Reading Reviews for A Different Being
43 Reviews Found

Review #1, by sins4thetwins Full Moons were Never a Good Thing

17th March 2013:

 Report Review

Review #2, by sins 4thetwins Reminisce

17th March 2013:
again very well written i like the use of draco. i like seeing from is point of view. and i am also enjoying that while harry is part of it the emphasis isnt all on him

 Report Review

Review #3, by sins4thetwins It Won't be Long

16th March 2013:
pretty good i like your writing style

 Report Review

Review #4, by link Half Truths

8th March 2011:
im just shes not only a fallen angel but a vampire too? idk..its a little too much mixing for me.

but i have to say, i dont think i have laughed as much as i did when i read the part about the threesomes...awesome.

 Report Review

Review #5, by writeyourheartout It Won't be Long

25th February 2011:
Hey Saeli! Finally here with your review! We've already talked about how sorry I am for taking Forever, hehehe, so I'll get right into for you!

In your request you wrote that you wanted me to give you an 'honest to God review', so that's exactly what I'm gonna do!:

I think your story is grabbing right from the top with the letter as your opening. It throws us immediately into the plot and you supply us with these details and insights to later chapters that perk up our interest straight away. You mention things like Muggles knowing about the war and Hermione in St. Mungos which makes me go 'Ooo!'. Also, I found it very clever of you to throw your OC at us straight away - no descriptions about who she is, no big explanation chapter that I see in a lot of OC stories, just right to it. We simply accept that she is friends with the trio and Lupin and Kingsley because it's thrown onto us, no questions asked, and it really works for you here!

"I wish I could tell you that everybody is fine, but only some of us are." - I really enjoyed this line! It has a sadness to it, but it's not dramatized or stretched out, it's simply telling the truth about their situations. Love.

Now I know that you know this already, but your grammar is really holding you back. I only picked out examples that no one else who reviewed this chapter have mentioned yet, alright?:

"but I greatly disagree to (with, not 'to') that."

"but I don't know until when (how long, not 'until when') they can keep at it."

"The healers are not sure on (of, not 'on') what curse he used"

"but it won't be long before you could (can, not 'could') come here again"

"the news about Hermione hasn't (hadn't, not 'hasn't') sunk in yet, even if (though, not 'if') he received the letter almost a fortnight ago."

(The next 2 are just sentences where you repeated a word too close together in a way the distracted and took away from the story)
"he heard a knock on the door. He quietly placed the utensils in the sink and crept to the door" - Repetitive with 'door'

"...Moonlight sonata played in the piano. Lupin lead him to the study where he found Willow at the piano" - Repetitive with 'piano'
(I would simply consider finding an alternative word for both of those so you aren't quite as repetitive)

"Harry looked around his room, its (it had, not 'its') been almost two years since he (not 'he', either he'd or he had) left this place. Although he hated it to be just here (Although he hated being here) , but (he, not 'but') somehow in his heart he (no he) still has (had, not has) a sentimental tie to this place. Harry heaved a sigh and stood from his bed. He wore a shirt over (threw a shirt on over, not 'wore a shirt over') his bare chest and went down to the kitchens. He opened the fridge and ate the last piece of cake Hagrid (had) sent him for his seventeenth birthday." - So aside from all the technical errors I pointed out, this paragraph really doesn't do it for me. I just 100% cannot see Harry ever feeling sentimental or attached to that house. I would honestly suggest that if it's not vital to the later plot, you consider returning to canon for this part, where Harry has no attachment to the home. I mean, he was treated terribly here! He grew up in a broom closet under a set of stairs, and when he finally did get his own room, they began locking him in it some days, feeding him 3 small, cold meals a day and only letting him out to use the bathroom! He never even got so much as a sincere Happy Birthday from them, so why would he ever feel attached? It's just not believable by any stretch of the imagination UNLESS you are not sticking to canon where Harry's history is concerned. What I mean is that the only way this could work is if your Harry in the fic did not grow up abused and treated like dirt by the Dursley's. But if you're sticking to canon with his relationship to them, then this just doesn't work. Also, the cake thing - Harry would never be allowed to keep cake in the fridge, and not just because Dudley would eat it all the first chance he got, but because the Dursley's would never allow that. Remember, Harry used the loose floor board in his room to hide food. Or are the Dursley's no longer living there? If that's the case, you need to say so in the chapter!

So I have to ask: Why is Harry offering Lupin a cup of tea? Again, Harry hates that house and would not want to linger either. And he's never offered any visitor to the Dursley's house anything before, so I doubt he'd start now, you know?

As far as your OC and my first impressions: Well, I don't know much about her yet, but I'm gonna say this: A lot of FemOC's that we read about in fanfiction are the 'tough, don't follow orders out of loyalty to a friend' type characters (which Willow seems she might be, based on her disobeying orders to write Harry) and they have special talents (like the ability to play a difficult song, like Beethoven, on the piano). These are two of the only traits I even know about your OC at the moment, but they're immediately sending signals that point right to 'Mary Sue'. Now, the truth is I could be very wrong. She could be nothing of a Mary Sue after reading later chapters, but it's important for you to understand that the first impression we are getting is that she's going to turn into a Mary Sue, and that is probably turning a lot of readers off right from the top. Even if she's truly not a Mary Sue by next chapter, she is in this one, based off of only two facts. Does that make sense?

Alright, well I really believe that if you tidy all of that up, this could be really great! I'm intrigued and want to know what happens next, but I can see a lot of readers turning away because of the things I pointed out. But it sounds like it has so much potential and I'd really like you to keep going with it! I can absolutely see this fic shining! I hope this review has been helpful and I'll see you in chapter 2! :-)


 Report Review

Review #6, by xtinjsc Of Nightmares, Realities, and Bruises

27th January 2011:
Back! ♥

I must say, this chapter is by far my favourite out of the four. I find this very revealing of Willow's character and heritage, which is always, always good in my book, so kudos for that. Ha! She does have vampire tendencies. Very interesting. The whole exclusiveness of their family is very intriguing as well. Just from the descriptions of their manor or the fact that they are 'above the wizarding law', you can tell their family have this sense of elitism about them that is way beyond the usual impression you get from ordinary pureblood families. It ties in perfectly with why Willow has all these high-class hobbies and a haughty demeanor sometimes. They seem like a good family, though. She lives a good life, albeit being an orphan, the people around her are drawn to her and/or wary of her because of her family's reputation, she attracts attention without meaning to... I get it now, why you are worried about her coming off as a Mary Sue.

She's not perfect, though, and I like that. She has a terrible - possibly deadly - secret, but aside from that, what else? She keeps to herself, yes, but the fact that she's doing it not to worry the people around her is more of a positive trait fashioned to make readers commiserate with her and like her - I'm not so sure if that's a good thing. This may sound morbid, but I want to find something wrong with her to make her right. Aside from vampirism, of course. Teehee. Like, character flaws that are unapologetic. I'm sorry but right now I find some of her flaws as not really flaws, you know? I guess, I'm just looking for something more distinct about her character, something that will make me identify with her. I want you to think about her character carefully, because Willow Craven has all the potential to be a great heroine. Good characters are born out of rich backgrounds and I can tell that you already got that part covered. I really admire you for taking the time to do that. You just have to put more effort on her development a bit, which is always a continuous process, so keep working on it, kk?

The problems I spotted on this chapter are the same with the previous ones. You haven't edited this yet, no? Haha. Lots of typos, my dear: lose vs loose, your vs you're, I' am vs I am (I think you first typed I'm, then you decided to expand it to I am and you forgot to remove the quotation - I see this all the time even in your edited chapters :S). Some punctuation misses as well. There's a thread in the Writer's Resources section of the forums that discusses proper punctuation. I think that can help. *wink*

And take note of some of your Potter terms: Muggle, Dark Arts and Head Girl are always capitalized in the books. I'm sorry if I'm so picky about that. It's just something I feel very particular about. Oh, and I think you spell Hagrid and Avada Kedavra wrong - they appear as Hargid and Avada Kadavra. And there's a time, when she's with Ginny, that Willow referred to herself as a prefect, not Head Girl. Btw, Professor Vector teaches Arithmancy in canon. In Harry's year, Professor Babbling is the Ancient Runes teacher.

Shrubs of Eternal Sleep? Genius. 'Nuff said. ♥

Speaking of teachers, Professor Asphodel is very captivating, isn't she? For some reason, I see her as an adult Willow at times. Haha. Weird. Her speech about the Dark Arts is very nifty, btw. Great job! I do find some of the phrasing awkward in places, but over all, that speech is very smart and absorbing. It makes me think of her a someone who really knows her craft. I love it.

You know, lovely, there's something exciting about your writing. That flashback scene is seriously very well thought-out. Again, I can really sense the time and effort you put into planning Willow's past and I adore you for that. You have a knack in choosing these really dark, stirring scenes, but the draw-back, I think, is in the execution. As I said, the phrasings are sometimes odd and out-of-place and that ruins the flow. I can't wait for you to get a beta, because I'm sure they can help you in many ways. Keep me updated, m'kay? Best of luck! ^_^

This is it for me! Yay! You should be proud of this story, because it's really promising for a first fan fic. Just keep working on improving this, yeah? Don't be afraid to edit! I know it's daunting, but just in case you need someone to cheer you on, my pompoms are always ready. Haha. Keep writing! I'll see you around!

PS. Gah! Willow and Alex feed off of each other? Eeek! *shudders*

Author's Response: Tinnny! I'm so sorry it took me ages to make a reply. Oh the shame!

I'm definitely happy that you like this particular chapter and yes a lot of time was spent on it before I actually got it up for validation. Thank you so much dear for noticing these little things and for finally pointing out why I'm so worried about her coming off as a Sue.

This may sound morbid, but I want to find something wrong with her to make her right.

This part of your review absolutely got me thinking about Willow's character development, if I may be as bold to say (maybe there is no 'development' as I first deemed it to be). Maybe I've delayed it too long to reveal a more inexcusable side of her character? Or maybe I have, but I didn't make it the way it's supposed to? But of course, thank you all the same Tinny, for bringing my OC under a different light *hugs*

LOL, I know! My grammar is barely up the par, but I've been trying my best to get on with it without a Beta :P. I'll go though it again and hopefully I can at least get the Potter terms right.

I love the Shrubs too! I wish I can put up my drawing here!

Thank you so much dear and for everything you've done. You're certainly a great help in my writing!


PS: I know... *shudders along*

 Report Review

Review #7, by xtinjsc Innocence of Curiosity

20th January 2011:
Hello, lovely! ♥

Gosh. I felt really guilty after rereading this chapter, because I noticed that you already made your edits. I apologise that it's taken me this long to get back to reviewing this, my dear. >.< But you know, looking at my previous notes since I last read this, some of the things that I pointed out before were fixed already, so great job! Yay! Now, to the proper review.

I was more intrigued with Willow in this chapter, especially with how she treated her friends. There were definitely moments when she reminded me of Hermione, especially when she was admonishing Ron, but for some reason, while I find Hermione a little endearing, I thought she was being rather harsh. I knew she was putting up a front, but I could not help but feel sorry for Ron. Teehee. Her pureblood persona, maybe? I dunno about you, but most of the members of pureblood families have this sense of elitism sometimes.

And there it was again, the vampire-ish tendencies. Obviously, Willow was special and she was hiding a lot of things, not just her emotions but something more ominous about herself. I found it curious, too, that she was on Draco's trial. Well, to be fair, it wasn't clear whether she was really there or she just had the right connections to know these things, but the blush sort of gave her away, I think. She was really very guarded, even to her friends, and I couldn't wait to see what exactly it was she was hiding from them.

Harry. Again, I found him quite soft on this one. Maybe I was just underestimating Harry's emotional capabilities, or this was sensitive!Harry I was seeing, but her concern for Willow at times didn't feel brotherly at all. Eeep! I dunno, that scene when he lead her to an empty classroom and knelt in front of her? Very fishy. Hahaha. Pity Willow was too stubborn.

I did notice the improvement, but there were still places where I thought the punctuations were off. I liked the flow of this chapter, tbh, but I was slightly distracted with some of the punctuation hits and misses sometimes. And I found some of the phrases a little awkward as well, partly because of the typos and editing oversights that I noticed. Sometimes, the words didn't fit quite well, too. For example:

In any other day she would have killed herself for saying those words, but now and never for Malfoy.

Ginny interjected herself.

The beginning paragraph could use some improvement, in my opinion, because right now it seemed a little formulaic. Like: Harry did this, Harry and Ron did that etc. Maybe combine some of the sentences? Or rearrange them? It could help with the flow. Just a little suggestion. Teehee. Oh, and watch out for your Potter terms as well. Muggles should always be capitalized and it should be Pensieve, not pensive. *wink wink*

I loved that line about Draco being just a dot in her life, btw. It was so clever and quite fitting for someone like Willow to say. That heated scene on the staircase shocked me, tbh. I knew there was a reason this story was rated Mature! :P So steamy, but quite disturbing as well. Eeep! That was a compliment, in case you were wondering. :P

And one thing I liked was the whole idea of the Muggles fighting back. It was really plausible, no? Especially in this case when the Statue of Secrecy seemed to have been broken. I loved how you didn't exclude the war. Good call!

All right, that's it for now. One more chapter! Woo! I'll see you around, kk? And keep writing! ^_^

Author's Response: Hey Tinny!!! (Look I just did the heart thing!)

Aww, don't feel guilty and you don't have to apologize for anything. You know that I'm in no rush. I'm glad that you took the time to read it again. Quite flattered and a little sorry that you had to revise your review :P. I also need to apologize for having not replied to this review right away, Kind Neighbor turned off his WiFi before I could send it your way (funnily enough this is a second version of my response LOL).

I never really noticed the similarities between Willow and Hermione until people began to point it out. But you are right, a bit of her personality comes from a strong line of elitism in pureblood families. Old habits do die hard, after all. But don't worry about Ron, I'd imagine, like a typical guy, it wouldn't really bother him (unless the lines actually came from Hermione, of course).

As for Draco's trial, I must say you have a knack for noticing these little things that may or may not lead to an important plot point. The big secret will reveal itself soon enough. I believe it's lurking somewhere in the 9th or 10th chapter and a few more in the yet-to-be-posted chapters in my laptop (yes, it's a shameless hint *hugs*).

For the Harry thing, I'm just going to offer you a laugh. I dunno, Harry is such a well developed character that to write anything about him for fanfiction But of course, I'll keep at it until I get him right. That's the wonderful thing about fanfiction.

Of course, I must thank you for pointing those out, I re-edited it again and I hope by the time you read this, it'™s already up. Albeit admittedly, I'm desperately in need of a beta for this. The whole editing feels like a crash course to English 101. WR Resources is a definite big help, but nothing beats working with another person.

As always, thank you so much for this review!

Much love,

 Report Review

Review #8, by Little Miss Malfoy Half Truths

8th January 2011:
Aw love the new chapter Dmitri seems a bit eager doesnt he :P its jumped about abit this chapter though so just be careful (sorry :P) but i love this story its brilliant :)

Little Miss Malfoy :)

Author's Response: LOL He does isn't he? It's the war getting to him, I think. I know!!! I'm so frustrated I can't get my mojo go well for this one! *cries* But Chapter 13 is doing well so far, hopefully after that one I'll get back to this and tweak it.

Thank you so much for this review :)

 Report Review

Review #9, by misshurtbreak Half Truths

7th January 2011:
i love this story=] cant wait for the next update

Author's Response: Thank you so much :)

 Report Review

Review #10, by Beba Half Truths

30th December 2010:
Amazing chapter!!
At first I thought she was a vampire, but then when she released her wings, you can say I was exremely shocked because I was not expecting that!!
Well, I can honestly say your story is very unique!
You made her into something that is very different than someone would make her
Well, I hope you update soon, I will be looking forward to it :)

Author's Response: I'm really flattered that you find this one quite unique!
I hope to get the next chapter up for validation once the queue reopens :)
Thank you so much and I hope I get to see you in the next chapters

 Report Review

Review #11, by lovebites Half Truths

26th December 2010:
long time no write but im glad you finally did. i loved this chapter because i felt like it was building suspense up again. update soon please

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm 1/4 through the 13th. I hope when the queue opens, I can already put it up.

 Report Review

Review #12, by JT Half Truths

25th December 2010:
Yay, new chapter :D
thanks for the dedication , I'm glad you're continuing this story
Looking forward to the next update
Happy Holidays!

Author's Response: Hey there! You get dibs on the first review! Thank you!

 Report Review

Review #13, by Yoko-chan Reminisce

23rd December 2010:
Eri-Chan!!! nice start.I'll be looking forward in reading the others...It's a good thing that I have a lot of time to read your fictions...just keep it coming...:)

Author's Response: Yoko!!! It's so nice to see you here! *tackles* I saw what you did! Thanks for the plug, it really made my morning :) I just want to inform you that CH 12 is finally up!

Thank you so much!

 Report Review

Review #14, by angeless7fallenstarsong Weekends and Surprises

15th December 2010:
*sniff* This is your somewhat-Secret Santa with your final review. I've really enjoyed this story! I'll try to come back and read/review the rest once term ends.

Haha. The beginning was so cute. It definitely balanced out the terror of the last chapter's end. Nice job. :)

Awww, poor Willow. I'm in love with the line "Do you hate what we are?"

Oh, dear. Enter Zacharias. Is he going to be in this a lot? That would certainly be interesting.

Awww, Ronnie's so cute! ("Pocket anything and you'll be facing the Head Girl") Heheh. You write him so well. His dialogue is so perfectly Ronnish.

And lol :) "Nurse Weasley." Too cute. But oooh, what's Zacharias plotting? O.O

Haha. I LOVE BLAISE. I LOVE HIM! Willow must be super-powerful. :O Does she keep her energy low so that her powers don't get out of control?

Oooh, cliffhanger! :)

This is the end :'( Well, the end for now. I WILL get around to reading the rest of this - and in the meantime, I'll favorite it. :) I'm absolutely in love with your work. It's clever, believable, and...well...practically perfect.

10/10 as always. Love, Ange.

Author's Response: *sniff* It's alright, but your present was the best thing EVER! So thank you :)

Perfect is such a big compliment, LOL now I'm definitely motivated to keep writing. You're like the 8th person who made this your favorite! Thank you I'm beyond flattered!

It's really wonderful to read your reviews,


 Report Review

Review #15, by angeless7fallenstarsong Of Nightmares, Realities, and Bruises

15th December 2010:
I love the way you write the classes. :) It's spot-on.

And THOSE PLANTS ARE MAD AWESOME. Heheh. Silly Malfoy. :)

Oooh, the new professor seems interesting. I love Greek mythology! :D

OMG, it's BLAISE! *dances* I'm in love with him, just so you know. ;) I love Willow's musical talents, but I want to know more about them. Why does she love music so much? Why did she take up the violin/piano? Who taught her? Etc.

Oooh, the memory was haunting...

Another great chapter. I was kind of so wrapped up in it that I didn't leave a ridiculously long review. ^^;

10/10! To the next chapter!

Author's Response: I'm happy to say, there would be more plant-action!! (did that come off odd?) and Blaise will be in this more!

Thank you so much!


 Report Review

Review #16, by angeless7fallenstarsong Innocence of Curiosity

15th December 2010:
Oooh, it's Harry and Won-Won! :) I like the dynamics between them. And I like Willow's moment of disgust. :D I hope we'll find out more about her as the story goes on - her quirks, etc. So far she seems very businesslike, prim, and intelligent - with the addition of a fiery temper.

In the paragraph that begins with "No one," I believe it should be "there have been a lot..." Also, Muggles should be capitalized, and I *think* Wizards should be capitalized, too.

Oooh, he doesn't have a Dark Mark? Curiouser and curiouser...

"Couldnt they understand that I care about them so much?" This sentence is a little bit unclear. I'm thinking maybe it should be something like "Can't they understand how much I care about them?"

Awww, I love the relationship that Harry and Willow share. Cute.

Oooh, I liked the flash into Malfoy's thoughts. How he's trying not to want/like Willow but the notion is creeping into the corner of his mind :)

I love the idea of the Last Ball. Very clever way to slip a Ball into the story without making it cliche. ;)

And omg, that last line of Dumbledore's gave me some serious goosebumps. :O

Whoa, Malfoy. O.O Haha. I'm kind of wondering why Willow doesn't whip out her wand and curse the hell out of him, though. Maybe you could add in something about "she's too shocked to draw her wand..." or something along those lines.

"I won't hurt you in any way that isn't *fun*" = best. line. EVER. :D

Ahhh! Is she a vampire? She's a vampire, right?! I'm not usually much for vampire fics, but I'm kind of hooked on this. ^^;

Heheh, Ron... What a card.

And poor Harry, lol. Oh well.

10/10 again! See you in the next chapter! :) Love, Ange.

Author's Response: She's not a vampire! I won't be saying anything more than that :).

Harry and Willow moments I think are nice too, they're sort of close in a sense that they live almost the same lives, losing family and such..hehehehe.

As for Malfoy, well I tend to laugh when I read this chapter, I dunno what came over me really. The wand thing was because she has a bad habit of keeping it in her schoolbag as oppose in her wand pocket...may I should change that to make it more realistic, no?

I love to spoil Ron, LOL

Thanks for the 10/10!


 Report Review

Review #17, by angeless7fallenstarsong Reminisce

15th December 2010:
It's your not-so-Secret Santa again! :D

Once again, your beginning is absolutely wonderful. It really draws the reader in. I'm definitely curious as to what's tormenting/worrying Willow so much. That's a beautiful name, btw. Willow. (I'm kind of on a sugar high. Sorry about that.)

In the paragraph that begins with "I'am aware..." I spotted some errors. For example, I think you meant to begin with either "I'm aware..." or "I am aware." Also, "just as good" should grammatically be "just as well."


I think Prefect should be capitalized. Again, I'm not *entirely* sure about that.

In the paragraph that begins with "Things change...," you have a small grammatical error. It should be "you, apparently, are immune..." instead of "is immune."

"Mudblood" should also be capitalized. I think...

In the paragraph that begins with "Albus didn't have," I think it should be, "Albus didn't have to die - neither did Alexander..."

I love the flashbacks. They're very illuminating. I really wanted to know what had happened after Harry had arrived at the Manor, and and what was causing Willow so much pain. You answered discreetly and poetically. :) Kudos.

Dude. O.O Lucius is scaring me. "He was drowned with the past and liquor" is an absolutely stunning sentence.

Haha :) Sir Conrad's a cutie.

Loved it! On to the next chapter :)

Author's Response: Hello there Previously-Secret-But-not-so-Secret-Santa!

Thanks! I've always thought I did their names wrong, I didn't bother too much with the meanings, but I came around to actually checking them, turns out I got it right...Imagine that, eh?

I really love the fact you are checking out the grammar, I've always been a little shy in doing that when I review LOL

You'll see more of the flashbacks in the latter chapters.

Much love,

 Report Review

Review #18, by angeless7fallenstarsong It Won't be Long

15th December 2010:
Hello there! :) This is Ange from the forums with your Secret Santa gift! BE EXCITED. (I'm not technically a Slytherin anymore, but I signed up before I switched Houses, sooo...) I'm going to review this as I read it, so it might be a bit chaotic. Bear with me.

I love that you began with a letter. It reminds me of something JKR would really do. :) I also like how you jumped into the story instead of, you know, dilly-dallying (had to use that word).

I'd say your first sentence can do without the "now." You know, just "Harry was in his old room..." It makes it a bit cramped. Of course it's your call, though :)

There's a little bit of tense confusion toward the beginning of the chapter. You might want to check that over.

Some typos: In the paragraph that begins with "Another letter...," you've misspelled "already." Also, "check" should probably be "checked."

Oooh, he's been in the house for two years? Poor guy. :( Lupin's entrance is perfect. I love that you didn't forget to make him verify his ID.

I'm pretty sure Portkey and Patronus should both be capitalized. But I'm not completely sure... *ponders*

Oooh, the house seems so beautiful. I LOVE your description! This is definitely a strong spot. And oooh, the "Moonlight Sonata" is so beautiful and mysterious. For anyone who knows the song, it must really add a touch of that mystic, lovely element. :)

I like Willow already. Is she of magical descent? It would be super-cute if she was, as she's playing a Muggle song on a Muggle instrument.

And awww, they're reunited. I'm definitely curious to know more about their relationship and the background of the story. Can't wait to see how this unfolds!!!

10/10. Love, Ange!

Author's Response: o.O"

OMG I saw this like..just now and I was like, YAY!! I AM EXCITED! Thank you so much!!! WE *happy dance*

Sorry about that ^-^"
Thanks a lot! I started with a letter because I didn't want it to be too crowded, if that made sense.

As for the grammar stuff, thank you. I've actually started working on the revamping of this one :) (I was waiting for a beta, but everyone's busy lol )

Yup, she's of magical descent..she knows these muggle things cause her parents and her godfather are muggle-lovers.

Thank you

 Report Review

Review #19, by MidnightBlue_x Innocence of Curiosity

6th December 2010:
Ah Weaselette, funnily enough my older sister calls her that as well in fact she has nicknames for pretty much every character. Anyway, I loved the interaction between The Trio (minus Hermione, plus Ginny and Willow) and Draco.

I also love the Willow/Dumbledore moments in here, Forgive me Willow is very sweet. I can imagine Dumbledore being Willows grandfather for some reason, Im not quite sure why.

I also absolutely love the little Willow/Draco interaction in the Head Dorms and how Harry is worried about Willow, ah all so good. Sadly my reviews are up, feel free to re-request though.

x Ely

Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! Your review made me smile :) The interactions among the characters was loosely based on a RL experience *sniggers*

Actually, I made Dumbledore be Willow's godfather, but I get that feeling too at times. It must be the beard.

Thank you so much for that allowance :)


 Report Review

Review #20, by MidnightBlue_x Reminisce

6th December 2010:
A lot of Draco/OC things I've read, the OC's are generally Mary-Sue's who don't have a life other than Draco but this was deinftely a nice change.

And I have to say, I'm absolutely in love with Willow. I love the OC's who are sweet but as soon as you get on the bad side it's like 'boom'. So yeah, amazing job at making up Willow.

Draco is great as well, very in character which is great. And I love how you've made Lucius insane, very believable.

I must admit I was a little confused at first but now it makes much more sense, so yeah great chapter and thank you so much for requesting me. One more review left...

x Ely

Author's Response: Yay! Another review! Thank you!! *hugs*

OMG! You don't think she's a Mary Sue?! Yay *does the chacha*

Well, Willow's very tolerable, she won't get mad right away, but due to certain circumstances, she is hanging at the very edge of the proverbial cliff, and I promise there will be more 'boom!' moments

LOL, it's quite easy for me to characterize antagonists more that any sort, really. I find the darker/meaner side of humanity to be fascinating for some reason. So thank you so much, I'm really flattered.


 Report Review

Review #21, by MidnightBlue_x It Won't be Long

6th December 2010:
Hey There!

I'm ElysiumJayne from over at the forums and you requested a review from me a while back. I'd like to apolgize for not getting to you until now, Life has been a bit hetic with school and such.

For a first fanfiction on here, this is amazing. I know my first fanfiction here was absolutely horrible and had no plot what-so-ever, so well done! How long have you been writing fanfiction for in all?

I'm a massive fan of this sort of fanfiction, and this is a great first chapter. Can't wait to read some more and find out about Willow, she seems like an interesting character and I love that picture of Emily Browning on your chapter image by the way.

Anyway, great chapter and I'll see you very soon!

x Ely

Author's Response: Hey ElysiumJayne :)

First off, I can't take all the credit for the fabulous chapter image, it was made by the magnificent Elysium of TDA!

To be perfectly honest, I've written poems before writing A Different Being, which I started 2 years ago. I haven't written any other fanfiction of this length since then--till now, really.

It meant a lot when you said this is a great first chapter, I've honestly thought otherwise :P.

Thank you so much and see you then!

 Report Review

Review #22, by Beaming Brilliant Weekends and Surprises

26th November 2010:
I think the reason that your reviews died out isn't because of a negative reason! It's because your chapters are getting better and more intense! People don't want to stop and review when such a great story is laid out in front of them.
Beautiful story! I love it so much!

Author's Response: Thank you! :)

 Report Review

Review #23, by xtinjsc Reminisce

23rd November 2010:
Hello, my dear! ^_^

I am back! Finally! *pumps fist*

It was rather nice to read this, because I got to see more of your MC this time and I had the chance to gauge her character a little better. For this chapter, I got this impression of Willow as one of those fanfiction characters that typically built a wall of seclusion for herself in an attempt to protect the people around her and while I couldn't say that the idea was particularly original, I thought it made her more interesting in many ways. It made me wonder what could possibly made her hide herself that way and that's good! You always want your readers to be intrigued with a character, yeah?

It was clear though, that she lived a privileged life based on your descriptions of her house and the fact that she employed house elves. But the idea about her being Dumbledore's goddaughter was really interesting. It made me think about her family and for sure they must've been really influential and a decent one at that. We know Dumbledore had a terribly accurate measure of people's characters. I mean, he wouldn't have associated with them if the Craven family was a lewd bunch, yeah? Very interesting.

I am sorry to say though, that there were a lot of typos in here that really distracted me as I was reading. And there were a couple of areas where the formatting was wonky as well. What really popped up to me was this:

"With all due respect professor, I can not accept this responsibility. My godfather tried the same thing to me in fifth year, but I explained my reasons and he never brought it up again. Professor, you are aware of my ancestry and it is aginst my principles to take this. I could never trust myself with something I will absuse."

Willow explaind to the professor.

Notice all the typos? They were distracting. Oh yeah, and there was definitely one part in the beginning where you referred to McGonagall as headmaster and you seem to have this habit of writing 'I am' as I' am - I dunno what happened here, but maybe an editing oversight? Some other errors I noticed (in order): though - thought, copping - coping, everthing - everything, thiner - thinner, you - your, loose - lose. Oh and there's no such word as beated - only beat as the past tense and past participle. (Gosh. I am terribly sorry for seeming like a know-it-all, but I just want to point them out to you, so you can change them in your future edits. ^_^) I want you to watch out for those next time you proofread, because they can really ruin the good flow of a story. And your tenses tend to shift between the past and the present as well - same as the Prologue. One of my main concerns were also your dialogues, because I noticed that you tend to write your declarative sentences incorrectly. For example:

"Yes." Willow answered grudgingly. --> we don't usually end a spoken sentence with a period in this format but with a comma instead. Like this:

"Yes," Willow answered grudgingly.

Stories that include Head's common room don't usually bode well with my taste, because I find them rather tacky and a little implausible considering that Hogwarts was a conservative school and quite sensitive with the whole gender issue (remember the enchantments on the girls' staircase?). That's just my personal opinion, btw. I wonder though, why they made Draco Head Boy when in the first chapter, it was mentioned that he cursed Hermione bad enough to land her a bed in St. Mungo's. Surely that encounter would've given him demerits, yeah? Hmmm. There must be an explanation for that, so I guess I'll just have to see.

Speaking of Malfoy, that flashback scene featuring Draco and Lucius was really dark, no? Your version of how the Malfoy family handled their fall from grace was very interesting. I've always wondered how would Lucius take that and the part about him wanting his son to woo Willow to use her to get back to Voldemorts good graces really made sense. It was really something that he'd be likely to do, so good job! I dunno about the part about him slamming Narcissa up the wall, though. Lucius might be a horrible person, but I just couldn't imagine him beating Narcissa up, you know? Again, that's just me. ^_^

I especially liked that part when Malfoy was strangled by an invisible force in that carriage. It was written very well! The image was very clear in my mind, so good job with the description! Yay! And Willow's condition really intrigued me as well. I remember that flashback that featured Harry and the line: Harry's blood rushing up and down his neck. Temptation was growing stonger as each day passes. Heehee. It made me think of vampirism for some reason. Heehee. You've done a great job with keeping readers curious about Willow and that's good! Keep up the good work!

Your version of Harry though, he felt a little off. And I'm not entirely sure why, but I guess you just made him a little too... soft? I don't really see Harry to be the type that's in touch with his emotions or the type to be comfortable just grabbing a girl's hands and all that. Harry's always been a little self-centered and awkward sometimes and you made him seem a little too involved with Willow that it felt a little weird for me. lol I hope I'm making sense. I can't be sure yet, because we've only seen a glimpse of Harry on this one, so again, let's see.

So, that's it for me this time. Over all, you had your usual slip-ups with the technical side among other things related to your characterization, but I liked this better than the Prologue, to be honest. You've given me a lot of things to consider and think about your MC and that's always, always good! See you on three! *tackles* :P

Author's Response: *tackles back* Tinny!
Took me eons to get to you, didn't I?

I'm glad you found this one interesting so far! As I promise, most of your question will be answered in time. Even the Heads Tower thing :P

Thank you again for saying I made the descriptions well *blushes*. My detailing, I thought, wasn't up the par in this chapter.

As for the typos, grammatical errors, and futile attempts in characterizations. I can only do this *facepalm* LOL

Thanks a lot Tinny!!!
Much love

Saeli :P

 Report Review

Review #24, by loonyRae Weekends and Surprises

17th November 2010:
I really enjoyed this chapter. It was a good mix between drama and suspense and humor. And of course my interest was peaked again as you gave another gleam about Willow's secret. I definitely didn't see wings coming.

The scenes in Hogsmeade with Harry and Ron had me giggling. It was good, nice fun and a good break from the dark mood of the story.

The look into Willow's thoughts on her friendships with Harry and Ron was interesting as before it had seemed like they had always been best friends. It makes a lot more sense now.

And I like the cliff-hanger you ended on. It promises more information to come on the mystery that is Willow.

Lovely chapter :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for those compliments :)

 Report Review

Review #25, by loonyRae Of Nightmares, Realities, and Bruises

17th November 2010:
Hello! I'm back for your requested reviews :)

First thing is very nit-picky of me (sorry) but it's something that if changed, helps improve your writing. When starting a new chapter you should not immediately use pronouns. For example, you started with 'Her skin crawled as she sat in her Ancient Runes class.' While it's easy for the reader to understand you're talking about Willow because she is your main character, it is more grammatically correct to say 'Willow's skin crawled..' as in this chapter you haven't identified an antecedent for your pronoun. You also have the problem of switching verb tenses, something I mentioned before. There are also small grammatical errors and typos throughout that, while they aren't very important, distract the reader from your very interesting plot. I know you started a thread to get a beta so once someone responds, that'll clear right up.

I really like that you wrote about the lessons. One thing that's bothered me about some fanfics is the lack of lessons in them. They're important to a good story in my opinion because they're a vital part of Hogwarts, so they should be included at least a little bit in fanfics.

I like how you reveal things about Willow slowly and through memories. However I find it very strange and hard to believe that Willow and Alexander would stop to have that long chat while trying to escape Death Eaters in their house. Willow seems much too smart for that so I would have picked a different way for them to get caught.

But finally we get some answers in this chapter! Willow and her brothers are vampires! Of course with answers come even more questions, is there any importance in the locket? Why are they above wizarding law?

Very interesting chapter :)


Author's Response: Hello, dear!!

Don't worry about being nit-picky about it! I've been actually writing down notes from every review I get, so once I get my Beta, he/she already has the general idea on the amount of work required :P, so thank you!

It's the lessons that made reading the series more 'real' for me, so yes I do feel the same way when there aren't classroom setups in the fics :P I hope I did them well :)

As for the long chat, Willow's definitely smart, but the thing about her is when she's with Alex, she doesn't think much, if that made sense. She trusts his judgement and she's the sort who enjoys the quietness of following as oppose to leading. Admittedly, it did take awhile for them to get themselves out of the house, I was merely trying to flesh out Alex's character a bit. I just sit and hope the the readers will think that she's gravely injured and he's weakened hence the slow process of trying to get out :P Very perceptive of you!

Thank you so much!

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>