but I'm a bit snowed in at the moment. 8/10.

Author's Response: Alright, yes, I neglected my reviews for years and years and years, but I'm back now!

First, thank you for all the compliments. I can't take credit for the grammar or spelling- that goes to the wonderful spellchecker (it surprises me how many people don't actually use those...)

-Sirius is just that kind of person, though, of course, you make a perfectly valid and reasonable point that I am kicking myself for not noticing. I do believe that is how he might react though, because even if his family does hate him, he must have been spoiled for at least ten years of his life, him being the "Black Family Heir" and all. This might have made him less inclined to care about preserving what material things he has.

-I cannot write in a diary to save my life, so have very little idea about what it would be like to write in one. The whole diary thing came about on a whim. So you're right (of course). The over-description is, once again, because of my lovely tendencies to explain everything way past anyone's attention span. I'll do my best to smush it down a little.

- You're right, once again. It is cliched, and I really wanted to escape cliches, but I can't help but to fall prey to that one. I'm not sure if I can do much to change that, not when I've already got 27 chapters written.

I don't think your reviews are harsh at all. You point out things that really need to be changed in my story, and I respect that. I'm glad you do it, because while I don't edit write away, I bear your advice in mind as I continue to write, and I believe it helps enormously.

An 80 percent is honours! I'm happy with that.

-Natalie

P.S.- Are you at all interested in doing work as a beta? Because you'd make a great one, and if you're not busy, you could catch my mistakes before I post the chapters. Just a thought.

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I thought this was a really good first chapter. The beginning was really good and made me want to read more. The characters were generally well characterised and the ending was good. The chapter had a good balance of information and mystery, if that makes sense.

There were a few things I thought:
- I felt you described the characters too much, especially in the part with the diary. I felt you used it as an opportunity to describe the characters too much, and the diary entry had been less about appearance and character, and maybe just with a brief introduction to Lily, and something about her day, maybe. I felt you needed to apply the rule to "show not tell" more, if that makes sense.
- I didn't really think Lily wouldn't notice wandering into a class of randomers. You say she was one of the first people there but you also say she was almost late: I'm not sure this is really consistent. I know the scene was for comic effect, but I felt it might have been more effective if she had wandered in, looked round, and thought, "Hang on ...", and dashed back out again, because it would have felt more like the intelligent Lily we're told about in the books, but this may have just been my opinion.

8/10

Author's Response: Thank you for your eighty percent grade :D. You make some very good points in your review. First: I am a sucker for describing people. I like giving them little habits and quirks, and often I spend too much time on that in the beginning, instead of letting it develop on throughout the story. I prefer to start a story with giving the readers a full rap sheet about each character, which is a bad habit...I can't say I'll get to rethinking that part right away, but I'll definitley give it some thought.

Second:This part was not intended to be story at all. I didn't plan on having it exist. So when my chapter was refused because the diary entry was too long, I was too lazy to edit it shorter and simply wrote up the first thing to came to mind. I was too eager to get the chapter out there, and didn't really think it through, so it adds nothing to the story. It's just there. Again, I won't get around to fixing this right away, but you were the first person to catch those little inconsistencies, so I'll reread the section.

Third: Here's my thing about Lily. I've been told that I'm very like her description, and I wanted to mix things up a bit. As the year progresses, Lily starts to get a little more serious and less flighty.

I mean, I'm about her age, supposed to be like her, and I'm still incredilby stupid at times.

So that's the one thing I refuse to change: Lily's personality. Sorry if this bugs you, but there are plenty of other stories with Lily as she's described in the books.

Thanks for your incredily honest and useful review!

-Nat

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Sirius to the rescue! I really don't like Severus. Even though he is a seriously misunderstood character. I think it was good the way Lily never even considered James as her prospect, er- partner patroller. lolage. =]
10/10

Author's Response: Well, she wouldn't be very Lily- like if she'd picked James, though that would have been hilariously funny.

-Nat

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Great chapter. Although I have no idea who wrote her essay for her. And it's really bugging me. Urgh!
Oh well, on with the reading.
=]

Author's Response: You can't guess?? Ah well, all will be revealed.
Thanks for the review!
-Nat

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That was a really good sorting hat song. :). McGonagallese. Haha. Funny.
God, the Head Girl's stressy. It was obvious that Remus was going to be prefect. I think I would have murdered somebody if Peter was prefect. Seriously.
:)

Author's Response: Well, I had to stick to canon there. Really, Remus is the only one who could logically get it anyway, so it all works out.
Cheers!
-Nat

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Oh, how I love Sirius Black. I mean, like, seriously. I'm in love with Sirius Black. *sigh*. Lol. No, not really, although i do love his character. I love him in chap. Protecting the damsels in distress. =]
I loove the Marauders!
10/10
p.s. - "Literally on. Like, I could see all the gum people had dropped."
I love that bit!

Author's Response: Who doesn't love the Marauders, honestly? They're just so lovable.
Thanks for the direct quote- my friends all loved that bit, glad you did too.
-Nat

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