hey intriguing story, looking forward to reading more to see where it's headed! =)Author's Response: thank you! =) Report Review
I knew it!! Sirius Black!! This story is so intriguing. I absolutely love it!! Wonderful wonderful job. I wish that I could write a story half as good.
IloveNeville.Author's Response: lol, yeah you were right :) thank you sooo much! you got no idea what that means to me, seriously!
thank youuuu!!!!~ :D Report Review
I like that this chapter is in flashback form, but I think it would serve you better to make the entire chapter a flashback, without her comments. I personally don't like reading things that are all italicized, so I would just put something like "TEN YEARS AGO" at the top and then proceed with the Malfoys' party.
I'm not really sympathizing with Jenifer because I don't really know what she's like so far; if we knew a little bit more about her and what kind of person she is, maybe the suicide thing would be a little bit more understandable. Right now I'm still like, hmm she tried to kill herself over ... what? I'm not getting the chemistry with this guy either.
Anyway I hope my comments have helped you out! Good luck with the rest of the story :)Author's Response: the reason i put her comments in the middle are because the whole story is not going to be her naneration, there are going to be a lot of activites in the middle :)
the sucide mystery will be solved in the next chapter :)
thanks! :D Report Review
Hey I'm here to review :)
Well, not much to say about this chapter. It was really short! I'm glad Remus came in just in time to save Jenifer, because it almost seemed to me like she wanted someone to save her. I hope this isn't an offensive opinion but I think suicide is a really selfish thing to do. I'm curious to know the reason for her attempt so here I go, next chapter!Author's Response: is that how it seemed? i thought it seemed she didnt want to be saved (atleast, thats how i planned it) and your opinion is really not offensive, i too think sucide is not the way out. :)
thanks for your review! Report Review
Still slightly vague with the reason why she commited suicide. I'm sure that the boy was Sirius because that's the only one you didn't mention and you had mentioned his younger brother so that left him.
As far as spelling and grammer goes, I didn't see anything wrong, but the chapter was shorter than it could have been. Maybe by going into further description with how she and Sirius met the first time by making it stronger and more clearer. Description can make a story better a lot of the time. Though I think you can do a great job with this story because you have a great plot to work with. Let me know when you have the next chapter up and I'll review it for you.Author's Response: if i'm not mistaken, the clear reason to why she commited sucide will be in the third chapter (i have written the first five chapters)
thanks for the review and the advise! :D Report Review
It's a bit vague and confusing, but I'm sure you already knew that. I saw some typos here and there. Also, the correct way to spell Jennifer is with two 'n's instead of only one 'n'. It looks more correct, too, though that's the only way I'm familar with how to spell it. Overall, the plotline that I can so so far looks like this story could really grow into a great story as you continue. I think I'm going to go read the next chapter so that I can understand this story more as I am very confuzzled.Author's Response: Its supossed to be a bit vague in the start, but the later chapters will explain more. Jenifer has two 'n's? i'll correct that, thanks :)
thank you for the review! :D Report Review
Hmm my guess is Sirius but I'm probably way off and you said it was obvious and I'll feel like an idiot. Well this is an interesting little chapter I'm quite intrigued. Why would she want to kill herself. I'm so excited to read more. Great Chapter, I found it was easy to read and I didn't lose interest for a second. :D
IloveNeville.Author's Response: you may be right.. maybe not :P thank you soo much!! :D your review has made my day :D Report Review
o0o0O0o0o! how thoroughly intriguing! and mysterious and interesting plotline.. can't wait to read more!! :)Author's Response: thank you! :D the next chapter is in the queue, it should be out by sunday :)
glad you liked the story!
btw, you're the one who wrote Remember me! i still love that story! :D
thanks for reviewing! :D
this is interesting.
i'm pumped to see where it's going to go!Author's Response: thank you!
there's a lot of suspence in this story ;) Report Review
I liked it! But it raised more questions than answered. It was rather short too. But I like the concept so I plan to keep reading! Who exactly is "he"? Is she a muggle? If not, why didn't she "avada kedavra" herself? If you need a beta I would be more than happy to (not saying your grammar and spelling are horrific). Just email me at Kate_chambers11@hotmail.comAuthor's Response: yeah, the first chapter is meant to be confusing, but it all gets cleared out later on :) you will find out in the next chapter who "he" is!
about avada kedavra... i have to admit, i didnt think of that. i'll do something about that, the next chapter will explain more! :D
and as for the beta, is my grammer that bad?? :P lol
i'll email you as soon as possible :) Report Review
Wow this story's really good. I'm so glad that I went onto that forum and read your thing. Otherwise I would never have found this great story. I love the summery. voldermora did a good job. And so did you. I can't wait to read more about Jenifer. Great job.
IloveNeville.Author's Response: thank you! i was getting worried...
next chapter will be done soon!~
thanks for the amazing review!! :D Report Review
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